Wonderland

by Bridget Midway

Her heart drummed. “Okay. Shoot.”

  “The first night you were here when I caught you in my bed, I called your father to tell him.”

  Cynda’s body stiffened. Reid must have noticed. He held her closer as though she would jump out of the carriage and run.

  “I understand,” she said after some thought. “You thought I would cause trouble being here. My dad is your boss. I get it.”

  “He asked me not to say anything to you, but I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry I waited until now to tell you. I should have told you sooner.” He kissed her forehead.

  “If that’s the worst thing you have to confess, then I’m okay.” She cleared her throat. “There’s some things I need to tell you, too.”

  “Wait. There’s something else.” Reid shifted uneasily in his seat. “The pictures. The ones in my drawer.”

  She waved her hand to him. “You don’t have to explain that.”

  Reid held her hand and brought it down to his lap. “Yes, I do. I wanted to put every one of your pictures up around my chalet. The reason I didn’t was because I didn’t want people thinking I was using your celebrity status to make myself out to be something I’m not. I think you’re special. After your trip here, I know you’re special. You’re kind and smart and ambitious. People should know that about you and not that you used to date some neighbor kid loser.”

  She put her hand to the side of his face and turned him so that he looked at her. “You’re not a loser. I never thought that about you ever.”

  He brushed his lips against hers before pressing them fully on them. The heat from the kiss should have melted the snow around them.

  Cynda sat up because she wanted to look Reid in his eyes. For everything she had to say, she needed him to know she told the truth.

  “Halfway through the ride, folks.” Stan snapped the reins against the horse to maintain the easy pace.

  “I haven’t been very honest with you.” She felt the bitter cold wrap around her body and she shivered.

  “Honey, I hope you don’t think that I believe your hair is real.” Reid laughed. “I know it’s a wig.”

  She smiled but kept going. “No, not that, although I will talk about that, too.” Cynda held his hands. “For years, I’ve been coming to the resort in a disguise so that I could watch you.” She watched Reid’s smile melting away. “I would check in as Blair Warner or Edna Garrett.”

  Reid sat still for a while then out of the blue said, “The Facts of Life.”

  Cynda smiled and nodded. “My favorite eighties TV show.”

  “Why a disguise? You couldn’t just come up and talk to me? All of these years. I thought you didn’t care.” Reid started to pull his hands back from her hold.

  She held onto them tighter. For what she had to confess to him, she needed his support. “I never thought I was good enough for you.”

  “You thought that?” Reid chuckled and shook his head. “I’m never the obvious choice.”

  Cynda furrowed her eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

  “I made manager here because your family knows me and trusts me. But if I didn’t grow up with you all, I don’t think I would have gotten the job.”

  Cynda, still holding his hands, shook her head.

  Reid continued. “You came here to see me because I was the lesser of two evils.”

  “That’s not true.” Her heart pumped to hear that Reid thought she didn’t truly care about him.

  “I was something to check off your list.” He held his index finger in the air. “Have sex with Reid before the world ends. Check.”

  Her words that she said in Vegas during her arrest haunted her. “Please believe you’re more than that.”

  Reid screwed up his lips as he stared at her. “You hid in the shadows because you didn’t want me to see you.”

  She finally let his hands go to frame his face in her hands. “You’re more than an item on my list. I’m a coward.” The words had festered in her belly until she spoke them. She couldn’t deny the truth. “It’s easy to be nude in public or sing to an audience. It’s harder to look you in the eyes and tell you I’m not perfect. I ran because I didn’t think I could be enough for you.” Before he could say anything, she pressed her lips against his.

  Knowing that this could be their last kiss broke her heart. Had she not kissed him, she would have broken down in tears.

  “I thought about you every day.” She hoped he knew she told him the truth. “There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t regret my decision to walk away from you.”

  “Then why did you do it? And why spy on me instead of letting us be together?”

  Cynda took a deep breath and stared at Reid. “The week before you were supposed to leave and I had asked you to travel with me, doctors found a tumor in my brain.”

  Reid’s eyes widened. “Jesus.” He put his hand to her head, to which she quickly removed it.

  “The reason I didn’t tell you is because I never ever wanted you to look at me like that.” She pointed to his face. “You pity me. You feel like you need to take care of me like my father does all the time. You think me swimming naked in a Vegas hotel pool is crazy? Imagine if you thought you wouldn’t make it to see the next year or even the next day. What would you do? Would you continue working here, or would you go out and live?”

  A look of recognition and understanding covered Reid’s face. “We could have done so much together. If something were to happen to you, it would have killed me. I lived my life these past few years thinking I was never enough for you.”

  “And I’ve lived mine thinking I could never be enough for you. Remember when you said that you imagine your life with the perfect woman. If you imagine it with children, it may not be with me. You see, although benign brain tumors normally don’t come back after being removed, mine did. Earlier this year they had to operate on me again. I’ve had some radiation therapy, which may affect me being able to conceive.”

  “How did any of this not make the news?”

  Cynda smiled a little. “That’s where having friends in other countries helped. I went to England for the surgeries. Recuperated at a private residence, a friend of my parents. Josie knew. She also knew when I would come in disguises to see you.” Tears formed in her eyes. As hard as she tried to stop them, she couldn’t. “I wanted to tell you that day you asked me to come to Colorado with you. All I kept imagining was you looking at me like I was damaged goods and how hurt I would be.”

  “How could you think that?”

  “Your father.”

  Reid tilted his head. “What does he have to do with anything?”

  “I knew he had problems with drugs and alcohol, then gambling. He wasn’t a perfect man. You’ve been through enough.”

  “Stop it.” He framed her face in his hands.

  Cynda had to keep talking or she would completely break down. “You didn’t need the burden of caring for someone else.”

  Reid tried wrapping his arms around her but she pushed him back.

  “No. I need to tell you more.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I need to have another surgery soon. They found another small tumor. I’m not scared of the surgery. I’m just tired of them. I hate being sick.”

  The carriage pulled up in front of the resort again. Stan halted the horse but didn’t speak.

  Cynda took a deep breath. “I just want to be loved.”

  Before Reid could say anything, Cynda jumped from the carriage and ran through the resort to get to Reid’s chalet. Now that everything had been told, she could pack up and leave. Oh hell, she had a meeting with Edwin tomorrow, Christmas Eve. She should have told Reid all of this on New Year’s Day. Start the year fresh and new.

  * * * *

  Reid chased Cynda down the glass-covered bridge that went just to his chalet.

  “Hey!” he screamed after her.

  Cynda didn’t stop. Neither did he. Reid stepped up his speed and caught her midway down the hall.

&nbs
p; “Just let me go. Let me get my stuff and go.” She struggled against him as he pressed her against the wall.

  “You drop all this stuff on me and expect me to react a certain way.” Reid captured her flailing hands and pinned them down to her sides. “Since you’ve been here, without even telling me everything that’s happened to you, you’ve taught me to appreciate life and to slow down. I love you.”

  Cynda cried. “You can’t. Love someone else.” She managed to break from his hold and ran to his chalet.

  Once inside she gathered her clothes. If she thought she would leave him or even think she would sleep in the spare bedroom now, she had another thing coming to her.

  “Drop your stuff.” Reid stood in the doorway of his room while Cynda flitted about like a wayward butterfly.

  “No. I’ll do what you wanted me to do when I first got here. I’ll sleep in the spare bedroom and find another place to stay tomorrow.”

  Reid stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “No, you won’t. You’re going to stay right here.” He grabbed the clothes in her hands and threw them on his dresser. “Ever since I’ve known you, you have been a chaotic force in my life. Back when I first met you, I loved it. You were so wild and unpredictable. When I got older, I didn’t appreciate it. Now I understand you.”

  “You don’t know what it’s like to be so scared.”

  “I don’t?” Reid approached her. “I’m scared every day. I’m afraid that I don’t matter, that no one will take me seriously. For a short time, I was afraid I would be as uncaring as my father. Until you came back, I was afraid no one would love me like a woman should love a man.”

  “How do you know I love you like that?”

  Reid didn’t speak. He couldn’t. He kicked out of his shoes first then removed his shirt.

  Cynda shook her head. “Reid, no. I don’t want to fuck.”

  “Good. Because I plan on making love to you.” He removed his pants so that he now stood completely naked in front of her.

  He sat her on his bed without resistance. Crouching by her feet, he removed her shoes and socks. Reid stood and pulled her shirt over her head. Then he worked on her pants.

  When he got her down to her bra and panties, Cynda stood and walked over to the rug in front of the fireplace.

  “No.” Reid pulled her back and removed her bra first. “In bed.”

  Cynda resisted before, but now she really looked scared. “No! Floor, tub, shower, counter, I don’t care. But not the bed. Please.”

  “What’s wrong with my bed?” As he asked her the question, he pulled down her panties so that they both stood nude at the foot of his bed.

  “The bed always seemed like a place where normal, well-adjusted people have sex. There’s nothing normal about me.”

  Reid smiled. “Thank God.” He kissed her.

  Before she could resist anymore, he picked her up in his arms and carried her to his bed. He had to show this woman that he cherished her, every part of her. As he positioned himself next to her in bed, he glanced at her bright blue wig. He reached for it, to Cynda’s horror.

  “Don’t! Please! You won’t look at me the same way, and I can’t take that.” Her words broke as tears streamed down her face.

  He didn’t say anything. He wanted his actions to speak for him. As he stared into her eyes, Reid removed her shield. Her head surprised him at first, mainly the shocking blonde color. Then he saw the scar.

  Instead of staring at it, he kissed every inch of it as Cynda wept silently.

  “I’m a freak.”

  Reid stopped kissing her long enough to stare her in the eyes. “Don’t you ever say that about yourself. With or without hair, with or without a wig, you’re gorgeous. Nothing about how I feel about you has changed.”

  He stroked his fingertips down her body, loving how she reacted to it despite crying just moments ago. If he could get her to concentrate on the pleasure and not what she thought was going on in his head, he would be successful.

  Reid brought his hand in between her legs and rubbed her pussy. Her wet pussy invited him to savor it. He latched onto her nipple with his mouth while his thumb circled her hardened clit.

  “Oh, God! Yes!” Cynda writhed as he moved his mouth over to her other nipple.

  He loved tasting her, experiencing every part of her. Reid positioned himself between her legs.

  “No, let me be on top, please.” She tried pushing him onto his back.

  Reid knew this had to be another one of her fears. “You always want to be on top. Why?”

  “I never want to feel trapped or stuck. I need to have a way to get out if I get stuck.”

  Reid smiled. “Stop being scared.” He kissed her. “And stop running.” As he held down her wrists against the bed, he entered her wetness slowly.

  Cynda arched her back. It took a while as he moved in and out of her, but eventually she wrapped her legs around him. That didn’t stop her from trying to release her hands from his grip.

  “Look at me,” he demanded.

  When Cynda didn’t respond at first, he made the command again. She brought her gaze down to meet his.

  “I will never hurt you. I will always treat you like the queen you are.” His thrusts accelerated. “I love you.”

  “Let me go.” Cynda bit her pink bottom lip. “Let my hands go.” She rubbed her legs up and down his backside. “I don’t want to run. I want to hold you. Please.”

  Reid let her hands go. As she said, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Their bodies moved as one, in a slow, easy motion. Although he never thought he could feel complete with a woman by his side, Cynda proved him wrong. He felt more complete with her than he’d ever felt before.

  Cynda put her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down to her. “Cover me. Let me feel you on top of me.”

  Her trust in him that he would protect her pumped his heart. Reid kept his stare directly on her eyes. It didn’t take her long after that to come hard, screaming his name in his ear.

  To her surprise, Reid rolled over onto his back carrying her along with him so that now she straddled him.

  “I’ve grown to like this position now.” He chuckled.

  So did Cynda. Her hips gyrated on top of him as she placed her hands on his chest. Just watching her, the real Cynda, pleasuring him, not caring about what her hair looked like, it didn’t take long for Reid to climax, coming deep in her.

  He hoped that she knew how he felt about her. He loved her so much, even more now.

  Now he had to figure out how to keep her there with him…forever.

  Chapter Ten

  Christmas Eve. Reid had the tree-lighting ceremony tonight, and he couldn’t wait. He peered over to the side and watched Cynda sleeping. She’d slept all night without donning another wig, and he loved it.

  Reid snuggled in behind her and cupped her breasts. “Morning.”

  She moaned. “You want more?”

  He laughed. “I always want more. So what’s on your agenda today besides staying naked all day?”

  “I like the way you think.” Cynda turned over to face him. “I actually have a meeting this afternoon with my friend I told you about to discuss my business.”

  Reid blinked. “You still want to go through with that after what you told me?”

  Cynda sat up. “What is that supposed to mean? Because of the tumor, you think I should throw in the towel and not do anything?”

  “No. Well, yes. I don’t know. I certainly thought you would have wanted to stay here with me.”

  She rolled her eyes and threw the covers off her body. “Not again.”

  “Come on. You have to admit you loved being here. You had the great idea about the karaoke.” He watched her walking around his bed and heading to the bathroom.

  “I could be doing that in my own place and not here.” She flicked on the light in the bathroom.

  “You’re a great teacher. The guests learned a lot from you.” Reid sat on the edge of the
bed, facing Cynda.

  “Again, I could be teaching at my own place.”

  “The kids loved you.” Not to mention he loved her. With each of his arguments shot down, he felt her pulling further and further away from him.

  “Come on. You don’t think there will be other children when I open—”

  “I love you. Isn’t that enough?” He stood and faced her. “Am I enough?”

  Cynda released a long breath. “You’re more than enough. But I can’t give up on me. There’s so much more I want to do.”

  “Even if it means breaking my heart again.” He padded toward her. “You honestly didn’t think you could come here, sleep with me again, then walk out of my life and I would be okay with that.”

  She remained quiet.

  Reid hung his head. “Why do I feel like we’re back on square one?”

  “Maybe we never got off it to begin with.” She grabbed some toiletries. “I’ll get ready in the other bathroom.” As she walked by him, she stopped. “I know you must think I’m being selfish. I am thinking of you, of us.”

  “We need to talk about our future together. You can’t shut me out, not again.”

  Cynda considered him for a moment before speaking. “Just give me some time to think. Please.” Then she walked out of his room.

  To him, it felt like she’d walked out of his life again. After such a tumultuous night, he still didn’t feel as close to Cynda like he thought he should. He had to figure out a way to make them both happy. He couldn’t lose her, not again.

  * * * *

  Cynda sat in the lobby of the resort staring at the nearly sixteen-foot tall tree that stood squarely in the middle. Employees worked hard to decorate the tree before that afternoon’s ceremony.

  Josie walked up to her and sat down on the couch next to her. Without saying a word, she took Cynda’s hand then encouraged the woman to rest her head on her shoulder.

  “You finally told Reid everything, huh?” Josie kept her tone low.

  “Did Reid tell you?” Cynda wiped under her eye, careful not to ruin her makeup.

  “No. Stan told me.”

  Oh yes. The carriage driver. How could she have forgotten about him?