La Familia 2

by Paradise Gomez

  The first three nights we used condoms, but after that, I let him inside of me raw. The feel of his flesh penetrating me had me ready to explode. He loved every minute being bareback in the pussy and we fucked in every position. I cooed in his ear as he would grind between my legs. I did everything I could to please my new man. I promised I was his only. My life on the track was over with. The few months that I did it, it made me feel ugly, but Tango loved me for who I was and he wasn’t concerned with my past but only our future together. I was ready to believe in him. He was trying and it actually felt like it would work out. He even had an apartment ready for us to move into soon. It was a two-bedroom in the West Bronx, away from Edenwald.

  For once in my life, I was happy.

  Yes, I was genuinly happy. But with that happiness there’s always some bad news lurking, some tragedy ready to ruin your day.

  I was out with my daughter in the park. The weather was finally breaking and spring was coming. It needed to come faster. I felt it in the air and in my mood. The leaves was trying to sprout in the trees and the flowers were starting to blossom. It was a fifty-five-degree day and I wanted to cherish every minute of daylight and warmth we had. It had been a brutal winter for everyone: snow, freezing rain, cold wind, and trials and tribulations. I did the unthinkable this winter, prostituting myself to survive. But I survived; we survived, Eliza and I. After abruptly leaving the shelter for whooping some bitch-ass and freezing in the streets with my daughter, begging for shelter, and hungry like an Ethiopian, I felt it in my bones that I was going to make it. I had a good man in my life with a good job doing construction and we were about to move into our new place soon. Tango talked with the rental office and the landlord and through grace, favor, and my man having the gift of gab, we were finally approved to move in.

  I was ecstatic.

  It was going to be great getting away from Edenwald. With all the violence happening around there, it was becoming a dangerous place to live and I didn’t want my daughter around it. Ironic though, I remembered a time when Sammy and I were a terror in the projects, not giving a fuck. Shit, we helped the crime rate go up back in the days. EBV, we did it all, we been through it all. But now, I felt like a changed woman.

  I was seated on the bench at the Stars and Stripes playground in Seton Park. I watched Eliza try to run around with the other children, but she was just too little to keep up. My baby was trying though. She was only one year old and could run her little behind off, falling every so often. I would help her move through the playground, picking her up and guiding her through the slide and monkey bars making sure she didn’t hurt herself. We played on the swings and ran around awkwardly. I was laughing and she was laughing, having a great time. Afterward, I wanted to take her to McDonald’s for a Happy Meal. It was becoming the perfect day.

  There were other mothers in the park with their children, but I didn’t know any of them and they didn’t hurry over to befriend me. In fact, they were older and looked my way with some disdain in their eyes. I didn’t know what they had against me, not knowing me at all, but I could tell they were stuck-up bitches who probably thought I was some young ghetto mother getting pregnant every year.

  I ignored their foul looks and enjoyed being with my daughter. Only she mattered, no one else.

  We spent over an hour playing in the park and I soon became exhausted and hungry. Eliza was also beat. I picked her up in my arms and carried her. Our next stop was to get something to eat. It was still somewhat warm and the sun was still in the sky shining down on me. I loved the sun. I loved the spring and summer and couldn’t wait ’til we started having days like these continuously. Jack Frost and Frosty the Snowman could keep the winter; it was a desolate season.

  I crossed Baychester Avenue with Eliza falling asleep in my arms. I didn’t have a baby carriage to push her in, couldn’t afford one. However, Tango promised to buy one for me since he knew how much of a burden it could be carrying my daughter everywhere. He wanted to do so much for Eliza and I couldn’t wait.

  I headed into the projects. My first mission: back to Tango’s mother’s place to change my daughter’s diapers, freshen up a bit, and then head to nearest McDonald’s. I was craving a Big Mac meal and some large fries. I just wanted to sit somewhere quiet and eat my meal in peace and not be bothered.

  When I got to the building, there was Dandy exiting the lobby. She was only sixteen years old but had an ugly scar across her face that stood out. It was put there by Denise and her bitches last year; twenty-five stitches she received. They hated on my girl because she was too pretty, looking like Lauren London and down with us. Sammy and the crew retaliated heavily, and put Denise in the hospital. I was glad they did it and I wished I had gone along for the ride and added my slice of violence. But I had been too caught up in Rico at the time. Dandy was a sweetheart and she didn’t deserve that kind of brutality toward her.

  Despite the nasty scar that showed, she was always upbeat and positive. She was still in school and doing her thing. She wanted to become a fashion model, but she felt it was impossible because of her scar. But she was still very pretty and these niggas were still sweating her.

  When she saw me, she didn’t smile. Dandy always smiled when I came around, and she was always buoyant with conversation, but this time her expression was sullen. Her eyes showed great sadness and she gazed at me with this catastrophe showing on her face. Something was wrong.

  Dandy walked my way like she had concrete shoes on, slow and heavy, and when we got face to face, she broke down in tears.

  “Dandy, what’s wrong?” I quickly asked. I couldn’t console her because Eliza was in my arms and sleeping.

  Dandy looked at me with her eyes flooded with tears. She was crying heavily. It was hard for her to speak at first. I thought some muthafucka put his hands on her, did something wrong to my friend. I was ready to fight for her, but she finally voiced to me what was wrong.

  “Crystal is dead,” she exclaimed.

  “What?” I screamed out. I didn’t want to believe it.

  Dandy, still crying, said to me, “She was shot to death in the car with Dodo last night.”

  I felt myself about to break down with Eliza in my arms. Shock wasn’t even the word on what I felt. I uttered out, “I just seen her the other day and she was good.”

  Dandy was in full-blown tears and heartbroken; so was I. It felt like I wanted to fall out. I had to leave. I had to get away. I just walked away clutching Eliza tightly and hurried into the building. The tears started to fall like raindrops and the pain overcame me like a thousand stab wounds penetrating my skin.

  I couldn’t get inside the apartment fast enough. No one was home and I was thankful for that. I figured the home aide took Ms. Davis for a stroll around the block since it was a nice day out. I went into the bedroom and placed Eliza on the bed and then I went into the bathroom, dropped to my knees, and sobbed like a baby. Another friend of mines was gone, murdered. We were dropping like flies. So many memories of Crystal were spiraling through my head. We had good times and bad times. Who was next? Who was left? It was me, Dandy, Winter, she doing a bullet in Riker’s Island, Chyna, she skipped town for a while because she had warrants for her arrest, and Sammy.

  Sammy. I thought about Sammy a great deal. Even though we were still at odds with each other, I missed her. She was my best friend, my sister, and I thought no one or nothing could ever separate us. I guessed we were wrong. With Crystal dead, time wasn’t on our side anymore. It never was.

  I sobbed in the bathroom for a long time. I had the door locked and the lights off. I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be in Edenwald anymore. I didn’t want to be around it anymore: the drama, the violence, the murders, and mayhem. I wanted a very different life now. I wanted to escape somewhere far. I wanted to rewind time and bring us all back together again, when we was solid, happy, and strong together like a brick wall.

  Crystal’s death hurt me a lot. It could have been me so many times, gunned
down in the streets. Growing up, Sammy and I, all of us, we always toyed with death. We always thought we were invincible. We risked our lives doing what we thought was fun for our gang and down for our crew. Now when you find yourself surrounded by death, the bulletproof vest comes off, and so does that giant S on your chest and you find yourself vulnerable to the world around you.

  Tango came home to find me lying in bed with my sleeping daughter. It was early evening and the house was quiet and my pain was still throbbing through every inch of my body. He looked at me and already knew something was wrong. I didn’t hesitate to let him know what it was.

  “My friend Crystal is dead,” I cried out.

  He walked over and pulled me into his arms to console me. “What happened?” he asked.

  “She was shot dead in the car with her man last night.”

  “That’s crazy,” he replied.

  I cried in his arms and he didn’t leave my side all night. He stayed with me. He was my rock. He was becoming the man I dreamed to be with. I loved him.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Mouse

  McCall’s Bronxwood Funeral Home on Bronxwood Avenue was jam-packed with people coming to Crystal’s home-going service. It seemed like every resident in Edenwald came out to say good-bye to Crystal. She was definitely loved and was going to be missed. It started to rain, so a lot of folks crammed themselves under the green awning trying not to get soaking wet from the rain. The street was lined with parked cars; passing traffic and the hustlers came out in droves to give their respect to Dodo’s girlfriend. It was mostly YGC niggas in attendance. They were very saddened about Dodo’s untimely and violent demise. They wore his gangster image on black T-shirts with RIP DODO, YGC 4LIFE embroidered on the front at Crystal’s funeral. Dodo’s home-going had been the previous day and a mob of people also came out to show their respect.

  I came alone. Tango volunteered to watch Eliza for me while I attended the home going to say my good-byes. At first I was reluctant to attend, but if it was me, Crystal would have come to my funeral and I couldn’t do my friend dirty like that.

  Before I walked into the funeral home, I talked to everyone outside: Dandy, Erica, Nico, Sophia, Quinn, and a dozen other people from my old building. Everyone was saddened about what happened. We were talking. I found myself zoning out, thinking about old times. It was good to see old faces again, but it was hard to say good-bye.

  I spent a half hour lingering outside feeling hesitant about going inside. I took a deep breath and entered the funeral home. The large foyer was flooded with people, family and friends. There was a mixture of folks clad in black and some in everyday attire, some faces I knew, and some I didn’t. Some people were crying and other people were having a normal conversation about anything and everything. I moved toward the room where Crystal was lying in the casket. I could smell the flowers; they were all over. I signed the register book to show I attended the funeral. I then walked inside the main room. The rose room was able to accommodate 400 people. There wasn’t an empty chair in the place. I slowly walked down the aisle with the white and gold casket at the end of it. I could see Crystal’s body slightly protruding from the casket. The closer I came to it, the more tears I let go.

  Her family was seated in the first two pews; they were weeping heavily, hugging and consoling each other. I saw her brothers and sister, but didn’t acknowledge them. I couldn’t. I was barely holding myself together. I was able to stand over the casket and gazed down at my departed friend. I was choking up, but maintaining. The mortician did an excellent job with her. She didn’t look like plastic like so many others people I done seen. Of course her expression was deadpan and she was nicely wearing a beautiful white lace sleeveless gown. It looked expensive and it made her looked like an angel.

  “Good-bye, Crystal,” I whispered to her.

  I leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. I said my piece to her and pivoted on my heels and hurried away, feeling the anguish overcoming me. I hurried up the aisle, wiping away tears and wanted to leave the building. It was just too much to deal with.

  I went back outside. It had stopped raining, but the sky was gray and the area too gloomy for my taste. People loitered around everywhere, looking casual. I needed a fuckin’ cigarette. I asked a friend of mine for a Newport. I placed the smoke into my mouth and she lit it for me. I took a few needed pulls and exhaled. I closed my eyes for a moment and heaved a sigh and tried to free my mind from the awareness that one day, someday, we were all going to meet that same fate. I just hoped my day wasn’t coming anytime soon. I wanted to see my daughter grow up. I wanted to live my life normally.

  I took a few drags from the cancer stick and noticed the black-on-black Bentley parking across the street from the funeral home. Both doors opened and my eyes became transfixed on this burly, dark, and tall guy who anyone couldn’t miss. And then I saw her exiting the Bentley: Sammy. She looked good. She was dressed to the nines and he looked dapper down in a black three-piece suit. They both crossed the street arm in arm and Sammy looked like she was the first lady of the United States.

  I stood there and gawked at her, feeling some trepidation inside of me. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Sammy in months, and there she unexpectedly was, coming my way with this mammoth of a man towering over her. But I figured she would come to show her respects at Crystal’s funeral.

  We both were friends with her, but no longer friends with each other.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Sammy

  I stepped out of Power’s Bentley in my black lace sheath dress with the round neck and short sleeves and my legs showing like I was a supermodel. The dress was expensive, but money wasn’t an issue to Power. He was spoiling me and I loved it.

  I still couldn’t believe Crystal and Power’s cousin Dodo had been killed. Yesterday I accompanied Power to his cousin’s funeral; now he was coming with me to my friend’s funeral. It was only right. They both died savagely and it became a heinous crime in the hood. Who shoots a man five times in the back of the head at close range, and then my friend three times? It was a straight-up contract hit and overkill, and Power was ready to go to war with everyone. But word on the streets was that BMB was responsible for Dodo’s death and it was an OG who killed him. I could smell it in the air: more carnage and mayhem to come. I wanted Power to play it safe and stay out of the streets for a while, but he was too hardheaded and too stubborn to believe he was also a marked man. He was determined to find the people who murdered Dodo and he wasn’t gonna hide like some coward.

  As we crossed the street, I saw her, standing there gazing at me like she had seen a ghost. She stood alone with a cigarette between her fingers. She looked good and was still shapely in the right areas. I saw that giving birth didn’t make her fat or homely. Mouse was still Mouse. It was becoming an awkward moment, though, us running into each other like this after the way we left things. I didn’t smile or frown, but stared at Mouse like she was a stranger to me for a moment.

  I walked right by her and didn’t say a word. I knew she was stunned, but I didn’t know what to say or do. It was unexpected and I felt like a deer caught up in bright headlights on the fast freeway. I froze. Besides, I had to pay my respects to Crystal and her family and get my mind right. Mouse didn’t say anything to me. She continued smoking her cigarette and looked the other way.

  I walked into the funeral home and was greeted by a wave of people and they were giving me their condolences like I was family to her. I mean, we definitely were family, but we weren’t blood related. Power was by my side and he was armed with a Glock 17 underneath his suit jacket. It was holstered and he was ready for anything that came his way. He scowled and stood like a giant in the room. People were shocked to see me with him. I just wanted to get everything over with.

  I slowly walked into the next room where my friend’s body was placed in this beautiful eighteen-gauge white and gold casket and it was inundated with flowers and pictures of Crystal from young to recent. T
here was mourning among the silence in the room. I approached slowly and took a deep breath. I stood over my friend’s well-dressed body and said my good-byes. The tears fell from my eyes like a leaky pipe. I took another deep breath trying to control my outcry. I was stronger than that. I wasn’t going to burst out into tears. I wiped them away, spun on my sandals, and addressed her family to my left. I hugged her mother and siblings and then walked away with puffy eyes.

  Power was talking to some of his soldiers who came to the funeral. They were in some deep conversation nestled in the corner away from prying ears, discussing something privately. He was so engaged in talk with his cronies he didn’t even notice me come out and exit the building.

  I thought Mouse would have left already, but she was still lingering out front near the corner, alone. I stared her way. She noticed me watching her and didn’t avert her eyes from me. Once ago, we were so inseparable and dangerous together; now I didn’t know if I should stay or go—say fuck her and distance myself from that bitch, or go over and see how she was doing. We both said and did some terrible things to each other. We both got pregnant by Rico and we both went through hell.

  Mouse gawked at me. I did the same. I wanted to fight it, turn around and leave, but I couldn’t. It felt like something magnetic was making me stay and making me want to go over and talk to her. Why was it so hard for me to take the first step? She could take the first step too. I was letting my pride interfere with going over to her. I mean, I was the one who fucked Rico long after she was dating him. I did fuck her man behind her back and got pregnant by him. But she came at me on the corner, cursing and attacking me and she disrespected me. Was it becoming too hard to forgive and forget, especially after we had so many years of friendship and being sisters to one another?

  Fuck it, just go over and speak to her, my inner voice screamed at me.