Impostor Syndrome

by Mishell Baker

  Elliott made the crow appear to fly away—a nice touch, unnecessary but grounding for me. Once the illusion was gone, I was alone in the cell, and darkness descended again as Elliott turned his focus to other things. I tried not to panic.

  Before the darkness could completely claw away at my sanity, Elliott started to transmit what he was seeing, and that filled my mind just as thoroughly as though I were seeing it myself, making the darkness fade away.

  At first it was a tentative trickle of images, but when he seemed sure of the connection, it became way too much. The entirety of the White Rose exploded into my head: every part of it, every person in it, the thoughts and feelings of hundreds of other people, mingled in one cacophony of sensation.

  Elliott, stop, I said to him in my head. I’m only human; my mind can’t take all this.

  It stopped, all at once, and I was in the dark again.

  Show me how you need it to be, Elliott’s voice said in my suddenly quiet mind.

  I wasn’t sure what to do for a moment, how to explain, but then I tried to picture it cinematically: the movement of a camera, tracking one person, then cutting to another, showing only their outsides, not what was going on inside their heads.

  Anyone who needs to talk to me, I told him, can just speak out loud, and you can relay my messages back to them.

  I understand completely, said Elliott. I shall present things to you as you require.

  34

  EXT. WHITE ROSE - DAY - CLOSE ANGLE - SHOCK

  As he lands awkwardly on one of the palace sepals in his mantislike native form. He steadies himself, then folds his wings and approaches the female sidhe guard WHISPERDRIFT.

  Whisperdrift is smooth skinned, the color of blue steel, with wings like yellow sails. She inclines her head to the prince, but barely.

  WHISPERDRIFT

  Your Highness. Her Majesty is currently indisposed.

  SHOCK

  It’s fine. Just returning some samples to the vault.

  Shock holds up a black drawstring purse; the CLINK of glass vials can be heard inside. The guard nods again and steps aside to let Shock pass.

  INT. WHITE ROSE - DAY

  Shock proceeds down the long, high-ceilinged hallway. SEELIE COURTIERS bend their paths to give him a wide berth but otherwise ignore him.

  CUT TO:

  INT. WHITE ROSE AUDIENCE CHAMBER - DAY

  DAWNROWAN, CLAYBRIAR, and CARYL are in heated conversation. Claybriar has one arm around Dawnrowan’s shoulders as she leans against him, trembling visibly.

  CARYL

  Is there nothing I can say to convince you to at least let me speak with them before I go? If we can at least discover their reasoning . . .

  DAWNROWAN

  You speak of reason, when I can still feel the chill of that poisoned touch? You are human after all.

  CARYL

  I am sorry. I am not accustomed to using my emotions to evaluate situations. Perhaps the best thing for me to do is report this to Alvin as soon as possible.

  DAWNROWAN

  Yes. Go.

  CLAYBRIAR

  (softly)

  May I stay with you, my lady?

  Dawnrowan looks up at him and for a moment seems incapable of speech. Caryl looks between the two of them and then bows, making her exit. Dawnrowan does not seem to notice her departure.

  DAWNROWAN

  I thought you no longer cared for me. May I . . . will you let me into your mind?

  Claybriar reaches out, tentatively, his fingertips finding the delicate bones of her face.

  CLAYBRIAR

  I don’t think that would be a good idea right now.

  DAWNROWAN

  Why not, my love?

  Dawnrowan lays her hand over his where it rests on her cheek. The scene seems to stutter slightly, flicker. The voice of MILLIE intrudes.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Hey, Elliott, can I see what Shock is up to?

  ELLIOTT (V.O.)

  Of course.

  INT. WHITE ROSE VAULT - DAY

  The vault is dimly lit, but white stone, glass, crystal, and mirrors make a little light go a long way. The place is a maze of delicate shelves and ladders, and the shelves hold hundreds of thousands of tiny vials of red liquid.

  Shock, back in human form, takes his time searching among the shelves. He holds the bag of vials in his hand.

  ELLIOTT (V.O.)

  Shock, Millie is--

  Shock starts, nearly dropping the bag.

  ELLIOTT (V.O.) (cont’d)

  Apologies. It’s Elliott. I’ve linked with Millie now, and she is using me to keep track of what is happening. The guardian spirit is still active, so raise no suspicion.

  Shock hesitates, looking as though he wants to respond, but finally he just carries on pretending to look for something.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Can he hear me, too?

  ELLIOTT (V.O.)

  If you wish.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Make it so.

  ELLIOTT (V.O.)

  Shock, Millie wishes to address you.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Hey, kiddo. You’re doing great. Do you know where to find Dostoyevsky’s vial?

  SHOCK

  I know this place like the back of my hand.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Well, play dumb for a bit; act like you can’t find where to put the vials you brought until Caryl gets down here to free me so I can disable the guardian. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to start loading up the Vessel.

  (beat)

  Okay, now I need to find Caryl.

  CUT TO:

  EXT. WHITE ROSE - DAY - TRACKING SHOT - ON CARYL

  Caryl white-knuckles the wooden bar at the edge of her litter as the two rose-winged horses harnessed to either side bank and spiral their way toward the ground.

  They land with a jolt, and Caryl carefully eases herself to the ground. She begins to walk through the snow with purpose.

  PULL BACK to reveal that she is walking directly toward the storm doors of the prison.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Wait, that’s not right. What is she doing? Why is she coming here in broad daylight? Goddamn it, do I have to do everything myself?

  CARYL

  (aloud)

  I would think you would trust me by now.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Elliott, she wasn’t supposed to hear that.

  ELLIOTT (V.O.)

  You keep changing the rules!

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Just use some goddamned common sense, okay? I’m a little overwhelmed.

  Caryl approaches the prison doors, pauses. She glances up at the White Rose contemplatively as she murmurs under her breath, lips barely moving.

  CARYL

  I’m leaving tracks.

  Caryl sighs, as though in resignation, and then begins to head back toward the portal, dragging her feet a little.

  PAN DOWN to the trail of disturbed snow.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  But the tracks go right to the prison. Isn’t that a dead giveaway?

  CARYL

  The dead giveaway would be fresh tracks approaching one by one from nowhere. Remember, every inch of these grounds is observed at all times.

  Caryl arrives at the portal to Skyhollow. She stands before it, closes her eyes, and, in a moment, vanishes.

  Suddenly the scene shifts. Everything is in the same spot, but nothing looks the same.

  EXT. WHITE ROSE - DAY - SPELLSIGHT

  The mundane elements of the scene dim almost to nonexistence. What was once an innocuous mural now writhes with intricate lacy golden spellwork.

  Two human-shaped masses of seething, purple-green webbing move slowly away from it, single file, tiptoeing as they carefully walk in the tracks Caryl has already left in the snow.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Elliott, don’t. That’s gonna give me a migraine. I trust that they’re there.

  ELLIOTT (V.O.)

  As you say.
>
  EXT. WHITE ROSE - DAY - NORMAL

  We continue to slowly PAN along the tracks in the snow, toward the prison. There is little if any change in them.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Okay, I get it now. Give me the audience chamber.

  CUT TO:

  INT. WHITE ROSE AUDIENCE CHAMBER - DAY

  It’s empty but for a single maidservant sweeping the floor.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Where the fuck’s Claybriar?

  CUT TO:

  INT. QUEEN’S CHAMBER - DAY

  An opulent canopy bed dominates the large space. At one side is a bay window with a cushioned seat; Dawnrowan and Claybriar sit upon it, knees almost touching.

  Near them is a small tea table with two chairs; someone has laid out bowls full of berries and honey and cups of golden liquid, but they sit untouched.

  CLAYBRIAR

  You think that’s a compliment, but it isn’t.

  DAWNROWAN

  I don’t understand you.

  CLAYBRIAR

  You seldom do.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Hey, Claybriar. Sorry to distract you from your lovers’ quarrel, but it’s time for you to do your distraction. Still have a plan, I hope?

  DAWNROWAN

  You know, my love, that no matter--

  Claybriar lets out a roar and leaps to his feet, picking up one of the chairs at the tea table and hurling it across the room. It splinters against the wall.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Well, that’s one way to do it, I guess.

  DAWNROWAN

  (frightened)

  Claybriar!

  CLAYBRIAR

  I never even wanted to be king!

  INT. WHITE ROSE EAST HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

  GREYFALL makes a beeline for the nearest staircase.

  INT. WHITE ROSE WEST HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

  With perfect symmetry, SILVERWIND does the same, leaping up the stairs two and three at a time, wing assisted.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Caryl, now.

  EXT. WHITE ROSE PRISON - CONTINUOUS

  One of the storm doors eases open, just enough for a human to slip through.

  INT. WHITE ROSE PRISON - CONTINUOUS

  A shaft of wintry sunlight pierces the darkness.

  At his post, the lone ANTLERED GUARD stirs from what looks like slumber, gazes toward the light with a faintly curious expression.

  The shaft of light narrows, disappears. The guard watches for a moment longer, then closes his eyes again.

  INT. QUEEN’S CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS

  Claybriar dashes a bowl against the floor, shattering it amid a sticky pool of honey and porcelain shards.

  Silverwind and Greyfall burst into the room. Silverwind waves a hand, and a blinding light explodes in front of Claybriar’s eyes. He groans and slaps his hands over his face, halting his assault on the crockery.

  CLAYBRIAR

  I’m still your king, you nitwit! OW!

  The guards look to Dawnrowan in confusion. She stares at them for a moment, then bursts into sobs. Greyfall flies immediately to embrace her, and Silverwind grabs Claybriar roughly by the arm.

  A GOLDEN GUARD and a LAVENDER GUARD arrive and immediately begin to attend to the mess on the floor.

  INT. WHITE ROSE PRISON - OAKEN CELL - DAY

  Millie stands with her back to the wall of her cell, staring blankly into space. Her hand instinctively flies up to cover the scarred side of her face as she--

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Elliott, don’t! That’s too fucking weird.

  QUICK PAN TO THE ANTLERED GUARD.

  ELLIOTT (V.O.)

  This is your cue, however.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  On it.

  Off camera we hear a shrill, prolonged SCREAM.

  The guard leaps up from his seat and heads toward the oaken cell.

  The camera carefully PANS BETWEEN the guard and the inert FACADE OF ALONDRA curled up on the other side of the cell, without catching Millie in between.

  MILLIE (OFF-SCREEN)

  She’s dead! She’s dead! Oh my God, she’s dead!

  The guard doesn’t seem to understand Millie’s words.

  MILLIE (OFF-SCREEN) (cont’d)

  Do you not speak English? I’m locked in here with a dead woman! Help!

  GUARD POV

  CLOSE ON Millie’s pointing finger, then PAN TO the body again.

  MILLIE (OFF-SCREEN) (cont’d)

  (gibberish)

  Chimmaray jabean slawfish! Nib framenob halloo!

  BACK TO SCENE

  The guard pulls the wooden key from the pouch at his belt, then seems to hesitate.

  MILLIE (OFF-SCREEN) (cont’d)

  Come on, come on . . .

  The guard puts the key back into his pouch and starts to move away from the cell door.

  MILLIE (OFF-SCREEN) (cont’d)

  What are you doing? She needs help! Get in here!

  The guard moves around behind Millie, pulls a long cord from the other side of his belt, snags one of Millie’s wrists through a gap in the cage, and ties her to one of its tangled limbs.

  Then he walks to the cell door and inserts the wooden key into the lock. The moment the latch clicks free, he freezes, face going blank, at the exact moment CARYL and ALONDRA appear behind him to ease his fall to the floor.

  Alondra looks nervous but excited; Caryl is on the verge of a panic attack.

  CARYL

  Alondra go--go untie--

  ALONDRA

  Yes, ma’am! Goodness, it’s so much warmer in here than out there.

  MILLIE

  Yeah, it’s a real picnic. Just a second; let me check on my boys.

  CUT TO:

  INT. WHITE ROSE VAULT - DAY

  Shock removes a vial from his bag and replaces it on the shelf, looking restless.

  INT. QUEEN’S CHAMBER - DAY

  Claybriar sits on the window seat. Dawnrowan stands beside him, a hand resting between his horns, seemingly in communion with the guards. Just as they seem on the verge of relaxing, Claybriar leaps to his feet and grabs the remaining chair, threatening a guard with it.

  INT. WHITE ROSE PRISON - DAY

  Alondra manages to get the cord off Millie’s wrist. Millie stares off into space, unseeing.

  MILLIE

  Shit. We need to hurry and disable that guardian before Clay gets himself killed or something.

  Caryl rushes to her side, trying to help her out of the cage but mostly hindering in her panicked rush.

  ALONDRA

  He’s the king, right? So no Seelie can harm him, even the guards.

  MILLIE

  Let’s not test that, okay? Where’s the spellwork? Elliott, I’m going to need my own eyes back for a minute.

  MILLIE’S POV

  Caryl moves to the place where the guard had been sitting and gestures to the wall nearby.

  CARYL

  Just put your hand here. Caveat has it memorized and ready to replace. Please, please, let’s get out of here.

  Millie grabs her backpack off the nearby table and shoulders it, then reaches out and touches the wall.

  MILLIE

  Did it work?

  CUT TO:

  INT. QUEEN’S CHAMBER - DAY

  Dawnrowan’s head snaps up suddenly. She looks at the four guards. As one, they hightail it from the room, leaving Dawnrowan and Claybriar alone.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Oh shit. They felt the spell go down. Here they come.

  35

  INT. WHITE ROSE PRISON - DAY

  Millie and Caryl stand frozen near the guard station. Alondra paces near the cage, wringing her hands. Millie is fully visible now, and this does not seem to distress her; she has the unfocused gaze of someone watching something far away.

  CARYL

  (panicking)

  No one panic.

  MILLIE

  How long before the guards get here, do you think?

  CUT TO:


  EXT. WHITE ROSE - DAY - EASTERN SEPAL

  The door from the interior bursts open, and four guards pour out of it, heading for the edge.

  ELLIOTT (V.O.)

  Dawnrowan suspected you immediately and transferred the thought to them.

  In orderly pairs, the guards leap from the edge, wings unfurling.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Fantastic. Get me Shock.

  INT. WHITE ROSE VAULT - DAY

  Shock is pacing back and forth along a row of shelves. His human facade is sweating slightly.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Guardian’s down.

  SHOCK

  Oh thank God.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Thank who?

  SHOCK

  Figure of speech.

  He immediately makes a beeline for the back of the vault.

  MILLIE (V.O.)

  Shock, you’re going to have to hurry. I underestimated how alert Dawnrowan would be to my fucking with the guardian spirit.

  SHOCK

  How much time do I have?

  CUT TO:

  INT. WHITE ROSE PRISON - DAY - MILLIE POV

  Caryl has propped open one of the storm doors, letting a shaft of light in to illuminate the stairs. We move toward them and up as Millie speaks.

  MILLIE

  Basically I need to go for the Hail Mary exit strategy approximately nowish. The good news is that I’m about to freak the guards out so much they won’t think to pay attention to what you’re doing in there.

  SHOCK (V.O.)

  But there is bad news.

  We move to the top of the stairs and out into the blinding whiteness of

  EXT. WHITE ROSE - DAY – MILLIE’S POV

  CAMERA ADJUSTS slowly to the brightness.

  MILLIE

  Of course there is. The bad news is that I can’t just stand there with my hand on the stone indefinitely. Once they agree to let me escape, I have to actually, you know, escape.

  Alondra emerges from the prison, blinking and squinting.

  SHOCK (V.O.)

  And then someone will surely remember I was in the vault, and think to check on me.

  MILLIE

  Yup. Alondra, Caryl told you where your stone is?

  Alondra points east across the clearing.

  ALONDRA

  In the woods, over that way.

  PAN UP to see the descending silhouettes of four guards against the pale green sky, still small, but circling closer.

  MILLIE

  Go.

  ALONDRA

  Millie, will you be able to--

  MILLIE

  Go!

  Alondra takes off at a sprint.