The Dead Days Journal: Volume 1

by Sandra R. Campbell

  “Um, the safety guru has evacuation drills planned. I gotta run up and let everyone know. Plus, I’m starving.” My words were muffled as I still had my face smashed against his warm chest.

  I pulled back far enough to raise my eyes to his and smiled. “Rain check?”

  Ben looked determined with his pinched brows and full lips slipping into a tight smile. “Nope. This surprise won’t keep.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me along in the direction I’d been heading. “We’ll give the others a heads-up, grab you a quick bite, and then you’re coming with me.”

  “What? And miss out on all the fun?” I said, stumbling in step beside him.

  “If you really want to go through another anal retentive drill, be my guest, but your gift will not wait. So either you take it now or lose it.” Ben gave me a piercing sideways glance.

  “I’ll take it, but you have to take the heat from my father.” I watched the corner of his mouth rise higher.

  “Deal.”

  The majority of the shelter we called home was constructed from brick and concrete partially surrounded by a natural cave. Three levels of wide, stadium-style tunnels flowed easily from one area to the next. Our private spaces were made up of deep alcoves, some as tiny as a nook, while others were almost the size of a large closet or small room. But the mess hall was far more elaborate, almost like home with multiple wooden tables, cushioned high-back chairs, closets, and various china cabinets. Eclectic dinnerware and utensils sat in perfectly placed settings on each of the five tables. Against the farthest wall was an industrial-sized metal buffet shadowed and glinting in candlelight.

  Two meals were served daily, breakfast and dinner. Lunch was served every other day unless you found it on your own or chose to skip the midday meal altogether. A few of the older women had taken on the role of cook, which had to be done outside, while the younger children were given basic jobs of table setting and food running. We all took turns with cleanup.

  Ben and I entered the mess hall hand in hand, a first. Several people were already eating and talking at tables, while Lincoln and his best pal Zoe carried in pans full of rice and oatmeal.

  Ben grabbed a plastic bowl and spoon from the nearest table and moved over to the buffet, dragging me with him. He stole a slop of oatmeal from Zoe’s tray before she had a chance to put it down and handed the bowl to me. Zoe faked a scolding slap in retaliation. As Ben and Zoe played out a modest pantomimed sword battle, I added a couple wild strawberries to the oatmeal and started to eat.

  Zoe was pretty intense for a thirteen year-old girl. Taking a swig of water from the bottle my baby brother held out to me, I continued to watch Ben and Zoe play. A final thrust from Ben’s invisible sword had Zoe dropping to her knees. The young girl then lowered a curtain of red hair to the floor in front of her in defeat. Ben helped her to her feet and patted her back before he passed on the news my father had asked me to deliver.

  “Okay, everyone, eat up and stay put. Vincent has another drill planned.”

  The typical groans and sighs followed Ben’s announcement. Just because it was a necessity didn’t mean anyone had the mental capacity to deal with a drill first thing in the morning, especially without coffee, which had run out weeks ago. The sounds of their grievances were replaced with increasing clinks and clangs of silverware as everyone sped up their meal to ensure full bellies.

  Ben relieved me of my empty bowl and pushed me out into the tunnel. “Move your ass to the basement, girl. I’d like to talk to Vincent later rather than sooner.”

  “Eager boy, are we?” I said, applying the brakes and sidestepping his next attempt to shove me forward.

  “Yes, Leo, I am.”

  “Then I’ll race you.”

  I took off without waiting for a response, knowing Ben could never outpace me. Coming up on the end of the main tunnel, I skidded and hit the side stairwell at full speed. Ben cursed somewhere behind me, and the rebounding booms from his thick-soled boots quickened.

  I was halfway down the metal stairs when the smell hit me. I stopped, took a second to appreciate the floral bouquet, and then followed my nose through the dark storage area’s tight maze of stacked boxes, clothing racks, furniture, and shelving units—which contained everything from useless trinkets to semi-automatic weapons—to a soft flickering light in the far corner.

  Three echoed flicks of a lighter let me know Ben had reached the top of the stairs. I thought about hiding for a chance to scare him again, but then I turned past a floor-to-ceiling set of shelves and saw the surprise waiting for me. I froze.

  Holy shit!

  Surrounded by candles was a forty-gallon steel tub in a roughly constructed wooden cradle. Underneath the cradle were several steno burners. The bath was two-thirds of the way full of water topped with hundreds of smashed honeysuckle blooms. On the small metal tray next to the bath was a tan towel and washrag, a small bar of soap, disposable razor, and a travel-size bottle of baby shampoo. There was also a tumbler full of mouthwash and a red dinosaur toothbrush.

  My breath caught in my throat. Tears threatened to fall, but then I felt the heat of Ben’s presence close behind me. Trying to shake off my heartfelt emotion, I spun around and jumped on him. He caught me, kissing me before I had a chance to say thank you, though I didn’t think any words of thanks would do. This was no small task. He’d built a frame, taken the stenos, picked the same flowers that had fallen from my bandana several days ago, and hauled bucket after bucket of water, all to prove his affection for me.

  Ben dropped me so abruptly I didn’t have time to prepare. I tried to wipe away the tears that had escaped before he noticed I was crying, but this time I wasn’t fast enough.

  “Leo, are you okay?” His usual deep tone had softened.

  “Yes, I… I can’t believe you did all this for me.”

  Ben’s smile stretched ear to ear as he leaned over to kiss away my tears. “Come on. You’d better get in. The water’s only lukewarm and those stenos won’t last forever.”

  “Thank you.” Those two words sounded inadequate.

  I slid my arms inside my nightshirt and lifted it up, but Ben grabbed a handful of the shirt, stopping me before I’d bared everything.

  “Just so we’re clear. This isn’t a bribe for you to sleep with me.”

  I peeked over the collar of the satin shirt to see his half-lidded brown eyes close. “I know," I said as I pulled it the rest of the way over and let the shirt drop to the floor. I stood there, naked except for a pair of boy-short undies, and waited for him to open his eyes. He didn’t. Instead, he turned on his heels and briskly walked away.

  “Ben, where are you going?”

  He never looked back. “I want you to enjoy this. So, I’m going to make sure no one disturbs you.”

  “Okay, but don’t go far. I’ll need some help washing my back,” I called after him, wishing I could see the expression on his handsome face.

  I listened for a response, but when none came, I finished undressing and slipped into the tub. The bath was better than lukewarm; it was almost hot. Ben must have boiled the water before pouring it into the tub. A sigh of sheer pleasure left me as I slipped farther down to wet my hair. After a few minutes of floating my hands on top of the water and basking in the pure warm nothingness, I sat up and busied myself with soap, washcloth, and a razor.

  I’d just finished lathering my hair with shampoo and was humming an old commercial jingle when I heard a muffled cough on the other side of the shelving unit.

  “Ben?” It better be you. The idea of anyone else catching me naked in a tub full of flowers wasn’t in the realm of things I could handle.

  “Yeah. I brought you some fresh clothes. Are you about done?” His voice was lower and huskier than I’d ever heard it before. It almost didn’t sound like him, but then he rounded the corner of the shelves and paused, a black folded bundle of clothing in his hands.

  I slipped down into the water, rinsed my hair, and then sat up to offer him the washcloth. “B
ack, please?”

  Even in the dim lighting there was no mistaking the flush on his cheeks and the lustful flicker in his eyes. After sliding the clothes on a stack of ammo boxes, Ben stalked forward, removing his grey snug-fitting thermal as he approached. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks now.

  Washcloth and soap in hand, Ben kneeled behind me and went to work gently massaging my tired shoulders and neck muscles. A loud groan escaped my lips, my appreciation too great to conceal. He worked my shoulders for a long time and then leisurely moved his way down my back. When he leaned forward into the tub to reach the lower section of my back, I slid down to rest my head against his bare shoulder.

  Ben moved slowly, placing sideways kisses on my cheek and ear as he abandoned his back washing duty to explore newly accessible areas of my body. His large hands rounded my sides with gentle strokes along my stomach and ribs with his fingertips. Following the touch of his hands with my own, I turned to meet his mouth. At first our kiss was sweet, delicate, and then it quickened. Ben jumped to his feet, pulling me with him. I stepped over the side of the tub, stopping him when he raised his arms to embrace me.

  I knew my long reign of abstinence was over, but the thought of having a baby in this world terrified me. There’s no reliable protection against anything, not anymore. Condoms had a short shelf life, especially when not properly stored, and those with spermicides were an even greater risk for infection. Forget pregnancy—a urinary tract infection without a steady intake of strong antibiotics would kill you.

  “I really want you, but real sex is too risky. Disease, pregnancy, I can’t do either. Ben, I need you to promise you won’t…you know. We can do everything else but that, or we can’t do anything at all.”

  Ben nodded his head while he looked me up and down, moistening his lips with a roll of his tongue.

  He was a man of his word. If Ben promised you something, he meant it, but I wasn’t about to risk him getting off on a technicality. I took a step back. “Say the words.”

  Ben pulled me close and whispered into my ear, “I promise, Leo.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Ben and I cuddled for a long time on the rack of clothing we happened to overturn, which made for a nice makeshift bed. Better than the layers of sleeping bags that covered my rickety old cot. What I wouldn’t give to have a soft, queen-size mattress, silk sheets, and feather pillows right now. That sure would have made the last hour even more enjoyable.

  Ben ran his fingers along my arm, tickling me out of my daydreams. “So, no kids?”

  I shifted so I could see his face. “My last haul, if I had gone a few days earlier…the family inside would still be alive. They had little left and gave up. There was a half-empty box of rat poison on the table between the father and daughter.” I shook my head. “I thought they were cowards for taking themselves out, but truthfully, I can’t imagine having to make that kind of decision. And that is not even the worst scenario. What if you and I have a kid and another major storm or earthquake comes along? What if we die and our child is left helpless and alone?”

  Smiling lazily, Ben lifted a long chunk of my hair and began twirling it around his finger. “Leo, you shouldn’t feel bad about something you have no control over. It was those parents’ choice. And I agree with you. This is no place to raise a child.”

  “You don’t think it’s our duty to repopulate the world and all that crap?” The eye roll that followed couldn’t be helped. I’d heard my father go on and on about our obligations as survivors for the last two years, and I understood his reasoning, but that didn’t mean I had to agree with him. I’d survived because that’s what my father taught me to do. But survival was all I’d known, and placing that burden, mere survival, on anyone else would be unfair. I refused to place it on an innocent, defenseless child.

  “Nah, the world is ruined, and it has been for a long time. If man is meant to survive, he will. If not, oh well… We had a good run.” Ben abandoned my hair to move up on his side, resting his face less than an inch from mine.

  I smoothed back the dark locks that had fallen across his forehead. He needed a haircut. “Conceding to the wrath of Mother Nature, then?”

  Ben nibbled at his bottom lip. “Yeah, it’s simple enough. This is not the best pillow talk, mind you. We should enjoy the time we have left. So, new motto: enjoy what you can, when you can.” He leaned in with a kiss. I blocked Ben’s advance by placing a single finger on his parted lips. Normally, I was the one to veer from more sensitive topics, but this time I was initiating the discussion.

  “What about the other thing?” I raised a brow, curled my lip, and bared my teeth.

  “What? The fact that blood-sucking monsters are ravaging the planet to snatch up whatever is left of their food supply?”

  I blinked slowly and decided to test the view behind my lids by closing my eyes for a moment. The image of Margaret’s ravaged body would haunt me for a long time, her hair caked with dried blood and dirt; grey flesh eaten, carved, scooped; body drained of all internal fluids. Most of all I would never forget her empty eyes, her frozen scream. The dead are scary to look at, but the stillness of a body was the most disturbing. “Uh-huh.”

  “Margaret looked pretty bad. I’ll give you that. I’m not sure what they did to cause that kind of damage, but I’ve seen men do horrific deeds. I’ve done them. We all have. What happened to her is not outside human capabilities. However, seeing is believing and all that crap.” Ben gave me an eye roll of his own along with an embellished dismissive flip of his hand.

  “My father believes. He has from the very beginning.”

  “I know. He’s preparing for the worst. Isn’t that what he’s always done?”

  Nodding, I snuggled closer to Ben. The drills had to be over by now, and my father and mother would be looking for us. By the end of the day, everyone would have a pretty good idea what happened between Ben and me. There was no way to hide such things in these tight quarters. I didn’t think I’d care about what they thought or what they’d say. I only cared that Ben stayed exactly as he was—his strong arms around me and his lips pressed to mine. Ben and I had stolen this time for ourselves, just as Harris and Margaret had done, except neither of us had to die for it.

  Forget what I said before about not caring. I welcomed my return to reality about as much as I’d welcome a bee sting to my eyeball or a metal splinter under my fingernail.

  My father held his political leader stance, even though he had yelled through several smirks, while next to him my mother trembled like a geyser ready to burst. It was junior prom night all over again, only Ben wasn’t a sniveling teen who’d delivered me home an hour past curfew.

  “Your lack of respect is upsetting—to me and to everyone else. I shouldn’t have to remind you of the importance of the evac drills. This was the worst time for the two of you to run off. These people not only look up to you; they rely on you and need you to be there for them.” My father rubbed his forehead and then slid his hand slowly down his face. I thought possibly to wipe away his growing smile. He obviously loved the fact that Ben and I were together. Too bad he and I didn’t share the same philosophy on coupledom. I didn’t think he’d be as amused if he knew exactly what we hadn’t done.

  Ben handled their nonsense remarkably well, standing with his head high and shoulders back as he listened to my father berate us about the responsibilities of setting a good example and the importance of his lifesaving protocols. I couldn’t help remembering that, if the world hadn’t come to an end, my parents would have zero knowledge of my sex life. I wanted to crawl underneath a rock—or better yet back under Ben.

  “I have something you want to take a look at. I think everyone will be more than pleased with the project Leo and I have been working so very hard on.” Ben had prepared a peace offering in the form of a warm bath. Too bad his choice of words weren’t as well thought out.

  My father raised a curious white brow. “A ‘hard’ project, huh?”

  Ben barely blushe
d before he led the way to the lower storage area. While my father helped my mother down the stairs, I followed behind, taking note of her sudden frailty.

  I suspected for a long time, even managed to accept the fact, but now that she looked like she could keel over any minute, I had to choke back a sob…

  My mother isn’t just sick—she’s dying.

  When my mother saw the tub full of clean water, she gasped and turned her glassy eyes to me. “Is that for us?”

  “Yes, Mom. We can do away with bucket birdbaths, and no more risk of frostbite this winter, all thanks to Ben.”

  Ben stepped behind me, resting his hands on the top of my shoulders. “Thanks to us,” he said.

  In the time it would have taken to snap my fingers, Ben and I were forgiven. My mother walked to the bath, squealing as she tested the temperature with the tips of her fingers. “Honey, it’s warm.” She turned to us with tears streaming down her face. My father stepped up to wipe them away.

  A bath used to be such a simple thing, but now it meant so much more, a glimmer of hope for people who’d lost sight of their future. Ben had the foresight to make it happen, and not just for him and me. I realized that his plan all along was to give a bath to everyone. I took hold of his hands and squeezed with all my strength and gratitude.

  Clearing his throat, my father helped my mother out of her shoes. “Wow, this is incredible. Thank you both.”

  “When you’re done, clean out the tub and fill it for the next. There’s a fire-pit and buckets out the side door near the cave entrance.” Ben beamed as he finally had the chance to give my father orders. Then we left them alone to do whatever it was they did when an unforeseen romantic moment presented itself.

  I knew my parents were in love, but rarely did you see any displays of affection. They were too busy prepping for the end of the world. Now that the end had come and gone, you’d think that maybe they’d get some time to enjoy what they’d created. Instead of enjoying their victory after a long hard fight, however, they faced a battle neither of them could win. My mother’s death would be the end of everything for my family.