watching january

by Kamilla Murphy

  I’d taken my shot and now waited for the denials. I didn’t get any. All I got was silence, though she didn’t pull her hand away.

  We sat there for what seemed like an eternity before she finally met my eyes and said, “I know I’m pretty fucked up, wanting my dad like I always have. This must be how a drug addict feels… needing a fix. That’s why it hurts so much to see him and Jan together. It’s like it should be me and not her.” She sighed and glanced down at my crotch just as we heard more orgasmic sounds emanating from bedrooms. She laughed a bit and said, “You went down but I saw it twitch when you heard them. You are weird, Roger. I’m not naïve, so I know some men get off being cuckolded by their wives, but that doesn’t fit you. I don’t know what does, but it’s not that.”

  I squeezed her hand, somewhat surprised she let me hold onto it so long. “I’ve tried to explain it to you before. It’s not easy to explain though. I looked at a situation—my marriage—like I look at business. I was going to lose Jan. We really are good together but I wasn’t giving her something she needed and so it was close to being over. Your father sparked a fire within her, and I sensed how your mom and dad’s marriage stood. So I made the deal. The one wild card I didn’t see in play was you.”

  “You thought of my mom? Is that why you went to Vibe, to get Mom going with her lady friends like Carolyn so she wouldn’t be left out?”

  “You make it sound more like an effort at distraction. Although basically you got it right. Remember I didn’t have anywhere else to go, did I? Besides, I do have my own curiosities about lesbian women.”

  She chuckled once more, “And maybe curious about t-girls too. See, you’re thinking about last night and you’re getting hard again!”

  “You don’t think it might be because I’m looking at those glorious nipples of yours poking at your t-shirt?”

  “Don’t do that Roger. Don’t try to seduce me like some sort of diversion. I mean, I like you and all but not now.”

  “Okay. No seduction. Though I mean it when I say how attractive you are to me, and how much I’d like to make love with you again.”

  “You horn-dog you!” she said as she finally slipped her hand from mine. “I never know whether or not you’re bullshitting me.”

  “He never bullshits,” I said as I pointed to my bulge.

  She was about to say something but the mood was broken when Jan and Griffin walked down the stairs and headed toward us

  Chapter 19

  Jan

  I couldn’t wait to fuck Griffin. You’d think I got enough of it out of my system last night, yet here I was in the pool with Griffin and all I wanted to do was fuck him. While we played around in the pool in what my husband would inevitably think of as foreplay, I reminisced about the first time we met and several meetings thereafter. My attraction to the older man was there from the start. Somehow I sensed his attraction to me too, something beyond a typical male response. Maybe there was something to the whole pheromones thing.

  A hand inside my bikini bottoms brought me back to the here and now. Griffin followed up his hand with some whispered sweet nothings in my ear followed by a nibble at my neck. He knew he had me after that.

  Not for the first time did I ponder how my husband pushed us to this point. I didn’t question his motivation any longer. I was simply in awe with his perception. Roger somehow knew that whatever sexual chemistry we had between us was mostly gone—that was if we had any in the first place. It was strange how setting me up with Griffin had miraculously enhanced my relationship with Roger. Everything seemed ironic to me, but if Roger did indeed plan it like this then he’s a genius. He made me love him more as I went crazy in the arms of another man.

  I didn’t worry anymore. I just went along for the ride. And with Griffin stroking my clit while he nibbled on an earlobe, what a wonderful ride it was turning out to be. I’d let Griffin worry about the future. I wouldn’t.

  “Let’s go to the bedroom,” I said before his clitoral ministrations could send me over the top. I wanted more than a fingertip.

  I didn’t make eye contact with anyone as Griffin led me into the house and upstairs. Perhaps because of Griffin’s boy-like euphoria whenever we were together, every time we made love it felt like I was losing my virginity over and over again. Hand in hand we went to their guest bedroom before our wet bathing suits came off and I pushed him onto the bed. He was semi-erect by the time I began sucking him, and he swelled the rest of the way to steely hardness as I continued.

  “Oh, God, Jan, you’re goooood!” he crooned as I took him deep into my mouth, using my tongue to augment what my lips were doing.

  I stopped long enough to say, “Nadine never had the practice, I guess.”

  It wasn’t the smartest thing for me to say. I saw a flash of something dark on his face, like maybe what I said caused him to regret what we were doing. The only thing for me do was open my mouth again but not for talk. I kept up eye contact throughout the blow-job since I knew he loved that. Before I sensed he was back in rhythm and would cum soon I stopped and straddled him. I wasn’t sure I’d be wet enough but it turned out I was, sliding down onto his firm cock with ease. I undulated back and forth as well as up and down in a spiral that I knew would get me off quickly. His hands moved from my hips to my breasts, tweaking my nipples in the process. I was approaching orgasms so I went faster. The faster pace sent him over the edge first.

  “Ohhhhhhhhhhh Jannnnnnnnnnnn” he bellowed as I felt the first and second of his multiple ejaculations deep inside me.

  “Ohhhhhhhhhh Grifffffffffffffff,” I echoed in a way that in any other circumstance would have been funny.

  We lay in silence for a while, as lovers should.

  When we eventually heard Nadine and Carolyn squealing from their orgasms in the master bedroom, Griffin came out of his reverie.

  “Jan, being with you like this is like starting my life over again. I think that you’re my Eve, and Roger handed me the apple, though that’s not the best metaphor for us, since he took away the guilt. All I mean is that you’ve made me feel young again, but mostly you’ve made me feel whole again. For years I’ve been half a man sexually. Hear her over there. She loves me—I know she does—but she loves women more.”

  I felt I needed to apologize for my swipe at Nadine’s sexual preference. “I’m sorry for what I said about your wife… and practice.”

  “You were being honest. Nadine and I have always had this understanding that she needed female … ah … companionship every once in a while, and our sex life did exist though it’s been rather vanilla over the years. I never felt I was short-changed until I met you. That first time! I felt the electricity. That’s when I knew something was missing.”

  “I felt something too,” I said, however two thoughts occurred to me and I had to ask. “You never said anything to Roger about me, right?”

  “You mean about being attracted to you? Heavens no!”

  “Roger’s always been a perceptive man, but he must have smoked us out very early. The loveable dolt figured out it wasn’t just flirting. He somehow knew I wanted you, and no matter what he says, he knew all along that it was about more than sex.”

  Griffin’s expression changed. I saw something beyond lust, so he may have felt I had been on the fence about him, an ambivalence I admit I perpetuated, perhaps out of fear of the future. He was thinking of the future too. “Where do we go from here, Jan? Isn’t that the central question we all must answer?”

  “My husband may not have envisioned his plan as an open marriage, but that option may be the only one. Neither one of us wants a divorce. We still care about our spouses. I know I still love Roger, and you don’t want to hurt your daughter.”

  Mentioning Heather brought about another expression change. For a lawyer Griffin was a surprisingly easy read. His eyes just now confirmed what my ears heard last night. He loved his daughter more than what was healthy and acceptable. They most certainly had fucked on my sofa. How many times and for ho
w long? It had to stop, but saying something could kill what we were building and I couldn’t take that chance. After he agreed that we couldn’t do anything that would hurt Heather, I asked the other question I needed to ask.

  “Did Nadine ever draw you into a threesome with one of her bi girlfriends?”

  “Where did that come from?”

  “I’m still trying to envision an open marriage, where we were all free to be with whomever we pleased. That might mean a threesome of you, me and Nadine. Or maybe one with you, me and Roger. Well?”

  “I’ll answer your question. Yes, we did have some threesomes a few years ago, but it was clear to me each time that her friends weren’t into men and I’d get left out. Nobody wants to feel left out.”

  “If we do head toward some open arrangement then we have to understand someone may be left out, not to mention Heather being left out entirely.”

  There was that facial expression again. When he answered, “Heather won’t be left out,” I was afraid for the first time. She may have a ‘thing’ for her father, but if he had a ‘thing’ for his daughter then there would be no long-term relationship for us. That was my fear.

  I was playing with his cock while we talked. He responded like I knew he would. “One more time,” I cooed before spreading my legs for him. He knelt between them and teased the head of his cock between my labia and around my clit. I moaned, “Stop that,” and pulled him into me.

  As we began fucking he talked. “You make me feel young again … I want to be with you forever … You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever been with … This is like being in heaven … You’ve changed me …”

  Breathlessly I said, “Stop talking and fuck me harder!”

  We came together, and I was certain we’d been loud enough that anyone in the house heard us.

  Like in a tawdry made-for-TV movie we wrapped ourselves in bedsheets before walking downstairs. Passing the closed master bedroom door we heard Nadine and Carolyn talking. They too must be pondering the uncertain future.

  Heather was sitting with Roger on a sofa as we descended the stairwell in our impromptu togas, and when I saw her face I knew there’d be trouble.

  She belligerently said, “Why do you two have to flaunt it? Isn’t it enough that you can get away with fucking like horny teens whenever you want now?”

  Griffin said, “You’re an adult now, or so you claim. Start acting like one and stop this childish behavior. Yes, you are the one being childish, not us. We’re all old enough to make our own sexual decisions as long as no one gets hurt. You don’t see Roger getting upset, do you?”

  Heather quickly stood, and as she walked away in a huff she said, “We made love, Dad! Did that mean ANYTHING to you?”

  There it was. The biggest cat of all was out of the proverbial bag.

  Griffin and I sat down on the love seat. Griffin said, “I’m sorry for that. Sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment that shouldn’t be said.”

  Roger responded, “It’s not what shouldn’t be said. It’s what shouldn’t be done, or when done hidden away.”

  Griffin said, “What do you mean?” though he knew exactly what my husband meant.

  “Look, Griff, we know you slept with Heather. We know how she feels about you. I’ll speak for Jan and say that we don’t necessary condemn it, but that something like that needs to be faced head-on.” Griffin hung his head as Roger continued, “You just saw her pain. She’s hurting right now, and it’s not my place to console her. That’s your job.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’ll go get dressed and then talk to her.” He looked longingly at me before saying, “Please don’t leave.”

  As Griffin walked off, I went over and sat next to Roger. “You care about that girl, don’t you?” I stated as I took his hand in mine.

  Roger thought about it before saying, “She’s actually a pretty level-headed young lady even with all the baggage she has to lug around.”

  “You mean her unhealthy desire for her dad?”

  “I wouldn’t call it unhealthy, like it’s a sickness or something. But yes, it is detrimental to her future to keep that taboo fire stoked.”

  I laid my head against him and said, “I thought for a while that you and she would make a great couple, but maybe that was my wishful thinking around being free to be with Griff.”

  Roger chuckled and said, “You’re already ‘free’ to be with Griff as far as I’m concerned, and you know by now your happiness is still my number one desire.” I lifted my eyes to meet his as he added, “I never would’ve thought the toga look would make you look even more beautiful than you are.”

  After having spent several hours last night and today blissfully in bed with another man, I wanted nothing more now than to kiss my husband. The passion both of us declared gone was back with a vengeance. How silly of me to cry.

  When Roger discovered my tears he pulled away and asked me what was wrong. Between sobs I told him that I loved him and that I was conflicted in loving two men. I told him that I didn’t know how I could handle being shared, and that I was concerned about how Nadine and especially Heather would ever accept me as part of their lives.

  He said, “I’m concerned about Nadine and Heather too, but one thing I’m not concerned with is you handling both of us. I think you can do that.”

  “You’re unbelievable,” I said to him when I realized he was hard again.

  He knew what I meant. “I told you I liked the toga look.”

  We kissed, and soon the sheet was off of me and his shorts were on the floor. I begged him to take me hard, and of course the most perceptive man I knew did exactly as I wanted. He took me from behind, riding low to make sure he was roughly grazing my clit on every thrust. His hands firmly held my hips, but nothing could hold back my screaming as wave after wave of orgasmic delight washed over me.

  Afterwards we lay together with barely enough room on the Langmans’ sofa. There wasn’t anything to say so we remained quiet in post-orgasmic languor until Nadine and Carolyn came downstairs.

  Chapter 20

  Roger

  I’m not beyond admiring these two older women as they descend the stairs, holding hands in naked nonchalance. Carolyn has an angular yet refined elegance that’s hard to describe, and I realize what a nice counterpoint she is to Nadine’s voluptuousness. It was obvious that Nadine was surprised to see Jan with me and not her husband.

  Before they could speak I said, “You two have the glow about you.”

  Carolyn laughed as she approached. “Roger, you definitely are a man who appreciates ‘glow’ in any woman you see,” she said while pointing at my crotch. Sure enough, my buddy had leapt up again at the sight of them. Jan looked and then laughed along with her.

  Nadine was more concerned about where her family was at the moment, seeing Griffin wasn’t with us. “Do you know where he went?” she asked us. “And what about Heather?”

  Jan answered, “Griffin said he was going to speak with Heather. Honestly, Roger and I weren’t paying much attention after that.”

  Carolyn said, “I bet you weren’t.” She was staring at Jan, and I knew what she was thinking. After all, I knew how beautiful she was especially after an orgasm. The glow, and a woman who loved women surely was attracted to it like a moth to a light bulb.

  Whether it was from jealousy or she was turned on too, Nadine held out her hand to Jan and invited her to go for a swim. As the three nude women padded toward the back patio and the pool, Nadine said to me “Why don’t you see if Heather is okay.” The way she said it indicated to me that she knew something was wrong. Once more I wondered how much of the incestuous father-daughter relationship she knew about.

  I admit I was conflicted about where I wanted to go. On one hand I wanted to follow the ladies outside and watch what assuredly would be a hot threesome, with my wife the meat in the female sandwich. On the other hand I wanted to see Heather and make sure she was okay. Not letting my cock decide for me I put my shorts back on and
started to climb the Langmans’ stairs. I walked to Heather’s bedroom thinking she was there but the room was empty. That’s when I heard them. At first I thought what I heard was post-orgasmic pillow talk and that idea saddened me, yet by the time I glanced through the open doorway into the guest bedroom I realized their conversation was while clothed.

  You don’t have to lurk out there like some sort of a Peeping Tom,” said Heather. “We’re not doing anything.”

  I stepped into the room and said, “My intention wasn’t to spy. I wanted to make sure that you—both of you—were okay.”

  Griffin chuckled a bit before saying, “Anyone else and I wouldn’t believe them, but you Roger I do believe care about our psyches in some strange way only you comprehend. The answer is yes, we are okay, and I’m glad you forced me… us… to face facts about what we were doing.”

  Heather spoke up, “You made me realize that no matter how I feel about my dad I can’t let the desire rule my life.”

  I said, “Look, I just didn’t want to see a good family torn apart.”

  Heather replied, “You don’t think that fixing up Dad with your wife could tear us apart? I mean, it’s almost doing that.”

  “From my perspective I disagree. I don’t want to tear anything apart. What I want is to grow your family by making Jan and me, and possibly Carolyn too part of the family.”

  “You mean like one of those open marriage things?” Griffin said.

  “I guess that’s it, or at least the best way to explain it. Jan and I have already had that conversation.” I saw a doubtful look on Griffin’s face, so I continued, “Don’t you already have one of those, Griff? Isn’t that what the Vibe Club scene is all about, your wife and Carolyn for example?”

  “That’s different.”

  “You may be able to convince yourself it’s different but I rather doubt it is. Right now Nadine, Carolyn and Jan are out by the pool, and we certainly know what they’re doing. I mean, you and Nadine have already had a threesome with my wife in our hot tub. Things can’t be more open than that.”