Lily's List

by N. J. Walters

  She seemed taken aback by his compliment. Her cheeks flushed as she hurried into the room and shuffled her papers together, once again covering the book. He noted that this time the papers were turned facedown. “No one does.” She shot him a glare. “Not even Ethan.”

  He held up his hands in mock surrender. “Your secret is safe with me.” He paused as he watched pleasure at the compliment he’d given her war with the embarrassment she obviously felt. “Although, I think you should tell Ethan. It’s not like he’s a kid anymore.” He’d gotten to know Lily’s son very well the past few years and thought a lot of him. Mother and son were very close and he wouldn’t want to see that change for any reason.

  “I know he’s not.” She crossed her arms defensively as she scowled at him. “I plan to tell him when he comes home for Christmas.” Lily nibbled on her lower lip and Carson wanted to groan when his jeans suddenly became much too tight for comfort. He hoped she didn’t look down below his waist because there was no way to hide his growing erection.

  “That’s good.” He cleared his throat, wondering exactly how to approach the touchy subject of the list. A plan had popped into his mind the moment he’d read the words on the seemingly harmless sheet of paper. It was outrageous and she might very well boot his ass to the door. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, and he’d wanted this woman for a long, long time. “I was wondering . . .”

  She uncrossed her arms and gripped the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Even wearing a plain pair of khaki pants and a beige T-shirt, she made him hotter than hell. “What?”

  “I saw your notes.” Now she looked horrified instead of embarrassed. He rushed on before she could order him to get out. “I want to help you with your research. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but I’m more than willing to do anything that’s on your list.” And a lot more things that weren’t, but he kept that little tidbit to himself for the moment.

  Her face lost all color and then flushed even redder than before. She swayed and he was afraid she might faint, but she was made of sterner stuff than that and steadied herself immediately. “I don’t need any help.”

  “We all need help.” He softened his voice and took a step closer to her. Her eyes widened, but she didn’t shy away, so he took two more. When he was standing right next to her, he stared down into her expressive eyes. She was only about four inches shorter than him and would fit him perfectly in bed and out.

  Reaching out, he traced the line of her jaw with his finger, noting the slight shiver that shook her and the goose bumps that appeared on her arms. She wasn’t as unaffected as she wanted to pretend. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Lily.” She shivered again when he said her name. “It will be our secret.”

  She opened her mouth, but he placed a finger over her lips before she could say no. “Think about it. I could caress your body with a rose. You wouldn’t have to be naked. You could wear shorts and a halter top.” He wanted her naked, but he also wanted her to feel safe with him. When they made love—and he was more determined than ever that they would—he wanted her to want him as much as he did her.

  “You could do whatever you wanted with me,” he continued. He could see the outline of her nipples against the fabric of her top and wanted to howl with pleasure. His entire body tensed and his cock continued to throb. “You could practice a striptease, but you wouldn’t have to take it all off. Maybe just down to your underwear.” Imagining Lily clad in nothing but her bra and panties threatened his composure. His breathing got heavier and uneven, his voice rougher. “Anything you want, Lily. Anything at all.”

  Her eyes were wide, her rosy lips parted. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly. Her tongue came out to lick at her lower lip and he barely stifled a groan. He wanted to taste her mouth so damn badly. “I could call you later tonight if you wanted to try out phone sex.” The top almost came off his head as he imagined what that would be like. “What do you say?”

  Chapter Two

  What did she say? Lily didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t manage a coherent sentence if her life depended on it. She wasn’t totally convinced that she hadn’t fallen asleep at her keyboard and was now having the most amazing dream. Carson Granger, the man she’d lusted over and fantasized about for the past several years, was standing in her kitchen offering himself up for research.

  This had to be a dream. Either that or she was losing her mind.

  “Lily?”

  She shook her head, trying to clear the sensual fog from her brain, and licked her lips, which were suddenly dry. His pale blue eyes followed the track of her tongue, their color deepening. For the first time since he arrived, she forgot about her self-consciousness and really looked at Carson.

  He was wearing his usual uniform of work boots, well-worn jeans and T-shirt, yet it didn’t detract from his commanding presence. If anything, it enhanced it. His shoulders were broad, stretching the seams of his snowy white shirt. The fabric clung to his chest like a second skin, leaving very little to her imagination.

  She knew he had an impressive set of abs and a small amount of chest hair that was slightly darker than the hair on his head. She’d seen him with his shirt off more than once when she’d gone to pick up Ethan from work before he’d bought a car of his own. The first time she’d seen Carson naked from the waist up, the sight had fired her sexual fantasies for months.

  And how pathetic was that? She was a cliché—an older divorced woman lusting after a young stud. “I’m sorry, Carson. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” It was a lot harder than she’d anticipated to push the words past her lips. A part of her really wanted to take him up on his outrageous plan.

  “I think it’s an excellent idea.” He leaned closer. His presence seemed to suck all the available air from around her. She swallowed as his mouth touched hers. It was barely a touch, more of a grazing.

  Lily felt it all the way to her toes. Her entire body began to hum. She wished she knew what was going on behind those pale blue eyes. Tension vibrated from him, and she sensed his determination.

  She opened her mouth to reiterate her position but never got the opportunity to speak. Carson swooped down and captured her lips. His lips were firm and warm against hers. He didn’t force anything, just moved his mouth over hers. In spite of her resolve, she found herself leaning into his kiss.

  She wanted to know what he tasted like.

  She snaked her tongue out and traced the contours of his mouth. He groaned and parted his lips. She took advantage of the invitation and slipped her tongue inside. He tasted like coffee and mint and hot male. It was scary and intoxicating at the same time. She didn’t think she’d have the nerve to continue, except Carson seemed to be as involved in the kiss as she was.

  They were standing so close together that his chest brushed hers with each breath he took. He was bigger and stronger than her, yet she didn’t feel the least bit threatened or overwhelmed. His hands were resting lightly on her shoulders, but he wasn’t holding her. She could step away at any time. She sensed that this was his way of letting her know she was in charge. Anything they did was up to her.

  There was power in that. And it made her head spin.

  She slowly slid her hands over his chest, lightly kneading the supple skin beneath his shirt. He was all taut muscle and sinewy strength beneath her palms. She stroked her fingers over the broad expanse before linking them behind his neck. The action brought her upper body tight to his. She swallowed back a moan as her taut, beaded nipples pressed against the solid planes of his chest.

  Carson broke their kiss and buried his face in the curve of her neck. His breath was hot against her skin. “Does this mean yes?” He raised his head and she found herself pinned by his laser blue gaze. She could see the heat simmering behind it. The passion.

  Her body responded to the sensual promise she saw there. An ache began to throb low in her belly. She felt empty and needy. Arching her hips slightly, she brought her pelvis into al
ignment with his. The hard bulge behind his jeans both fascinated and terrified her. It had been such a long time for her.

  Not that she was considering sleeping with Carson—not exactly.

  Then what exactly was she doing?

  Flustered, she broke away and took a step back, sucking much-needed air into her starving lungs. “I don’t know. I’m not sure.” And how stupid did that sound after being plastered all over the man? “I’m sorry.” She waved her hand between them. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean for things to get so out of control.”

  He stared at her for so long, she began to squirm. The man had a right to be angry with her. She was certainly sending out mixed signals. Problem was, she was even confusing herself.

  The corners of his mouth turned up in a satisfied grin and a twinkle entered his eyes. “I’ll take that as a good sign.” Reaching out, he hooked his fingers into her belt loops and tugged her closer. She was powerless to resist. The man was a bigger temptation than a box of her favorite dark chocolate and twice as addictive. “Why don’t you take some time to think about it? I’ll call you later tonight. If you’re not interested in phone sex, you can just hang up on me. No harm, no foul. Okay?”

  “That’s not fair to you,” she blurted out. God, could she really be considering this? Yes, she realized, not only could she be, but she most definitely was.

  “Why don’t you let me decide what’s fair to me and what’s not?”

  Lily shook her head. “I don’t understand.” Why would a much younger, sexier man even bother? A thought entered her head and she scowled. “Just because I write erotic romance doesn’t mean I’m easy.”

  “Believe me, Lily. There is nothing even remotely easy about you.”

  Her frown deepened. She couldn’t tell from his expression what exactly he meant by that. Deciding the best course of action for the moment was to simply ignore it, she continued. “Nor does it mean I’ll do anything kinky.”

  “A man can only hope,” he said under his breath, but she heard him anyway. It started butterflies quivering in her stomach. “Whatever we do is up to you. You’re in total control of the situation.”

  His offer was too good to be true and that made her suspicious. But she’d come to know Carson fairly well over the past few years and knew him to be both straightforward and trustworthy. Lily quite honestly didn’t know what to say or to do. Fortunately, Carson didn’t seem to expect a reply.

  “I’m going to go now.” He released his hold on her and took a step away. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

  She managed a jerky nod.

  He brushed a lock of hair off of her forehead, looking as if he wanted to say something more. She waited with bated breath, but instead of speaking, he spun on his heel and headed for the door. Her eyes were drawn to the long line of his muscled back and his tight ass, which looked incredible encased in faded denim.

  He opened the door and walked away without looking back. Lily was left standing in the middle of her kitchen, staring at the closed door.

  The sound of an engine coming to life galvanized her to action and she rushed to the window just in time to see Carson’s truck pulling away from the curb.

  “Oh, God.” She placed her fingers over her lips and swallowed a half sob, half laugh. At this point she didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. Her emotions were all over the place.

  Groping her way back to the table, she practically fell onto her chair. She’d kissed Carson Granger. Not only that, he’d kissed her back. Lily wasn’t quite sure how she felt about that.

  The kiss had been amazing. Incredible. Stupendous. And they’d barely gotten started. That man was lethal to her well-being. She touched her lips again, swearing she could still feel the warmth and pressure of his.

  He sure as heck knew how to kiss. It wouldn’t have taken a whole lot more for her to orgasm, and for a woman who hadn’t had one of those in the presence of a man for too many years to even think about, it was exhilarating.

  Then there was the whole research issue. What was she going to do about that?

  Her eyes strayed back to the list she’d made last night while curled up alone in bed—sex in a public place, phone sex, roses, whipped cream and striptease. Thank heavens she hadn’t put sex toys on the list! Although she doubted that Carson would have a problem with it if she had.

  Images of blindfolds and silk scarves flitted into her brain.

  Groaning, she dropped her head into her hands. What was she thinking? Scrubbing her hands over her heated cheeks, she slowly raised her head. She was a woman with a grown child, for heaven’s sake. This was nothing to be embarrassed about. She’d known Carson for years and was confident her secret was safe with him.

  That gave her pause. At no time had she even for one second thought he’d betray her secret career. That told her just how much she trusted him.

  What if . . . She shook her head in denial, but the thought wouldn’t leave her. What if she took him up on his offer? A little hot phone sex wouldn’t hurt anyone, and it would certainly allow her to write the scene realistically.

  The irony of the situation struck her. Her book was about a younger woman being educated in the ways of sexual enticement by an older man. In reality, it would be an older woman being educated by a younger man.

  Her sex clenched and she squeezed her thighs together to help alleviate the growing ache. She hadn’t wanted a man this much in . . . well, she really couldn’t remember wanting a man this much. Ever. There was something about Carson that had drawn her attention from the first time they’d met, but now that it had moved beyond the realm of fantasy and into reality, it was even more pronounced.

  Okay, maybe the phone sex would be okay. What was some sex talk between two consenting adults? It wouldn’t hurt anyone. Neither of them was in a relationship. She knew that Carson wasn’t seeing anyone because Ethan had mentioned that little detail just before he’d left for college two weeks ago, seeming surprised that his boss wasn’t dating. Lily ignored the fact that that little tidbit of information had made her feel good. It gave them something in common. They were both single.

  As for the other things on her list, they would take some thinking. Carson didn’t seem to have any problem with them. His suggestion that she could remain fully clothed during the rest of them was completely sensible.

  Why did it depress her so much?

  Did she really want to get naked with Carson? Her stomach jumped and her breasts ached. She cupped them with her hands, desperately trying to make the empty feeling within her go away. Her nipples were tight and her breasts heavy. Touching them seemed to make the problem worse, so she dropped her hands back onto her lap.

  She knew one thing for sure—if she didn’t engage in phone sex with Carson tonight, she was going to have to break out her vibrator or she’d never get any sleep. She was wound so tight right now it was a wonder she didn’t implode.

  Ignoring the dampness between her thighs, she squirmed on her seat, trying to get comfortable. It didn’t help. Putting it out of her mind the best she could, she raised the lid on her laptop and stared at the glowing screen. The only sensible thing to do right now was to channel all this pent-up sexual energy into her work.

  She thought about her vibrator, tucked away in the back of her nightstand drawer. It was a long time until tonight.

  She considered it for the briefest second, but immediately decided against it. Anticipation was part of the process, the buildup for tonight. And she wasn’t the only one who was aching right now. Carson had been sporting quite an erection when he’d left.

  With her fingers poised over the keyboard, it occurred to her that she’d never given Carson the address he’d wanted. The corners of her lips turned up in a smile. She’d have to talk to him when he called later, if only to give him Ethan’s address. Maybe they’d talk some more, and who knew where that could lead?

  Anticipation flooded her and she tamped it down, focusing instead on the screen in front of her. />
  • • •

  Carson clenched the steering wheel of his truck so tight he was amazed that the damned thing didn’t crack. His knuckles were white, his arms rigid. The hardest thing he’d ever done was walk out of Lily’s home, acting like tonight was no big deal.

  No big deal! He’d almost come in his jeans while standing in the middle of her kitchen. And that was from nothing more than a kiss. He hadn’t been with a woman in way too long and he’d wanted Lily for far longer.

  Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to relax. He rolled his shoulders and concentrated on the road in front of him. Yet the image of Lily with her face flushed with desire, her lips parted and her breasts plastered against his chest captivated his thoughts. When she’d tilted her hips to rub against his erection, he’d wanted to grab her and grind her mound against his cock.

  Carson swore under his breath and pulled into the parking lot of a local convenience store. The way he was feeling right now, he was a menace on the road. He put the truck in park and sat there with his hands on the wheel, remembering every word, every movement Lily had made. It was imprinted on his brain.

  He knew she’d talk to him this evening when he called her, knew it as sure as he was sitting here. She wouldn’t be able to resist. Not after what had occurred between them. He’d always known that if and when they came together it would be explosive. The kiss they’d shared had only solidified that belief. Lily was an amazingly passionate woman even if she didn’t seem to realize it.

  God, he wanted to be the man to tap into that reserve of passion. But first he had to get her trust. His plan was to seduce her slowly, letting her set the pace. He had a good imagination and had no problem picturing Lily naked and splayed across her bed waiting for her lover. Waiting for him.

  Her legs were long and shapely. He wondered if she shaved her pubic hair or if she had a nice tuft of dark brown hair. Would it be curly or straight?