Lily's List

by N. J. Walters

  She felt totally wrung out and slightly embarrassed now that all her senses were returning. Her cheeks felt warm and she knew if she looked in the mirror they’d be red. Was Carson still on the line? She had no idea how much time had passed. She licked her dry lips as she picked up the phone and held it close to her ear. “Carson?”

  “Yeah, I’m still here. That was . . . that was incredible.” He sighed deeply. “The only thing that could be better would be having you right here beside me.”

  Lily couldn’t suppress the thrill his words brought her or the flash of heat it sent spiraling through her. But she wasn’t sure what to say. Phone sex was crazy enough without adding real sex to the mix.

  “You don’t need to say anything.” His soft voice and words of understanding had tears welling in her eyes. “I know you’re probably not ready for us to have sex. But, Lily?” He paused and took a deep breath. “I’m going to do my best to make you ready.”

  There was no doubting the sincerity in his voice, and that made her extremely nervous. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready.” It was one thing to have phone sex. They weren’t in the same room together. Carson didn’t have to see her naked. She wouldn’t mind seeing him naked, though.

  “If you’re not, you’re not. I can accept that. In the meantime, you have other things on your list we can explore. I’ve got an idea or two of my own if you’re interested.”

  She shivered, but this time it wasn’t from cold. She’d just had an incredible orgasm and yet her body felt hot and prickly and needy. “We . . .” She cleared her throat and tried again. “We can talk. In a day or two.” Lily figured she’d need that much time to get over tonight so she didn’t break out in a blush when she finally saw him.

  “A day or two? Are you okay?” Concern was ripe in his voice. She wished she could see his face, but that might only make things even more awkward.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.” She didn’t feel like herself at all. Where was the staid, responsible woman she’d known all her adult life? It was as if Carson brought out a side of her that she’d ruthlessly suppressed for more than twenty years. That last time she’d allowed her wild side out she’d ended up pregnant and married.

  The difference now was that she was a woman, not a young girl. She could handle this. At least that’s what she told herself. She hoped she was right.

  If she remained in control, then nothing would go wrong. They could both have a few thrills, she’d get her research done and no one would be hurt. Her sensible side told her she was headed for trouble. But the part of her that had been suppressed for so long, the sexual, sensual woman, urged her to step outside her safe box and play.

  What could it hurt?

  Lily was afraid to answer that question.

  “Two days, Lily. Then I want to see you even if it’s just for a cup of coffee to talk.” She could hear the determination in his voice and knew she wouldn’t be able to hold him off for any longer than that.

  “Friday. I’ll call you on Friday.”

  “Do you have my number?”

  She tried to think, but with all the emotions rushing through her it was impossible. “Yes.” She had his business card tucked in her address book. “You obviously have mine.” She hadn’t even thought to ask him about that earlier.

  Carson chuckled. “You were listed as Ethan’s contact number.”

  Of course, he would know her number because of her son. Her mind really wasn’t working on all cylinders.

  “If you don’t call me, I’ll call you. Don’t worry so much, Lily. This is between us. The only rule is that you’re comfortable with whatever we do. Okay?”

  She couldn’t figure out why Carson was being so kind and giving, but she wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, not until she decided for sure what she wanted to do. “Friday,” she reiterated. “Thank you, Carson.”

  “My pleasure,” his deep voice rumbled.

  “Good night,” she sighed, not wanting to break the contact but knowing she had to.

  “Sweet dreams, Lily. Think of me.” She heard the click and then he was gone. Disconnecting, she tossed the phone on her nightstand and curled her legs up to her chest. Her body was still tingling everywhere and she groaned. She really needed to go and clean herself up, and she would, just as soon as her skin wasn’t quite so sensitive.

  She wanted to think about what she should do and what she should say on Friday, but her mind wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, images of Carson filled her brain, each one more erotic than the last.

  She still couldn’t process the fact she’d actually touched herself, made herself come while she’d been on the phone with him. And he’d done the same. She’d heard his guttural yell above her own cries of pleasure. She wondered what he looked like when he came. He’d be all hot and sweaty and mussed.

  Lily shivered and closed her eyes. Best not to think about that. She’d rest for a bit longer and then she’d get up. Hugging her arms tight around herself, she gave into the fatigue nipping at her and drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Four

  Late Friday afternoon, Lily stared at the phone for what seemed like the hundredth time. The bell over the shop door rang and she sighed with relief. She knew she had to call Carson, but she still hadn’t figured out what to say to him.

  True to his word, he’d stayed away yesterday, but she knew that today was his limit. If she didn’t call him, she expected to see him outside her door when she closed the store at six o’clock. She glanced at her watch. That gave her less than half an hour to figure out what to do.

  It wasn’t like her to be this indecisive. Running a small business and raising a child on her own, she’d had to be clear-thinking and deliberate. Carson, however, left her feeling shaken, emotionally and physically.

  She couldn’t even call her two best friends, Annabelle and Emma, to ask their opinions. What exactly would she say to them? I’ve had phone sex with Carson Granger and now I want to do even more things with him, and not just for research! Then she’d have to explain why she needed to research sex. They didn’t even know about her secret career. It wasn’t something she was comfortable talking about, but she had a feeling that was going to have to change in the near future. She couldn’t keep her son and her best friends in the dark forever.

  Just thinking about it was giving her a headache. Forcing a smile on her face, she greeted her customer, and fifteen minutes later the gentleman left with a bouquet of wildflowers for his wife.

  There was no one else around, so Lily did something that she had never done before—she closed early. She defiantly turned the sign over on the door and then locked it. The metal clunk sounded overly loud. It was harder than she’d thought it would be to head back to her cash register, tally the day’s sales and start to fill out her deposit slip for the bank. She felt guilty for shutting her doors early, even if it was only by a few minutes.

  A sharp rap on the door made her jump, causing her to drag her pen across the deposit book. She swore under her breath. Now she’d have to fill out another slip. Sighing, she raised her head, resigned to dealing with an impatient customer.

  Instead, pale blue eyes filled with concern met hers. Carson. Her eyes flew to the clock on the wall and back to him. It was ten minutes to six. Knowing she couldn’t put off the inevitable, she strode to the door. Ignoring her sweaty palms, she turned the lock and let him in.

  “I need to finish closing.”

  Carson stared at her as if he were trying to see inside her. She could have told him it wouldn’t do any good. All he’d see was a jumble of emotions. “Take your time. There’s no hurry.”

  No hurry. Fine for him to say that. Time was running out and she still hadn’t decided what she was going to say to him. Putting off that decision for another few minutes, she went back to the counter and filled out a fresh deposit slip. When she was done, she placed her deposit in the night drop bag and carried it back to her small office to tuck it in her purse. She’d drop it off at the ba
nk on her way home.

  There were a dozen things that needed her attention at the store. She needed to enter her sales figures in her daily journal. It was the middle of the month and she needed to pay the bills that had come in. She needed to inventory her supply of decorative pots and vases. And she was coming up with a million excuses to avoid Carson. Placing her hands on her small desk, she lowered her head and took a deep breath.

  “Lily?” He said her name and nothing more. He didn’t have to. She knew what he was asking. She could feel his presence as he moved closer to her. The fine hairs on her nape stood on end and gooseflesh covered her arms and legs.

  She raised her head and met his worried gaze. “I’m not sure, Carson.”

  He nodded. “That’s okay.” He wrapped his hands over her shoulders, the heat seeping through the thin layer of her dress. “You don’t have to decide anything right now. How about we have some dinner and just talk?”

  Just like that, he defused her tension. Like a balloon suddenly deflating, she felt empty inside. At the same time, she couldn’t discount the sense of relief she felt as well. He began to massage her neck and shoulders, his strong fingers finding the tight muscles and working the stress from them.

  She tilted her head to one side, barely suppressing a groan of pleasure. He was very good at this. Better than good. What had she been thinking about? Oh, yes. Dinner. She could do dinner.

  “Okay. Dinner would be nice.” As soon as she agreed, another worry nagged at her. She didn’t want to go to a public place. The last thing she wanted was the good folk of Summersville speculating about their relationship—such as it was.

  As if he understood her concerns, he leaned down and kissed the curve of her ear. “Your place or mine?”

  “Mine.” She’d feel more secure in her own home, among her own belongings.

  He nodded, his long, silky hair brushing the curve of her neck. She shivered. She didn’t have to look down to know that her nipples were visible against the thin fabric of her dress. Her only saving grace was that the patterned material made it harder to see them.

  His hands came around her sides, resting on her stomach just below the swell of her breasts. She sucked in a breath, her nipples puckering tighter as his hands hovered there. Finally, he heaved a sigh and took a step away from her. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed.

  Giving herself a mental shake, she grabbed her purse and her sweater. “I need to stop at the bank and the grocery store before I head home.” When she turned around, Carson was watching her, the emotion in his eyes unreadable.

  His body was an entirely different story. His biceps were sharply defined and stretched the short sleeves of his T-shirt, his shoulders were tensed and his jaw was rigid. And there was certainly no mistaking the bulge in the front of his jeans. Lily tried to look away but found she couldn’t. It alleviated some of her fears and the tension gripping her to know that she affected him as badly as he did her.

  “I’ll go to the grocery store.” His voice was low and gruff and gave her shivers. She drew her sweater more securely around her body. “Is there anything special you’d like for supper?”

  She shook her head. It didn’t matter what they had. She doubted she’d be able to eat more than a few bites with her insides so jumpy. “Whatever you want is fine.”

  His eyes darkened. “You shouldn’t say things like that if you don’t mean them, Lily.”

  He came toward her, his face intent. She replayed her words and caught their double meaning. Had she meant them that way or had it been a slip of the tongue?

  Before she could figure it out, he kissed her. It wasn’t a gentle kiss either, but one of total possession. His tongue plunged past her parted lips. Caressing. Tasting. Teasing. She groaned and kissed him back, unable to resist his honest passion. He tasted so male, so elemental, and she wanted more.

  Heat suffused her, starting at her lips and working downward. She swayed toward him, leaning her chest against his. The friction against her swollen nipples felt good, yet left her aching for more. She shifted her stance, trying to relieve the unrelenting throbbing between her thighs by pressing against his erection. Her panties were damp and getting wetter.

  When he tore his lips from hers, she was breathless. His hair was free, brushing his shoulders. She realized she had the thin strip of leather he used to tie back his hair in her hand. Sometime during their kiss, she must have removed it. She had no memory of it. All she remembered was heat and passion. Her fingers flew to her lips and she swallowed hard.

  Carson raked his fingers through his hair and took a step away from her. “Supper. First we’ll eat. Then we’ll talk.” Plucking the leather strip from her nerveless fingers, he turned and stalked from the office.

  She hitched her purse higher on her shoulder and followed, trying to ignore the sexually charged state of her body.

  “Do you want me to wait for you?”

  It took a second for her mind to process what he’d asked. “No, I need to do one more thing before I head to the bank.”

  He nodded and waited as she unlocked the door. When it was once again closed, she leaned against the cool glass and watched him go. “Get a grip, Lily,” she admonished herself.

  In the few minutes she’d spent in his company, all her sensible reasons for not seeing him anymore were washed away like sand in the tide. Deep inside, she knew she wanted more of Carson, wanted to experience what she felt when they were together.

  And not just for research purposes.

  It was scary and potentially dangerous to her peace of mind, but she wanted Carson. She’d been sensible her entire life. She’d built a reputable business and raised her son to adulthood. Now it was her turn to do something just for herself.

  Common sense warned that she could end up with a broken heart when it was over and he moved on. But better that than living with the regrets of “what if” for the rest of her life.

  She’d go into this relationship with her eyes wide open. It was temporary. An affair. A fling. She’d guard her emotions and her heart, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy herself and explore some of her sexual fantasies. It had been years since she’d had a lover. Raising a child and running a business had left her little time and fewer opportunities.

  In fact, she’d only made love to two men in her life—her ex-husband and a man she’d had a short relationship with over ten years ago. He’d only lived in town for a year and had seemed harmless enough, plus he’d easily accepted the fact that her son had come first in her life. She hadn’t realized just why he’d agreed to her terms of discretion so easily until she’d found out he’d lied to her and was actually still a married man. He’d traveled a lot for his job, but he had a wife and child in another town.

  Lily had been angry and hurt and had shut herself away from dating and men. But the time had come to reach out and give it a try. She knew all there was to know about Carson—there were no wives or girlfriends. Plus, she genuinely liked and respected him.

  Coming to her decision, she headed to the door, but at the last second detoured to one of the coolers. Sliding the door open, she reached in and plucked out a single red rose. It will look good on the table, she assured herself as she slid the door shut and headed out the front door. But if Carson decided he wanted to explore her research list a bit further, she wanted to be ready.

  Locking the store, she hurried to her car.

  • • •

  Carson climbed out of his truck and reached in to grab the bags sitting on the passenger seat. He’d finally managed to wrestle his unruly body back under control. It had only taken the entire drive to the grocery store with the air-conditioning on full-blast and the vent aimed straight at his crotch.

  Damn, but Lily made him lose control. When she’d looked at him, uncertainty and passion warring in her deep blue eyes, he’d had no choice but to touch her. He’d meant to reassure her, to be laid-back and nonthreatening. Instead, he’d ravaged her mouth. And what a swee
t mouth it was. He’d had fantasies about that mouth, as well as other parts of her body.

  He felt his cock stirring. “Down, boy,” he muttered as he walked around the house to the back door. Not that it did any good. By the time he knocked on her door, he was semi-aroused once again.

  Lily pulled the door open, a tentative smile on her face. Unable to resist, he bent and dropped a quick kiss on her lips as he moved past her and deposited the bags on the kitchen counter. She not only tasted good, she smelled good, like flowers. Maybe roses. He couldn’t quite decide.

  That reminded him of what he’d bought for her, and he reached into one of the bags and withdrew a makeshift bouquet with a flourish. The paper crinkled as he held out the half dozen red roses to her. “For you.” He’d bought them at the grocery store. The selection had been sparse, but he’d managed to find six individually wrapped roses that were perfect. They weren’t near as nice as the ones at Lily’s flower shop, but damned if he wanted to give her flowers from her own shop. Somehow it didn’t seem right to do that.

  Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. Slowly, her lips curved into a smile. “Thank you.” She took the flowers and his body tightened when their fingers brushed.

  “You’re welcome.”

  They stood there for a long time just staring at each other, until Lily finally broke the spell. “I need to put these in water.”

  He turned back to the counter, where the bags of groceries waited. “I wasn’t sure what you had here so I pretty much bought everything I thought we’d need.” He also hadn’t wanted to spend a lot of time cooking. There would be time for that in the future.

  “I’m sure whatever you got is fine.” She opened a cupboard door and reached up to take down a pretty blue vase with purple swirls. The movement pulled her dress tight over her breasts, outlining the small but firm mounds. Carson fought the urge to reach out and cup them. To take his mind off her tantalizing form, he unpacked their supper.