Fighting Gravity

by Leah Petersen

  I shook my head, not ready to forgive myself. “Well, you don’t deserve this. This is too much. I’m going to get you out of here.”

  His eyes were wide and he winced as he tried to sit up again. “Another day or two, Mr. Dawes. That’s what Dr. Shale recommends. And I assure you, I have no desire to leave just yet.”

  “I don’t mean the hospital. I mean Stolven.”

  He gasped. “But, Jacob,” he was so distressed that he used my name, “I’ve been Resettled here. I can’t leave.”

  “Well, that might be true under normal circumstances. But I happen to have the emperor’s ear,” I had a lot more than that, “and I’m getting you out of here.”

  He was halfway out of the bed, grimacing in pain but ignoring it.

  “Do you mean you’ve spoken to the emperor about me? That he’s agreed to have me reassigned?”

  “Sure,” I shrugged. It wasn’t exactly the truth, but it would be. I would talk to Pete and he would agree to it. Probably. Hopefully.

  “But where am I going?”

  “We can talk about that later,” I said. I was nervous now. I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I was anxious to get it over and done with before the rational side of me talked me out of it.

  I sent Jonathan to arrange things and with a long, meaningful look at me he went off to do what I’d asked. He knew how stupid I was being but he was helping me anyway.

  I was certain, when I allowed myself to think of it, that I was going to get my ass chewed off for this. At best. But I’d make sure I took all the blame.

  After a half hour, most of which I spent alone in the hallway, Jonathan returned, followed by the doctor, a nurse, and an orderly. The nurse and orderly helped Mr. Kagawa into a hoverchair while the doctor spoke to Jonathan and me about the arrangements and his recommendations for Mr. Kagawa’s follow-up care.

  The nurse would be accompanying us to the IIC. Instructions had been recorded and sent to the head medic there. I suppressed a wince. They’d know I was bringing him. My vague, unformed plan had been to keep him on the transport while he healed and while arrangements were made for a suitable reassignment. I didn’t want anyone at the IIC to know he was there, and I didn’t think he would, either.

  Too late. I’d figure something out. We were still six hours away from the IIC because of this detour.

  We left the hospital, and Mr. Kagawa was carefully loaded onto the transport and settled in one of the two unoccupied bedrooms. I went to the lounge, preferring the larger space for pacing. Jonathan watched me with a careful non-expression.

  “Perhaps consulting His Excellence about your next decision might ease some of your concerns,” he volunteered. I glared at him.

  “No thank you, I’ll work this out. No need to bother Pete.”

  He stared me down. I sighed and dropped into a chair. “OK, you’re right, I should have talked to Pete before I did any of this. But it’s done. I’ll settle this whole matter and tie up the loose ends on my own. Then I can talk to Pete.”

  He held my gaze, unblinking. “And ask for forgiveness,” I added. “And beg him not to kill me, all right? Is that what you want to hear?”

  His expression softened. “I just want to make sure you realize what you’re doing.”

  “Yes, thank you, I’m quite aware that I’ve dug a big hole for myself and I’m still digging. Well, I’m good at that. That’s how I started this whole mess, might as well finish it that way.” A smile quirked at the corner of his lips. “And thank you, by the way, for helping me anyway, and saving this lecture for afterward.”

  He nodded.

  I sat, or stood, fidgeting and fretting through the various diversions I attempted and abandoned that afternoon.

  About four hours out from Stolven, less than two hours from the IIC, I looked up at the sound of the lounge door opening. Mr. Kagawa made his slow, deliberate way into the room shadowed by an anxious nurse.

  “He said he needed to talk to you, sir, and he wouldn’t let me send for you,” she explained. I waved away her concerns and got up to help Mr. Kagawa into the nearest chair. I sat across from him.

  “Thank you,” he said, his face white and chagrined.

  “You shouldn’t have gotten up,” I said. “I’d have come.”

  He flinched at the suggestion that I’d come to him. I hated this drastic, embarrassing reversal of roles.

  “Mr. Dawes,” he began. He looked down. “I would like to ask you about our destination. And my future.”

  Reasonable questions. I didn’t want to answer the first one, not now that I knew the head medic was aware of Kagawa’s coming and that the entire IIC would learn of it soon after.

  “The immediate destination isn’t really important,” I hedged. “As for your future, well, what would you like it to be?”

  “Sir?”

  “Please don’t call me that,” I begged.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t understand. Did you not have a plan for where I’m to go from here?”

  I flushed, not wanting to admit how impulsive and reckless my actions had been. And unauthorized.

  “Mr. Kagawa, I think an injustice has been done to you. I hoped that you could help me with what your next assignment should be as a way to rectify that.”

  “I’d like to be assigned to the IIC,” he said.

  I blinked. “Sir…I have some influence with the emperor but I don’t think I have that much. I can’t get you your job back.”

  “Oh, that’s not what I meant.” He looked embarrassed. “I would like, if possible, to take whatever assignment I may be allowed to have at the IIC. If that’s permissible. Whatever it is, it’s just that…the IIC is my home. I understand I’m in no position to request anything at all, but you asked me for my preference and there it is. Whatever the assignment, however low, I’d count myself fortunate.”

  I was speechless, stunned. I understood. Of course I did. For all of the unimaginable luxury and privilege of my new life, the resources and opportunities, for all that Pete lived there, the palace wasn’t a home, it was a place I must be. The IIC was my home. If bringing Pete to the IIC with me were an option, I’d choose it in a heartbeat. I’d give up everything else to be able to mesh those two truths: that Pete was the most important person in my life and that I belonged at the IIC.

  “Mr. Kagawa, we’ll be at the IIC in less than two hours. And sir, I’ll do my best to find you an assignment there. You have my word.”

  Tension I hadn’t noticed drained out of him and he blinked back tears. I couldn’t watch. I turned my head. “If you’ll excuse me, please,” I said, and retreated to my own room.

  -

  The time passed too quickly and before long Jonathan came to inform me that we would soon be arriving. I nodded weakly.

  “I’ve been looking into the matter,” he began. Of course he had. “And it seems that there is a position at the IIC that has been recently vacated, as a junior clerk in the history department. It’s a very minor position, recordkeeping and cataloging, and some overflow research as necessary.”

  I gaped at him, and then I felt my whole face fill with a smile. “Jonathan, I could kiss you.”

  “Please don’t.”

  I laughed. “And have you had him assigned?”

  “No.” He gave me a long look. “He’s not eligible for that assignment, or indeed any assignment at the IIC, because of his status. Such an assignment would require a high level authorization. Typically I would submit the request to Lord Laudley, the Head of Corrections, but anyone above him would have the authority as well.”

  I sobered. “In other words, I have to ask Pete to approve this.”

  “Yes.”

  I grimaced. “Thank you.”

  “You should know that all the necessary paperwork has been completed and filed. It only requires authorization.”

  “Thank you for that. Really.”

  “It’s what I do,” he said. I smiled and went to sit down in front of the vid, filled
with dread.

  fg20

  You did what!”

  I dropped my head, hoping the humble gesture would gain me a bit of sympathy. “Pete, the situation was just wrong in every way. He has no business being a manual laborer. And he was getting pummeled regularly just for being educated and well-spoken. You can’t mean you would just have left him there.”

  He glared at me. “Well, I didn’t have a choice one way or the other, did I, Jacob? I was never consulted.”

  I could feel my face getting hot. “OK, I was wrong about that. And I’m sorry. But I can’t go back and undo what’s already done. Taking him out of there was the right thing, Pete. It was. And the assignment at the IIC is perfect for him. It just makes sense.”

  “Jacob Dawes, are you out of your mind? An assignment at the IIC? After he was Resettled for gross mismanagement of the very same institution?”

  “You’re making it sound like something it isn’t,” I objected. “Gross mismanagement? Come on, Pete, I’ve explained it. It wasn’t ‘gross mismanagement,’ it was being a shortsighted jerk.”

  “Well you would know about being shortsighted, wouldn’t you?” he retorted.

  I bit back an angry, shortsighted answer. “I deserve that. I’m sorry. I was wrong and it’s all my fault, but him being there was my fault, too. If I made an ass of myself trying to fix it, well, at least I was trying to clean up my own mistakes.”

  He looked like he was biting his tongue, and he didn’t say anything for a while.

  “I’m going to approve the reassignment. I don’t agree with it, but I’m going to do it anyway. You’re absolutely sure that this isn’t going to cause a world of problems?”

  “Absolutely sure.”

  He sighed. He looked down at his desk and made a few notations, then looked back up at me. “It’s done.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “We can discuss this at length when you get back.”

  I bit my lips together and nodded.

  “And please, please don’t do anymore insanely stupid things until then.”

  I couldn’t help an impish grin. “Thank you, Pete. I promise. I’ll wait until I get back.” He glared at me, but then his face softened.

  “You’re welcome. I’ll talk to you later.”

  The vid blanked, and I turned back to Jonathan in triumph. He gave me a stern look and did not comment.

  -

  We pulled up in front of the grand main entrance to the IIC. Through the window I could see a small group waiting to receive us: Director Harris, who had been installed as the permanent director several months back; Dr. Okoro; Dr. Roma, the Head Medic; and Dr. Bartel, the Head of the Physics Department. I suppressed a groan. If I’d had my way, we would have parked in the garage and I would have entered the IIC on my own and this entire, awkward scene would have been avoided. But when did things ever go the way I wanted?

  They gaped, if in a polite, cultured way, as I exited the transport with Mr. Kagawa behind me in the hoverchair. I almost laughed to think of how I’d wanted the attention diverted from myself that very morning, to not be the focus of all the stares and whispers. I certainly wasn’t the only one in the spotlight now. And yet somehow it was worse.

  Director Harris approached and shook my hand. “It’s good to see you again, Mr. Dawes.”

  “Jacob,” I corrected him. He smiled. But his attention was quickly diverted to his old superior in the chair behind me, the man he’d replaced.

  “Mr. Kagawa,” he began. “It’s good to see you again as well.”

  Mr. Kagawa held out his hand and shook the director’s. “It’s good to see you too, Les.”

  There was a long, heavy silence. I stepped forward and hugged Dr. Okoro.

  He beamed. “Wonderful to have you back, Jacob. You’re here for a few weeks?”

  “Yes, at least a couple. I’ve brought some samples with me,” I turned back toward the transport and found three servants waiting with the crates already in hand. “Oh,” I flushed, “here they are.”

  Dr. Okoro looked startled to see the three people in attendance, not counting Jonathan, but he recovered quickly. “Well, I’m sure the various department heads will be very happy to get their hands on those,” he turned to include the head of his department. “We’ve been reviewing the results you’ve been sending us. Fascinating work, Jacob, simply fascinating. I admit I’ve been in a constant state of envy this past year reading about all the things you’ve seen and done…”

  Dr. Okoro was chatting away but I lost the trail of his conversation.

  “Excuse me, Dr. Okoro, Dr. Bartel. May I meet you in the main lab a bit later, after I’ve gotten settled in?”

  “Of course, my boy, of course.” Dr. Okoro assured me, turning to Dr. Bartel. Indicating the crates the servants held, he began talking and gesturing as he escorted the three into the building.

  I hung back to enter the building alone. I was barely out of the great hall when Kirti crashed into me.

  “Jake! Jake! Jake! Oh, I’m so happy you’re here!” I hugged her hard, burying my face in her hair, wanting so badly for what I had to tell her to not matter at all.

  She nuzzled into my shoulder. “Mmmmmmm,” she murmured. “Oh, Jake…”

  I held her and said nothing, breathing in the smell of her, feeling the silk of her hair against my lips. She raised her face to mine and kissed me. I extricated myself perhaps too quickly, pulling her arms from around me with the pretense of taking her hand.

  “I’ve missed you,” I equivocated. “A year is a long time, isn’t it?”

  She examined my face, frowning. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her with me. “Come on, you can help me find my room.”

  Jonathan was waiting at the end of the hall and he showed us to the guest suite I’d been assigned. I think I would have laughed, if I hadn’t been so wound up, when I realized that my first impression of the room was that it was small.

  In truth, it was more than three times the size of the room I would have had at the IIC if I still lived there. Kirti looked around the room, nodding. Her assessment was based on a whole different set of perceptions than mine, now.

  Jonathan proceeded to my luggage, already deposited near the closet, and began to unpack my things. Kirti stared at him, wide-eyed.

  “Jonathan,” I cleared my throat, “that can wait. Can you go see if they need any help unloading the samples and equipment?”

  Smooth as always, he betrayed no knowledge of the real purpose of his dismissal. With a quick “Yes, sir,” he left us alone.

  Kirti slid away from my arm and turned to me, her arms folded across her chest. Her hair was shorter. She’d always been proud of her thick, black hair and insisted on keeping it long. Now it barely brushed her shoulders. For a moment it distracted me, and I wondered what had changed so much in the year I was away that she’d cut her hair. Her expression was hard.

  “Who is she?”

  I felt my face go red. “What are you talking about?” I stammered. Of course I knew, but I’d had an entire speech prepared, a gentle, kind way of explaining everything to her so that maybe she would understand in the end. This wasn’t starting right at all.

  She advanced on me. “Jacob Dawes, who is the other girl?”

  I backed up. “There is no other girl.”

  She scowled at me. “I am not stupid. You kissed me back there like I was your sister. You couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Who is she, Jacob? Is she rich? Beautiful? Powerful? You might have mentioned her before. As a courtesy at least.”

  She spun away from me, but not before I saw the tears in her eyes.

  “Kirti, don’t—” I stopped myself. Her back was ramrod straight. I realized she was thinner. Lean. She’d joined the volleyball team. Now I remembered. She’d written to me about it.

  I took her by the arms and turned her to face me. She glared. I took a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I promised myself I’d be calm about this.”


  Her face crumpled and she started to turn away again but I stopped her.

  “I love you, Kirti. I’ve always loved you. But things aren’t the same as they were before I left and—”

  “And I’m sure she’s very exotic. Or very rich? I hope she’s something special, Jake. Because it sure didn’t take you long to decide I wasn’t worth waiting for.”

  The conversation was spiraling out of my control. Why didn’t I remember she could be so stubborn? Why didn’t I know she could even get mad like this?

  “Stop it.” My voice was too high. “Please, Kirti, won’t you please let me explain?”

  “You’ve slept with her, I assume?”

  “There’s no her!” I yelled.

  Her face snapped into hard, angry lines, she spun to leave but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

  “Pete. His name is Pete. And I’m sorry, Kirti, I’d do anything I could not to hurt you, but I’m in love with him and I can’t change that.”

  She stared at me, wide-eyed and silent. I released her, feeling suddenly self-conscious. I’d put a couch between us before I realized I was sidling away.

  “Him?”

  “Yes,” I answered, straightening.

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she snapped.

  “No. Of course not. That’s not an excuse. It doesn’t even matter. I just...I just wanted…you to use the right pronoun…” I trailed off. I felt myself flush with embarrassment, but I didn’t know where I was in this conversation anymore. She’d taken control of the situation and I was floundering.

  “Oh,” she scoffed. “Well, I wouldn’t want to get something like that wrong. How awful. Why, that could be so annoying.”

  I had a retort in my mouth, but she cut me off. “You know what, Jake? I hope I’m annoying you. I hope you’re so damn annoyed you can’t see straight. Because then you might have some tiny, vague notion of how you’ve made me feel.”