by Jilian Rouge
Lady Lydia Amherst, he believed her name was, whispered, “I don’t know about you, but all of this seems so dreadfully big and austere. I couldn’t imagine myself so far away from London, away from everyone I hold dear.”
In answer, Lady Charlotte, the youngest of the List at seventeen, said, “I agree. But I don’t believe his lordship the earl would actually stay here for long stretches of time.”
Lady Abigail piped up, “It’s not as if Lord Merrick would spend much of the winter here. Can you imagine? His lordship not attending to his business in London or missing the London Season? I am sure the earl would not dream of missing either, after all.”
Miss Cordelia Woodbury threw in her own comments. “This house itself is monstrous! Imagine being the mistress here with the nearest neighbor still a distance away. I couldn’t bear it! Not for all the money in the world, no matter what Mama says.”
As the whispered conversation continued on in the same vein, Alex grew more and more irritated at what he was hearing. Fortunately for him, he had dispensed with the idea of choosing any of the List before he heard their uncomplimentary descriptions of his home, his planned lifestyle. He had no need for a simpering miss who longed for the very city that gave him no quarter, not when he had finalized most of his future plans to stay rooted within this little valley he called home.
Now, all he needed was the answer to the question: who would he marry? His instant reaction to the question brought up unbidden thoughts of Rue, and the more he truly considered her, the more he realized that she was a perfect fit for him in more ways than one.
Who else would have as deep-seated a love for his lands than she? Who else could truly understand him in all of the ways that counted? Rue knew him, really knew him, and there wasn’t much that he had kept from her other than the fact that he had withheld his feelings for her all of these years. Truthfully, even he hadn’t known what it was he felt for her in all of the years they had been apart until he was now forced to fully acknowledge those feelings.
He had always known he cared for her, but at the painfully young age of twenty-one, he hadn’t been emotionally mature or selfless enough to recognize his feelings for Rue extended beyond the physical. Their encounter all those years ago had him convinced that they were sexually compatible, given the amount of passion that had arisen between them. Not only had she responded so deliciously while in his arms, his own soul had comprehended his true soul mate before he was fully aware of such a thing.
Soul mate? Once, he would not have given such drivel a second thought, but it was the best descriptor for what he had found in Rue. Whenever she was about, her form was the first his eyes sought out, her curves that he ached to touch. She was the first to make him crave over the years what she had given him: all of herself. She was his, plain and simple, from the moment his parents had introduced her to him when they were young. She was his equal, his perfect match, so it was no wonder that he found himself inescapably drawn to her.
Rue drove him mad with lust, and he could feel himself tensing, hardening all over at the mere thought of her. He already had a tough enough time keeping his hands to himself around her, but to him, she was a born temptress, bent on making him crazy for wanting her.
Although he wanted Rue with every bit of himself, lust wasn’t the only driving force that spurred him on to want her as his wife. While he had been the first to introduce her to passion, he promised himself that he would certainly be the last, and damned if he would let Christian have her. Certain that he would be the one to cherish her as she deserved, he vowed that he would spend the rest of his life showing her how much he did treasure her by giving all of himself to her in return.
Now, he just had to convince her that he was earnest and explain to her that he intended to make her his wife, not his mistress like she had mistakenly believed. He had already formulated a plan, one that involved his first attempt at seducing a woman into becoming his wife. Although he was sure that she would hate to admit it, Rue was very responsive to his touch and if he could cause even a little bit of her cold, detached manner with him to thaw, he could then speak plainly with an impassioned declaration of his desire to marry her.
Of all the countless encounters he had over the years with so many women, Rue’s was the only one he truly recalled. He remembered every single detail and had clung to the memory over the years as a talisman against the unending loneliness that menaced him. No one he had after Rue were as sweet or as uncomplicated. Rue’s loving had been simply intoxicating and just thinking of the memory of her tight, wet sheath was enough to almost embarrass himself in a room full of young impressionable women.
Luckily for him, he was presently facing the window, otherwise, his obvious desire for Rue might be easily misconstrued as interest in anyone who cared to glance his way. He silently willed himself to calm down before he could appear presentable and tried to devise ways to escape his duty as tour guide.
As he deliberated, footsteps sounded behind him then stopped a few feet away. Looking over his shoulder to spy Alistair standing there, he supposed he would have to school the relief he felt from showing on his face.
“My lord,” Alistair formally intoned, “your steward, Mr. Farley, has need of you in the library. There has been a mistake made in this year’s accounting that needs your urgent attention.”
“Of course,” Alex replied. “Tell him I will be there presently once I’ve made my excuses here.”
Alex didn’t wait for Alistair to fully exit the room before he announced, “Ladies, I must leave you here to amuse yourselves as I’ve been called away on urgent business.”
He believed it was Lady Lydia’s mama who replied, “Indeed, my lord. We couldn’t be more grateful for giving us your valuable time.”
Inclining his head towards the room in general, he stated, “Not at all. If you require anything, you may ring for Alistair to assist you.”
Thankful for Alistair’s announcement, Alex couldn’t leave the gallery fast enough. If he finished his business early, he could make good on his plans to pursue Rue, but to do that, he would have to find her first.
10
The day dawned with the hope that Rue could avoid Alex as much as possible, not yet wanting to face him so soon after that devastating kiss. Until she overheard Lady Edith mention Alex’s absence this morning at someone’s inquiry during breakfast did Rue perk up. It so happened that the Ravenscroft steward had needed some clarification over the estate accounts dealing with the sale of this year’s crops. And thus, Alex would be subsequently preoccupied with such business for the rest of the morning.
There wasn’t much in the way of entertainment that Lady Edith had planned for that morning, and so it was that the ladies adjourned to the parlor to pass the time quietly. Scattered about the parlor were a passel of Alex’s relatives who traded ton gossip back and forth between them.
Since she had little interest in anything to do with London Society, Rue steered clear of such gossip and instead tried to spot Georgie for a chance to speak with her. However, Georgie was currently engrossed in conversation with one of Alex’s cousins, but she was dying to get Georgie alone to tell her friend about what transpired with Alex the night before. She desperately needed a trusted friend with whom she could debrief her version of such a tumultuous event.
Restless as she was in mind and spirit, Rue remained at the parlor window, content not to participate in tedious gossip or mindless embroidery. The Ladies of the List were presently busy with their own needles, working diligently on their stitching while chattering about people she couldn't care less about. Instead, she stared silently out the window, wishing she was anywhere but indoors.
As for the men, not wanting to waste the day indoors, a sizable group of them ventured outdoors to take a walk around the estate grounds, claiming that a brisk walk in the English country air would do them good. From the vast parlor windows, Rue spied her father walking with Christian and Ernest flanking him on either side, and she w
atched their trek until they ventured past the line of trees that bordered the edge of the Ravenscroft immense lawns.
As she watched Christian saunter off with her dearest friend and her father, Rue was uncomfortably reminded of her present dilemma. Earlier at breakfast, she had whispered to Christian to expect an answer to his proposal the day after the Midsummer ball. She recalled Christian’s look of eager anticipation when he kissed her hand in reply, and it was all she could do not to smile back at his endearingly boyish expression.
Lady Edith had waxed almost poetic when it came to Christian’s prospects, stating that his marriageability lay entirely with his own wealthy state and his own proper connections with some of the most influential names in England. From both Georgie’s and Ernest’s perspectives, Christian seemed a nice enough man to make a kind, thoughtful husband, and as it was, she was surprisingly partial to Christian’s new looks, boyishly handsome as they were.
Those qualities were all well and good, which made Christian completely worthy and deserving of her consideration. Rue liked him well enough as a person in his own right, and he had even risen in her esteem when he hadn’t reacted at all to the story of her recent humiliation in London. He declared that such things were better left in the past, not when the future, a future with her, was so much more appealing.
Just hearing such encouragement from Christian’s lips was enough to buoy her spirits after such crushing mortification. But Rue still wavered in her decision, in spite of trying to convince herself that he was everything she wanted in a husband. Almost.
She needed to find a husband eventually, particularly since she also wanted a family, children she could call her own and would call her Mama in turn. Once upon a time, she would have made love a requirement for her marriage, but perhaps it was too much to ask for now that she had been placed on the shelf for far too long.
Christian didn’t love her; like most ton marriages, he sought only to make an advantageous match while ensuring both parties benefited from just such an arrangement. Christian was eager and willing to give him her name, with the promise of a loftier title if his duke of an uncle decided to kick the bucket.
While she liked this new version of Christian immensely, she did not love him, nor did she think there was any hope of falling in love with him. She was being courted by a handsome, eligible gentleman who was heir to a dukedom and liked her a great deal. Why couldn’t she just accept that love need not be necessary between her and Christian?
Not when her heart was fully engaged elsewhere, namely with Alex, Earl of Merrick. With her mind and heart full of Alex, she wished for her sanity’s sake that she didn’t find him as intriguing as she had for most of her life. And she desperately wished that she could easily fall in love with someone as agreeable as Christian.
But under the circumstances, especially after last night’s events, she doggedly resolved to avoid Alex, even if only to restore a semblance of normalcy for herself during her continued stay at Ravenscroft. She believed she must stay her course for the sake of his, keeping the sanctioned position of Alex’s wife open for anyone else but her. No matter how much another woman’s permanent presence in Alex’s life would hurt.
Casting a gimlet gaze upon each of the Ladies of the List, she couldn’t believe that Alex would even consider any of them as a prospective bride. While she bore none of them any ill will, she could not picture such biddable misses, currently absorbed in their embroidery work, to measure up to Alex’s own high and haughty standards.
But in comparison to herself, the List of Ladies were far above her in terms of appearing the pretty picture of a perfect wife for Alex. At risk of truly belittling herself, Rue knew that she was, under no uncertain terms, anything but perfect, and therefore, beneath Alex’s own estimation.
Knowing how hard he had driven himself into the ground, slaving away in London to truly resurrect the Merrick estate’s fortunes, Rue guessed that Alex himself expected perfection in all things. In work, in business, and in a suitable partner for life.
Such thoughts were enough to thoroughly depress her, so she urgently closed off her mind to keep such thoughts from troubling her.
But with no Alex about, she found the morning dreadfully boring; it was as though Alex’s absence had sucked the very excitement out of the morning. And looking about the parlor, she found she was positively itching for a distraction, one that Alex’s presence usually provided when he was within her vicinity.
Next to her, seated on a chaise, Lady Edith calmly cross-stitched her way through her latest project and looked up presently at Rue’s obvious fidgeting.
“Dearest, a lady keeps her agitated state under wraps so as no one could guess what she is really thinking,” Lady Edith softly cautioned, careful not to let others overhear. “Why don’t you come sit by me and talk with me a little while.”
Not in the mood for small talk, Rue declined, “If it’s all the same to you, Lady Edith, I think I need a stronger and more compelling distraction. I think I will go chase down a lengthy book to read from the library.”
Lady Edith smiled serenely and said, “All right, dearest. If it will help divert your attention from dancing a full reel in front of our parlor window.”
Rue was already making her way out of the parlor, and she rolled her eyes at Lady Edith’s comment, but only when she was sure that the older woman wasn’t looking. Catching Georgie’s eye, she mouthed the word ‘book’ and made the motions of opening an imaginary book before exiting into the hallway.
Now that she was alone and on her way to the Ravenscroft library, Rue was free to let her thoughts roam without fear of anyone seeing her thoughts displayed on her face. As someone who wore her emotions on her sleeve, she could peacefully think through the challenges that both Christian and Alex presented once she got to the library unimpeded. Hopefully, she would be able to work through how to confront and overcome such challenges when both were tantalizing choices indeed.
11
Wondering what Rue was doing that very moment, Alex heaved a relieved sigh at having concluded the poring over of seemingly-infinitesimal numbers with Mr. Farley. With the brunt of the important business done and out of the way, Alex allowed Mr. Farley to double check the accuracy of their final totals while he shuffled papers about, pretending to be busy.
Instead, Alex indulged in a fantasy or two of what Rue might do in retaliation if he lost his already-tenuous hold on his control in keeping his hands off of her. She drove him batty, being his favorite theme to ponder over. If he gave into his compulsion to touch her, to ravish her, would it serve to drive her further away? Or would it simply drive her deeper into his life as he wanted? Whatever it was about Rue, she had the ability to draw out the rake in him easily enough.
It was pure agony to only wonder at what fate had in store for the two of them, but he was willing to push ahead and discover what could be between them if he played his cards right. Since he knew he had not treated their separation nine years ago as sensitively as he should have, he was now fixed upon treating Rue much more carefully than he had in the past. With his skills he had acquired as a master seducer, he had all the tools he needed to sway Rue’s decision into choosing him as her future.
He staked everything on Rue choosing him, and if he had to resort to seducing her to do it, then so be it.
As Mr. Farley opened his mouth to announce he was going to take his leave, the library door behind him opened at the same moment. Alex’s heart stopped, just for a second, then leaped when he realized who had just entered. Appearing to be lost in thought, Rue hadn’t looked up to notice that she wasn’t the only occupant and proceeded to scan the shelves, intent on her search through the scores of books he possessed. He lost sight of her when she turned a corner to delve deeper into the library.
Alex realized that his staff must have already been accustomed to the sight of Rue wandering his hallways since Mr. Farley didn’t blink an eye at her presence. Deeply affected by the knowledge of sharing the sa
me space as Rue, Alex had also noted that Rue’s morning gown failed to mask the loveliness of her curves, her hips, her thighs as she strolled away. He tensed all over, unable to stop thinking of her, imagining himself skimming his hands over her tantalizing curves, longing to explore every inch of her. She made it impossible for him to concentrate at the task he was supposed to give his immediate attention.
His musings were interrupted by Mr. Farley loudly clearing his throat. “My lord, I can see you are clearly distracted,” the other man observed plainly. “But we have already taken care of the important business after two hours of steady work. We can finish the rest of the minor details tomorrow.”
Alex heartily agreed and said, “You’re right, Farley. We can continue this later, when I’m free from the distractions of playing the host to a houseful of guests and of my mother’s upcoming ball.”
Mr. Farley simply raised a brow, a silent challenge that told Alex that Mr. Farley believed that the only guest he was distracted by was currently in this very room. But rather than be scolded for his impertinence, Mr. Farley calmly gathered up the ledgers strewn about the desk before them and headed out the door, shutting it softly behind him.