Hearts of England

by Anthology

  Jude rested his elbow on the edge of the coffee table and slowly clicked through the seven images he'd worked on so far. "What do you think?" He watched Brody closely as he waited for an answer.

  Brody cleared his throat. "I think they're beautiful."

  Jude was pleased Brody liked them. He'd spent his time cleaning up the images. The effects he'd used depended on the shot and the focus he wanted. He had lightened, brightened, muted, and darkened colours. He had softened and sharpened edges, removed sunspots, and to some shots increased the soft glow and haze of natural light. He stopped at another of his favourites, a black and white image; the only colour remaining was the piercing, leafy green of Brody's eyes.

  "So, what do you think?" Brody suddenly asked. "What do you see?"

  Considering his answer, Jude idly played with the hair behind his ear. Honestly, he said, "I see someone torn. On the surface he looks peaceful, happy, and content. He's looking for something. Perhaps he's even fooled himself into believing he's already found it. But beneath all that, especially in his eyes, there's a different story. One of loneliness, confusion, hurt, and betrayal."

  "You get all that from a photograph?"

  Jude shook his head. He didn't need to study the photograph. He had the real Brody sitting next to him. "I can learn a lot from a picture, but nothing beats the real thing." He clicked back through the images to one of Brody looking across the river at the theatre. Turning, he met Brody's eyes. "Do you think you'll find what you need here in bricks and mortar?"

  Brody didn't say anything and simply stared at the orange brick building in the photograph.

  "William Shakespeare lived, what? Five hundred years ago?"

  "More like four and a bit," Brody said and chuckled as he looked down at his wine.

  "The theories that he was gay—is that part of the reason you came here? Do you think you'll find the answers you need in the lines of his sonnets? Or do you think his comedic tales of mistaken identity are something you can relate to?" He grinned when Brody looked at him. The guy looked slightly surprised. "What?"

  Brody shrugged. "I never imagined you were a Shakespeare fan."

  Jude grinned. "I haven't lived in Stratford all my life without learning a few things about the great playwright." He glanced back at the image on the screen. "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." He had come across the quote five years ago and was one of the reasons he had decided to come out to his family. The sentiment of the line had stuck. He wasn't afraid to follow his heart. Slowly, Jude moved onto his knees and leaned toward Brody. "You shouldn't doubt who you are."

  "Who I am?" Brody met Jude's eyes.

  Tentatively, Jude raised his hand to Brody's face. His confidence growing, he opened his hand and gently pressed his palm to Brody's jaw. Jude leaned forward and kissed Brody.

  The kiss was barely anything to begin with as Jude slowly teased and tested Brody's acceptance of his mouth. Gradually, he applied more pressure and dared to part his lips. He sighed happily as he wrapped his hand around the back of Brody's neck and curled his fingers in the back of his short hair. Brody's mouth was more accommodating than he had hoped and Brody began to kiss him back.

  Jude's mouth curled into a contented smile as Brody rested his hand on the small of his back. Gently, he licked and nipped at Brody's lower lip, savouring the taste of the kiss. The powerful flavour of garlic and chilli was evident beneath the bitterness of the dry, white wine.

  In the moment, Jude slowly ran his hand downward, feeling out Brody's firm chest under the fabric of his shirt. He lingered at Brody's nipple and circled it with his finger, teasing it to a hard nub before continuing down and coming to rest over the front of Brody's jeans. Already, Brody's erection tantalised him from beneath the material and in return, Jude stroked his finger up and down the length of Brody's zipper.

  "Jude," Brody half-panted into the kiss. "I—"

  Jude quickly shut him up with an open-mouthed kiss. Doubts would betray Brody if given a chance. He worked on opening Brody's fly and breathed in deeply as he slid his hand into the warmth of his jeans. Through the material of Brody's underwear, Jude cupped Brody's cock and eased his fingers around his balls.

  The motion elicited a soft groan from Brody, and Jude wanted nothing more than to investigate what other sounds he could tease from between Brody's full lips. Continuing his exploration, Jude delicately moved his fingers to the waistband of Brody's underwear and slipped inside. He let out a contented noise as he felt Brody's silky length.

  Brody's cock was thick and heavy in his hand, and a hundred and one dirty thoughts flitted through Jude's mind. He knew, however, he had to go slow. Carefully, he wrapped his hand around Brody's erection and set a steady rhythm as he stroked its length.

  "God," Brody uttered as he arched upward and hungrily caught Jude's mouth in a sloppy kiss.

  Distracting Brody with kisses, Jude jerked his hand more roughly in the confined space of Brody's underwear. Though Jude wasn't sure it was possible, Brody's cock grew harder as he endeavoured to make the man come. As it was, Jude didn't have to wait long; Brody quickly lost it among a heady rush of firm tugs and messy kisses. With a primal growl, his hand tightened in the back of Jude's T-shirt and he came in heated threads across Jude's hand.

  "Okay?" Jude whispered as he pushed the ball of his thumb against Brody's balls. Brody flinched and grunted, and Jude quickly kissed away the torment. Curling his hand in a fist, he pulled his slick, coated hand from Brody's boxers. He leaned back and got to his feet. Looking down at Brody, he smiled. Heated, red patches marked Brody's cheeks and neck, and he stared back at Jude with glassy, wide eyes. "I'll be right back," Jude said and made his way across the room and up the narrow staircase.

  Catching his breath, Jude pushed open the door of the small bathroom and stood in front of the sink. He gently touched his plump lips, and looked at himself in the small, rectangular mirror. The feel of Brody's mouth lingered on his. Turning on the tap, he ran his hands under the cool water, twisting them over each other as he rinsed away the stickiness. Finishing, he turned off the water, dried his hands, and opened the door. He was surprised to find Brody standing outside.

  "Christ," Jude said and breathed in deeply. "You scared me." He pressed his hand to his chest and met Brody's eyes. There was something different about the way Brody looked him. "Are you okay?" He quirked an eyebrow as he realised what it was, or rather what was missing from Brody's eyes.

  Whatever had haunted Brody's wasn't there anymore. Instead, uncertainty and hurt were replaced with something else. To Jude it looked like hope.

  Brody took Jude's hand in his and leaned forward. "I'm fine."

  Jude closed his eyes, elated as Brody kissed him. He breathed in deeply through his nose and parted his lips to allow entrance to Brody's tongue. The sharp taste of wine was fresh on Brody's breath and Jude found it, and Brody's sudden dominance, enthralling. He curled his hand tightly in the material of Brody's shirt and pulled him close. Brody was more than a semblance of a tall, strong, confident, older man. Brody seemed to know exactly what he wanted, and as he pulled Jude into a warm embrace, Jude found himself melting.

  "Come to bed with me," Brody said and started to guide Jude toward the door on the opposite side of the small landing.

  Jude stopped and shook his head. Brody shouldn't rush into things he obviously wasn't ready for, despite the sudden boost in confidence. Holding Brody's hand, he suggested, "Brody, maybe you should wait—"

  "I didn't mean…" Brody kissed Jude again. "I just want to get to know you." He gave Jude a string of light kisses as he began to pull him forward. "Nothing else."

  Jude gazed into Brody's eyes and a smile spread across his face. He got the impression Brody knew what he was doing. "Okay," he said and stepped forward. Getting to know each other sounded like it might be fun.

  Chapter 4

  Brody wasn't sure what he had expected when he woke the next morning. Shou
ld he break into song? Should there be a parade with maybe a float and fireworks? Smiling, he hugged his pillow. The one thing he did know was he felt different—content, happy, peaceful even.

  With a satisfied sigh, he rolled over and looked at Jude sleeping beside him. He had never thought it would feel this good to invite someone—a man—to share his bed. Finally, he felt like he had some control over his life.

  Lying on his side, he watched Jude sleep. The guy was even more amazing than he remembered. The morning light was incredibly flattering to Jude and Brody cast his eyes over the dips and shadows of Jude's sweetly innocent features—narrow but plump lips, the cute upturn of his nose, long lashes, and freckled cheeks. The urge to reach out and brush back Jude's coppery-coloured bangs was overwhelming. He didn't want to wake Jude, but he wanted to see more of him.

  Gently, Brody ran his fingers over Jude's hair and pulled the bangs back from his forehead. His gaze settled on a beauty mark at Jude's hairline. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to the deep brown mark.

  Pulling back, Brody met Jude's sleepy eyes. In the daylight they seemed a shade darker, a deep blue sparking out across a grey background. "Sorry," he said and rested his head on his own pillow. "I didn't mean to wake you."

  Jude rolled onto his back, stretching his arms up above his head. "S'okay," he said and gave a yawn. "What time is it?"

  "Just after ten."

  Jude breathed in deeply as he moved onto his side to face Brody. "It is Saturday, right?"

  Brody reached out to stroke Jude's jaw gently. "It is," he assured him.

  Jude closed his eyes as Brody traced a line downward across his neck and shoulder, and pressed his hand to Jude's chest. Jude's heartbeat was strong beneath Brody's palm.

  "Good, because I cannot be arsed to move," Jude uttered and opened his eyes. He flashed Brody a playful look and shuffled forward, just enough to be able to reach Brody's mouth with his. They kissed and Jude rested his arm across Brody's waist before snuggling back into his pillow. He wasn't getting up anytime soon.

  Though it felt strange to have someone in his bed, Brody quickly realised this was one of the things he'd been missing. "I came out five months ago." He let out a steady breath. The confession was like a weight lifted from his chest. He glanced at Jude, who simply smiled, waiting for Brody to continue.

  "Things were already strained at home, especially with my brother. I've wanted to be a writer since I remember, but Doug always thought I should be like him and work for our father." Brody looked at Jude and let his eyes settle on Jude's slightly parted lips. He remembered what it was like to kiss them, all warm and inviting. "I've never acted on it. Being gay. For a long time I tried to ignore it. I just wanted to be like everybody else."

  "What changed?" Jude asked in a low voice and comfortingly curled his fingers in the bed sheet over Brody's waist.

  "I just couldn't keep lying to everyone. It was exhausting." Slowly, he reached out and pressed the palm of his hand to the side of Jude's face. He ran his thumb over Jude's mouth and gently drew down his lower lip. There was a low ache in his chest. Jude made him feel different.

  He felt like a whole person for the first time in a long time. "To thine own self be true," he quoted and leaned forward. Tenderly, he kissed Jude, taking his time to lick and suck each full lip.

  "This above all," Jude added as they parted.

  Brody laughed. "You know that one, too?"

  Jude reached out and gently drew his finger in a circle over Brody's chest. "What will you do?"

  "About?"

  "Your brother? Your writing? Yourself?"

  Brody caught Jude's wrist. He slowly let his gaze drift downward over the man in his bed. Jude wasn't like the men he'd ogled in magazines and at the gym. His skin was pale and looked untouched by the sun. He wasn't particularly muscular or defined. Brody tightened his hold on Jude's slim wrist and admired the freckles that littered his forearm. Jude was really kind of beautiful.

  "Brody?"

  "Thou canst not then be false to any man," he said. "I'm going to call him. I guess it's time to be honest." He looked at Jude who shared an encouraging smile. "I want to enjoy my time with you," he said truthfully. If nothing else, Jude was one good thing to have come out of him running away from his problems.

  "You'll feel better once you've talked to him. If you really want to enjoy yourself, then you can't have him hanging over you." Comfortingly, Jude snuggled closer and rested his head on Brody's pillow. "You're a beautiful, strong man, but in those pictures, and even now, it's there. You doubt yourself." He drew his lower lip between his teeth as he gently ran his free hand down Brody's chest and delicately curled his fingers below the waistband of Brody's boxers and in the top of Brody's pubic hair.

  Brody caught his breath and arousal surged to the head of his dick. "Jude—"

  Jude shut him up with a kiss. "We can have as much fun as you want," he said and quirked an eyebrow suggestively. "But you're right. You need to deal with what's going on."

  "He's thousands of miles away and yet somehow I still feel… I don't know, bad?"

  "It was the same for me. Before coming out, I felt guilty for liking boys, for checking out my mates in the changing rooms." He grinned. "For secretly wanking over a picture of Freddie Ljungberg."

  "Freddie who?"

  "A Swedish footballer. He did these Calvin Klein underwear ads." Jude stopped and quickly steered the conversation away from the soccer player and his underwear. "But that's not important. All I'm saying is I know what it's like to feel bad about myself."

  Brody pulled Jude's hand to his chest. He wasn't sure he ever wanted to let go. "But I came out already. It didn't make it okay."

  Shaking his head, Jude looked firmly at Brody. "Because you still haven't come out to the one person you need to. Not really." Jude gently eased his hand from Brody's and reached up to touch Brody's face. "You."

  This was getting a little too deep and serious for a Saturday morning. Brody snorted a laugh. "Me? I'm pretty sure I've told me I'm gay." He grinned as he rotated his hips, catching his erection on Jude's hand. "Me seems to think so, too."

  Jude teasingly moved his hand lower, and brushed it along the length of Brody's dick. "Then Me should go ring his brother before he chickens out," he said and pulled his hand out of Brody's underwear. "Go on."

  Brody rolled his eyes. Jude was cute but obviously clueless. "Do you know what time it is in Connecticut?" He laughed. "If I'm going to piss my brother off, I think I'll wait until he's had a good night's sleep."

  "Oh, right, I forgot about that. How far behind are you guys?"

  "Five hours, or something like that." He grinned and draped his arm over Jude's waist, pulling him close. "I'll call this afternoon." Though Brody was apprehensive, the thought of calling Douglas was actually kind of liberating. "Which means we can spend the rest of the morning together." He leaned forward and kissed Jude.

  He never thought being with another man would ever feel right, and yet, here with Jude it did. Slowly, he slid his hand beneath the bed sheets and gently ran his hand over Jude's heated skin. He distracted Jude with kisses as he moved his hands lower. Caressing Jude's skin in large circles, he worked his way downward only stopping to slip his hand inside the back of Jude's underwear.

  Jude sighed happily as Brody squeezed his ass cheek and tentatively ran his hand to the front of Jude's crotch. "You don't have to," Jude uttered against Brody's mouth.

  "I want to," Brody said. He was happy to return the favour from last night. And hell, if he was ever going to start being himself, a gay man, he needed to start acting like one. There was no pressure with Jude, but there was the opportunity to explore a little.

  Hesitantly, he wrapped his hand around Jude's dick. His erection was so damn hard. He met Jude's eyes as he started to move his hand. He smiled, watching as Jude bit down on his lower lip and stared back at him through his lashes. Leaning forward, he caught Jude's mouth in an open kiss. He sucked on Jude's lip, pulling o
n it firmly and eliciting a low groan from Jude. Slowly, he raised his thumb and swiped it across the head of Jude's dick. His own dick grew hard as Jude gasped against the kiss. Those sounds were because of him.

  Steadily, Brody continued his rhythmic motion and locked his eyes with Jude's. There was something behind them he couldn't quite decipher. What was Jude thinking? He leaned close as Jude tensed, and rolled onto his back so he could part his legs. Quickly, Jude pushed at his boxers, freeing himself from the restricting material just in time.

  "Fuck," Jude groaned and turned his head, catching Brody's mouth in a sloppy kiss. He shuddered as he came across his stomach. Catching his breath, he pulled back, and flinched when Brody pushed his hand lower, catching Jude's sensitive balls. "Stop," he said with a laugh and pushed Brody's hand away. He leaned forward for a brief kiss and met Brody's eyes. Tenderly, he reached up to stroke the back of his hand over Brody's jaw.

  There it was again, that look. What did Jude see when he looked at him? Brody could feel heat rush to his cheeks as he averted his gaze. "What? What is it?" Brody asked and pressed his lips to Jude's shoulder.

  "Nothing," Jude said and ducked his head to find Brody's eyes again. He gave a warm smile as he found them. "Absolutely nothing."

  * * * *

  "Doug?" Brody said as his brother finally answered. He had tried to call a couple of times, but it had been busy. "How are you?"

  There was a pause, but Doug eventually answered, "I'm fine."

  "And everyone else?"

  Doug sighed. "We're all fine. Did you need something? Money?"

  Brody closed his eyes. He would not get into an argument over money again. He didn't understand what Doug's problem was. Neither of them had ever wanted for anything in their lives. Their parents had seen to that. "I just wanted to talk."

  "What about?" Doug's tone was not encouraging. He sounded tired.