Be Careful What You Wish For

by Gemma Crisp

  ‘Oh my God, are you coming to Sydney for a holiday? When? When? When?’ Nina screeched in excitement. She couldn’t wait to show him the sights of Sydney, and for him to meet Jeremy.

  ‘Well, it’s more than a holiday, actually. I’ve done some investigating and I can get a twelve-month tourist visa, so I’ve just booked myself a ticket to Orrrrstraaaaaaaaaaaaylia. Watch out Oxford Street, Daddy’s coming!’

  ‘What do you mean, you’re coming for twelve months? What about your job at the hotel?’ Nina’s brain couldn’t keep up. She knew Johan was hopeless with money, so how he could afford to book a flight to Australia and not work for a year was not making any sense whatsoever.

  ‘Ah yes, that. Well, you see the thing is . . . I don’t have a job anymore.’

  ‘What?’ she gasped. ‘What do you mean? Did you quit?’

  ‘Not exactly. Mr Farrington-Smyth sacked me after he found out I was having a relationship with AJ.’

  ‘WHAAAAAAT?! You had an affair with AJ Armstrong?! When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me? How did you get busted?’ It felt like only yesterday that they had been sitting in the pub near the Marie Claude offices, while Nina warned him against going for a drink with the Bickford’s VIP guest – if he was ever asked. But as Johan went on to explain, in the months since that conversation AJ Armstrong had asked Johan to do more than just have a drink with him – a lot more.

  ‘Honey, I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d tear strips off me. We were busted after one of the butlers saw me sneaking out of AJ’s suite at five am when I wasn’t rostered on to work. I thought I’d managed to convince him to keep it quiet, but you know what the butlers are like – their mouths are bigger than Perez Hilton’s. So soon everyone knew and it was only a matter of time before Farrington-Smyth heard about it. He hauled me into his office three days ago and went ballistic. Seriously, you’d think I’d burnt the hotel down on purpose; he was carrying on like a pork chop. Anyway, he sacked me for gross misconduct.’

  ‘Gross misconduct? Sheeeeesh . . . What did AJ say when you told him?’

  ‘He laughed. And then he wrote me a cheque for five thousand pounds.’

  ‘He. Did. Not.’

  ‘Yes. He. Did,’ Johan responded, mimicking Nina’s disbelieving tone. ‘He figured it was his fault that I got fired, so he should make it up to me. And was I going to refuse? Hell, no! That man’s bank balance makes the Kardashians look like they’re on welfare. Five thousand quid is like five pence to him. It wasn’t like he was going to ask me to move in with him and be his house pet, so I grabbed the money and I’m about to run – all the way to the other side of the world. I’ve decided a relaxing stopover in Koh Samui on my way to Australia is just what I need to get over the shock of being unemployed, so I’ll be touching down in Sydney two weeks after that. Now, remind me: where are you and Tess living again? How close is it to Oxford Street? My gays in London tell me that’s where I need to be. Correct?’

  ‘Correct,’ Nina confirmed. ‘There’s also Newtown, which has a large gay community, but from what I’ve heard, it’s a bit more grungy than Oxford Street.’

  ‘Urrrrrgh . . .’ Johan’s shudder oscillated down the Skype connection. ‘Darling, you know Daddy doesn’t do grunge. Lock in Oxford Street – you’d better warn all the best-looking boys that a new gay is about to hit town!’

  ‘Hold on, I’ll just add it to the top of my to-do list,’ Nina said dryly. ‘So I’ll pick you up when you fly in from Thailand – email me your itinerary so I know what flight you’re on, okay?’

  ‘Will do. And let me know what booze you want me to pick up from the duty-free shop, because we will have some serious celebrating to do when I touch down! I think I arrive early on a Saturday morning, so we’ll have to go out that night – after chillaxing on a beach in Koh Samui, I’ll be gagging to get laid.’

  ‘Uh, sure,’ Nina said, wondering how Jeremy would cope with being dragged up and down the infamous Oxford Street strip on a Saturday night. On second thoughts, maybe it would be better if she went out solo with Johan. That way, they could catch up properly without her worrying if Jeremy felt left out when they reminisced about London and caught up on all the gossip.

  ‘Fabulous, I’ll start planning my outfit now. I’m due at the travel agent in fifteen minutes to pay my deposit, so Daddy’s gotta run. Can’t wait to strut my stuff through Australian customs and see my fluffball waiting for me!’

  ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re going to be here so soon! Wait till I tell Tess – she’ll die. Don’t forget to send me your itinerary, okay? Love you!’

  Nina cut the Skype connection then looked up in surprise when Tess wandered into the living room in her pyjamas, looking pale and drained.

  ‘Tess! I thought you were out! Sorry, if I’d known you were here, I would have been quieter when I was talking to Johan. Wait till you hear what’s happened to him!’ She quickly filled her in on the latest developments, finishing with, ‘So he’s booked on a flight that arrives in three weeks – can you believe it?! It’s going to be so great having him here, it’ll be just like old times!’

  Tess sank slowly down onto the couch, pulling the cushions on top of her like she wanted to disappear.

  ‘Where’s he going to stay – with us? How long for?’

  ‘Um, I guess so . . .’ Nina realised she’d forgotten to ask Johan about his accommodation plans. ‘He’ll probably stay with us until he gets his bearings, but I doubt he’ll be here the entire time – twelve months is too long for a house guest, even if it is my best friend.’

  ‘Especially if he’s bringing home a new guy every night,’ Tess muttered. ‘He’ll be sleeping on the couch, so he’ll need to behave himself. I don’t really want to get up at five thirty am for work and walk out into the living room to find him shagging some random.’

  ‘Tess! I’m sure he won’t do that, he is house-trained. And it’s not like he hasn’t worked in hospitality before, so I’m sure he’ll be sensitive to your early morning shifts.’ Nina decided it was time to change the subject, seeing Tess was clearly in one of her moods. ‘So how was your day off? Were you sick?’

  ‘Not really. I couldn’t sleep last night so I didn’t wake up till late, then I just couldn’t be bothered getting out of bed.’

  ‘How could you stay in bed when it was such a pearler of a day?’

  ‘Was it? I didn’t really notice, to be honest.’ Tess stared out the window at the rapidly darkening sky, watching the silhouettes of the bats as they winged their way to dine on the fig trees in Centennial Park.

  ‘Were you too busy reading or something?’ Nina asked absentmindedly, her mind already busy planning what she and Johan would do on his first day in Sydney.

  ‘No.’ Tess shrugged. ‘I just didn’t feel like getting up.’

  ‘So you haven’t even had a shower yet? Nasssssty! Come on, stop marinating in your own filth and go make yourself look decent, then we can hit up Fratelli Paradiso for some of their calamari. I’ve been craving it all week.’

  ‘Stop the press! You mean you’re not seeing Jeremy the Wonderboy tonight?’ Tess said sarcastically. ‘How will you ever cope?’

  ‘Very funny. He has a work dinner on tonight – some important clients are in town, so his company pulled out all the stops and booked a table at Quay.’

  ‘Quay? Nice. Wonder if he’ll get to sample the snow egg . . .’ Tess trailed off wistfully, obviously fantasising about the award-winning restaurant’s famous dessert.

  ‘Did I not tell you? I had it the other day when I was at the launch of that new Calvin Klein fragrance. They booked the private room and it was on the tasting menu – but it was a white nectarine variation, not the guava one that everyone was drooling over when it was on that cooking show. It still was delish, though.’

  ‘Oh, poor you – having to put up with white nectarine instead of guava,’ Tess mocked, as she headed to the bathroom for a shower. ‘Life is so hard, isn’t it, Nina?’


  ‘I wasn’t complaining, I was just saying!’ Nina shouted indignantly, then gave up trying to defend herself. ‘Yeah, I know, first-world problems and all that . . .’

  Fifteen minutes later, Nina raised an eyebrow when Tess walked out of her bedroom dressed in paint-splattered trackies and a tank top, sans bra. ‘You’re going to Fratelli’s dressed like that? Is there some new trend I don’t know about?’

  ‘I never said I was going to Fratelli’s, you just assumed that. I’m not in the mood for going out. Sorry, you’ll have to find another partner in calamari crime.’

  ‘Tessssssssssssss . . . I don’t want to go with someone else, I want to go with you. You’re never in the mood for going out anymore,’ Nina protested, thinking it’d been ages since the two of them had headed out together. ‘Come on, it’ll be fun. We can wash the calamari down with a bottle of prosecco while we score all the hot Italian waiters out of ten.’

  Tess sighed irritably, assuming her previous position on the couch. ‘I just don’t feel like it, okay? Just because you’re a social butterfly extraordinaire doesn’t mean I have to be, too,’ she said narkily.

  ‘But you haven’t left the house all day,’ Nina said. ‘It’ll be good for you to get out. Have you forgotten how to have fun or something?’ She immediately regretted her off-the-cuff comment when she saw Tess’s face shut down.

  ‘What don’t you understand about the words “I don’t want to”?’ Tess snapped. ‘I just want to slob on the couch, okay? I’m tired and, quite frankly, I can’t be bothered making conversation with you.’

  The two girls stared at each other in silence for a minute, then Nina grabbed her iPad, stalked into her bedroom and slammed the door. She had no idea what was wrong with Tess, but whatever it was, she didn’t like it. There was no need for her to lash out like that; she’d only been trying to help. Scrolling furiously through her Facebook news feed, Nina stabbed at the red notification icon that informed her that Johan had recently commented on one of her photos. As the image loaded on screen, she was suddenly aware of a lump in her throat. It was a shot of herself and Tess at their London leaving party. Grinning widely into the camera, the cousins had their arms wrapped around each other, oblivious to a tipsy Johan making bunny ears with his fingers behind both their heads. ‘Three weeks till we’re reunited, schweedies!!! Mwah!’ Johan had commented underneath the picture. Nina smiled sadly; if only he could see them now. ‘This is ridiculous,’ she told herself. ‘Stop being childish and just apologise for whatever you did that upset her.’

  Quietly opening the bedroom door, she snuck into the now-darkened living room, ready to make amends. But as her eyes adjusted to the dim light, the words shrivelled up and died on her tongue. Tess was lying utterly still on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling. If it wasn’t for the tears leaking slowly from the corners of her eyes, Nina could have thought she was dead.

  twelve

  While the crowd of people pushed and shoved around her, Nina tried not to spill the overpriced, under-flavoured skim flat white down her brand-new white Zimmermann sundress. ‘Why is airport coffee always so bad?’ she wondered, craning her neck to see if she could spot Johan waltzing down the ramp after being spat out by the airport’s international quarantine area.

  Given it was so early on a Saturday morning, Nina couldn’t believe how many people there were, breathlessly waiting for a glimpse of their newly arrived loved ones. ‘He totally owes me for getting out of bed to pick him up at this hour,’ she bitched to herself, wishing she was still snuggled up to Jeremy’s warm body. But she couldn’t wipe the smile off her face when she eventually saw a familiar figure strutting towards her, pulling a monogrammed Louis Vuitton suitcase behind him.

  ‘Look how tanned you are!’ she screeched, practically jumping on top of him.

  ‘That’s what chillaxing on an island for two weeks does for you, Miss Bitch!’ Johan retorted, picking her up and almost squeezing the life out of her.

  ‘Oh my God, your hair! I can’t believe you’ve shaved it all off!’

  ‘It’s my new butch look – what do you think? I got rid of it just before I left; I figured it would be cooler now that I’m living in the tropics. Plus it was an “eff you” to all those years of having to conform to the short-back-and-sides hospitality brigade. I was tempted to bleach it too, but AJ talked me out of it.’

  ‘So you did see your sugar daddy again after he wrote you that big fat cheque?’ Nina asked, knowing Johan wouldn’t be offended. She looked pointedly at his suitcase. ‘Is that his farewell present you’re dragging behind you?’

  ‘Oh God, no – this is one of Bangkok’s finest. I think it cost me less than twenty quid at the markets. It’s plastic fantastic, darl!’

  Instead of going straight back to the apartment in Potts Point, Nina took Johan on the scenic route, driving Leo’s shabby car along Campbell Parade so he could see the famous stretch of Bondi Beach, then back into the city and down Macquarie Street to check out the double whammy that was the Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge. By the time she parked outside her apartment building, her houseguest had almost nodded off.

  ‘Wake up, sunshine, we’re home. Tess is on an early shift so you won’t see her till this afternoon, but I thought we could go get some brunch once we’ve carted all your stuff upstairs.’

  ‘Sounds good,’ Johan said sleepily. ‘I might need a nap afterwards though. I bought some crazy cheap sleeping pills in Thailand, plus some Xanax to take the edge off the eight-hour flight. Best stuff ever,’ he declared, hauling his second suitcase up the stairs while Nina carried the faux Vuitton.

  ‘What else did you get up to in Thailand, besides buying cheap meds and fake designer bags?’

  He batted his eyelashes at her, before replying saucily, ‘What or who?’

  ‘Oh please, I’m sure I’ve heard it all before,’ Nina said before he could start regaling her with tales of his holiday conquests. ‘Okay, so you’ll be sleeping on the couch while you’re staying with us. I’d be happy for you to share my bed but there’s not really room for three.’

  ‘Oh yes, when do I get to meet the famous Jeremy, hmmm? Does he happen to have any good-looking brothers who have a taste for German-Korean sausage?’

  Nina rolled her eyes. ‘Put the double entendres back in the smutty box they came from. You may have landed in the city with the second-largest gay community in the world, but unfortunately there are still some Aussie blokes who aren’t comfortable with blatant homosexuality, so you need to behave yourself.’

  Johan pouted, then smirked. ‘Orrrroyte, cobber, I’ll just crack a tinnie and throw another shrimp on the barbie,’ he growled. ‘Speaking of food, did you mention brunch?’

  Walking around Rushcutters Bay Park after stuffing themselves full of Sydney’s favourite breakfast – corn fritters with rocket, bacon and tomato relish – they found a prime patch of grass and stretched out in the sun.

  ‘So I’ve been meaning to ask you,’ Nina spoke up after a few minutes of easy silence, ‘what did your parents say when you told them you’d been sacked from the Bickford and were moving to Australia?’

  ‘First of all, I didn’t tell them I was sacked because I obviously didn’t want to explain why. Letting the cat out of the bag, and all that . . . I just said I’d decided to leave and that I wanted to go travelling.’

  ‘Did they ask why you wanted to come all the way here?’

  ‘Yep – I told them my Australian girlfriend had moved to Sydney because her visa had expired, and I wanted to follow her because I missed her. I think they were so excited that our “relationship” is still going strong, they didn’t question it too closely.’

  ‘Aw, Johan, I’m honoured. I didn’t think you were the long-term type.’

  ‘Speaking of types, I think I love Sydney already,’ he announced, eyes glued to the pumped-up physique of a guy jogging along the water’s edge, his tanned bare chest slick with sweat.

  ‘Yeah, you don’t see that in London muc
h,’ Nina admitted.

  ‘So what’s on your list of things to see? Do you want to go to Taronga Zoo? Catch a ferry over to Manly Beach? Climb the Harbour Bridge? Explore The Rocks?’

  Johan flopped back onto the grass and waved a hand dismissively, not bothering to pretend he was even remotely interested in any of Sydney’s prime tourist destinations.

  ‘Plenty of time for that, my fluffball. I’ll tell you what’s first on my list – after witnessing that impressive specimen of the Australian male species, I think we need to hit the town tonight. And by “town”, I mean Oxford Street.’

  ‘I would never have guessed,’ Nina said dryly. ‘So here’s what I’m thinking – we start with drinks at the Green Park, a gay-friendly pub in Darlinghurst, then we’ll get something to eat at Una’s, then bar-hop our way up Oxford Street until we get to Arq – it’s the biggest gay club in Sydney,’ she explained.

  ‘Sounds perfect. Tess will be joining us, yes?’

  ‘Um, I’m not sure,’ Nina replied, thinking of her cousin’s recent mood swings and lack of interest in doing anything remotely social. The image of Tess crying on the couch, misery clearly etched on her face even in the darkness, had bothered Nina every day since that night. She’d been trying to find a suitable time to sit her down and ask if everything was okay, but Tess seemed to be avoiding her. She was trying not to take it personally, especially seeing Tess seemed to be avoiding everyone. ‘To be honest, Tess has been acting kinda weird lately. I guess it depends on how tired she is after her early shift.’

  ‘It’s my first night in Sydney! She has to come out and celebrate! I’ll drag her out by her hair if I have to,’ Johan protested.

  ‘I know, honeybunch. Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be up for it,’ Nina assured him, mentally crossing her fingers.

  The next morning, Nina gingerly cracked open an eyelid as she groped for the painkillers on her bedside table. Popping two out of the packet required major effort and she almost admitted defeat when she realised there wasn’t any water left in the bottle she’d somehow had the good sense to grab from the fridge when she’d stumbled through the door. Battling through the fog of her hangover, she hauled herself out of bed and made a beeline for the kitchen sink. The sooner the painkillers were swallowed, the sooner they could stop the jackhammering that was going on inside her head.