by S M Mala
Sasha was probably watching a film. He glanced in and she wasn’t there, the television turned off. The sound was coming from another room. He recognised the song.
Kit peeked through the window and stepped back in shock.
She was tap dancing. And it wasn’t the incompetent zombie like moves she’d demonstrate in class.
Sasha could dance and was moving very fast, her body fluid, feet in time to the beat of the music.
Kit took a sharp intake of breath and put his hand to his chest.
This was the last thing he’d thought he’d ever witness but he was totally mesmerised.
Justin wasn’t even as good as her.
Then she stopped and kicked the sofa before turning off the sound system and walking out of the room.
Bracing himself against the wall, he realised Captain was right about Sasha.
They didn’t really know her at all.
And this bothered Kit.
As well as intriguing him more.
‘Are you coming down?’
… he shouted out, half an hour later.
Sasha hadn’t acknowledged him since he slammed the door shut.
Kit sat on the sofa and heard her footsteps charging down the steps.
‘Hello!’ she said cheerfully, which threw him. ‘You’re a bit late. Did that man go? He told me off for swearing. I said ‘I’m thirty four years old and I’ll swear if I fucking well like!’ Then I apologised.’ Sasha smiled. ‘Can we talk about your flaccid dick again? I know how you love to chat about it.’
‘About what happened,’ he said, feeling his cheeks burns. ‘I was out of order and shouldn’t have-.’
‘That’s right! You shouldn’t have but you did. Your Achilles heel, so to speak.’ Sasha examined him. Kit, in turn, eyed her up. She was wearing a pair of long johns with a matching t-shirt. ‘Why are you looking at me like that? You like my outfit? Captain got it for me. He said my collection of clothing was pitiful. He also bought me a dress.’
‘I was told all your money has been frozen.’
Her face was a picture. She was on the verge of exploding.
‘Jeremy had no right! I don’t know how they did it but they’re going to pay. How dare they think they can tell me what to do!’
‘They?’
‘My mother! You wait until I get my hands around her medically pulled in neck! She’ll suffer some severe plastic surgery enhancement!’
‘What aren’t you telling them? Are you really up to something?’
‘What do you think?’ Sasha crossed her arms. ‘Do you know what it could be?’
‘No.’
‘Good.’
Kit knew she was hiding a secret. It was obvious how she was suddenly being so cocksure about challenging him.
‘You, once again, look very handsome. Is Jeremy paying you to get frisky with me so I’ll spill the beans? I’m surprised he hasn’t ask you to meet him for a drink. He likes them about your age.’ She smiled. Kit wasn’t quite sure what to say. ‘Keep your enemies close, that’s what they say.’
‘Am I your enemy?’
‘Am I yours?’
They stared at each other and he sat back in his seat.
‘Do you keep lots of secrets?’ he asked quietly, watching her divert eye contact, remembering her tap performance. ‘Are they bad?’
‘When you have to hide things, they usually aren’t nice. And if you’re trying to protect others from doing something stupid, it’s pretty hard. You see, it’s all falling into place but I just don’t want to say how, where, why and, most definitely, what.’
‘Riddles Sasha!’ he said, getting infuriated then stood up. ‘Whatever you’re not saying is really bad, I know it.’
‘I know,’ she replied, looking sadly at him. ‘I just wanted to understand more about impotency, that’s all. Nothing horrible. I was a bit taken aback about your reaction. You should be pleased I want to help.’
‘You think I’m an experiment of some sort?’ he replied, snorting back a laugh.
‘And they think they can get me to tell you everything as if I’m a dimwit, don’t they? Jesus, they are stupider than they look.’ Sasha let out a little snigger. ‘Why can’t I go for a walk? Why do I have to be here?’
Slowly he walked up to her, peering into her face.
‘Sasha, I really like you but I don’t know what the fuck you’re involved in and I’m really worried. If they’re keeping you here then you must know something that’s going to get you into some sort of trouble,’ he whispered, leaning closer. ‘I want to help.’
‘Take me out for a drink or dinner,’ she sighed then grinned. ‘I won’t sexually accost you again.’
‘I want you to sexually accost me,’ he replied in all seriousness. ‘I want to see if I can turn you on because you really do it to me.’
‘Oh,’ she replied, stepping back and looking confused. ‘Was that a compliment? I know you’re not good at dishing them out.’
‘I don’t do all that sort of stuff.’
‘I figured.’
She put her hand in his and he felt a pounding in his chest. Going on her tip toes she kissed his lips gently.
‘I don’t want to lose anyone else I care about,’ she said so quietly, as if someone else in the room could hear. ‘I would never want anything bad to happen to you or your family so, you see, I can’t tell you anything.’
He kissed her very hard, grabbing the back of her head and forcing his tongue into her mouth.
There was an uncontrollable lust in his loins that made it unable to stop.
Her arms were wrapped around his back and Kit kept thinking about her tap dancing. The image was turning him on and he wanted to make her happy.
Pushing her down to the ground, he squeezed her breast, feeling the soft warm flesh through the material of her top. But he couldn’t stop, pulling the top up so he could suck on her nipples. Sasha yanked off his t-shirt, her hands were running through his hair and down his back.
He knew what he wanted to do.
Kit kissed all the way down her body then removed her long johns, biting at her soft inner thigh. She groaned in response as he placed his mouth between her thighs, searching for her nub and found the small, round mound through her thick inner lips.
He wanted to eat her, he wanted to taste but he really wanted to make her come.
His tongue and lips worked in a fast motion.
The mound was getting harder as he gently bit and moved his head quickly from side to side. She was groaning and her thighs were either side of his head. Gently, he rubbed the incredibly smooth skin of her groin.
‘Oh,’ she gasped and he looked up at her exposed breasts, Sasha’s head flung back.
Then she came, he could feel it in his mouth, the shudder and shaking of her body, her knees bent up as it sounded like sobbing.
It was only when he looked up, he realised she was.
‘Sasha, did I hurt you?’
… he asked anxiously, moving quickly up her body, wiping his mouth on his t-shirt. ‘Talk to me.’
Her hands covered her face, the crying very deep and painful. Kit pulled down her top and laid close to her, to cover her exposed bottom half.
‘It was too quick, I know. I’ve not done this in a long time and I’m sorry if I was a little rough,’ Kit continued, seeing the sobs were turning into laughter. ‘Sasha?’
‘You’re funny,’ she said, wiping her wet face with her hands. ‘You’re also wonderful.’
‘Oh Sasha,’ he sighed, seeing her smile through the tears. ‘Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?’
‘I was just overwhelmed, that’s all. It’s been such a long time since anyone has touched me and longer since I responded like that. I didn’t want to push you away. I didn’t want to freeze. It’s been very hard for me to find a connection with anyone, to want to have sex again.’
It was an honest admission and one he could relate to.
He felt the same way about her but couldn’t say
, not just yet.
‘I tried, you see. Tried to make me want Cameron but I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t co-operate and I knew something was wrong. He said it was me, that I flinched before he even tried to touch me. I couldn’t help it, I really couldn’t,’ she said earnestly, stroking Kit’s face. He put his hand on her chest and felt her heart beating fast. ‘I’ve never kissed him. That’s what made him mad, the last time we were together. He didn’t like the idea I was willing to let someone touch me but not him.’
‘Did you tell him about the kiss?’
‘I didn’t have to say anything. I went red when he asked.’
Recalling Cameron had gone to her home and wrecked it, Kit moved closer, stroking her back, not wanting to let her go.
‘You can ask me as many questions about my impotency, I won’t get mad,’ he whispered and she laughed even harder. He tried not to smile at her giggling face. ‘It seems to amuse you.’
‘I’m the one with the big problem,’ she sighed, kissing his lips then grimacing. ‘I don’t like smelling myself on your pretty face.’
‘I love it.’
‘What if I can’t let you go further? What if it’s me that can’t cure you?’
‘Is that what this is about? You putting me in working order?’
‘It’s about showing someone I care when I don’t know how long I can be with them.’ Her face turned sad and something plummeted in his gut. ‘Because I like them very much.’
‘We hardly know each other.’
‘That’s where you’re wrong. I think I do know you,’ she said, propping herself up on her elbows. ‘You’re like me, broken but in need of fixing. Yours is your body, mine is my heart and head.’ Then she laughed. ‘I take that back, yours is about your head, both of them.’
Reaching out, he stroked her face, staring deep into her eyes.
Kit didn’t know what he was thinking.
All he knew was that he had a warm feeling inside and wanted to spend as much time as with her as possible.
It had been ages since he met someone he could relate to, if ever. Right now he couldn’t even contemplate not being with Sasha.
‘Like I told you before, I don’t want to fuck this up,’ he whispered into her neck. ‘Sasha, I like you more than I should, I need you to know that. Please don’t doubt me.’
‘That’s a beautiful thing to say.’ Resting her forehead against his, she smiled. ‘Now can we get something to eat? I’m starving.’
‘I’m being held hostage by the perfect man,’
… she sighed. Kit was by the stove, stir frying prawns and vegetables while keeping an eye on the rice. ‘You can cook and dance. That’s just perfect!’
He turned his head and Sasha was sat at the top of the table, drinking a glass of wine and smiling. It took his breath away.
She looked absolutely beautiful.
‘When you look at me like that it makes me smile,’ she said, sipping her wine. ‘Nice booze. I take it you went into his cellar.’
‘What cellar?’
‘You really haven’t been snooping? Downstairs is a wine cellar and a space for a gym. Henry liked to keep fit. I told him to turn it into a pool and steam room but he didn’t listen to me.’
‘So you know this house very well?’
‘We used to come here a lot. The kids liked to play in the garden.’
Kit watched how everything went from her face, like a light being switched off. She was deep in thought.
Picking up the pot, he strained the rice before turning the heat off the wok. He got two bowls and dished out the food, remembering to give her a much smaller portion.
‘Here we go,’ he said, smiling brightly and sitting next to her. ‘My special combo.’
‘That smells delicious,’ Sasha said then scowled. ‘How come mine isn’t as big as yours?’
‘You never usually finish off your food.’
‘I’m famished.’ She reached out and swapped the bowls around. ‘You can have the smaller one.’
Kit laughed and watched her eat.
It was all so perfect.
The beautiful house surrounded by a large garden.
The peaceful setting which consisted of him and her.
It was building up in his throat, the need to tell her what he was feeling, what he was desperately afraid to tell her.
He was falling in love and he didn’t know how to stop it.
They ate in silence. Sasha constantly smiling as he’d stop from time to time, to touch her face or kiss her cheek.
The closeness he felt was overwhelming. He couldn’t ever remember feeling like that with Kristin.
Or it was such a long time ago, he’d simply forgotten the sensation.
After she’d had a second helping, Sasha sat back in her chair, stroking his neck, making his skin tingle.
‘A few more things you need to know about me,’ she whispered. ‘It’s not nice but it’ll give you a better picture of who I am.’
‘Okay,’ he said, his eyes closed, enjoying her touch.
‘I never said goodbye to my children. I was in a coma so Paul had to sort out the funeral. He gave me photos of them, asleep.’ He opened his eyes and caught hers. ‘I’ve still not looked at them to this day. They were buried, side by side. Paul is near them, his ashes scattered around.’
‘That’s really bad,’ was all he could utter.
‘My loss feels extreme because I expect them to turn up at any moment. My closure hasn’t really be done.’
‘How did Paul die?’
‘You know, the police called him in for questioning, saying he could have set it all up.’ She shook her head furiously. ‘He wasn’t the best husband but he was a wonderful father and loved his own dad very much. I was angry when I found out.’
‘Why would they do that?’
‘You know what they’re like. Always looking for a motive but not asking the right people.’
There was a flicker of something in her face he couldn’t quite figure out.
‘Heroine over dose with a suicide note, which I was allowed to read. Just said ‘I love you but I want to be with Florence and Mylo.’ He got there before me. That’s when I tried to take my own life within weeks of recovering. Paul might not have been my husband but he was my best friend.’
Sasha got up and walked out of the kitchen.
Kit remained seated, not knowing what to say.
A car crash had then created a car crash life for the people who survived and were unable to cope with the pain.
Taking the bottle of wine from the fridge, he followed her into the living room and sat down next to her on the sofa. Slowly he filled her glass and noticed she was staring at him.
‘I have to get some sort of closure, I know I do,’ she whispered.
‘How can you do that?’
‘I’m working on it.’ Sasha put her head against the back of the sofa. ‘Do you think we’ll be able to be friends after all this?’
‘I don’t know,’ he honestly replied. ‘Captain has warned me off from getting involved as it’ll expose him and Ryan. We haven’t done anything illegal, unless you think we have?’
‘If making me happy is a crime, I’ll take the punishment.’
‘Stop it,’ he gently said, putting his fingers to her lips. ‘You say these things and you don’t know how it makes me feel.’
‘As long as it’s happy then I’ll keep on saying it.’
‘Are you sure you’re okay?’
… Sean asked. Kit was setting up the bar for Sunday lunch service. ‘You don’t seem yourself.’
‘The new guy’s doing well,’ Kit replied, ignoring his best friend’s comment. ‘I think it might be worth keeping him on permanently.’
He noticed Sean frown.
‘Who were those guys you were with the other day?’ his friend continued to quiz. ‘I’ve seen them around a few times but you never really introduced them properly. I’ve not even been able to have a chat.’
�
�Just some people I know.’ Turning to Sean, he was met with a scowl. ‘And no, I’m not back on coke. They’re not drug dealers but nice people and if you’re so hung up about it then-.’
‘I’m not hung up!’ he said, getting agitated. ‘But I worry when you’re not around. You know what you were like before, missing for days. It’s called caring.’
‘Look,’ Kit said, slapping his hand on Sean’s shoulder. ‘I need some space and I’m getting quality time.’
‘But you’re not in your flat, so Justin says.’
‘I’m not spending every night here, no.’
Then Sean’s face lit up.
‘It’s a woman, isn’t it?’ he whispered. ‘Tell me.’
‘I’m house sitting,’ he swiftly replied, turning his head away to hide his blush. ‘Just for a couple of weeks. It’s nice to spend time in a place that’s like a home and equally plush as a hotel.’
‘When are you going to sort out the mess upstairs? Even Gracie told me she’d help decorate.’
‘Soon,’ he laughed, thinking about his daughter. ‘Things are doing okay here, not brilliantly. Sean, you don’t have to do the late shifts. We can get cover.’
‘And how are ‘we’ going to pay for it? From this insurance rebate you keep going on about?’ he sighed, stepping closer. ‘We cover everything but there’s not much money around this time of year, you know, after Christmas and New Year.’
‘After I’ve done this stint, we’ll sit down and see how we can really market this place. It’s not that bad. And I won’t be coming in tomorrow. I’ve got things to sort out.’ He turned his face away so Sean wouldn’t peer into it. ‘And Gracie’s got a play date. It works out okay.’
‘It’s a woman, isn’t it?’ frowned Sean. ‘I don’t know why you won’t tell me.’
‘I’m not talking about it.’
‘See that!’ Sean said, pointing a finger towards his face. ‘You don’t do things like take a day off and not talk to me about it usually… well, at all. Tell me, man. I’d be chuffed if you found someone.’
Kit looked at his friend’s handsome face, full of genuine love and concern.