Beautiful Lessons

by Rebecca Brooke

  “Yep, let’s go.”

  Claire squeals, taking my hands and picking me up. “I’m so glad you’re coming tonight. You deserve to have fun and I promise it’ll be a night you don’t forget!”

  I hope so.

  Almost four hours later, we’re outside with a large group at Claire’s house. Everyone’s lined up for pictures and secretly I look around to see if Jayceon and Alyssa are coming too. I don't know why I care if they'll be here or not.

  “He’s not gonna come,” Claire whispers. “He dropped out of my limo.”

  “Oh,” I respond, hoping that I hid my disappointment. Of course, they would drop out of the limo. Neither of them can stand being around me. Jayceon hates me and Alyssa, well, who knows what her deal is. She won the perfect guy.

  I shake it off and give my attention to Brendan. During the past few months he's been the rock I've needed. If it weren't for him, I don't know what would've happened to me. When I think about a best friend, I think about him and of course, Claire.

  Walking up to him, I place my head on his shoulder. He’s been amazing to me and deserves to have a great night too. “You do look handsome with your pink tie, mister.” I lean up and kiss his cheek.

  “And you look beautiful tonight.”

  I blush. “Thank you.”

  All the parents are gathered around taking pictures, sipping on wine and talking. I look around for my dad and Travis. I told them not to come because it’s not a big deal. Senior prom is an excuse for people to lose their virginities and party. It's nothing significant and it'll be a waste of time for them to be here.

  So why am I looking for them?

  “Alright kids! Smile!” One of the parents yells.

  Brendan wraps his arms around my waist and we all pose and smile on the count of three. Flashes from cameras go off and everyone’s smiling and laughing. It feels good to be here and I’m beginning to think I made the right decision coming tonight. Even though Jayceon and I aren’t together, I have the best friends and I’m going to have fun.

  Once the pictures are done, Claire, me and some of the girls take selfies and post it on Facebook and Instagram.

  “#SeniorPromFun,” Claire shouts to all of us.

  Brendan places his hand on my shoulder. “Hey, let’s take some more pictures.”

  “Okay.”

  We stand over by the waterfall in Claire’s backyard and Brendan’s parents take pictures.

  “Oh honey, you’re so handsome!” His mom gushes. “And Seona, that dress is absolutely beautiful. You look like a Princess.”

  “A very beautiful Princess.” I turn around and see my dad and Travis walking towards me. A smile breaks out on my face as I run over to my favorite guys, throwing my arms around my dad. “Hi sweetie.”

  “You came.”

  “Wouldn’t miss this for anything in the world.” He puts me down and takes out a black velvet box from his jacket, “This was your mother’s. Before she married Paul, she was here to see me.” Mark takes a break, looking away from me, then to the sky. “Since she couldn’t give me her heart, she settled on giving me this.” When he opens the box and shows me the necklace, I gasp. It’s a silver heart pendant with diamonds on the heart. Tears form in my eyes while I touch the necklace.

  “This was Mom’s?” He nods. “Can I wear it tonight?”

  “You can have it, sweetie.” When the necklace is around my neck, I touch it and close my eyes. Paul never gave me any of my mom’s jewelry and I didn’t have much of hers, but to have this necklace means the world to me. A piece of her will be with me always.

  Brendan comes over with his parents, shakes my dad’s hand and Travis’. “Good to see you again, Brendan.”

  “You as well, sir. These are my parents, Donna and Peter.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Your daughter is beautiful,” Brendan’s mom says.

  “Thank you.” Mark puts his arm around me and Travis comes to my other side. “Now, let’s get some more pictures.”

  Sitting in the large black limo with everyone as we laugh and reminisce about senior year, makes me feel sad in so many ways. Even though I’ve only spent months with my friends, it feels like an eternity and thinking about parting ways to start our lives in college scares the shit out of me.

  “So, not to be a Debbie Downer, but has anyone heard from Chaz or Vanessa?” Sean asks. I freeze, but Brendan squeezes my hand, letting me know it’s okay.

  “Chaz’s parents refuse to pay his bail and he pled guilty,” I quietly tell everyone, closing my eyes and remembering the day in court. I’ll never forget the look on his face during his sentencing. He turned and mouthed, I’m sorry. I’ll never know if he meant it or not.

  “I haven’t heard from Vanessa since she left. Gina hasn’t either. We have no idea what she’s doing. Her Facebook and Instagram are gone,” Claire adds.

  “Yo!” Brendan yells. “Can we not talk about those douchebags and have fucking fun tonight?”

  The limo erupts in whoops and cheers. “Thank you.” I rest my head on his shoulder.

  “You’re welcome.” He kisses the side of my head and all I can think about is Jayceon.

  The limo drops us off at the hotel where our prom is being held and we walk inside to the ballroom full of balloons, streamers and music blasting from the speakers. This year, everyone voted on having a fairy tale theme, so the school went all out with props and decorations.

  Holding onto Brendan’s arm, my eyes find Jayceon. He looks so sexy in his black tux and I can't look away. In this moment, just for a moment, it's us in the ballroom. No one else matters.

  Then Alyssa comes into view and I quickly look away.

  Seona Ashlee Fisher, don’t do this to yourself. You’ll be fine. You can do this. Don’t let him ruin your fun.

  Brendan pulls me onto the dance floor with our friends. We start dancing to Cruise by Florida Georgia Line, singing along to the words, laughing and having the time of our lives. Brendan and I sing to each other and I laugh so hard watching him dance and sing. He picks me up and spins me around, my squeals filling the room. Being with my friends tonight, knowing this is one of the last times we’ll be here together, makes me smile.

  “Brendan!” I giggle, clinging onto his neck.

  When he puts me down, the song changes to Unconditionally by Katy Perry.

  “May I have this dance?”

  Brendan’s arm is extended out to me. I roll my eyes and place my hand in his. He spins me around, pulling me to his body. His hands rest on the lower part of my back and I rest my cheek against his hard chest.

  “I know I said this before, but thank you for being my date tonight.”

  Giving me a tight squeeze, he kisses the top of my head and we dance to the song. When the song ends, I turn around and see Jayceon with Alyssa. They’re dancing and I smile and I let out a deep breath. It’s harder than I thought, seeing them together on a night that should have been for us. Seeing them earlier when we walked in hurt, but while they’re in an intimate moment. I can’t.

  I want to believe that there’s a chance for us in the future and we can try again. Then I see them together and all of my wishes disappear. I wrap my arms around my body and look away. I can’t do this.

  “Seona,” Brendan says. “Don’t look at them.”

  Claire stands next to Brendan and looks at me. "This is your night! Don't let him make you leave."

  "He's not." I close my eyes. "He's not. I cannot stand here and watch him with her. I know that you guys want me here and it's been amazing, but my heart can only take so much. When you see the person you love with your whole heart, love someone else, it's like daggers hitting you one at a time."

  Brendan brings me into his arms and Claire holds my hand. I lean up and kiss Brendan on his cheek. “Thank you for trying, but I’m gonna go.” Before he or Claire could say anything, I walk out of the ballroom and call Mark to come get me.

  “Seona, are you okay?”

  “Can you
come get me please? I need to go.” I knew it was a mistake to come here. I thought I could have fun tonight with my friends, but seeing them together is more than I can take.

  “Okay, I’m about three minutes away.”

  “Okay.” I disconnect the call and head outside without looking back.

  Right on time, Mark pulls up and I quickly get in. When I shut the door, I lean my head back and listen to the music from the radio. Six Degrees of Separation by One Republic plays. The words hit me - desperation, six degrees of separation, faking a smile, not everything is okay.

  “Do you love him?”

  “What?”

  “Do you love Jayceon?”

  The question hits me hard. Our love fell down and now we're nothing to each other. Yet, he's all I think about. Of course I still love him. I watched us fall apart and the disaster of our love stands as a reminder of what I did. I sigh. “Of course I do. I love him and miss him and think about him all the time. He’s the one I want to be with. And don’t sit there and make fun of me. Even though I’m only seventeen, I know that Jayceon’s the one I want to be with.” But he's with Alyssa. I can't compete with her. She knows him, and has been in his life since forever. It's no wonder they're together.

  “I’m not going to make fun of you. I know what it’s like to love someone when you’re young. I fell in love with your mom and we were kids, just like you and Jayceon. When you fall in love, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, love is love. Love doesn’t discriminate against time. Even though I never saw you and Jayceon together, Travis told me and instantly, I knew what the both of you felt. The problem between me and your mother was, I didn’t fight for her. When she left, and kept leaving after her visits, I let her go. She gave me Travis, so I always had a piece of her. But you have the chance to do things differently. Fight for the one you love, Seona. I think that you and Jayceon are good together. I also think you need to remember how incredible you are. It takes courage and strength to go through what you have. Seona, I’m so proud of you, and right now I wish you could see the amazing girl I see every day.”

  “It’s hard to see that when I don’t believe it.”

  Mark pulls down the visor. “Look at yourself.” I do as he says. “Can you honestly sit there and tell me you aren’t proud of the young woman you see?”

  “Daddy, don’t get me wrong, I am. It’s going to take me a little more time to see what you and Travis see. This isn’t easy.”

  “And sweetheart, life is never easy. When you live your life to the fullest, without regrets or what ifs, you’ll see that you’ll be much happier. Living your life with regret prevents you from moving on to the next chapter of your life. If you keep looking back, then how can you move on?”

  I let his words sink in. He’s right. I keep looking back and asking myself what if I never walked away? What if I never lied to him? If I don’t do this now, then I’ll never know. It’s now or never.

  I glance at my dad to see a smile on his face. “Why are you smiling?”

  “Because I think you know what you’re going to do.”

  “I know what I want to do, but I can't. Jayceon's moved on and I need to also. There's no second chance for us, Dad. So if we can go home, that'll be great.”

  The rest of the car ride is quiet. I look out the window and thank God that there's not too many more weeks of school. If only I could run away and hide until the day I graduate.

  When we get home, I'm about to get out of the car when a text from Claire comes in.

  Claire: Watch this!

  I click on the play button on my phone and there’s Jayceon.

  “Hey everyone.” He pauses for a moment, “I know I’m supposed to use this time to say thanks for this honor, but there is something else I need to say. Sometimes in life people hurt us. They may not mean to and it may be hard to look past the things they’ve done. The thing is, if you really care about them, and as long as they regret their actions, you need to forgive them. We can’t go through life with regrets. We’re young and that’s a long time to worry about what might have happened. So, while this has been an awesome night,” He looks at someone and then speaks again, “I need to go and make sure I haven’t ruined anything. That it’s not too late.”

  Claire: Jayceon just left!

  I watch the video again. I'm not sure how I feel or what to do. I've been waiting for Jayceon my whole life. He's the one who pulled me out and made me believe again. He taught me beautiful lessons about love and life. All the ugliness I had in my heart is gone because of Jayceon.

  "Seona, go to him, sweetheart. No regrets."

  I give my dad a quick hug before getting into his car and speeding down the road to my destiny. I park on the side of his house and notice his car in the driveway. I take a few deep breaths and wipe the sweat from my hands.

  "Go to him, Seona. You love him. No regrets." Making my way out of the car I hurry to his front door. Just as I'm about to ring the doorbell, the door opens and he's standing right before me.

  "Seona."

  "Jayceon."

  We stand in front of each other and neither of us knows what to say. I have a million things going through my head and all I want to do is feel his heartbeat against my chest and feel his arms around me.

  "I saw the video." I pause and keep my gaze on him. "I have so much I need to say to you."

  "I do too," he tells me, looking away from me.

  "Can I go first?" I ask, hoping he'll listen to what I've been holding in for the past few months. "Please?"

  "Yeah." he moves away from the door, letting me know to come in.

  I make my way to the living room and sit down on the couch. I'm not sure if this is okay, but he's not saying anything, so I take a few more breaths and focus on what I want to say. He sits next to me on the couch and this is the first time we've been this close. God, I miss him.

  "Jayceon," I start to say. "I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry for pushing you away and lying to you. I thought that you deserved better and didn't need me. I wanted to hold onto you forever, and the memories of us stayed alive in my heart." I take his hand in mine. "I miss you so much and I tried to move on. I tried and each time I thought about it, you came into my head. When you first looked at me in the cafeteria, something in me told me to talk to you and get to know you. When we first held hands, my ugly heart started to heal. You left me wanting so much more and I wanted you so badly. I couldn't help myself, Jayceon. I fell for you from the moment we saw each other. After everything that's happened between us," I sigh, holding back the tears. "I want this. I want you and I want you forever." I throw my arms around his neck and pull him to me. I let the tears fall from my eyes and when I feel his arms tighten around my waist, a breath of relief escapes my lips.

  Chapter 33

  Jayceon

  The girl of my dreams is sitting in my arms; the one I’ve been chasing in my dreams and suddenly I’m tongue tied. Of all of the things I had running through my head, none of the words would form on my lips. Her tears made my heart ache for her and the pain she’s been through. My girl is broken and I have to find a way to fix her. If I can’t get out the words she needs to hear, there’s another way I can show her how I feel.

  Loosening my arms from around her, I notice her flinch immediately. Not at all what I want. The beautiful hazel eyes that stare back at me as I stand up, hold so much sadness within them, it almost brings me to my knees. Her gaze darts to the floor and I reach out to take a hold of her chin, forcing her eyes back to mine.

  “Please, just listen,” I beg.

  She nods, her eyes narrowed in confusion.

  Not wanting to waste another minute, I grab my guitar from beside the door and return to the couch. She looks at it, her brows drawn down.

  “Jayceon?”

  Instead of answering, I run my fingers over the strings, strumming out the notes that have been dancing in my head for days and let the words go.

  You’re leaving me at the lig
ht

  The dark is fogging your mind

  I know ‘cause I can see you

  I know you’ve told me it’s alright

  But I know that you’re telling a lie

  I can hear your thoughts thru your eyes

  You're saying, "No, I can't be perfect"

  "No, I'm not worth it"

  "I'm a basket case to your world"

  I said, "No one’s ever perfect"

  "But you're more than worth it"

  "You're the air to my world"

  Can’t you see what I see?

  All this beauty in front of me

  Can’t you see what I see?

  A love so, and a love so free

  Can’t you see what I see?

  All this beauty in front of me

  Can’t you see what I see?

  Can’t you see what I see?

  Yeah baby, please don’t leave

  How could you let me inside?

  Your mind, your body, tell me why

  You’d wanna leave without trying

  How could you say “it’s not you?"

  ‘Cuz if you leave that’s on me too

  This ain’t no one way street,

  Let’s work this please

  Lost in lyrics that make me think of the most beautiful girl in the world, I don’t notice the fact that she’s crying until I look up and see the streaks down her face.

  “That’s beautiful,” she whispers.

  And just like that, the song opens the floodgates on the words I need to tell her.

  “Seona, I love you with every little piece of me.”

  The light that’s been missing every time our gazes locked, sparks to life as if a piece of her has been missing. Maybe it’s the same piece that’s been missing from me.

  “Jayceon, I—”

  Covering her lips with my finger, I set the guitar down on the table and finish what I have to say. “Please let me finish.”