by Jilian Rouge
Distracted as she was with thoughts dominated by Alex, Rue resolved to avoid the man until she could decide what it was she really wanted for her future. It was hard enough to do with a man as intriguing and accomplished as the current Earl of Merrick, and it didn’t help that she had known him all of her life, wanting him, loving him from afar. She did not trust herself around the man, not when he was so infernally good looking! It was utterly unfair!
Upon entering the library, she continued to be plagued with such deep thoughts, her motions automatic as she absentmindedly searched for a book, not really seeing the titles on the spines. She hadn’t noticed the room’s other occupants.
Oh, but that kiss! Memories floated back to her from the night before, and the feelings that the memory evoked had her cheeks flaming. Whether from desire or shame, she couldn’t say, but she couldn’t deny the depth of her longing for the man. After all of the years apart, that kiss had been like a flood of rainfall ending a nine-year drought. Only, it was just enough to satisfy temporarily; she would always crave more, more of him.
She hadn’t expected his kiss, nor did she expect herself to readily give in. She blamed its occurrence on her having been too stunned at the time, but she also knew that she gave in only because she had always wanted him, always had known that he was her soul mate.
Focusing on the memory of their kiss from last night, she found that he had kissed her with an expertise that he must have garnered over the years. When they were first together, the day she seduced him, his kiss had been reactionary to the passion she poured into their kiss, unskilled as she was at kissing back then. Now, it had seemed as though he put his skills and experience as a rake to good use in that one fiery kiss, almost causing her to combust on the spot. He was certainly masterful at using such skills to enhance every nuance of pleasure within her to great heights.
But to partner with him in such a kiss was pure madness. She had always known that the two of them together were incendiary, but she was convinced that even as much as she wanted him to be, Alex wasn’t hers. It was obvious to her that Alex needed someone to match him in every way, to be the perfect paragon of a true lady as his wife. As much as she would like to be his perfect match, she knew that she was in no way perfect enough for someone as accomplished and lofty as Alex.
She had no reason to believe that Alex loved her, not like she did him. When she had given herself to him all those years ago, she knew that he didn’t love her then either, but she had hoped that the gift of her body would at least ignite a small spark of love in his heart for her.
But he had left regardless, and to her, that meant that he had rejected her because he didn’t love her. As crippling as that rejection had been for her, she had made up her mind that she would not allow herself to revisit such misery again. No matter how enticing or cajoling the man could be, she resolved to never again let Alex make her feel such crushing hurt, not if she could help it.
The only thing that could make her change her mind would be the certainty that Alex loved her back.
But because of her love for Alex, she only wanted him happy, and therein lay the rub. She wasn’t sure which pain was worse: his rejection of her or standing by while he married someone else who would most likely make him an excellent wife.
Dejectedly, she blew out a breath at that morose thought and brought back her focus to the task of hunting down a book to read. Using her fingers to lightly trail along the spines, searching for an old favorite, she slowly made her way down the wall lined with bookcases.
She blinked when she heard the voice of Alex’s steward, Mr. Farley, break through the stillness inside the library. Her heart stopped when she heard the timbre of Alex’s voice answer in reply. Hidden as she was by a wall of bookcases, she could not see where either man was nor, could she see what they were doing. It was clear to her now that the both of them had sought the privacy of the library to conduct whatever business it was that Lady Edith had mentioned earlier at breakfast.
She froze, unmoving, as she heard the scrape of chair legs against the wood floor, the shuffle of books closing, and then footsteps tapping against the carpet. Her eyes widened at the sound of the library door opening and then softly clicking closed. Given the heightened state of her nerves, she was almost sure that the person who had just left was not Alex.
Meaning she was now alone in the library with the one person she had promised herself to avoid.
Resuming her search of the bookshelf in a rushed panic, she tried to appear outwardly calm while inwardly she was anything but. If Alex caught her looking even slightly nervous, she was sure he wouldn’t hesitate to pounce when she was at her most vulnerable. Even when they were children, he had always managed to take whatever advantage he could to come out on top, to do whatever it took to win.
Which was bad indeed for any haphazard walls of resistance she might manage to throw up against him. She might as well throw herself at him for all of the good such opposition would do; his allure was so much more powerful than any rebuff she might have in her arsenal. Willing her heart to slow its rapid staccato, she tried to focus on the titles embossed on leather spines. Hurriedly, she opted instead to pull the first book she recognized off of the shelf and rapidly examined the first few pages.
After surreptitiously locking the library door after Mr. Farley’s exit, Alex took ten paces to reach Rue where she was hidden within a smaller alcove of books. When Rue glanced up quickly at his approach, it took everything he had to quash the feral, toothsome grin that threatened to overtake his lips.
He watched her, his childhood friend now transformed into a tempting siren, and he couldn’t tear his gaze away, even if he tried. With her here, he had to seriously wonder whether or not she was here to legitimately search for something to read or if she deliberately sought him out. And he was uncertain that those scenarios were mutually exclusive.
He liked the idea that that she might have come here under the pretense of seeking a book while ultimately searching for him. Whatever the reason, he gave her a teasing smile in greeting, one he had never failed to bestow upon her since their first meeting. He had learned from experience that to be treasured with one of her smiles, he had to be the first to offer one up.
As was customary between them, Rue offered back a smile, even if it was slightly tremulous. Unaccustomed as she was to this new version of Alex, so very different from the one she had known as a youth, she warily eyed him as he had stopped directly before her. At this close a distance, she thought it wise to keep a sharp eye on him, believing from past experience that he could be quite creative when it came to his brand of teasing.
“Hello, Rue,” he greeted. “I see you’re re-reading—” he paused as he ducked his head to glance at the book’s cover, “—Alexander Pope’s Eloisa to Abelard? That’s a rather romantic choice, don’t you think?” His kept his tone light, notes of fun and teasing imparted in his voice.
Rue stared at him, relieved that the Alex before her was acting very much like the youth she had grown up with. Blinking, she replied finally, “I’m surprised you’re aware of the contents of this book. It’s not the kind of reading material I would have pegged you for.”
Laughing lightly, he said, “Or rather, I had always known you were drawn to this particular work because of your surname within its title. Out of curiosity as to why you kept coming back to this book, I had read it myself years ago, and to my surprise, I found I quite liked it for all of its drama and imagery.”
Rue flushed at that tidbit of information, something she had not known prior to his telling her so. “Then, you also know that the poem is a study of star-crossed lovers, doomed to love each other from afar? That their only hope for a reunion is one after death?”
“Hm, there was that,” he agreed. “Other than their sad story, it heavily embodied everything romantic that could be said about love. Even I have had occasion to borrow a few lines here and there.”
Rue pursed her lips at the reminder of his reput
ation, his primary recreational activity while in London. Borrow a few lines? Such as in love letters or during bed play? “That wasn’t something I think I was meant to hear,” she said quietly, a frown marring her features as she held the book shield like against herself.
Realizing that he let slip something inappropriate for a lady’s hearing, Alex quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, Rue. I hadn’t meant to offend. It’s just that we once told each other everything and since we had read the same poem, I only wanted to share my reactions to it with you.”
He hadn’t meant to bring up one of his usual methods of seduction in her hearing, but to be fair, Rue’s close proximity had his brain in a jumble, disabling his usually rational thoughts.
“I’m not as young or naïve as I once was, Alex,” she stated firmly. “I don’t have to wonder why you would quote Eloisa to Abelard. Nor did I wish to know how you employed the poem for your own devices. Or maybe you are better off using such words for your intended.”
Hugging the book tighter to herself, Rue turned away from him to continue her search for another volume. Now, she would never be able to read Eloisa to Abelard ever again without thinking of Alex seducing someone else with beautiful poetry.
Alex watched Rue return her beloved book to the shelf and considered how he could turn the conversation back to lighter things. He had hopes that he could continue his seduction of her while they were locked in the library, alone, away from prying eyes. But with his tactless comment, he felt he had ruined his chances with her.
Absently, Rue picked another volume at random, not actually seeing what she had clasped in her hands. Alex, however, unfailingly recognized what she unwittingly held in her hands and rushed to her side to pluck it from her grasp. There was no telling what would happen if she looked within its pages!
Having caught his wide-eyed look of alarm, Rue fathomed she was holding something deliciously forbidden, an old diary, perhaps, and her sense of fun and sport rose to the fore. As he drew near enough to snatch at the book, Rue expertly dodged his clutching hands and bobbed below his outstretched arm only to come up behind him, just as she had learned to do during many a game of tag with him. Because of her smaller size, she was deft and quick, and he apparently still hadn’t learned to weave with her bobs.
Taking advantage of his stalled posture, Rue hurried across the room on slippered feet with a laugh, while flipping open its cover to read the first page. She then turned to face him, ready to tease him with a mocking narration of this delicious find. Peering down at the open page, she prepared to read aloud the first paragraph, but stopped short. Alex had turned around just in time to see her laughing smile die a quick death. Her mouth fell open to gasp, but her breath failed her only to produce a choking sound from her throat. As she continued to stare down at the book, her eyes rounded in utter astonishment.
Too late, thought Alex. He should have known that there was no use predicting what Rue would have done upon the book’s discovery nor did it do him any good to stem the flow of her impulsive nature. Having recognized the book cover earlier, Alex was more than acquainted with said book as it was a collection of erotic drawings derived from steel plates, each page depicting a specific sexual act, representing lust in every phase. It had been passed on to him while at school in Eton, and he had hidden it here in the library, between works of prose and fiction, before he had left for London.
He already knew the contents of the book quite well and waited for Rue to slam the book shut in maidenly protest. Watching her closely, he was amazed to find her perusing each page slowly, transfixed by what she saw. He also noted the flush in her cheeks, the quickening of her breath, and the burning of her eyes with moist heat. Clearly, the book had a strong effect on Rue’s partiality for things of a passionate nature, an inherent part of Rue he had always known existed within her since their first bout of lovemaking.
In a voice tinged with awe, Rue whispered, “There’s more to lovemaking than I originally thought. I never imagined that such things were done between men and women. Nor did I know that there were so many positions!”
Alex was highly aware of the delicate situation; one wrong word from him and he might scare her away. He had always known she possessed a boundless curiosity for things that were forbidden to her, a trait carried over from childhood. But he also knew to go down this path with her might go one of two ways. She might suddenly turn tail and bolt from the room, or she might just want to hear more about all of the ways of pleasurable intimacy that can occur between a man and woman.
Softly, treating her like a skittish colt, Alex answered back, “Yes, the sex act can be so much more than just procreation. It is highly enjoyable when both parties are amenable to the giving and taking of pleasure.”
Turning to him fully, Alex could not remove his eyes from her. Her breasts heaved, the humidity in her eyes increased, and the whole of her positively vibrated with barely-controlled excitement. Looking up at him, her eyes glued to his provocatively, she swayed slightly as she said, “How is it possible then that you had given me mind-numbing pleasure once, so long ago, yet we had never done any of the things drawn in here?”
He reached out and tugged the book from her hands, tossing it onto a nearby table, all while his eyes held hers. His own nerves and muscles tightened as he carefully answered, “I think that what we did was exponentially on another level than anyone can describe in any drawing. If I recall aright, you may have initiated our lovemaking, but I distinctly remember making love with you if that makes all the difference.”
He stepped into her, standing toe to toe, nose to nose with her. Sliding one hand around her waist, he gathered her against him, her soft curves flush against his larger, unforgivingly hard body. Muscles like heated steel enveloped her, and she gasped to feel her suddenly sensitized flesh respond to the feel of him surrounding her. Her breasts brushed against his morning coat, pressed lightly against his chest; his thigh brushed against her hip.
With Alex so close, his gaze locking with hers, she was mesmerized by the flames she spied there, its heat sweeping over her like a sirocco. In answer to his gaze, she was sure that hers were as equally smoldering. She breathed in his warm, masculine scent, falling further under his spell.
In a provocative tone, still lightly teasing, he continued, “At nineteen, you were a reckless hoyden, and I have to say you continue to surprise me with your fire. I know no other Society miss who would have viewed those illustrations with such intriguing curiosity as you.”
Touching Rue, having her this close to him, was driving Alex demented. He was ready to throw caution to the wind, and let his inner demons loose, bringing all of his instincts as a rake to the fore.
Rue, however, could not read his eyes or his face well enough to know what he meant by that last statement. Frowning, she stated, “I know that I’m nothing like your Ladies of the List who are all very proper ladies, who are fully capable of bringing their brand of perfection to a marriage.” She lifted both hands between them to push at his chest, trying to set herself at a distance from the stimulating heat of his body.
The heat of her hand sank through his shirt and Alex trembled inwardly, her innocent touch affecting him more than a score of nameless women ever could. Desperate to keep her within the circle of his arms, he gripped her tighter.
Her words told him much about how she viewed herself, and he wanted only to assure her that she was so much more than they could ever be. He also hadn’t expected her mind to go that route, and he felt a trifle hurt that she thought he would ever hold her in such disregard. She was his Rue, after all, and he was entirely convinced that only she could be his perfect match. Now, it was only a matter of persuading Rue that he wanted to marry her, and only her.
12
Still trapped in his arms, Rue backed a few steps while trying to extricate herself from his arms, but Alex only mirrored her movements, stepping into her. He backed her one more step until Rue felt the unyielding wall behind her and the hard, unyiel
ding body of Alex before her.
“Alex,” she uttered his name, making his name sound more like a plea than the warning she intended it to be.
He lowered his head, but instead of the kiss she was expecting, he whispered, “None of those women hold a candle to you, and I couldn’t care less about you being a proper Society miss. I want only you, Rue.” Then, his lips met the shell of her ear, sliding further down to caress the sensitive spot on the side of her neck.
Fighting to suppress a shiver in response, Rue sucked in a breath in indignation and resumed her squirming. “No, you don’t! You only want to use me for your own pleasure, and never mind that this is wrong!”
That outburst brought his head up. Grasping her even tighter, Alex hissed, incensed, “Wrong? It has never been wrong between us! Since I first had you, you are the only one I can truly recall out of the countless women I have had.” Lowering his voice to a more seductive tone, he continued, “You, my dear Rue, are simply sweet and intoxicating. Not to mention, deliciously tight. Never have I found as memorable an experience as the one you had given me.”