“But Angel, you should have told at least me.” I turn back and see his sad, bloodshot eyes. “I was worried,” he kisses my forehead, “and I’m so fucking pissed off that your dad would treat you like that. You aren’t going to be near him ever again. Do you understand, Angel? I’m going to keep you safe.”
“Wow,” Kendall smiles, “I’m Kendall.” She reaches out her hand to Jayceon. “The best friend.” I roll my eyes and the room erupts in laughter.
I muster a smile and try to sound cheerful. “Thank you everyone and I’m sorry for causing everyone stress.”
“Don’t be sorry, Angel.”
“Can you guys give me and Seona a few minutes to talk?” Travis asks. Everyone leaves the room, including Jayceon. He kisses my forehead and smiles, whispering he loves me.
Kendall quickly runs to his side and takes his hand into hers. When everyone is out of the room, I watch Travis get up and pace the room. His arm muscles flex; he’s leaning against the desk in the corner of the room. The room is quiet, but my dad’s voice in my head won’t shut up. Would it ever get better?
“I talked to my dad and he said that there’s nothing your dad can do. You’re not a minor and my dad pulled some strings, so whatever he was covering for you, like your health insurance or anything like that, Mark’s going to take care of it.”
“This is what I don’t want, Travis. I don’t want to be anyone’s charity; don’t you get it? I’ve been alone for so long. It kills me to know that everyone knows about me and my dad. I mean.” I cover my face with my hands. “All the things he called me and how he accused me of being crazy. Am I crazy?”
“No, Seona. You aren’t crazy. You were dealt a shit hand and now we’re going to be here and help you. You can’t push us away. Please don’t do that.”
Sitting on the bed with Travis, I’m listening to what he’s saying, but I refuse to have people treat me as though I’m fragile. Maybe my dad’s right. Maybe I should go back with him. I’ve been doing so well. The nightmares stopped, and I’m doing better in school, but the stress he’s going to bring will push me back. Everything I’ve done and my hard work will be for nothing.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Chapter 21
Jayceon
Seeing Seona freak out like that has me tied in knots. I had no idea her father is a senator from Michigan, much less an absolute fucking asshole. The things he said about her made me want to punch him. Luckily, Travis stepped in, because I’m not sure how Seona would have felt about me hitting her dad, even if she looked scared to death of him.
I’m not even really sure what happened after she fainted. Once I saw her starting to go, I scooped her up into my arms and had my dad take us back to the hotel. Travis followed soon after. He hasn’t said anything about what he said to her father and right now, I don’t think I really want to know. Now here I am, pacing back and forth in mine and my parents’ room, waiting for Travis and Seona to appear from their room. Travis asked for time alone with Seona, and they’ve been in there for over a half an hour.
The door finally opens and I can tell Seona’s been crying. Without a thought, I run over and wrap her in my arms. Her body stiffens against me; all of this bullshit must still have her so freaked out. Caressing her cheek, I use my finger under her chin to guide her face up to me and place a brief kiss to her lips.
“Everything’s going to be fine. I won’t let him near you,” I whisper against her lips.
She nods, her eyes devoid of any emotion.
“Come on, let’s go to dinner. Food will make you feel better.”
“That’s a good idea,” Travis says, giving Seona a pointed look.
“You’re right.” She smiles, but I can tell it’s forced, since it doesn’t reach her eyes.
Taking her hand, we walk to the elevator. My parents are already in the lobby waiting for us. Seona’s hands begin to shake, which only gets worse the closer we get to the bottom. By the time the doors open, her whole body is practically trembling. I wrap my arm around her and pull her close. The way she looks around doesn’t go unnoticed. Not by me or Travis, who bends down to whisper in her ear.
“Let’s eat,” he says.
He’s calm and collected, so whatever crap her dad was dishing out, he must have taken care of it before he came back to the hotel. My parents take us to dinner at this great Italian restaurant. What should be a celebratory dinner, isn’t. It’s Seona’s favorite and yet, throughout the whole meal she’s quiet. There is never a lull in conversation, even Kendall and her father join in. I can easily see why she’s friends with Seona; they complement each other really well. It kind of reminds me of my friendship with Alyssa now that everything is back to normal between us.
I’m still worried about Seona though; she hasn’t said a lot since we left the hotel. This is not my Seona, the girl with the smile and laugh that lights up her eyes. The girl that sets me on fire. It hurts me to see her so upset, but my plan to take her back to the hotel and make her smile makes me feel like I can protect her. Once Mom and Dad pay the bill, we’re on our way. When we arrive back at the hotel, Travis and my parents head straight up to the rooms. I watch as Seona and Kendall talk for a minute and hug goodbye.
“It was nice meeting you, Jayceon,” Kendall says, giving me a quick hug before heading to the elevators.
I turn Seona to me. “We’re all alone now. How about we change and go for a swim?” Seona loves the water and the hotel we picked has an amazing indoor pool.
She shakes her head. “It’s been a long day. I think I’m going to head up to bed.”
“Seona…” I start to say.
Before I get a chance to argue, she leans up and places a quick kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning.” And without another word, she walks to the elevator, leaving me trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Everything in me is screaming that something is completely wrong. I send a quick text to Travis.
Me: Is she okay?
Travis: Yeah. Give her time.
Me: I’m coming up
Travis: Give her the night, man. I’ll watch her tonight. We’ll talk tomorrow.
Me: I’m worried
Travis: Me too. Just let it be for now
With a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I take the elevator back up to the room I’m sharing with my parents. My mom knows something is wrong the minute I open the door.
She looks up from her sketch book, which is laid out on the table. “What’s the matter, Jayceon? Where’s Seona?”
I walk over and flop onto the couch across from my dad. “She went back to her room.”
“Poor thing, that had to be awful for her today. I can’t imagine any parent treating their child that way.”
“I couldn’t believe that asshole,” Dad says. “I wanted to knock the shit out of him.”
“Tell me about it. I just don’t know how to make her feel better.” I lean my head on the back of the couch and close my eyes.
I feel a hand on my arm and the couch next to me sinks down. “She probably needs some time to shake off whatever she ran away from,” Mom says. “All you have to do is be there when she’s ready to talk.”
Opening my eyes, I look at my mom. “I’d listen now if she wanted me to.”
“Aww honey, I know. Your job is to make her smile.”
“That I can do.”
“Jayceon?” Dad calls me.
“Yeah?”
“Let me know if her dad comes around again. Since Mark is away, I don’t want her to have to deal with this on her own.”
I nod. “Thanks, Dad.”
“I’ll talk to Travis, too.”
I smile, knowing that I have the best parents. “I’m going to go lay down.”
“Go relax,” Mom says. “I brought an extra sketch book if you want it.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’m good.”
It’s a good thing that they’d gotten a suite with separate rooms because right now I just want to be alone.
Walking into my room, I turn and close the door before pulling my guitar out. I brought it so that I could play for Seona later tonight. I had plans to take her swimming and then bring her back to the room, play for her, and give her the surprise I’d brought with me. My fingers strum across the strings, no specific music flowing through my head. Without realizing it, the cords of Lullaby by the Spill Canvas begin to spill from the guitar.
Whatever brought that song to the forefront, knows what I’m thinking. Eventually, my voice joins the simple song coming from my fingertips. This song represents everything I feel about my relationship with Seona. To me, it’s the little things that matter. From the beginning, she’s stood by me even when a lot of the people she hangs out with spread rumors about me, yet she ignores them and stays with me. For us, it’s the simple things. She doesn’t care who my dad is or whether I like art or football. Which is why I think it is killing me that she so worried about who her dad is or what he’s done. I love her no matter what.
I finish the song and put my guitar back in its case. Before I lay down in bed, I pull out the box with the bracelet inside. It’ a simple silver bracelet with a small breast cancer charm attached to it. With everything that happened to her mom, I thought it would be the perfect gift. Closing the box and I put it back into my bag. Just because I couldn’t give it to her today, doesn’t mean I can’t give it to her tomorrow. That one thought allows me to relax enough to try and get some sleep.
Who am I kidding? I won’t be able to sleep right until I see her tomorrow.
The minute the sun peeks through the curtains, I’m awake. It’s not like I was sleeping that great anyway. Glancing at the clock, I realize that it’s much too early to go and see Seona. Instead, I jump in the shower and get ready for the day I planned with her. We’re not supposed to leave until the afternoon, and I thought I could take her to breakfast. Just the two of us.
By the time it’s a decent enough hour to go to her room, I’ve been pacing the room for an hour. Both Mom and Dad have given me advice. It all seems so strange, because I can’t remember the last time I was nervous to talk to Seona. Once I stopped pushing her away, things between us were always so easy. Now, my hands are clammy with sweat as I think about what I want to say to her.
With my guitar and the bracelet box in hand, I practically run out of the room to the elevator. It seems like it takes forever for the door to open on Seona’s floor and like a flash, I’m down the hall standing in front of her door. There’s no answer to my knock so I try again. Maybe they’re still sleeping, but something in my gut tells me that’s not the case.
Once again, there’s no answer and I pull out my phone and type out a quick text.
Me: Are you up? Breakfast?
It takes a few minutes for her to answer, all the while the sinking feeling in my stomach gets worse.
Seona: Sorry left earlier with Travis. I’ll talk to you on Monday.
She left?
The frustration and fear I feel are hard to describe. Knowing everything her dad’s done in the past, I can understand why she’s so upset, but it doesn’t explain why she’s running from me, when all I want to do is help. I send another text, this time to Travis on my way to the elevator, asking what’s up.
Travis: Sorry man. She’ll be fine. Talk to her tomorrow at school.
Groaning, I shove my phone in my pocket. His answer isn’t very helpful. I’m frustrated and need to get out of the hotel. Once we get home I can go to her house, except I know that won’t help anything. Back upstairs, I ask my parents if we can leave early. When they question me, I tell them that Seona has already left and I’m worried about her. Mom says she’s only going back early if I promise not rush over there the minute we walk through the door.
“You need to give her time if she needs it. This isn’t about what you need.”
“I know. Can we head home now?”
She looks over at Dad, who nods his head and we get to packing our stuff up and getting on the road. It feels like forever before we get home, and my stomach is in knots. I haven’t heard anything else from Seona and I’m really starting to worry about her. The only thing keeping me from storming her house is the promise I made my mom before we left and the message from Travis. If something was really wrong, he would tell me.
The whole night passes without a word from Seona. I toss and turn all night, unable to get to sleep. By the time morning comes, I’m exhausted, nervous, and agitated all wrapped into one. When I arrive at school, the first thing I do is head in the direction of her locker. My hands are shaking and at first I don’t see her. Scanning the hallway, I finally find her coming from the other direction. She must have had Travis drop her off.
When she looks up and sees me waiting, there is a small hesitation in her step. There’s no sparkle in her eyes right now and I’m going to do anything I can to replace it.
“Hey,” I whisper and lean down to give her a kiss. Right before my lips touch hers, she moves her head, leaving my lips to graze her cheek.
“Hey,” she says. There is tension between us as she turns and pulls her books out of her locker.
I wrap my arms around her waist and lean my chin on her shoulder, watching. We need more time alone, which isn’t always possible during the school day. The fact that I need to finish a project for art couldn’t have come at a better time. If I work on it during lunch, I can bring Seona with me, giving us a chance to talk.
“How about we have lunch in the art room? I have a project to work on and I was hoping you’d come and eat with me.”
She’s silent for a moment. “You go ahead without me. I’ve got to get to class.”
She places a quick kiss on my cheek and steps out of my arms, heading to class. I don’t see her the rest of the morning and still hoping I can convince her to eat lunch with me, I make my way to the cafeteria. A place that I used to dread before I met Seona. Walking through the door, I see Alyssa at our normal table, but there is no sign of Seona. I scan the whole room and still don’t see her. Discreetly pulling out my phone, I send a quick text asking her where she is. Deciding to get my work done, I head to the art room while I wait.
There’s no response from her and I wonder, just like I have from the time I found out that she left the hotel early, is there a way to bring my Seona back to me. From the moment her dad showed up, I felt her pulling away from me and it’s still happening. At least she can’t run away or avoid me in history.
The days of me dreading going to history to avoid her, are long over, but now the clock feels like it’s moving backwards. Art is my favorite class, and for the first time I can remember, I can’t wait for it to end.
Walking into history, I notice that I’m one of the first ones there. I take my normal seat at the back of the room and wait for her to show up. After a few minutes, I start watching the clock, wondering where she could be.
Is she really going to come to class late to avoid talking to me? It hurts to think that she feels like she needs to push me away. Even with the pain, I continue watching the door. Waiting.
Right before the bell’s supposed to ring, Seona slips through the door. Her eyes are downcast as she takes the seat in the front of the room, ignoring the empty one next to me. I can’t take it anymore and pull out my phone.
Me: I miss you. Please talk to me.
I don’t know what I expect, but when she peeks at her phone and pushes it back into her bag without even trying to answer me, I feel lost. How am I supposed to help her if she won’t let me?
Everything she does to push me away, puts a little crack in my heart that only she can fix. The rest of the week passes the same way. Me finding her at her locker first thing in the morning and her avoiding me the rest of the day even in history. By the time Friday arrives, my nerves are shot and I have no idea what to do, especially when I arrive at her locker and she’s not there. Brendan walks up, a sad smile on his face.
“She’s not coming today,” he says.
I can’t contro
l the sigh that escapes my lips. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried everything I can think of.”
“Don’t give up on her. Just give her time.”
He clasps me on the shoulder and leaves for class, but his words ring through my head. It’s exactly what my mom said to me before we left the hotel last weekend. The whole situation sucks because I will do anything to keep Seona from being hurt, except she won’t let me. It’s gotten to the point where she ignores my calls and texts. I can’t help her when she won’t talk to me.
Would things between us ever be the same again?
Chapter 22
Seona
I decide to skip school on Friday. There’s so much going on in my head, so many thoughts, and I can’t face Jayceon. I miss him so much. I know what I’m doing is killing him, but I can’t drag him through this, not when I’m feeling this way. Facing Jayceon and seeing what I’m doing to him is more than I can take. Even though we haven’t been together for very long, he still means the world to me and I love him. I hate the fact that I’m breaking his heart.
My eyes hurt from my sob fest. Every night I lay in bed, sobbing, clenching my chest to numb the pain. I look at my phone, wanting to call Jayceon so he can come over and wrap me in his arms. Being next to him, feeling his arms around me, is the only place I feel safe.
But I don’t call him.
I don’t text him.
I ignore him.
Every day in school he tries to talk to me. I give him one lame excuse after another and when I tell him my latest excuse, it’s like a punch to my stomach. The pained look in his eyes brings me to the ground.
This is what I have to do. Pushing Jayceon away is the only answer. Once I figure out my life, maybe we can try again; that is, if he’ll take me back.
My dad left with John and Kendall after the cheer competition. He tried calling me a few times, but Travis told me not to answer. I know he’ll be back. I’ve been researching ways to get away from him and since I’ll be eighteen soon, it can happen. The thing is, even if I have a piece of paper that says I’m emancipated, it won’t stop him from trying to bring me back to Michigan. He needs me for his campaign trail.
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