Cut Wide Open (A Bleeding Scars MC Book 1)

by Abby Mccarthy

  The door creaked open again and I couldn't be sure if it was really happening or not. A Hispanic man wearing all black entered. He had a glass in his hand with a straw sticking out of the top. I wanted to recoil, but I was too numb. He moved towards me, in what felt like a flash, and was in front of me. The straw was to my lips and he ordered, “Beber.” I was to drink. I couldn't fight, so I succumbed to his order and I drank. The room swirled, he disappeared.

  I see your face. You’re back. Your hand hovers over my face, not quite touching me. I want you to touch me. I want your comfort, but then I’m light, like a feather floating away, until I am a cloud. Nothing was holding me down. I reach out trying to grab hold of something, anything. I’m falling, feeling like Alice tumbling through the rabbit hole. Everything begins to swirl again, and I close my eyes. Darkness.

  I awoke to my head throbbing. My throat felt parched and I had to pee so bad it hurt. I sat up and felt the pain in my back. I remembered what happened, but thankfully, the pain wasn't as strong as it had been. My legs felt like jelly when I first tried to stand, but after a moment, I was able to move to the toilet. When I was finished, I decided I needed to shower as well. I turned on the water and stuck my face under it, drinking as much water as I could. When the water touched my back, it stung, so I avoided that as much as possible. I didn’t even want to look at it. I wanted to pretend he didn't mark me, but the reality was, I was marked in so many ways.

  I finished the shower and stared at the wall. At some point, the door opened and my tray was set inside. My stomach growled, and I realized I had no idea when the last time I ate was. I kept the blanket wrapped around myself, and grabbed the tray and ate. Peanut butter, again, coated my throat and I quickly drank the juice. My eyes began to get heavy and I wondered if they were drugging me? That was the final thought I had until I was out cold.

  I woke up and actually had a bit of energy. I had no idea what day or time it was. My back still hurt, but it seemed to be healing, which made me think that I’d been sleeping a lot. I was used to working out and I wanted to try to keep up my strength so that if the opportunity presented itself to escape that I was still strong.

  I dropped to the ground and began doing push-ups. I could immediately tell that I’d already lost some weight. I did three sets until my body screamed, then I moved on to squats and running in place. I broke a sweat and my body tired easily. Who was I kidding? I was no Sarah Connor. I wasn't going to get free and kick the bad guy’s ass. I just had to survive.

  The shower called to me, I didn’t even mind the coldness of the water. Once finished, I laid on the cot with my blanket wrapped around me. I couldn't stop thinking about Gun. I was so worried about my little boy. It hurt badly, like a grip on my heart, when I thought of him, so I tried to stop. I tried to think of Gunner. I tried to think about the club. What I didn't think about was what I would do the next time the door opened and it was Enrico. I couldn’t let my thoughts go there. He was vile and horrible, and the second I let my mind drift to what the monster might do was the second fear started to seize me.

  Chapter Twelve Gunner

  “Dad! Heads up!” Gunner threw a football towards me. It was a neon-colored Nerf football. I quickly shot my hands up from my desk and grabbed it. He was getting along good with the guys at the shop and not much seemed to faze him, although the more days that passed without word about Charlie, the more I could see his light dimming.

  “He’s got a good arm on him,” Shane said leaning against the doorjamb as I watched Gun run off towards the guys.

  “Got any news?” I asked Shane the same question that was becoming all too redundant.

  He shot me a look that said, “Not since that last time you asked me.”

  I sighed, “I’m sorry. It’s just here with all of you guys, he’s running around and having a good time, but when we get home it’s different. It’s…” I shook my head trying to come up with the right word, but before I could finish my thought, Gun came barreling towards us and he had something red in his hands.

  “Ace said these were yours.” He held up my gloves that I barely ever wore. I was more a hand to hand fighter.

  “They’re mine. Come on.” I closed the laptop and led the way to the boxing ring. I glanced over my shoulder to make certain he was behind me. Once we got to the ring, I lifted him up and he climbed under the ropes and into the ring.

  “These gloves won’t fit you. Not yet at least. You want to learn to box, I’ll buy you a pair that fit.”

  “Yeah?” he asked still unsure of what to make of me.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll give you your first lesson, right now.”

  He watched me with rapt attention, taking in everything I had to offer. I breathed in deep, not for the first time, trying to hold back my anger for the time I’d missed with him.

  “What do you think is one of the most important parts to fighting? Your fist or your feet.”

  “That’s easy.” He held up his little fists and clenched them with his thumb tucked under his fingers.

  “Guess again. Your fists are important, but to be a good fighter, you have to know how to move your feet.” I opened his fist and moved his thumb to the outside, then I positioned his feet apart. I stood in front of him and showed him when I threw a punch, how I shuffled my feet.

  “Move your feet back and forth.”

  The kid tried it, and he did okay. “We’ll work on it. Try it again.”

  We did this repeatedly; him shuffling his feet, me teaching him how to move them. He was quick.

  “Like this?” he asked, finally getting it exactly right.

  “Yeah son, just like that.”

  We finished our lesson for the day and sat on the edge of the ring. Gun sat down next to me panting.

  “Hey, Buzz! How about a couple of waters?” I called out to one of our prospects.

  He brought them over and handed them to us.

  I knew I needed to talk with Gun. I had to give it to him straight. “I don't have a good lock on your Mom yet. I’m looking. We’re all looking. I’m trying, but I think while we’re trying to find her that you should start school.

  “Oh, man,” he grumbled.

  “I know it’s not ideal, but she wouldn't want you missing school, would she?”

  He looked up and away from me, “She wouldn't care,” he lied.

  “Oh, she wouldn’t, huh? She’d let you miss school whenever? I took her as the type of mom who cared about her boy doing well.” I had him there, I knew it. He did too. He looked at me and nodded, like he had no other choice.

  “You’ll start in a few days, after the weekend.”

  “Okay.”

  We spent the next few days hanging out at the clubhouse, and then Monday morning I enrolled him in school. Luckily, we had found his birth certificate amongst Charlie’s things, so it wasn't hard for me to get his transcripts.

  Dropping him off didn't go nearly as smoothly as I planned. He clung to me. I mean clung. It took everything in me to pry his fingers from around my neck. The school psychologist was right there with us, and she kept saying over and over again that if I gave in, then I would be setting myself up to make this even harder. I hated seeing tears in his eyes, but what could I do? Kids need to go to school, right?

  I’d only been parenting for about a week and this shit was hard. I didn't know how Charlie did this for so long on her own. She must’ve been so scared. I tried to imagine how my quiet Mouse figured this shit out.

  I was outside waiting for him when three-fifteen hit. He ran to me but instead of hugging me, he grabbed my hand like he was trying to hold on to being angry that I’d left him there. I shouldn't have been surprised. He was, after all, my son.

  And so, this began our new routine. I would take him to school, and he wouldn't be happy about it. Somedays, I’d be busy at the shop, and I’d have some of the guys grab him, and a few times, I’d ask for help from some of the legs that hung around.

  Like today.
I answered my phone as soon as it rang, desperate to hear how Gun was.

  “How’d he do?”

  “It was fine.”

  “Not what I asked Amber. I asked how he did?”

  “He went in. No problem. I don't see what the big deal is.”

  Yeah, I guess she wouldn’t. She was a woman who happened to hang around with the club. She had long legs and platinum blonde hair. She was hot. I let her blow me a few times after drinks, but that was it. She wasn't my taste, but now that I had Gun, I’d take any help I could get.

  He was struggling and I couldn’t blame him. He’d been with me for a few weeks. One day, after he got home from school, I decided that we should get him his own shit. I mean, we’d brought a lot from his place, but what kid didn't want to be spoiled? I had an extra room in my place that I had set up with a new bed waiting for him.

  I was going to buy stuff, but I figured he’d want to help pick it out. So we went to the mall, and we decked it out. I let him pick out his favorite superhero blankets. I even got him his own TV and Xbox for his room. We picked out new clothes too. Half of the kid’s stuff had holes in it, so we bought way too much. As much as I usually hated shopping, it was worth it seeing my kid’s face light up. Plus, the kid got a kick out of how people reacted to me. Sure, I was big and my vest let them know exactly who I was, but the scowl on my face that said, “You better not fuck with me or my kid,” was the topper. When we got home, we spent the better part of the night getting his room set up the way he wanted it.

  I hated asking Amber for help, but I sometimes needed to. I asked her to help out and drop him off at school. I knew she wasn't Gun’s favorite person, but I didn't have a whole lot of options. It wasn’t like I could call my Mom up, and ask her to be a Grandma. I shook my head, she was whacked.

  “Alright, Amber. Thanks.” I was about to hang up when she stopped me. “Gunner, I can think of a real nice way you can pay me back,” she purred. I knew what she was talking about, but I played dumb.

  “I’ll give you twenty bucks, the next time I see you,” I disconnected and lifted my chin to

  Ace as he walked into the machine shop.

  “Brother,” I said as he got closer, “You got any news?”

  His eyes moved to the side connecting with Shane’s, and Shane moved in like they had this planned.

  “What do you got?” I asked impatiently. My temper had been wearing thin lately, a mixture of not knowing where my Mouse was, and not knowing what to tell my son. We’d confirmed with the strip club that one of the bouncers was beaten pretty badly. He watched out for Charlie. We also confirmed with one of the dancers that nothing was going on between Enrico and Charlie, and that he was basically stalking her. When I found out that tidbit of information, I had to hit the ring. My son needed me, so I couldn't afford to self-destruct, but damn if I wasn't waging an internal battle for not saving Charlie when I’d had the chance.

  “It’s not good,” Shane said with a nod from Ace. “Our sources say he’s been coming and going from Colombia pretty regularly. We can’t get a lock on him, and I swear he owns half of Colombia.”

  “Fuck,” I hissed.

  “I’m reaching out to a contact. Trying to get eyes on his landing strip. I want to know if she is coming in the country with him or not. I’m working on getting us a way in the country without being detected, but it ain't easy,” Ace added.

  “There’s more,” Shane ran his hand through his hair. “There was heat between Hades Runners and the Mexicans. I can see Hades reaching out to Enrico. We have to be careful.”

  I rubbed my chin.

  “What if we reach out to the Mexicans?”

  “And risk Enrico thinking we double crossed him?” Ace asked.

  This whole situation was so touchy, but if it meant getting Charlie back, fuck ‘em.

  “Any other players we can get involved? The Russians? Italians?” I asked.

  “I’ll put some feelers out,” Shane pulled a smoke from his pack and lit it. The smoke made the air hazy.

  “Fuck, it’s already been almost a month. What if she isn't even alive anymore?” I gave my brothers my fears.

  “You gotta have hope, and if this isn’t a mission about getting her back, then it will be about getting revenge,” Ace nodded agreeing with Shane.

  “She was right there in front of me. I could’ve…”

  “No, brother. No way you could’ve known. This isn't on you,” Ace looked firm as he told me this and I wanted to believe him.

  I sat with my head hung low for some time. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was trying to make it okay for my kid, and I was trying to figure out how to save Charlie, but I felt like I was drowning.

  ***

  “Kid, turn off the video game.”

  My son looked up at me, and that empty look in his eyes burned into my gut. He paused his game, his eyes silently questioned what I wanted.

  I knew he was hurting, and I was hell bent on getting him through this. “Come on outside.” He followed me through the house, and I grabbed a football on the way out.

  “Let’s play?” I asked.

  He shrugged and I knew he was going to make me work for it, he’d been closing down more and more.

  “My dad used to throw the ball around with me, when I was a kid.” I tossed him the ball and let him get a feel for it in his hands. I couldn't imagine Mouse ever bringing him out to throw a ball around.

  “We’d play two, maybe three times a week. Your mom lived across the street from me. Did she ever tell you that?”

  He looked up at me, maybe eager to hear more about her, and then he tossed the ball to me. “Nope,” was his one word answer.

  “She was so quiet. She’d sneak around watching me. First time I saw her, thought she was the prettiest thing I ever saw.” I shook my head at the memory and tossed the ball to Gun. He was a natural, and didn't even know it.

  “What was she like?” he asked throwing the ball back to me. I smiled and took a step back giving him more room to throw.

  “Like I said, she was quiet. It took her forever to talk to me, and then one day, I couldn't take it anymore, so I approached her.” I threw the ball and continued, “I called her Mouse ‘cause she was so sneaky and quiet.”

  “She’s still kind of quiet.” Ah, he was observant too. I caught the ball he threw to me.

  “It took us a few years, but she talked to me. I never admitted it to her, but I think I loved her the first time she spoke. I was just waiting on her to get older. We were kids, but I was so taken by her.”

  “Well, then what happened? Why’d you leave us?” he asked walking over to the stairs of my front porch. He sat down, and spun the football. I grabbed the ball and his eyes met mine.

  “First, I didn’t know your mom was pregnant. No clue. At the time, I thought I had no choice, but the one I made. I messed up and was given a choice to join my mom’s boyfriend’s motorcycle club, or go to jail. I chose wrong. I should’ve gone to jail. Those guys…” I sucked in a breath, “they’re nothing like my club. They wouldn’t let me leave and when they finally did, I went to find Charlie, but she was gone. I searched. I looked for years. But I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve found you sooner. I’m so sorry we missed out on all this time. I’m sorry I wasn't there. I’m sorry we don't have your mom back yet, but I promise you kid, I’m doing everything I can to get her back to us.”

  “I miss her,” he said quietly.

  “Will you tell me about what it was like for you two?”

  He nodded, “When I was little,” I grinned because he was still little, but kept quiet and let him continue, “we slept on this air mattress together and then eventually she got more and more things to fill our apartment. She was always hugging me and telling me she loved me. She’d work late and come and get me from the sitter’s. Sometimes, she still snuggles with me.”

  I had to ask ‘cause I was too fucking curious, “She ever have any boyfriends around?”

  He shrugged,
but gave me nothing more. I didn’t push, even though I really wanted to. I wanted to put him in a lighter mood.“You want me to teach you how to grip this better?” I showed him the laces on the ball and how to grip it, and then we spent the next twenty minutes throwing the ball back and forth.

  I tucked him in that night. As I watched him struggle to keep his eyes open, I knew that no matter what, me and my boy would be okay. I’d figure this Dad thing out. I had too.

  Later that night, I was sleeping in my bed when my cell phone woke me. I immediately answered it, and with a groggy voice answered, “Yeah.”

  “She was spotted,” Ace responded. My heart hammered with confirmation that she was alive.

  “Go, on.”

  “She was spotted with him. Report says she looked thin, didn’t interact, but she was alive.”

  “Thank you, brother.”

  “Knew you’d want to know as soon as I did. Go back to bed. We’ll meet after you take Junior to school.”

  “Night.” I hit end and released a breath. She was alive and one way or another, I was going to get her back.

  Chapter Thirteen Charlie

  I wished I could say my isolation lasted, but Enrico returned. I was staring at the wall imagining what my life could’ve been like if Gunner hadn’t disappeared and he knew about our child. I’d spent endless hours going over what my life was like with him, and what it could’ve been.

  I’d been pouring out the juice they’d bring me with lunch and drinking water from the shower, so I’d stayed awake more often than not, thus, my suspicions about the juice being drugged were confirmed. My food was brought a while ago, and I was certain that I should be sleeping, but I wasn’t. The door opened and in walked Enrico.

  My back was to the wall, but I immediately recognized the scent and curled as close to the wall as I could get.

  “Ah, you’re awake. I see you figured out about the drugs. Pity, really. Those are more for your benefit than mine. Most of my toys don't like to be conscious. It’s easier that way. But trust me, I don’t mind you being alert. It’s more fun that way.”