Turning Point

by Georgia Hamilton

  “Yes beautiful, I am back. You sound happy”

  She squeals – a piercing almost deafening squeal.

  “I am happy, Paige and I are out, Aaron just rocked up to join us for a few drinks, he said he text you to come, he wants to celebrate with you. I am SOOO proud of you! I can’t believe how well your trip went. You are amazing”

  She is so damn cute! I take it back what I said, she has clearly had 3 or 4 gasses of bubbly.

  “Means a lot beautiful, I haven’t replied to any messages but yours yet, as much as I would love to be there, with you guys celebrating, I can’t I have got to get some work done before tomorrow.” I stop mid-sentence, I can hear a male voice in the background, “no thank you, I can buy my own drinks” muffling noise that I can’t make out “Rayne?” my heart is pumping, what the fuck? I put the phone to my ear again “Rayne?” she ignores me but clearly still talking to the fucking douche. “yeah well, I don’t think my boyfriend would approve, he’s bigger than you, stronger than you and prettier than you. He’s on the phone if you want to talk to him” I want to laugh at the whole situation, but I hate that she’s having to deal with it, it doesn’t surprise me, she is a knock out but she’s my knock out. I hear some more muffling then clear as day I hear a familiar voice “Are you fucking deaf or fucking stupid. Piss off before you piss me off any more” Rayne comes back on the phone “Sorry Connor, some men are unreal, this guy just walks up to me and starts coming on to me, I wasn’t interested and he couldn’t take a hint, but its ok, Aaron got rid of him, think he actually crapped his pants, it smells like he did anyway, unless that was his breath the amount of shit that was coming out of it” Yet again she pulls a laugh deep from inside me. So Damn. Cute

  “I am sure if Aaron hadn’t rescued you, your boyfriend would have let him know in no uncertain terms that he had 10 seconds to live”

  She gasps – ha! She forgot she called me her boyfriend.

  I know without seeing her that she has gone bright red. I need her to know that its ok

  “For the record, it’s good to know my girlfriend can handle herself”

  I smile to myself, I have never done the whole will you be my girlfriend? thing, it’s a bit too Love Island for me, but this, this thing with Rayne, its needed a name since the very first day. I just hope she remembers in the morning.

  She does a little gasp again, I can hear her smile as she responds

  “I like when you call me that”

  “I like calling you that”

  We sit in silence for a moment, me laying on my bed in the dark, a shit eating grin splitting my face, her sat in a bar somewhere just listening to me breath. This is what content feels like.

  My stomach plummets when I realise I still have to see Madders.

  “Beautiful, can you put Aaron on the phone for me please” she sighs, and I guess hands the phone over

  “Dude!!”

  “’A’ how’s it going?”

  “Legit, it’s all good – you coming out to play? Rayne looks totally loved up man, what the hell did you say to her, she’s sitting at the bar glowing son.”

  My heart flutters, it’s a punch in the gut to not be there with her.

  “I am not about to let you into my secrets A, I can’t come out right now, so do me a favour, make sure she gets home ok? I don’t want her in cab on her own”

  “Dude, you know that’s a given, got a driver today anyway”

  I feel a sense of relief knowing she’s with Aaron.

  “Cool, text me when she’s in”

  Aaron spits out a laugh

  “and you text me back when she hands you back your balls – soft motherfucker”

  “yeah yeah yeah, put her back on please” She’s calmer when she comes back on, I tell her good night and let her know I ask Aaron to take her home, I thought she would argue with me, she is so stubborn sometimes.

  “Ok, night Connor”

  “Night beautiful”

  Before I change my mind, I send a couple of quick messages, if Rayne and I are as serious as I think we are, I need to let Fitz know, kind of a respect thing. I shoot him a text, asking for a little advice and give him the heads up.

  The reply comes faster than I expected. He’s back on Saturday and wants to meet up. Not unusual for Fitz, he likes to check in on me. He is definitely my unofficial sponsor.

  I jump off the bed, throw on a pair of trainers and grab my keys. Time to meet with the devil.

  I see Madders straight away, he is holding court at the back of the coffee shop. He is surrounded by hangers on, nothing changes. Habib nods when he sees me and brings over a shisha for me. It’s been a while, but I won’t say no. I need something to occupy my hands and I am not about to have any alcohol.

  M clears the table, he merely nods as I approach, and everyone scatters.

  “you made it! I thought I would have to come knocking”

  I shift on the leatherette sofa. Twiddling with the shisha pipe before I take a pull. I need the time to think about what to say, I decide not to say anything, I just let him talk

  He raises his eyebrows at me when he notes that I am not about to start talking. He wanted me here, but I have no intention of interacting.

  “It’s like that then is it son? After everything I did for you, I gave you a family – my own kids didn’t get as much from me as you did”

  Kids? I didn’t know he had children. Poor things having him as dad, they are probably as screwed up as him.

  His phone buzzes with a message. I look down and right on cue, it says daughter across the screen. “Timing eh?” He leans back in his chair. He dresses way too young for his years, he looks like he is trying to be something he is not. It’s embarrassing.

  On an exhale of smoke, I need to cut this bullshit

  “What do you want M, what’s the deal?”

  He’s squinting at me now, sizing me up. I know not to shift or stop looking at him. He is looking for weakness, looking for betrayal. He won’t find it, not here, not now.

  He seems satisfied with whatever he can see or can’t see and starts to talk

  “It’s simple, I have a car coming in on Saturday, it took you so long to get back to me, I took the liberty of proceeding without your consent.” I want to wipe the smirk off his face

  “Stop with the riddles, what the fuck has this got to do with me, you brought a new car, why did you need my consent?”

  He puts his glass on the table and leans in to me, bet he’s glad we’re sitting down, it’s the only time he is the same height as me.

  “Because, my car has a little more under the bonnet, the less you know the better. For it to get through customs I needed to get it here as trade. So, I took the liberty of ordering it in your name for your company, Prestige that’s it, isn’t it? you need to do is sign for it on Saturday and my daughter is going to come and pick it up”

  I lunge for him

  “You son of a bitch”

  I am immediately pulled back my Habib and someone else. “Get your hands off me”

  I try to use my body span to throw them off, but they hold on tighter. He’s going to dislocate my arm if I keep struggling.

  “Don’t let them have to remove you son. I would hate to mess up your pretty face”

  My mouth is full of bile, the temptation to spit in M’s face is high, but I stop myself and spit at the dickhead on my rights feet.

  He lets go of my arm as he tries to punch me, I am way too fast for him, I am up on my feet and jan him straight in the gut. He’s doubled over in pain. Habib gets him upright and pushes him away

  “The only thing about to get messed up is all of you motherfuckers” I shove the table and chairs out of my way and go to walk out of the shop. I’ve heard enough.

  “Before you run away again like the pussy you are, you need to know I mean it when I say, do this and we are done. Through. Slate wiped clean”

  I roll my shoulders and click my knuckles, not for effect but to ease the pressure bu
ilding.

  He stands on a step so he can look down at me, he’s trying to be menacing but I am over it, I am over him and his blackmailing arse.

  “You haven’t given me a choice, have you?”

  He’s stock still, emotionless and deadly.

  “You always have a choice son. Choose wisely that’s all I say. Once you have signed for the vehicle, leave it in your car park and my daughter will pick it up. That’s all I need you to do then we are done”

  I nod, not in agreement, not for any reason other to signal the end of the conversation.

  “Good choice! Once she’s picked up the car, I will text you and that’s the end of it. It’s been great catching up son, take care of yourself”

  “I’m not your fucking son”

  I say to myself, I would rather have no dad then him as a dad. I pity his offspring

  I need to go to the gym, or something, I need to get out of my own head.

  I slam my car door behind me. Rage shoots through my body, escaping through my hands as I pound the steering wheel. “AAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHHH” the roar leaves me taking what is left of my resolve with it. How did I get into this mess? How am I sitting here now, my life was seemingly together, why do I always get the shit hand, why me? Every single time I allow myself to feel happy, the moment I throw away caution and allow myself to feel, some motherfucker comes in and reminds me that I will never get my happy ever after.

  I may be in a 28-year olds body but suddenly I am a three-year-old boy again. The fear of abandonment engulfs me, sorrow consumes me. I don’t realise I am crying until the first tear streaks down my face. I angrily swipe at it, ridding my face of the evidence. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t stop the pain. I open my mouth to take in a breath. It catches a sob, magnifying the sound. Someone once said crying was cathartic, it may not have cleansed my soul but its cleared some of the fog in my mind. I grab my phone and call the only person who I trust with this.

  When they answer, I cannot speak, I am so scared of their reaction of what they are going to say, what they will think of me. The tears are still there. Still clogging my windpipe, hindering my ability to speak

  “Connor?”

  “yes, I’m here” again its mid sob

  “Son, where are you? Are you hurt?” The words are so soothing, so caring. Better than the hug I crave.

  “Not hurt no”

  Fitz lets out a sigh of relief. “Has this got anything to do with him? Have you seen him?”

  “yes, and its bad, so bad”

  Fitz tells me go to his house, he gives me the code and tells me to wait there and he will be home in a few hours.

  I do it all on autopilot. No sooner have I found the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water do I get the text from Aaron.

  She’s home, safely. Paige is staying with her tonight – hope you’re cool G, catch up tomorrow A.

  I haven’t got the energy to reply. She’s safe. That’s all that matters.

  I don’t hear Fitz pull up, I don’t even hear him come in. I feel a gentle shake of my shoulders which pulls me back to reality. “C’mon Son, come with me” I nod as I am afraid what will happen if I try to speak.

  We pass Raynes Mum Rose, she’s making tea in the kitchen. She’s smaller than I remember, so petite. She probably needs a stool to reach the top cupboards in their kitchen. It’s so big it looks like they should have staff. She catches my arm as I line up with her, giving me a reassuring stroke. The kindness just flows out of her, I know she’s got a sting in her tail, I remember when I worked at Fitz’s firm, she was always a firecracker, but there is nothing but compassion today. I wonder to myself what Fitz has told her, why would she look so remorseful when I am the bad guy. I am the one who could put her only daughter in danger just because she knows me.

  Fitz takes us to the garden room, being back in the place that I very first met Rayne feels surreal. The man I am trusting with everything, is the man she trusts with everything. Who would have thought? I had seen Rayne a few times in the office but never long enough to talk to her or to even notice her properly, back then I was a scrawny little shit with the thick dodgy hair and crooked teeth, I am glad she didn’t know me then.

  Fitz makes me take him through the conversation with Madders, he calls someone, I don’t know who and puts them on loud speaker, they don’t speak just listen. Fitz takes them off speaker and finishes the conversation. He does what he always does, tells me not to worry and he will take care of it. He gives me a phone from his drawer and tells me to answer it when it rings tomorrow.

  He asks me if I want to stay, but it feels wrong, this is Rayne’s house and she doesn’t even know that I am here, she’ll never need to know that I was here either.

  We go up the back stairs to the kitchen, Rose is busying herself with something in the kitchen. Fitz walks up behind her and holds her for a moment, I am not sure why she is so upset, I panic for a moment and wonder if something has happened to Rayne.

  Rose see’s my puzzled look and breaks away from Fitz. She holds out her hands for me. I clearly have a pull with the women in this family.

  “You are a fine, fine young man Connor. Please do not worry, Trent will take care of it.”

  She strokes my hands as she talks.

  “My Rayne is a very lucky girl” She gives me a hug as she says that, and I am completely blown away. Her sincerity is so pure, it’s easy to see why she married Fitz.

  “I am the lucky one Mrs F, she is an unbelievable woman”

  Fitz is back at his wife’s side, “She takes after her mother Connor, now go on, get yourself home otherwise she will make you stay”

  I say my goodbyes and get into my car. As I pull away from the house, I feel an overwhelming sense of calm, it’s a false sense of security, I know from history alone that calm comes before a storm.

  ~

  I stare at my phone. Wiling it to stop ringing.

  It’s the second call of Raynes that I have missed. Or rather been unable to answer.

  I have strict instructions, leave office at 12.30, go straight to the agreed meeting place. Keep mobile switched off until back closer to home.

  Her text is waiting for me when I finally sneak my phone back on

  Hey, so erm, sorry about my behaviour last night. I had a few drinks. I am a little sketchy on the details of our convo and honestly? Paranoia is setting in. can you text me please. Even if it’s just to say it’s been fun…

  I can hear her saying it as I read it. It was clear from my meeting that she could be in danger as could everybody else be ifI told anyone about what was going to happen. 24 hours and this would all be over. I am getting straight on a plane and going anywhere once this is done. I just hope Rayne will come with me. What is going to happen when she knows the truth? When she knows that I went to see Fitz and her mum?

  Although I am not supposed to, I text her – I have to

  Blame it on a a a a a alcohol – best excuse there is.

  I am going to hold you to everything you said. I am tied up for most of today and tomorrow but you’re right, it has been fun. All lot of fun x

  Pressing send I am happy that she’ll know I am holding her to the boyfriend comment. She is so adorable. I flick my personal phone off, and head to our showroom, it’s now or never.

  Let’s get this over with.

  Rayne

  Fun? It’s been Fun? He’s suddenly busy for the next two days? That’s called being blown out.

  I can’t believe he has done this and by TEXT! What the actual!

  We are supposed to meet tomorrow, I am supposed to be planning a date with him. MEN! I hate them. ALL. I thought he was different, I thought he was going to be the one. I allowed myself to fall for him.

  I stare back at my reflection in the toilets at work. I shouldn’t feel annoyed, it hasn’t even been two weeks, but I feel like I have known him for longer, our phone calls, the ‘dates’ the kisses. Oh, my go the Orgasms. GAH!

  I want to rinse my face but to
be honest, who’s got time to reapply make up? I dab my face with a wet wipe and swipe my face with some bronzer and hope for the best.

  |I tried to call Leilani but like everyone else in my life, she’s busy. Ma comes back today, so I can’t call her until later.

  Paige heard my tears earlier and booked us a table for dinner down the road. I don’t want to eat but she is making me.

  I chuck everything back in my bag, my phone dings and my heart pings – has he text me again.

  I open it to see a message from Mack.

  Hello Rayne, I wondered if you were free tonight? Maybe for dinner, you can choose where.

  Mack

  I contemplate what to say. Not changing my plans with Paige, hoes before bro’s.

  What have I become

  Hey, I am still at work, sorry got a business dinner tonight. Let me know when you are free next. Rayne

  He messages me back straight away,

  That’s a shame, perhaps another time, going anywhere nice for dinner

  I contemplate inviting him to dinner with us, but he is still a virtual stranger, when I called him my dad in my conversation with Connor, it didn’t feel natural but it was easier than referring to him as sperm donor or Mack. I keep my reply simple, let’s not over complicate things – I still have to tell Ma that I have made contact with him, I just hope she understands

  Just to the tapas bar near work, been a stressful week, will be in touch to arrange something next week?

  He’s read the message but not replied, guess he’s busy. Devil makes work for idle hands M always says and she’s right, satan is on my shoulder egging me on as I pull Connors messages up, I read them to torture myself, clearly. Why else would I do that? I loiter around the call symbol, I press it before I can stop myself. Voicemail.

  “Fuck this” I switch my phone off and throw it in down on my bag.

  Paige is leaning on my door frame, arms folded, head tilted, accusing look on her face. She raises her eyebrow at me and there we have it ladies and gentlemen the reason we call her Donna!

  “You ready to go” her voice is calm as anything, almost soothing. I have never been more grateful for her.