by S M Mala
‘I’m telling the truth.’
‘Don’t do this,’ he laughed uncomfortably. ‘I’m not used to this.’
‘Used to what?’
‘Someone telling me they care.’
‘I know we haven’t known each other for long and this isn’t a normal courtship, but if it’s what we’ve got then that’s good enough for me.’
He grabbed her, putting down her wine glass then planted a long lingering kiss on her lips. It was Sasha who wrapped her arms around him, pushing her tongue into his mouth.
She tasted of wine and her.
Closing his eyes he merged his body with hers, not wanting to stop holding and kissing.
‘Let me try and make you happy,’ she whispered, pulling a little away.
‘How?’
Sasha straddle his lap and kissed him again, stroking his face.
‘Do you trust me, Kit?’
‘I’m starting to.’
‘Then let me see if I can help.’
Slowly she pulled off his t-shirt and stroked his chest, placing small kisses all over.
‘Close your eyes,’ she said quietly, kissing all the way down his body.
He wanted to flinch when she started to undo the fly of his jeans.
‘Sasha, you won’t be able to do anything,’ he said honestly. ‘It’s more humiliating for me.’
‘I don’t want to humiliate you,’ she replied looking up, her big dark eyes focussing on him. ‘I want you to feel loved, that’s all.’ The words shook him as he stared. ‘Shut your eyes and imagine I’m someone you want.’
Just as he was going to say he wanted her, he stopped.
Kit couldn’t wear his heart on his sleeve.
Someone had already wiped it with their snot and it was soiled.
Doing as he was told, he closed his eyes and felt her kiss his shaft.
He didn’t want to think about what was or wasn’t happening.
It was his head, on his shoulders, that was affecting the head between his legs.
Kit jolted when he felt her mouth move over the end, sucking on his semi erect penis, kissing and pulling his skin between her lips. Her fingers massaged up and down.
He was lost in the sensation.
Then it started to happen.
His climax began and he was worried it would all go soft but she wasn’t going to let that happen. Gently she stroked his balls, massaging them as they started to tighten.
It was all too quick.
Sasha had skilfully massaged him until he came over his own stomach, groaning loudly as he did it, shocked she managed to make something happen.
Then he realised why it had worked.
He’d been thinking about her.
Kit opened his eyes and saw the smiling face.
There was a warm feeling running down his stomach due to his deposit that matched the same thing in his chest.
It was love.
‘You were thinking about Gillian, weren’t you?’
… Sasha laughed. They were lying in bed, naked. ‘You can tell me.’
‘You don’t want to know,’ he replied, running a finger along her jawline.
There was nothing he could say to her for a while. He knew he couldn’t fall for Sasha and it could be confused with giving him a hard on for more than ten seconds.
It was remarkable, his feeling of sudden confidence and his need to please her.
‘You’re very quiet,’ she whispered. ‘Was I alright? Did I hurt you? I’ve got no idea how a non-working penis starts to work. I did some research when you told me and-.’
‘You did what?’ he said, taking his hand away. ‘Why?’
‘When I sort of stumbled on the information, you looked a little upset so I wanted to help.’ Sasha double blinked. He knew he was frowning. ‘There are medical conditions associated with it and then there is the use of recreational drugs.’
‘I see.’
He knew his body was stiffening. Sasha pulled away.
‘I wanted to know why it happened and if it was the same as me. Why do you look so angry?’
‘Nothing,’ he said and threw off the duvet cover, feeling humiliated. ‘I’m going to sleep in the other room.’
‘What have I said? I was only being honest. You seem to be fine and-.’
‘Just the once.’
‘Twice in one day,’ she corrected.
‘Don’t expect anything from me, okay!’ he snapped and wanted to slap his own face when he noticed she was blinking back surprise tears.
‘I don’t expect anything from anyone.’
Kit walked out of her room, angry at his own reaction, knowing in the back of his head he was so afraid of not being able to perform.
To be a man.
The man he would ideally want to be with Sasha.
He closed his bedroom door and wondered why his mood had suddenly changed from the feeling of love to the rage. It dawned on him he was still deeply scarred from his relationship with Kristin and there was so much to be healed.
His problem was he couldn’t trust someone to make him feel good about himself.
And then a tonne weight fell on his chest when he realised what he’d just done.
Sasha was only trying to help, to understand. She’d given herself as much as she could for him only to throw it back at her.
For the first time he was with a woman who was willing to put him first, compliment him, make him feel good about himself and he’d just cut her down.
‘Shit,’ Kit said, putting his head in his hands.
There was no point going back to her room to apologise, it was obvious she was upset.
‘It’s me,’ he mumbled. ‘I’m the one that destroys things.’
Throwing himself on the bed, he lay there, troubled at what was wrong with him.
Then he fell asleep.
An arm around his waist woke him up in the middle of the night.
Sasha was next to him, fast asleep. He hadn’t heard her come in and felt guilty looking at her face, serene in a dreamlike state.
Turning around, he wrapped his arms around her.
She just wanted to be held in someone’s arms.
To feel safe.
And she didn’t feel safe.
That’s why she was being held by them.
Tears stabbed his eyes.
A wall of self-hate and anxiety was slowly being knocked away by a woman who had more than her fair share of hell to deal with.
‘Sorry,’ he choked. ‘Sorry Sasha.’
She didn’t stir.
Holding her tightly, he wanted to protect Sasha from everyone that could hurt her.
‘I won’t let you down,’ Kit whispered.
He fell asleep.
She wasn’t in bed when he woke.
There was no sign she’d been in the room other than her scent on the pillow.
Getting up, he realised it was only just gone half five in the morning, the sky still dark.
He did a double take.
Sasha was outside, walking around with a heavy jacket on.
Kit ran to the window and noticed she wasn’t alone.
Someone was standing next to her.
Pulling on his jeans and grabbing a top, he ran down the stairs and out the back door to see two men standing outside.
‘Sasha!’ he shouted and she turned.
It was then he realised she was standing next to Jeremy Wilton, who towered over her. Kit hadn’t realised he was so tall.
An arm reached out to stop him from going closer. There was a burly man standing to his side.
‘What’s going on?’ Kit shouted.
‘Ah, Mr Foley!’ Jeremy said, walking towards him as Sasha followed. ‘I had to confess to her that this was all my idea but the little madam knew.’
‘Sasha, are you okay?’ he asked, seeing her nod, avoiding eye contact. There was a heavy dread in his chest that she was going to be taken away. ‘I was shocked when I saw you outside.’
�
�Jeremy wanted to have a chat. He was throwing stones at the windows.’
‘You were supposed to be in the main bedroom,’ Jeremy scowled.
‘Well, based on the throwing of your mates.’ Sasha cast a disgruntled look at the two men by the door. ‘You would have broken all the panes of glass. Anyway seems Captain told him I rumbled who did this to me,’ she replied, looking down at her feet.
‘For your own good,’ the older man said, shaking his head towards Kit. ‘She doesn’t listen.’
‘I am listening.’
‘You need to get him out of your life.’
‘I will, when I’m good and ready.’
‘What are you waiting for?’
‘Just to tie up a few loose ends.’
‘What did you say to Cameron the last time you saw him?’
‘The truth,’ she said defiantly. ‘And the words ‘get your hands off me’.’
‘Heather said it was pretty heated between you two and she heard raised voices then it went quiet.’
‘She’s a bloody good spy that woman.’
‘You said something to him that wound him up, didn’t you?’
‘I refused his marriage proposal.’
‘What are you playing at?’ Jeremy asked, full of concern.
‘The truth.’
‘He could hurt you. Cameron’s not thinking straight and since your call to placate him, he’s gone crazy,’ he said firmly, turning to look down at her. ‘And it’s okay for him to tell everyone you’re not sane?’
‘He might have a point,’ she half smiled before glancing at Kit. ‘Do you think I’m a mental case in need of guidance because I don’t know my own mind?’
‘I think you’ve been through too much and sometimes you might be misguided,’ Jeremy diplomatically replied, making her laugh. ‘What’s so funny?’
‘You, old dear.’
‘You’re not plotting something, are you Sasha?’ Jeremy asked, eyeing her with great suspicion. She flicked him a dirty look. ‘If you know something, if you’ve found out anything out, you need to tell me.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she replied, looking at the two men by the door. ‘When am I allowed home?’
‘At this moment, based on your instructions, you haven’t got one.’ Jeremy let out a miserable sigh. ‘I hear you put the place on the market.’
‘I don’t like basement flats and I want to move.’
‘Where?’
‘Can I go in? It’s freezing and now I know you’re a proper criminal, I can report you to the police.’
His roar of laughter was loud. Jeremy stood there looking at her, highly amused.
‘My child,’ he said, grabbing her hand. ‘The worst thing Paul did was let you go.’
‘I let him go,’ she scowled. ‘The worst thing he ever did was feeling guilty about something he shouldn’t have.’
Sasha let go of his hand and walked back into the house.
‘Mr Foley, you’ll catch your death,’ sighed Jeremy, looking at Kit’s bare feet. ‘Are you both sharing the same room because the boiler’s broken?’
Kit didn’t know how to reply and turned to see Sasha was peering at them through the window.
‘It’s not how I expected it to be,’ whispered Jeremy, stepping closer. ‘There’s something about you, Mr Foley, she likes. There’s a spark in her I thought we’d lost forever.’
‘She’s changed in the few months I’ve known her,’ he quietly replied.
‘Over the past six months she’s changed quite a lot. Sasha’s up to something, I know she is and it involves Cameron. I don’t know if it’s good or bad but she’s stubborn.’
‘Cameron wants to marry her.’
‘Oh god, I heard,’ he laughed out loudly again. ‘Of course he wants to. She’s beautiful and intelligent, not forgetting she has access to things that he wants. You know whose house this is?’
‘Her ex-father in law’s.’
‘It’s now mine. It’s surrounded by cameras and security, all very discreet.’ Jeremy smiled. Kit immediately felt worried they were being spied on. ‘I’d keep the blinds closed as you they can see inside, sometimes. There are no cameras within the premises. What’s wrong? Did I say something to alarm you?’
‘No.’
‘That’s alright then. I’m happy you’re spending time with her. I realise you’d have to hire someone to cover for your absence.’
‘How do you know?’
‘That’s what I do. I find out everything,’ he replied, raising an eyebrow before blowing a kiss to Sasha, who immediately stepped away from the window. ‘Some money has been put into your bank account. Please don’t ask how.’ Kit nodded, immediately annoyed at the intrusion. ‘It’s expenses and not part of the final sum.’
‘It’s a lot of money.’
‘You’ll find Kit, can I call you Kit? She’s worth every penny.’
‘He did what?’
… asked Ryan. The three sat in the Kit’s bar, later on that day. ‘What did Sasha say?’
‘She’s not said much to me,’ replied Kit, knowing she’d hardly spoken to him, preferring to stay in her room. He still felt guilty about the previous evening and decided to keep out of her way. ‘And Jeremy Wilton thinks she’s holding some information back.’
‘We have to keep her away from prying eyes until we’re given the okay,’ said Captain quietly, sipping his coffee. ‘Whatever she said on the phone tipped Cameron Lester over the edge. I hear he went to her flat and trashed the place.’
‘You’re joking?’ gasped Kit. ‘She’s selling it from what was said.’
‘Jeremy Wilton didn’t tell her about her place, did he?’
‘No.’
‘He’s getting it fixed up and they’ve changed the locks, taking all her possessions, which isn’t that much. Cameron’s involved in some deal that’s going wrong and he needs Sasha’s help, her money or the bargaining power with her mother, to be precise.’
‘She’d do that, would she?’
‘What do we really know about Sasha?’ sighed Captain, sitting back. ‘Other than what we’ve been told, there’s nothing really much to her. Divorced woman, two children who died and a mother who is part of some crime syndicate. And she’s got a step-mother?
‘We don’t know much about her, do we?’ added Ryan.
‘I’m not privy to more information,’ sighed Captain.
‘Are you saying it’s Sasha we need to find out more about?’ asked Kit, feeling confused.
‘I’m saying the people around her think, due to her sudden changes, she’s up to something and it’s to do with Cameron.’
‘But we haven’t got a clue what it is!’ said Ryan, flabbergasted. ‘Can’t they give you something?’
‘I do know that her mother can’t stand Cameron and the feeling’s mutual.’
‘I’ve got some good news,’ sighed Ryan, looking embarrassed for a moment. ‘I took Sasha’s advice and arranged for Keighley and me to go for a drink. I laid it on the line about how I felt and she was shocked.’ He then smiled. ‘She feels the same way so we’re going to discreetly give it a go.’
‘She’s good at helping,’ Captain said and Kit noticed he glanced at him. ‘Has she helped you?’
‘What do you mean?’ he defensively replied.
‘You really like Sasha,’ laughed Ryan. ‘It’s written all over your face. From the minute I saw you look at her, I could tell. We both could.’
‘You can’t get involved with Sasha Wilton,’ Captain said gravely. ‘Once this is sorted you have to keep away from her. If Cameron and his crew find out you were involved, it could put you and us in a worrying situation.’
‘What do you mean by ‘worrying’?’ asked Kit, holding his breath for a second. ‘In danger?’
‘No one is to know Jeremy Wilton was involved. It’ll cause a whole heap of problems for too many people including us. You’ll have to keep away from her.’
‘I teach her tap.’
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‘As long as that’s all you do,’ grumbled Captain. ‘What do you two get up to in the evenings?’
Kit didn’t saying anything, sipping his energy drink and avoiding eye contact.
‘Why can’t he see her again?’ whispered Ryan, leaning down. ‘She likes him.’
‘Okay gentlemen, let me lay this on the line,’ Captain said, in all seriousness. ‘This Cameron Lester, who is involved in her life, is not a nice man. There have been things he’s been involved in which shows that he doesn’t care about anyone else but himself. Whether he genuinely cares about Sasha is another thing but we know, he certainly cares about her cash. That’s what he wants.’
‘You think he’s going to do something to her?’ asked Ryan, looking alarmed.
‘When he finds out that she has no say over her own money that may cause a problem. They put an injunction on all movement of her funds,’ sighed Captain. ‘He might realise that others have got involved and could take it out on her.’
‘Does she know?’
‘She will do soon,’ sighed Captain, looking at Kit. ‘God help you on how she’s going to react when you get there.’
‘That’s why Wilton wanted us to leave?’ mumbled Kit, knowing things weren’t looking good. ‘So he could tell her without an audience.’
‘Is everything okay?’
… Kit asked as he got to the front door. A man who came with Jeremy Wilton was standing guard. ‘Are you alone?’
‘I wouldn’t go in there right now,’ the man replied. ‘She’s letting off steam. Stay outside for a while and keep out of her way. I think Mrs Wilton needs time alone.’
It was the first time he’d heard her called ‘Mrs Wilton’ and Kit felt an uncomfortable jealous twist in his gut.
‘I’ll just walk around,’ Kit said, forcing a bright smile. ‘Until I can gauge she’s okay. You can go.’
The man nodded then walked towards his black car before driving off, flashing Kit a sympathetic glance.
Taking a deep breath, he mulled it over in his head he’d have to apologise for what happened the previous evening. Just as he was going into the house, he realised he couldn’t face the rejection that would come his way.
Looking around the massive garden, Kit decided to take a walk. The air was crisp and cold, the light starting to fade. It was a vast amount of land then he heard the television set.