by Nina Bruhns
Even if she did believe his story about the women at the powwow, she still didn't want a man who didn't even pretend to love her holding her life in his hands. But right now she wasn't totally convinced she didn't want him holding her body in them.
Cole pulled into the driveway. She struggled out of the car, its low-slung lines reminiscent of the bottomless easy chair in Alex's living room. Gratefully, Rini accepted his helping hand when he came around.
"I'll bring in the pillows."
"Thanks." She put a hand to her back and stretched her spine. She had to admit, Cole's massage had felt heavenly even on a purely therapeutic level. Her muscles felt more relaxed now than they had in ages. "And thanks for the back rub. It was wonderful."
His grin was suddenly wicked. "My pleasure."
Fumbling for the keys in her purse, she felt her cheeks grow warm.
He hoisted the giant bag of pillows and followed her to the stairs leading to her garage apartment. "I'll take them up for you."
She hesitated, glancing up the stairs. She wasn't sure she wanted Cole up there, even for a moment. The image of him standing in her private space, perhaps wandering around, touching her personal things … well, it was just too intimate. Once that image was braded into her brain, it would be impossible to get rid of.
"Key?"
On the other hand, the thought of hauling the huge bag of pillows up those stairs didn't appeal to her, either. Reluctantly, she handed him her keys and trailed after him, hanging well back. She just wouldn't go in. That way she wouldn't see him in there. That would work.
When she made it to the open door at the top of the landing, she couldn't help herself. She peeked. He was inside the one-room apartment, leaning casually against her bedpost and looking hopelessly sexy in his simple white T-shirt, his thumbs stuck in the pockets of his snug jeans. His gaze sought out her hands as they unconsciously supported her lower back, kneading the muscles with her fingertips.
He jerked his chin at her. "You having back problems?"
Instinctively, she yanked her hands away from her back. "Um. Yeah. Just a little. Something to do with being pregnant, the doctor tells me." She smiled wryly.
His answering smile was warm. Almost sultry. He stretched out a hand to her. "Come here. I'll finish the massage. We hardly got started before it was time to go."
She took a step back, bumping into a baluster. "I don't think…" Immediately, she regretted her choice of words. She half expected him to murmur "Don't think. Just feel"—the fateful words that had started this whole thing nearly eight months ago. "That wouldn't be a very good idea."
He pushed off the bedpost and came toward her, then halted. His eyes darkened to black, reflecting some inner struggle. Suddenly, his expression changed, falling back into the studied neutral it had been in the car. "No. I don't suppose it would."
She bit back a stab of disappointment, telling herself this was the way she wanted it. The way it had to be. "Thank you for coming tonight."
He touched the front of his T-shirt in that seeking gesture he occasionally made. "I enjoyed the class," he said. "Not what I expected, that's for sure."
"I'm sorry about Valerie and Liz."
"Don't worry about it. I think I won them over by the end of class."
Looking away, she ran her hand along the railing. "They weren't the only ones," she said softly.
He narrowed his gaze on her, and she could feel the wariness in it, but he remained silent. His eyes fell to the baby in her belly. He stepped closer and reached a tentative hand toward her cheek, but pulled it back before he touched her. "I want to help you any way I can. I'll pay for—"
She shook her head. "No. I'll manage."
Sighing, he drew her into the room, into his arms. "I don't want you to just manage." He tipped up her chin to look into her eyes. "I want to help. This is my baby, too, Rini."
Their lips met before she realized he was going to kiss her. His mouth was soft and warm and gently persuasive. She found herself melting into his embrace, reveling in the strength and comfort she felt there. If only she could let her guard down and allow herself to lean on him.
He angled his mouth over hers, easing her head to his shoulder as he kissed her. His body snugged up to the side of her stomach, enveloping her in his heat.
Even as her traitorous body surrendered, her mind protested. Why was he doing this?
Could it be … perhaps he…? His hand moved over her breast and she shivered at his sensual touch.
No! This was madness. She had made this same mistake—letting herself be swept away by the sheer virility of this man—one too many times. Kissing him would solve nothing. As tempting as it was, getting physically involved with Colton Lonetree would just be inviting trouble.
She couldn't do this to herself again.
"Cole, stop," she whispered. She needed time to think!
"Oh, honey, I want you so much." He covered her mouth with his once again, murmuring, "Please don't tell me no."
Suddenly, footsteps pounded to the top of the stairs and Alex's voice sang out, "Rini, do you want to … oops."
In a haze of desire and confusion, Katarina sought the source of the disturbance and saw Alex halt in the doorway. She glanced uncertainly at Cole.
"I was just leaving," he mumbled, and before Katarina knew what was happening, he'd dropped her arms and moved stiffly past Alex onto the landing. He gave her a rueful look. "Rini, call me. We need to talk."
Coming slowly to her senses, she shook her head. "No. I don't think so."
He halted. "What are you saying?"
"It would be better if we didn't see each other again until after the baby's born." Better to have a clean break and be done with it. "I'll be pretty busy until then."
He frowned, his expression stormy. "I don't agree, Rini," he said firmly. "I'm going to call."
With that he was down thee stairs faster than she could catch her breath.
"Sorry, Rin."
A sigh caught in Katarina's throat. "Don't be. I think you just saved me from myself." Unconsciously, she lifted a finger to her lips and touched them. Realizing what she was doing, she jerked her hand away.
Unconditional love and understanding shone in her sister's eyes. "Forget him. You don't need him, Rini."
"I'm just so afraid." Afraid of what was happening to her life. More afraid of the tempestuous feelings surfacing in her for the man who was thee cause of it all.
"I know, hon."
"I don't think I can do this."
"You can do it. You have me, Sis. And Brad and Kenny. You'll always have us."
Katarina went into her sister's arms, wishing like hell they were Cole's instead. Hating herself for wishing for thee impossible.
"I love you, Al."
"I love you, too, Rin."
* * *
"So what are you going to do?"
Cole paced in front of Tanya, who sat in his living room armchair watching him wear tracks in his already threadbare rug. He clamped his teeth together, trying in vain not to drown in the deluge of guilt and frustration that flooded over him.
"I don't know, T. But she has no real way to support herself after she has the baby, and she can't finish school if she's taking care of him all day. What kind of a jerk would I be if I didn't help her out?"
"What brought all this on?"
"Guilt." He let out a humorless laugh. "I kissed her."
"Well, no wonder she's not speaking to you."
"Very funny, T." He stopped pacing and jammed his hands in his pockets. He looked plaintively at his cousin. "I want my son, Tanya. I don't want to lose him because I messed up and pushed myself on her."
She put out her hand and grasped his arm. "I'm certain Rini won't keep you from seeing him once he's born."
"How can you be so damned sure?"
"Your parental rights."
"Yeah, okay. But I want to see her now."
Tanya's brow lifted. "Why?"
He scowled. "Hell if I
know."
"Does this mean you're giving her another chance?"
"Another chance for what?" His stomach clenched involuntarily. "To run off and abandon me again?"
"She hardly abandoned you at the powwow, Cole. You'd barely met." His cousin sighed. "It always comes back to that same old fear, doesn't it?"
He tried to shake off the familiar, automatic physical reaction snaking its way around his guts. "Yes, it does," he said belligerently. "And for good reason."
"You know, not all women are like your ex-wife Lindsay and your biological mother. Maybe Rini's different."
He shook his head. "She's already proved she isn't."
"And probably regrets it. Give her a chance, Cole."
He let his worst fears percolate to the surface of his mind. "That's the whole point. If I give her another chance, how long will it take before she regrets taking it? A week? A month? A year?"
"Surely, she wouldn't. She knows the baby needs a father—" He threw up his hands. "So, what if she decides she doesn't want me as the father? She could go back to that David character. After all, she was with him for ages. I was only worth a night—"
"Oh, for crying out loud, Cole—"
"What would happen to my parental rights then?"
Tanya let out an exasperated breath. "How the hell should I know? You're the lawyer!"
He frowned, playing out the scenario in his head. "Some rich white guy … even if he didn't have a leg to stand on, he could make it impossible for me to see my son."
"Oh, boy, you really are going off the deep end now. The woman has already acknowledged you're the baby's father! What more do you need?"
Crossing to the window, he looked out, leaning his hands on the cold, wooden frame. Outside, the bleak January sky threatened rain. His lawn needed some rain, he thought absently, and sighed. Too bad it wasn't as simple to figure out what Colton Lonetree needed.
First and foremost, he needed to know that access to his baby son was safe and secure. But what of his heart? What would he do with this need for a woman of whom he was so unsure? This burning, passionate need for one who had already shown herself capable of leaving him without a goodbye or second thought?
Tonight at the childbirth class they had felt so good together… Were Tanya and Renegade both right? Did Rini deserve another chance? Was it possible they could…
So, why wouldn't she take his calls?
Lord spare him from women who were as fickle as the California winter.
Turning, he looked at his cousin, who watched his inner struggle from across the room. "What more do I need? I need to be sure, nuyukssum."
"That's not always possible, my cousin."
He swallowed, making up his mind. He'd undoubtedly regret it—curse the day the idea ever came to him. "There's one way."
"And what would that be?"
"A prenuptial agreement."
Tanya snorted. "Don't be silly. A prenuptial agreement implies nuptials."
Cole straightened. "I guess it does."
Tanya jumped up. "Cole! Are you serious?" Letting out a whoop, she ran to him and grabbed his hands, swinging him around in a circle. "I knew it! I knew you were meant for each other! But what happened to Doubting Cole?" She held up both hands. "No, don't answer—I don't want to know. You won't regret this decision, you'll see."
He grinned reluctantly, her exuberance contagious. "I'm already regretting it."
But the truth was, for the first time in nearly eight months he looked forward to facing his future.
Now if he could just convince Rini to share it.
* * *
Cole stared morosely at the telephone on his desk. Marriage proposal by proxy was not exactly his idea of romance, but Rini didn't leave him much choice.
He'd phoned. He'd tried repeatedly to see her. But Alex and Brad had screened her calls and had seen to it that he never got past the front door.
Flowers hadn't worked, either. He'd sent a huge bouquet of yellow roses. He'd tried a single white bud the next day, and old damask and baby's breath the day after that. Each time, the card was left unopened in the empty box and sent back with the delivery person. Every day for over a week he'd sent flowers and a card with the simple inscription, "Marry me." She still hadn't opened one.
Well, at least she'd kept the flowers. That gave him some reason to hope. But how the hell was he supposed to propose to the damned woman if he could never get her attention? Scowling, he picked up the phone. After dialing Henderson's number, he heard Pam's voice announcing he'd reached the offices of Linder, Adams and Henderson.
Cole hung up. No. They'd already had a rocky start, and this would only make things worse. Surely there must be a way he could get her alone for two minutes to pop the question in person.
He'd have to catch her when she was away from the house. He thought for a moment, then picked up the phone again and dialed.
* * *
Taking a seat under the window, Cole patted his jacket pocket, checking the small square box for the hundredth time in less than an hour. In his fist he clutched the stem of a lone fragrant gardenia—a last-minute inspiration.
Willing himself to relax, he leaned his head back against the hard wall of Dr. Morris's examination room and ran his fingers down the smooth silk of his tie, calming himself with its soothing texture. The next fifteen minutes were likely to test him as no jury had ever done. He'd managed to gain the good doctor's help in his scheme by confessing what he planned to do, and by paying an extra hour's worth of her fee for uninterrupted use of the room. Dr. Morris never claimed to be a romantic.
Last minute panic crawled up his spine as he sat contemplating what he was about to do. What the hell was he thinking of? This was exactly what he had sought to avoid by trying to keep Rini at arm's length throughout this whole ordeal. Now he was as good as inviting her into his heart. Giving her free rein to fill it with her sweet love and caresses and then abandon it when she got tired of him.
No. That wouldn't happen this time. Couldn't. He'd be careful. Very careful. He'd treat this marriage as a business proposition, tucking his heart so far away she'd never be able to reach it to break. Until he could be absolutely sure she wouldn't—if ever.
Meanwhile, he'd have the prenuptial agreement to ensure his place in his son's life. That's what was important here. To make sure his family was safe. Not his heart, but his fragile new family.
The soft tread of footsteps sounded outside on the hall carpet, halting at the door. His heart raced. He looked at his watch. Hell. Leave it to Rini to be five minutes early.
The door opened and she walked in, catching sight of him immediately. He shot to his feet. Her jaw dropped. The nurse mumbled something about taking their time, and then backed out.
Rini looked shaken. "How did you get in here?"
"It was a setup." He shrugged. "What can I say? I needed to see you."
"I don't want to see you." She turned and reached for the knob.
"Rini, wait!" He sprang in front of her and blockaded the doorway. "Hear me out. Please. Then if you want me to leave, I will."
She crossed her arms over her belly and gazed resignedly at the door behind him. "It appears I have little choice."
Nervously, he skimmed a hand down his tie. "Why don't you have a seat?"
She gave her head a little shake, looking as though she'd rather be anywhere but there.
Discovering the flower gripped between his fingers, he stared at it for a second, then remembered he was supposed to give it to her. "Uh, this is for you."
She let the blossom hang between them a moment before accepting it. "Thank you." A blush crept into her cheeks and she looked away. "Gardenias are my favorite."
He stepped closer. "I remembered your perfume. I was hoping…" He swallowed and realigned his tie, feeling the buttons of his starched white shirt scrape along the back of his knuckles. "Anyway, I have something else for you, too. If you'll accept it." Fishing the tiny box out of his pocket, he trailed
a finger along the velvet nap, then stuck it out at her.
Her eyes lowered, then narrowed on the box. Her head made a slight waver, and she bit her lower lip. She looked up at him, disbelief in her expression, and shook her head.
"Take it. Please." His voice was raw, his tongue thick in his mouth.
Slowly, she held out a trembling hand and he placed the box in it. Wrestling for a moment with the spring-loaded top, she set aside the flower and was finally able to lift the lid. He watched her eyes fill before she dragged them away from the ring inside and met his.
"It's beautiful," she whispered.
"Marry me, Rini."
She stared at him, her soulful fire eyes shining from twin pools of sparkling tears. "I don't understand."
He took the ring from the box and held her hand in his, slipping the gold-and-diamond band onto her finger. "Marry me, Rini. I'd like you to be my wife."
She looked for a long time at the ring on her finger. Suddenly, he was afraid she didn't like it. He did, but the style was a little different. Maybe she liked something more traditional. Or bigger. Or—
"Why?"
He was snapped out of his anxiety over the ring by her timorous question. "What?"
"Why?" she repeated, her voice a shade less timid. Her eyes shone big as saucers when she looked up at him. A tear broke loose of its mooring on her lower lashes and trailed down her cheek. She brushed it aside. "Why would you like me to be your wife?"
"Why?" His stomach did a free fall. "Because…" She was going to turn him down! He couldn't believe it. He fought renewed panic. This was insane. "Because of the baby, of course. The baby needs a father. He needs two parents."
Cole let her hand go and paced a few steps back and forth. He had to convince her! "And you, you need someone to provide for you so you can look after him. Someone who can take care of him while you're in school." He raised his palms in an appeal, playing his trump card. "So you can get your nursing degree, like you've always dreamed of."