He breathed, deep. ‘I had no warning. Things were going well. We could have done it. Dan was responding. We were making new pathways, teaching him to function again, using other parts of the brain. And then there was a surge of power. Gina let me see about the affair and the baby, but not who the man was. I still don’t know. Some of the tabloids suggested it was Dan – that what I did to them both was revenge. The fact that they were sketchy on the details of exactly what it was I had done, didn’t stop them speculating, or wheeling out so-called experts with their ideas. A lot of former colleagues made the front page on that. You find out who your real friends are.’ His mouth twisted. ‘Dan might have been the father of the baby – he and Gina were quite close, but it could have been any of the men in our circle, or a stranger. I really don’t know.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s not important. The man, the affair, even the child – from what I saw, in those few seconds, I don’t think any of it mattered to Gina – it was just a weapon in her hands. She used it to distract me, long enough to get a hold. She was trying to overwhelm me, to control my mind, permanently. Then she could set up whatever experiment she wanted – whatever her masters wanted. She’d been working for them, feeding back information on everything we did, for the entire time I knew her.’ His voice was bleak. ‘I had to fight her – in my old friend’s brain. I thought she was going to kill us both, or drive us mad.’
His voice was low and anguished. ‘I lost it. Threw everything I could at her. Dan died. I blacked out. You saw. When I came round Gina was curled up in a foetal ball in the corner of the room. She couldn’t even speak. And her eyes …’ He shivered. ‘She looked … as if she was already dead … I did that. To my own wife.’ He bowed his head. ‘She came close to killing me, for money, but I’ll always be the person responsible for her death. When the police arrested me, it felt like justice. I wouldn’t give them answers. They had the right man, the one who killed Dan and Gina. They didn’t need to know how. Probably wouldn’t have believed it. I thought I was saving some of my dignity and her reputation … I was a fool. It turned the press against me. Plus there was a subtle campaign of smear and misinformation. People wanted me isolated. I’ve never been sure if that was the bad guys or the good ones. Maybe it was both.’
He spread his hands. ‘The papers did get it right on several counts. The security people persuaded the prosecution that putting me on trial would bring out issues that shouldn’t be made public.’
‘But they weren’t the ones who made you disappear?’
His mouth curved, but without amusement in his eyes. ‘They were expecting to, but I had money, enough to buy a new life. A lot of professional acquaintances dropped me like the proverbial hot potato. Can’t say I blame them. Our world is hard enough to manage at the best of times. Eddie Jones, my alter ego, made it clear that our association was over as soon as I was arrested. He’d signed on for a few lecture tours and a bit of glad-handing, not a murder trial. I believe he’s since had plastic surgery – I’m sorry about that.’ He paused, looking into the distance. ‘Now my parents are gone, I’ve no close family, but there were still a few friends left who were willing to help me. They got me started on my journey off the map. After that, I made my own way. To all intents and purposes, Jayston Creed died.’
‘Until you decided to resurrect him.’
‘Until the Organisation did.’
‘This man Alec Calver – you trust him.’
‘He was my chief assistant, and a friend. We collaborated on a number of projects. I’ve never had any cause to doubt him.’
‘He found you.’
Jay nodded. ‘He let it be known, discreetly, that he was looking. I was still in contact with one friend I’ve had since school. He’s nothing to do with the mind-reading community, but he was my link back, through tortuous routes, just in case something came up that I needed to know. I was curious about what Alec wanted, so I agreed to meet him – on neutral territory. He knew more than anyone about what happened in that hospital room. He was first on the scene – he helped me try to revive Dan and Gina, but it was hopeless – they were beyond help. He was determined that he was going to give evidence to support me at the trial, but it didn’t come to that.’
‘He wasn’t one of the ones who got you away?’
‘No, I didn’t want him involved; his association with me had damaged his career enough. But he didn’t give up. When I disappeared, he set about infiltrating the Organisation. They hadn’t given up on the mind-control project. He came to me with the outline of a plan, one that could finish this thing once and for all.’
‘An outrageous plan.’
‘It had to be outrageous to work. Complex. The Organisation is a sophisticated piece of machinery. They like complex. It’s what they do. They have to think they’re in charge.’
Madison gave him a narrow look. ‘The control thing again. Do I have this right? The Organisation now has a one-off, whizz-bang computer that can capture the mind-control pattern. They want to force you to repeat the experiment – getting it right this time. Their plan is to freeze-dry the results, and sell them on to whoever will pay, for whatever purpose they want – terrorism, industrial espionage, whatever. Your plan is that you and Alec will destroy the machine.’
‘Exactly.’
‘And to do this, they had to find you and abduct you. And you let them.’
‘Yes.’ Jay shifted in his chair.
‘And this is where I came in. Because you had to repeat the preparation and conditions of the original experiment, as exactly as possible.’
‘Yes – except that Alec will be the receiver – an adept who can participate if needed.’ Jay grimaced ‘And, as far as the Organisation is concerned, keep me in check.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s recording the process that is important, not the detail of the outcome, provided the process works. If we build new pathways in Alec’s brain, they will have the pattern – which can be used anywhere, on anyone.’
Madison waved aside the explanation of what would happen afterwards. She understood the implications. That wasn’t what she needed to know. She pulled in a choppy breath. ‘You had to have a female mind reader. Yin and Yang.’ Now she was getting to the difficult bit. The part that hurt.
‘Madison—’ He’d seen it in her face.
‘I was the one you picked,’ she overrode his interruption. ‘You let them take you. You let them take your memory. I understand that they had to think they were coercing you, but why that?’
His mouth twitched. ‘It was because of you. You’re an authority on memory and connection, known to work with down-and-outs. They sent you a subject you couldn’t resist.’
‘You mean you and Alec sent me a subject I couldn’t resist,’ she corrected. ‘You wanted my curiosity. You engineered my involvement. You were trying to test me—’
‘That was the Organisation’s agenda, not mine. I knew what you were capable of. But it was only part of it. We had to be … We needed time …’ He tailed off, shifting uneasily in his seat.
Madison took a deep breath. ‘Yin and Yang. We had to be co-operating, willingly, to reproduce the experiment. More than co-operating. We had to know each other, to have worked together. Very closely together. We were meant to have an affair.’
‘I …’ He met her eyes. ‘I’m not going to lie. The optimum scenario was a female with whom I had an emotional and physical bond.’
‘Is that what we have? An optimum scenario?’
‘Madison, don’t.’ He leaned across the table to take her hand. ‘You know it’s not like that. And if you don’t, you should. When I started this—’ He paused. Madison could feel him weighing his words. ‘You were an unknown woman, a means to an end. I was at absolute rock bottom when Alec came to me. I’d turned my back on my whole life – faced the fact that I would probably never use any of my powers again. It was a chance. Something I could do. A k
ind of restitution. It looked— It was simply moves to be made – counters on a board. In a few weeks you’ve turned that around. You know it’s true. You’ve seen inside my head. I had no idea, Madison, that it was possible to change so much. I don’t know what else to say, except that I’m sorry.’
‘You took an appalling risk.’ Her voice wavered. ‘What the hell were you thinking of? You gambled your memory on my skill.’ The enormity of it made her whole body shudder. ‘Your identity. What if I hadn’t been able to get you back? If I’d done damage, blundering around in the dark? I could have harmed you beyond repair.’
‘Ten months ago, it didn’t matter. My life wasn’t worth anything to me, except as a weapon for bringing down the Organisation. Jayston Creed was less than nothing. I never expected to love you.’
Madison put her hands over her eyes. Fear swirled around her. To do this she had to trust Jay. With her life. And if she didn’t— ‘If I’m not a part of this, if they find out you tricked them – they’ll kill you, won’t they?’
Horror grasped her heart, and squeezed. ‘That’s what you were thinking when you left here. You were going to draw them away from me.’ His silence told her it was true. ‘They’ve been watching us.’ She remembered the cat’s paws down her spine, the feeling of being observed. ‘They’ve been monitoring my work at the lab, changing my results there, or at the test centre. They have someone on the inside.’
‘Not at the lab itself, as far as I know. Contractors – maintenance or cleaners maybe. And … at the apartments – probably Scott.’
Madison shivered. ‘He might be willing to provide information, for money. Scott likes money. But they don’t know we’re here?’ Prickles of apprehension were running down her spine again, the illogical temptation to keep checking over her shoulder.
He shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. There’s no record of this place. No one knew we were coming here. We’re off the radar. At least—’
Her chin came up as he hesitated. He was rubbing the scar at his elbow. ‘Alec and I … I didn’t tell Alec everything. I … I wasn’t confident about what would happen. How he might react …’ He hesitated. ‘I organised some private backup.’
‘Security services backup?’ She let out a long sigh when he nodded. ‘Do they know you intend to destroy the machine?’
‘Not exactly.’
‘Jay – how many ends are you playing against the middle?’
‘As many as it takes. The thing is … This is a tracking implant.’ He indicated the scar. ‘They know where we are.’
‘Oh.’ She digested the information. ‘I see. Theoretically, they’re the good guys. But of course, they want the machine as well.’
‘I have that impression.’
Madison felt slightly sick. ‘Once the Organisation knows that the wall is broken, they will be coming for us?’
Jay nodded. ‘I imagine that’s why the decorators arrived early at the lab – increased surveillance. They probably have someone else at your apartment, too.’
‘The heating contractors,’ she confirmed absently. ‘So,’ she went on shakily, ‘we have to complete an experiment that has never been done successfully, double-cross the bad guys and the good guys, wreck a computer, and get out with a whole skin. I can’t believe I just said all that.’
‘You can still back out—’
‘And if I do, how long will you last? The Organisation will just move on to the next woman on your list. Or they’ll kill you. They’ll kill you whatever happens.’ She could see the certainty, with appalling clarity. ‘There was never going to be a way out for you, was there? Once they got what they wanted, captured on the computer, they’d kill you, to make sure that you never repeated it for anyone else. And probably me, too.’ Her voice cracked.
‘There was a plan B. After we’d wrecked the thing, or if we couldn’t take the machine down, Alec was to get you out. That was why I needed backup from the security services. I didn’t tell Alec, but that was the point when they were to step in. I don’t know how it would have worked. If it would have worked … I gambled with all our lives. I think I was a little mad. Can you forgive me?’
Madison swallowed hard, willing the fear away. It retreated. Not far, but enough. But she wasn’t quite ready to answer his question.
‘You gambled most on me. That you could make me part of your scheme. That you could use me, the way Gina used you.’
She saw the shock of the words go through him.
‘I …’ He steepled his fingers against his mouth. ‘I don’t have anything to say in my defence, except that I bitterly regret it now. And I’d undo it if I could. But then we wouldn’t have met. Quite simply, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. I realised that, the moment I got my memory back. I hope you can believe it. It’s not much recompense for the disaster I’ve brought with me, but it is the truth.’ He put his hands down flat on the table. ‘I still hope you’ll change your mind and let me try and sort out this mess alone, but it’s your call, Madison. Whatever you want, I’ll accept.’
‘We have to make this work,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m going with you, Jay, but as a partner and an equal, not as a helper. I’m doing it with both eyes open.’ No matter how much she wanted to run and hide. ‘The only way either of us has a future now is to go through with your plan.’
The rain had stopped. Madison paced down the path, wet vegetation brushing her ankles. She needed to walk, to burn off adrenaline and order her thoughts. She wasn’t going anywhere near what she’d just agreed to do. That would only paralyse her with terror. Which left Jay … and her. The man she’d come to … care about, didn’t exist. What she had in its place was more complex, more dangerous. The physical attraction hadn’t gone away. Jay Jackson or Jayston Creed, the man’s body was the same.
A reluctant smile forced its way through. The man was hot and she wanted him. No change there. But the rest of the package?
She skirted the last boulder in the path, and slapped down on to the rain-drenched sand of the beach. There was a dog racing in and out of the waves, barking at the gulls. She stopped to watch as his owner threw a stick, hunching into her jacket.
It wasn’t just a matter of forgiveness. Jay had involved her in his experiment with a calculation that she couldn’t ignore. His remorse was genuine; she had no doubt of that. But whether she accepted it? That was one issue. The other was bigger. Do you want a relationship with Jayston Creed? Do you want this man to love you?
She found a rock that had dried out in the stiff breeze and perched on it, sorting through her emotions with as much honesty as she could find.
Had part of Jay Jackson’s appeal been his desperate need for her help? Jayston Creed didn’t need her in the same way. He was brilliant, and flawed. A man who could threaten her, professionally and personally. A man who had the power to unlock all her secrets. Mentally her guard had to stay up, even though she hadn’t sensed him trying to read her. She could feel him though, on the edge of her mind, hoping she would let him in.
She looked back at the cottage, high on the cliff. How far can I trust you, Jay?
Can I trust you at all?
Chapter Twenty-Six
His breath was misting the glass. Jay braced his arm on the window ledge, watching the small figure trudging along the beach below. He hadn’t offered to go with her. He’d known, without being told, that Madison needed to walk alone. The temptation, when she was near, to focus his power, to reach out to touch her, mind to mind, was almost overwhelming. But that wasn’t the way to go. It wasn’t just a matter of ethics and an unwilling subject. He knew, bone deep, that he couldn’t reach her that way. Not on a level that mattered. His mouth twisted. It didn’t stop him throwing out the occasional lure, when temptation got too strong. No, not lure – invitation. A thought, hovering in the air, for her to pick up, if she would. So far sh
e hadn’t, but he wasn’t giving up hope. Except – what could he say to her, inside her mind, that he couldn’t say face to face?
He took a deep breath. What exactly did Madison have to gain from letting him inside her head? Are you simply looking for connection to meet your own needs? Seeking the warmth of her mind to comfort the chill in yours? Not that it mattered. Madison’s impeccable defences remained in place. And he didn’t blame her. But it was achingly lonely, here on the outside. And no more than you deserve.
His thoughts were turning the pit of his stomach to ice. He rested his forehead on the pane. It was cold and clammy to the skin. Cold within and cold without. He was bleeding out inside. As he deserved to be. He’d thought his life was over when he’d walked away from the wreckage, after the trial. He hadn’t even come close. If Madison turned away from him—
She’d agreed to help him, but if she couldn’t forgive him—
You chose to do this. What were you? Crazy? Oh sure – Alec convinced you this crock of shit could work, but man, you were more than halfway there.
Madison was sitting on a rock now, watching a dog splashing in the water.
You can’t blame this one on Alec. You were already on that path.
If you’d never begun this, you’d never have met her. If you hadn’t begun it, you’d never have put the most precious thing in your life in danger.
It had all worked like a charm – better than a charm. The amnesia programme that he and Alec had sweated over had miraculously held up, almost completely intact. And they had sweated. His stomach churned at the memory. The Organisation had never doubted that he had been their prisoner, apparently in fear for his life, forced to do as they demanded. They were convinced that everything had been achieved through Alec’s expertise and massive medication. In reality it had taken his and Alec’s pooled skills, a few carefully selected drugs, sheer bloody-mindedness – and luck. And it had worked, except for that one lapse, the tiny slip that had let him remember part of his name. All the rest of the list had stayed in place. And what a list! He could barely believe that it had worked. The powerful connection when he and Madison met, to entice her in; his initial resistance, so that she wouldn’t suspect she was being set up; his compulsion to avoid any kind of authority; the test of Madison’s powers offered by the apparently impenetrable wall; the gradual breakdown of its defences, in stages, as her cleverness undermined it, and their emotional bond grew stronger. Emotional bond? Don’t you mean love? Success that ebbed and flowed, to keep her involved and interested.
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