The Selkie of San Francisco

by Todd Calgi Gallicano

  Vance Vantana’s killer sense of smell almost got him killed at Falling Waters State Park in Chipley, Florida. This better-than-average sense was something Vance was born with and had later enhanced through the use of Magnapedaxin 13, otherwise known as the bigfoot blood serum synthesized by Ranger Penelope Naughton of Redwood National Park. The enhancement had served Vance well over the years, enabling him to sniff out danger before it arrived. The doctor had never regretted his decision to heighten his olfactory sense, until the day he traveled with Sam London and the Guardian Tashi to the Sunshine State.

  There were very few odors that bothered Vance; after all, when you have such a keen sense of smell, you’d best get accustomed to a wide range of scents. Of course, he didn’t enjoy bad odors—they were even worse for him than for anyone else—but he was never driven to sickness by a smell…except for the smell of fresh apple pie, that is. That feeling was more a muscle memory than a reaction to the scent itself. When Vance was eight years old, he had challenged his uncle Quinton to a pie-eating contest. Quinton Vantana happened to be the most competitive member of the Vantana clan and accepted the challenge with aplomb. The young Vantana beat his uncle soundly, gobbling up four whole pies in eight minutes flat. Unfortunately for Vance, it took only half that time for the pies to come back up. From that day forward Vance could not eat, look at, or—most importantly—smell an apple pie without feeling sick to his stomach. So it meant a great deal when Vance concluded that he would rather have relived the pie-eating contest than experience the smell that hit his nostrils at Falling Waters State Park.

  In fact, this was more than a smell—this was a weapon. A weapon wielded by only one creature: the skunk ape. Although bigfoots and abominable snowmen would deny it, these stinky creatures were distant relatives. They were known to live in the southeastern United States, specifically in the Florida Everglades. They were creatures of the swamp, and for that reason Vance had not been expecting their appearance. Rangers who were assigned to areas inhabited by skunk apes often wore specialized nose plugs to avoid the effects of their legendary scent. The creatures were not known to be aggressive, which made their sudden approach perplexing. But it was the noxious gas they emitted that was the most surprising to Vance. It was as though they were intentionally trying to incapacitate him.

  The doctor didn’t completely lose consciousness, so he did experience a few lucid moments after passing out from the burning stench. At one point, he spotted Sam unconscious lying next to him and Tashi looming over them. He could hear noises, which he concluded was the Guardian attempting to communicate with the beasts. The next thing he knew, he was being lifted off the ground by one of the skunk apes.

  In a hazy stupor, Vance observed the apes forming a single-file line. They appeared to be taking turns jumping into what he concluded was a sinkhole. One by one, the wet, hairy beasts leapt into the hole and disappeared. The doctor knew he was in the clutches of one of these creatures, and it was holding him uncomfortably close to its sticky body. He saw Sam in front, now awake, in the grasp of another skunk ape. Sam’s creature took the leap, and Vance could hear Sam scream, before the sound grew too distant to hear. He realized he was next and struggled to free himself, but his body wouldn’t respond. The creature holding him jumped and dropped into the hole.

  Vance was suddenly sliding through a narrow pitch-black hole at breakneck speed. He imagined this was what riding a mudslide at a hundred miles an hour was like. He could feel the skunk ape raise his knees, and suddenly they hit the bottom. But they weren’t done. The ape used its powerful legs to spring upward through an adjacent vertical hole. Now they were shooting up like a geyser.

  The doctor could make out faint light at the end of the tunnel. It grew closer and brighter, and then they rocketed out of the hole, rising off the ground a few feet, before plunging into a thick muddy bog. The jolting experience brought Vantana back to reality in an instant. The skunk ape released him and moved away.

  “What in the Sam Hill is going on?” the doctor exclaimed. He spotted Sam nearby, caked head to toe in mud.

  “Woo-hoo!” the boy called out. “That was the craziest water slide in the history of forever!”

  “Dr. Vantana,” Tashi interposed as she waded toward him. “How are you feeling?”

  “Like I’ve been chewed up and spit out,” Vance replied meekly. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on? I saw you chattin’ with those wretched things.”

  “It was a miscommunication,” Tashi said. “They believed they were going to have to subdue us before we would come along.”

  “Come along where?” Vance asked, glancing around. “This looks an awful lot like the—”

  “Everglades!” Sam exclaimed. “We traveled from Falling Waters State Park to here in seconds through a sinkhole.”

  “That’s over five hundred miles,” Vance replied. “That’s impossible.”

  “Sam speaks the truth,” Tashi said. “The skunk apes use these sinkholes to travel great distances. It is quite remarkable.”

  “It was scary at first, but then it was just awesome,” Sam said.

  “The skunk apes do apologize. They did not wish to harm a ranger with the DMW, so they pulled back their odor the instant they realized their mistake.”

  “It still smells somethin’ awful,” Vance responded. He noticed that the skunk apes had retreated a few yards and stood behind a patch of mangrove trees.

  “Your bigfoot enhancement made you particularly sensitive. It will take some time for the stench to leave your nostrils,” Tashi informed him. Vance grunted his displeasure and began trudging through the waist-deep bog to higher, drier ground.

  “So who miscommunicated?” Vance asked the Guardian. She eyed him, unsure of the meaning of his question. “Who sent those hair balls to get us?” he clarified.

  “The skunk apes refer to the others as the ‘elders’ but told me nothing more,” Tashi said. The largest of the bunch let loose a foghorn-like call. Tashi looked to the creature and nodded. Vance was growing frustrated.

  “What are you nodding about?” Vance asked her.

  “They want us to walk to the shoreline up ahead,” she explained as she gestured toward a small strip of dry land that led to an inlet. Vance squinted his eyes and wondered what was waiting for them. Sam sprung forward and headed down the path.

  “Sam!” both Vance and Tashi yelled out. The boy froze and looked back.

  “What?” he asked. “I want to find out who wants to talk to us so badly.”

  “Too dangerous,” Vance replied. “Tashi will go first with the light of her shekchen, you’ll take a position on her six, and I’ll have our backs.” Tashi nodded, then strode ahead and stepped in front of Sam. Vance followed, eager to learn who was behind this so he could give them a piece of his mind. Interfering with a DMW investigation was akin to interfering with Phylassos himself. When the trio reached the shoreline, they found a small lake surrounded by more mangrove trees that opened up a few yards on the opposite side and led to what Vance determined to be the Gulf of Mexico. A few moments passed without any sign of these so-called elders.

  “Well?” Vance asked. “We gonna stand out here all night? I need to shower.” The waters began to stir.

  “Look!” Sam pointed. Two more areas of water whirled, and three creatures emerged. They were five-feet-tall fish with five clawlike fingers in place of their pectoral fins. Their tail fins were appendages similar to human legs but were covered in scales, with flippers instead of feet. The bizarre-looking silvery blue fish had conical heads, making it appear as though they were each wearing a bishop’s ceremonial hat. Vance sighed to himself; he knew these creatures. They weren’t dangerous, unless you considered being exceedingly annoying a threat to life.

  “Who are they?” Sam whispered to Vance.

  “Bishop Fish,” he replied. “The skunk apes called them elders, and that�
�s what they are. Ancient elders of the sea who are among the few creatures still alive that helped negotiate the terms of the gryphon’s law.”

  Creatures of the sea did not usually abide by the same rules as those on land, given the nature of their limited interaction with humanity. The Bishop Fish considered themselves authorities on the subject and were always eager to offer their two cents, whether solicited or not. They always made it a point to not reveal much of what they knew, believing that humans like Vance didn’t deserve or need to know what was actually going on.

  Their names were Filibert, Feidlimid, and Fridenot. They considered each other equals in every way, which led to a rather irritating form of communication. It was rumored that they were linked telepathically, and because of this they spoke in fragments, with each offering a different portion of their every utterance.

  “We will first thank you for,” Fridenot began in a gurgling staccato voice.

  “Coming,” Filibert added in a slightly higher-pitched but still gurgling voice.

  “To see us.” Feidlimid completed the sentence in his distinctly inquisitive tone.

  “We didn’t have much choice in the matter,” Vance told the trio. “Your skunk apes nearly killed us.”

  “They are not,” Fridenot began.

  “Our,” continued Filibert.

  “Skunk apes,” concluded Feidlimid.

  “We merely,” Fridenot started.

  “Asked,” Filibert added.

  “Them,” said Feidlimid.

  “To,” Fridenot inserted.

  “Bring you,” Filibert clarified.

  “Here,” Feidlimid finally finished.

  Vance had interacted with the Bishop Fish a few times in previous investigations. This method of communication was slow and inefficient, and Vance didn’t have the time or the patience for it right now.

  “If you want to talk to us, we can’t be here till Christmas,” the doctor said. “I understand y’all are equals, and I don’t want to upset the apple cart, but can just one of you speak?”

  The Bishop Fish appeared shocked by the request.

  “You,” Fridenot said firmly.

  “Offend,” Filibert added.

  “Us,” Feidlimid concluded.

  “Sorry ’bout that,” Vance offered. “But I’m on official business for Phylassos, and that takes precedence over everything else. If you have anything more to add, I invite you to contact your local DMW office. We best be going.” The ranger turned and took a step down the path. He leaned over to Sam and whispered, “Are they talking to each other?” Sam nodded. Vantana winked.

  “Wait,” the trio said together. Vance hid his smirk and turned back around. “We have agreed on a compromise for this unique circumstance,” the Bishop Fish added in one unified voice.

  “Great. Thank you,” the doctor responded. “And next time you send skunk apes, try being a little more explicit with your instructions. They’re skunk apes.”

  “Are you implying they are not intelligent, Dr. Vantana?” Tashi asked. Vance glanced over at her, surprised by the question.

  “What now?”

  “It was not the skunk apes’ fault,” Tashi said. “They were doing as they were told. This is a language barrier issue, nothing more.”

  “Right,” Vantana replied, placating her. Now was not the time to get into a debate about the IQ level of a foul-smelling swamp monkey.

  “The female—she is a Guardian?” the Bishop Fish asked in their unified voice.

  “I am Tashi of Kustos,” Tashi spoke up.

  “Fascinating,” the creatures said. “We heard of your departure from Kustos. An unusual development. And therefore, the boy is Sam London, we presume?”

  Sam stepped forward, excited to be recognized. “Yes, I am him. I mean, that’s me,” Sam responded awkwardly. Vance grinned at his youthful enthusiasm. “You heard of me because of what happened with the gryphon’s claw?”

  “No,” the Bishop Fish answered matter-of-factly. Sam was confused by this response, as was Vance. If these creatures hadn’t learned about Sam London due to the gryphon’s claw mystery, then how did they know about him?

  “Wait…what?” Sam asked. “What do you mean?”

  “Your question is immaterial to the situation at hand,” the Bishop Fish responded. They shifted their attention back to the doctor. “Tell us what you know about the selkie of San Francisco.”

  “And why should we share any information with you regarding an ongoing investigation?” Vantana asked.

  “Because there are rumblings in the waters. Something is not…right,” the creatures said, as if concerned.

  “You’re tellin’ me,” Vance replied. “But that still isn’t a good enough reason.”

  “According to the gryphon’s law, we are entitled to any information regarding a potential violation by an aquatic creature,” the Fish explained. “This is stated quite clearly in section—”

  “He’s after a young woman,” Dr. Vantana interrupted, wanting to avoid a dissertation on the arcane legal details of the law.

  “A human woman?” the Bishop Fish inquired. “Does she possess his skin?”

  “Nope, she sure doesn’t.”

  “This defies understanding,” they responded. “We require more information. Did the selkie identify himself?”

  “He called himself Maris,” the doctor told them. The Bishop Fish exchanged curious glances. “You know him?” They didn’t answer; rather, they chattered to each other in their odd gurgling language. The Fish were testing the last remnants of Vance’s patience. “Well? What do you know?”

  “We will consider this and seek more information,” the Fish answered. Vance was just about to yell at the trio but held back at the last moment and took a calmer tone.

  “How about you tell me what you know about this selkie before he causes a major problem?”

  “Must we recite the gryphon’s law aloud?” they asked. Vantana furrowed his brow. He didn’t appreciate the lack of cooperation. Sam nudged him, and the doctor leaned over as the boy whispered.

  “Is there a part of the law that allows them to withhold information during an investigation?” the boy asked.

  “Not entirely,” Vance replied. “It just says they don’t have to answer to representatives of Phylassos, only to Phylassos himself.”

  “But what if Maris exposes the existence of his kind to humanity? Isn’t that like a really big violation?”

  “It sure is,” the doctor answered. The question made Vantana think a moment about the law itself. The fish weren’t obligated to answer him, but they could be persuaded.

  “Must I remind you three that if a creature of the sea interferes with the curse and reveals their existence, that creature would be in breach of the gryphon’s law—” Vance began.

  The Bishop Fish interrupted. “That is quite elementary, human,” they said in a condescending tone.

  “Yeah, it is. But what might not be so elementary is that a violation would allow Phylassos to reevaluate the rules governing all creatures of the sea, and I don’t know if you heard about what happened in Hérault, but ol’ Phylassos isn’t in a very merciful mood. I’m sure you can understand why. So helpin’ me in this instance would likely be in your and the rest of your kind’s best interests,” Vantana said. The Bishop Fish considered Vance’s words carefully and quietly deliberated with each other. Then they spoke again.

  “The selkie called Maris is of royal lineage,” the fish revealed.

  “So what? He’s like a prince or something?” the doctor asked.

  “Or something,” they said with snootiness.

  “Well, what does a royal selkie want with a human girl?” Vantana followed up. The Bishop Fish again conversed among themselves. “You’re as clueless as we are, aren’t you?” Vance posited.

&nb
sp; “We do not possess all the information we require,” the fish answered defensively. The doctor grinned.

  “That’s a great big ‘yes,’ ” he concluded. The Bishop Fish didn’t enjoy the characterization.

  “Maybe this will help.” Sam moved to hand the creatures the picture of Pearl from the magazine.

  “Sam…,” Vance cautioned. If the fish were playing their cards close to their scaly chests, why shouldn’t the DMW?

  “It’s worth a shot,” Sam said, and shrugged. “We don’t have much else to go on, remember?” The boy was probably right, Vantana thought. The ranger nodded his approval, and Sam handed over the picture. The trio of fish gathered around and studied it intently. They made a few noises as they eyed the picture, mostly “ooo” and “hmmm” as if they were confounded yet intrigued.

  “She is the one the selkie seeks?” they asked.

  “That’s right,” Vance confirmed. The fish conferred some more, seeming surprised. “Do you know her?” the doctor inquired.

  “It is highly unlikely,” they answered. “Highly, but we will need to learn more.” At that, the Bishop Fish dropped back into the water with the picture and disappeared.

  “There goes that,” Vance observed.

  “Sorry.” Sam shrugged innocently.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Vance told him. “It’s time we had a one-on-one with Ms. Pearl Eklund. Something seems mighty…” The doctor paused but could think of only one word to finish his sentence, however hard he tried. “Fishy.”