Beautiful Lessons

by Rebecca Brooke

  After school I work out, come home, do homework and go to bed. This is how it’s been. At night, I dream about Jayceon. Each night it’s the same dream. I’m screaming for him to not leave me, but he does. He walks to Alyssa, never looking back to me.

  Picking up my phone, I scroll through my pictures and find one of me and Jayceon. I stare at his smile and look into his eyes. We were lying in his bed, and my head is resting on his chest. We’re both smiling and I love how happy we both look. I scroll to the next picture and see one of us and he’s kissing the side of my head. If only I could travel back in time and take back the words I said to him.

  Releasing a deep breath, I lay back down on my bed. Kicking myself for logging back onto Facebook and checking out his page, I see that he’s listening to a song called “Lullaby” by the The Spill Canvas.

  Never easy.

  I bring up the song on my Spotify and listen to the soft guitar and a soothing voice come through my iPhone. Instantly I cry, remembering all the times Jayceon would hold me in his arms, telling me how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me in his life. The chorus comes on and the tears are endless. I need to talk to him. I need him to understand. Bringing my phone to my ear, I listen to the phone ring, and then the indication that he pressed ignore.

  “Hey it’s Jayceon. Sorry I missed your call, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you.” I smile with the sound of his voice, but when I hear the beep, I freeze.

  Do I leave a message?

  Do I hang up?

  “Lullaby. You’re my lullaby.”

  Chapter 29

  Jayceon

  Seeing Seona in school today was not what I expected. At the restaurant the other night she seemed like she wanted to talk, except I had nothing left to say. Then today, Brendan’s all over her just like before. She was smiling, so I guess that was something. Every day I counted down the days until I could leave this all behind.

  Although, ever since the night of the party, things have been so different for me. People have been coming up to me left and right, telling me that they’re sorry they believed Chaz and wished they could take it all back. At least that was a hell of a lot more sincere than the jackasses who tried to convince me that they believed me all along, but didn’t know how to approach me. What a crock of shit? All they needed to do was follow Brendan’s example. Not that he’s been acting much like a friend lately.

  Between watching those two and having to sit next to her in history, my day took a nose dive pretty quickly. It got to the point that I needed to relax, so after dinner, I came up to my room to draw, and I’ve been here ever since.

  A soft knock sounded at the door. Looking up from the picture, I call out, “Come in.”

  My dad peeks his head around the door. “Can we talk?”

  “Sure.” I shrug and put the pencil down to give him my attention.

  He comes farther into the room and sits on the side of my bed. “Do you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

  There’s no doubt in my mind what he wants to know, but in my best avoidance dance, I pretend I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Just working on some stuff for art and trying to figure out what to do about the prom?”

  “Well that’s up to you, but I’m sure you can get any date you want? But that’s beside the point and you know it.” He shakes his head. “All of the shit you dealt with from Chaz is done and over with. And I’ll say it again; I wish you would have told me sooner, so we could have done something about it.”

  His brows are drawn together; I know he’s frustrated that I kept all of it to myself, but we can’t change the past. “I know, Dad. Looking back on it, I wish I had, but it is what it is.”

  “I know. I don’t mean to keep harping on you about it. Right now, I’m more worried about the fact that you should be happy right now. Senior year is almost over and there shouldn’t be any more crap for you at school, is there?”

  “No, Dad.” I rush to reassure him. “Everything has been great since then.”

  “Okay, then what’s wrong? Mom and I can’t help but notice that you haven’t been truly happy since you and Seona broke up. I saw her today and she looks as unhappy as you do.”

  “Everything’s fine, Dad. Seona’s moved on and I’m happy being on my own for right now. There’s been so much going on lately, and I need to catch up.” He arches one eyebrow. “I promise. I’m fine,” I reassure him.

  He nods, but I have a feeling he’s seeing more than he’s letting on. Dad always had an uncanny ability of knowing when I was telling him only part of the truth and it hasn’t changed. But he leaves it alone and walks over to the door. Right as he’s about to open it, he turns back to me. “You know I’m here if you want to talk, right?”

  And like that, he has proven once again that he can read me like a book. It’s just not a place I want to go. “I know. Thanks, Dad.”

  He smiles and walks out into the hall. My mind starts the second it closes behind him. Was I really happier when I was with Seona? It’s hard to think past all the hurt she caused me. Those first few days, it felt like someone had stomped on my chest. My heart ached for her, yet I did everything I could to pull myself together. The whole situation was beginning to cause me even more stress.

  Besides drawing, music is the other thing that helps me relieve stress. Reaching over to my laptop on the desk, I hit the icon to start Spotify and instantly click on the playlist at the top. It’s the one I use when I need to decompress. The first song is one that used to be my salvation, now it just brings back memories of the weekend that changed everything.

  Lullaby.

  I should delete it, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Flashes of our time together parade through my mind. Over and over again, I try to figure out the place it all went wrong. It’s the same thought I have whenever this song plays. As it ends, I slam the top down, not wanting to hear anymore. Dropping the notebook on the floor next to my bed, I lie down and pull out my phone.

  Swiping my finger across the screen, I notice there’s a call from Seona and voicemail. Deciding that there’s no reason to put myself through any more torture today, I ignore the voicemail and try and get some sleep.

  *****

  Two weeks later, I’ve decided to take Alyssa to prom. Out of all of the girls in the school, there’s no one I’d rather go with, especially if I’m going to have to watch Seona and Brendan dance all night. The night’s probably going to suck anyway.

  Not wanting to make a big deal out of it, I’m going to ask her this morning at her locker. It’s not like we’re going as boyfriend and girlfriend. And I’m not really into grand gestures anymore. All of the ones I made before were thrown away like they didn’t matter. It’s going to take a while before I’m ready to put myself out there, again.

  Waiting for her to show up is more nerve wracking than I thought it would be. For the last few weeks, every morning had the same routine; I’d beat Alyssa to school and wait for her at her locker, while she ran late every day, which is so unlike her.

  “Sorry, I’m late again,” she says, coming up from behind me.

  “No problem,” I answer, trying to figure out exactly what to say to her.

  “Gimme one sec and I’ll be ready.” Her head is buried in her locker looking for the books she needs this morning.

  “I wanted to ask you something.” There must have been something in the tone of my voice, because she stops what she’s doing and gives me her full, undivided attention.

  “Sure. What’s up?” Her head tilts to the side, like she’ trying to figure out the great mystery of our existence.

  “I wanted to know if you’d be my date for the prom?”

  Her eyes shoot wide at the same time her mouth drops open. “Seriously?”

  It’s hard not to give a quick laugh at her reaction. “Yes, seriously.”

  I’d love to,” she practically screams and jumps at me, wrapping her arms around my neck. What I don’t expect is for her lips to pr
ess to mine. It takes a second for it to register that Alyssa is kissing me. Taking hold of her shoulders, I push her away.

  “What the hell was that about?” I snap.

  Her cheeks take on a light pink hue. “Sorry. I just got carried away. Look I gotta go.” She grabs her bag and takes off in the direction of her first class, leaving me in the middle of the hall trying to figure out what just happened.

  All morning, I have trouble getting that kiss off of my mind. It’s not that I felt anything from it, I guess I don’t get why she did it. What was she hoping to accomplish? By lunch my head is a mess, but I need to talk to Alyssa before things get weird with us again. I can’t give up my best friend.

  Walking into the lunch room, I’m not sure what I expect to find with the way Alyssa ran out of the room earlier. It’s not until my phone buzzes, do I know where to find her.

  Alyssa: In the art room.

  Collecting my lunch, I head in that direction. It is the perfect place for us to talk. When I get there, Alyssa already has everything set up and ready to go. Only two steps into the door and Alyssa comes to stand in front of me.

  “I’m really sorry about what happened this morning. Can we pretend like it never happened and pick up from there?”

  “Look Lyssa, It’s not that I don’t care about you, but I told you before that I don’t feel that way about you.”

  Her eyes drop to the floor. “I know. I just got a bit excited. I promise it won’t happen again.” She looks up and smiles and just like that we’re back where we need to be.

  About ten minutes before everyone will come back from lunch, Alyssa leaves to stop by her locker for her missing notebook. I’m so absorbed in the piece I’m working on that I stay where I am. Finishing the painting, I step back to inspect my work, when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Old habits die hard, and my body stiffens waiting for what will happen next.

  “Hey man,” Brendan says from behind me.

  I relax a little, but only for a second. Brushing his hand off of me, I turn and cross my arms over my chest. “What Brendan?”

  He’s not exactly a person I want to talk to at this point. He’s tried for the last few days and each time, I’ve found a way to avoid him. I’m not the type to fight, but being around him definitely makes me want to pound his face in.

  He’s not looking at me, but at the canvas on the easel. “Awesome work, man.”

  “Thanks,” I say with a sneer. Now, what do you want?”

  With a sigh, he turns to look at me. “To talk to you about Seona.”

  This has to be a joke. I scoff. “That is the last thing I want to talk to you about.” I grab the canvas and push past him, except he’s quicker and blocks the door.

  “You’ve been avoiding me for days and it’s time for you to listen to what I have to say.”

  Grinding my teeth together, I stand there silently and wait for him to continue. Asshole doesn’t get how close I am to knocking him out of the doorway with my fist.

  “Look, I know you’re pissed, but a lot of it is for things that are completely untrue. Seona really misses you.”

  “So you just waited for us to break up to make your move?” I roll my eyes and try to step around him, but he continues to block the exit. “Get out of my way. Now”

  “No. You need to listen. Seona and I aren't dating. We never were.”

  “What the hell do I care if you’re dating her or not?”

  He throws his hands up in the air. “Damn it, stop being an asshole.”

  The blood starts pounding through my ears. “Screw you. You’re the guy who goes after his friend’s ex-girlfriend.” Dropping the canvas, I swing my left fist at him, unable to contain my anger anymore. He blocks it and shoves me against the wall, with his arm against my throat. Fidgeting, I try and get away from him.

  “Knock that shit off and listen to me. I’ve been your friend, even through all of Chaz’s bullshit. I wouldn’t lie to you now. Seona and I aren’t together. She needed a friend, so I was there. The only person she wants is you.”

  What he’s saying finally penetrates my brain and I stop moving. “You’re not together?”

  “No. She needed a shoulder to cry on.”

  It takes me a minute to realize that he’s let me go, all the while I’m thinking about what an ass I’ve been to believe that he would do that to me. Taking a step into the room, I flop down onto one of the chairs. “I’m sorry man.”

  Walking over, he takes the seat next to me and shrugs. “Don’t be. I’m not sure what made you think that, but I’ve heard enough rumors to understand why you would.”

  “What did you expect me to believe after I see her hanging all over you, plus hearing about your little weekend sleepovers.”

  “That was one instance because she was worried about Paul coming to the house while Travis wasn’t home. And the only hanging I’ve done is comfort when she sees you hanging all over Alyssa in the hallway.

  “Alyssa’s my best friend. She was there when Seona decided to dump my ass.”

  “Just like I’ve been there for her when she realized she made a mistake.” There’s a small silence before he starts again. “You know you could fix it with her, right?”

  The comment is so outrageous, my gaze snaps to his. “You’re joking? Anything that was between Seona and I is gone and buried. Even if she didn’t dump me for you, she still lied and pushed me away.”

  “She thought it was for the best.”

  Standing, I pick up the painting and step towards the back of the room, and without looking at him say, “Except it was only good for her. She crushed me and I’ve finally picked up all of the pieces; a lot of it with Alyssa’s help.

  “I think you’re fooling yourself.”

  “Maybe I am, but at least I’m whole.”

  “Yeah, right. Neither of you are whole. But you’re both too stubborn to admit it, considering you could probably lose the one person who makes you happy.”

  “Like I said, it doesn’t matter. The rest of my class will be here soon; I suggest that if you don’t want to be late, you start making your way to your next class.”

  The rest of the day passes and I can’t get Brendan’s comments out of my head. Was he really serious about the way Seona felt? I’m not sure it matters, because either way, I’m not ready to put my heart back out there for anyone.

  Chapter 30

  Seona

  Prom; what most girls think and dream about. When we first start high school, we think about prom and hope to have a boyfriend who will bring us. Not only are we thinking about the boyfriend, but the dress.

  Are you going to get a fitted dress?

  A ballroom dress?

  Something short?

  What color are you going to get?

  These are the questions you ask yourself. You go with your mom to the bridal store, and maybe a close friend or a sister, you look through the racks of several dresses and try to pick one. While you're in the fitting room, you think about how you want your hair and makeup to look. When you walk out of the fitting room to look at yourself in the three-way mirror, you want to smile and fall in love with the dress. Sometimes it's the first dress or sometimes it takes a while. But regardless, prom is like a mini wedding without the commitment.

  We daydream about walking down the stairs, in a beautiful dress, while someone’s waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs. The corsage matches our dress and the handsome boy is wearing a tuxedo.

  I used to be excited. I used to be one of those girls. I'd look through bridal magazines and browse through the prom sections to find the perfect dress. I knew I wanted a Cinderella style dress, but in a light pink. I wanted a tight bodice with jewels and the tulle ruffling out so that it's covering my feet. The dress would be strapless and I would feel like a princess for a night.

  But now, as I'm standing in the hall watching Alyssa say yes to Jayceon, I don't give a shit about prom. Seeing them together is torture. Watching them smile, kiss and hold hands as if th
ey're the only ones on the planet, sucks.

  When I look at Alyssa, I wish I was her. She stood by his side when he needed someone and their friendship is strong. I’m sure she never lied to him or pushed him away. The more I stare at them, the more I feel like a creepy stalker. Turning away, I head down the hall and get to class.

  Sitting in class seems pointless. I’m not paying attention, nor do I care about what Mr. Tanner is saying. I guess part of me is happy everything happened. Now Jayceon’s not getting bullied and people admire him. He’s painting a new picture of himself and has a good girl by his side. But it still doesn’t mean I’m okay with how he’s treating me. I mean, he freaking saves me from Chaz, refuses to visit me while I’m in the hospital and then flaunts his relationship for everyone to see.

  I’ve been trying to tear down his walls of hate for me. I did it before and thought I could do it again.

  But that only led to disappointment.

  Just two more months of school before college.

  Two more months.

  When the bell rings, I rush to history class. I’m almost there until Mr. Adams stops me. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!

  “Hey Seona, do you have a minute?”

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  “I wanted to meet with you later this week and talk about your project. You’re onto something good.” He points at the folder in his hands. “Have you received any acceptance letters yet?”

  I look down at my feet, then back to him. “Just NYU.” Saying the college name puts a sharp knife in my heart. NYU. The same college as Jayceon. “But I’m not sure if I’m going to attend. Might do the community college thing.”

  Mr. Adams shakes his head. “Let’s talk later.” I nod and head to class. Walking in, I see Jayceon already sitting, but not in the usual seat. He’s in the middle of class and there are no seats around him. I guess I shouldn’t care. Taking a seat in the back, I look at him, watching him taking out his stuff, and I wonder how he’d react if I demanded answers here. I mean there’s nowhere for him to run. I want to demand explanations. Demand that he talk to me.