Luna rose to her feet, unafraid. Kirith’s eyes had begun to glow emerald green, his veins pulsing with fire as his Dragon threatened to explode from his flesh and consume everything around him.
But still she wasn’t scared of him. He wasn’t a Big Horrid Dragon, not anymore.
He was Kirith, a man who’d lost his entire world.
“You listen to me,” she said. “You saved my life, when you could have watched those men tear me to pieces. You could have watched them do unspeakable things to me, but you protected me. I owe you everything. You are my protector.”
The strange, glowing veins in his skin had begun to fade, but his eyes remained bright as a tear streaked down his right cheek. “I would give anything to be worthy of such praise,” he said. “Anything.” He wrapped his fingers gently around her forearms and pulled her hands to his lips, kissing them gently before dropping them. Slowly he rose to his feet and walked away from her, stopping when he’d reached a tall dresser at the other end of the room.
“My son and daughter,” he said softly as he turned to face her, “they were so young. Seven and eight. Too young ever to have shifted. My wife, she was human. She didn’t have the strength to fight the Wolves off, and Ripper knew it. He knew it would be all too easy to take them down.”
“Oh, Kirith…” said Luna. She didn’t know what to say. What could one possible say to a man who’d endured such a trauma?
“I killed the two Wolves when I found them on my doorstep,” he said, his voice raw with anger. “I would tell you that I’m sorry for it, but I’m not. You see, they’d been in my home, standing over my…” He choked back a sob, unable to finish the sentence. My babies. My sweet, innocent babies. Those were the words wanted to say; they had to be. How could he possibly say anything else?
He turned towards her. “Ripper and your Pack disappeared that night. That was the great irony, of course. The great insult. He killed my family, and then he left. He never did take the land that he’d so wanted. In the end, all he wanted was revenge on me for not giving my woods to him.” He let out a bitter chuckle. “He loved knowing how much he’d hurt the great Dragon in the forest. Loved that he’d shown me his power by breaking me into a million pieces.”
“Why didn’t you come after him? After us?” Luna asked. Surely a Dragon as powerful as Kirith could have figured out where they were. Here in London, Ripper hid far below the earth. But in Bonham he’d been exposed, vulnerable.
“Because I felt as though I needed to punish myself first,” Kirith said. “I hated Ripper. Hated your Pack. But I hated myself even more. I stayed alone for a long time. But one day, not too long ago, I heard that Wolves had begun to make their way back to London. So I went to work to find out if perhaps the Warkshire Pack was among them.”
“There’s one thing I still don’t understand,” Luna said, hesitant to ask any more questions about that awful night. “Why did you burn your own house? Why did you…”
“I’ve told you I’m of Norse descent,” he said, his eyes staring off into the distance. “Viking stock. We give our dead a funeral pyre. It’s a sign of tribute, a sort of ceremony, to send them to Valhalla. I burned my family because I needed to believe they were going to a place where they would be protected by a force more powerful than myself.”
“More powerful than you? I always thought you were the most powerful thing in the world,” Luna said. “I always thought you were perfect.”
“I am no such thing,” he retorted, clenching his fists so hard that she could see his knuckles turn white. “Because of my imperfection, I lost them. All of them. Everyone I loved in the world.”
Luna stepped forward and grabbed him, flinging her arms around his body and squeezing. He might have hated her for it, but she didn’t care. She would hold him until he forced her to stop. And then she’d only squeeze harder.
“Don’t,” he moaned, leaving his arms at his side, refusing to hold her back. “Leave me. Please, just leave me alone, Luna.” But she didn’t, even when she felt the sob rise up in his chest.
“I won’t leave,” she told him. “I never will, not while you’re in so much pain. So don’t push me away and tell me that you don’t deserve my affection. You deserve that, and so much more. So let me help you now.”
He pulled her hands away from his body and turned away, slamming a hand down on top of the dresser. “I don’t deserve your help, or your affection. I don’t deserve anyone’s.” He spun around to confront her with a glare. Tears had begun to streak Luna’s cheeks, but she didn’t care. She was vulnerable to him now, in every possible way. But none of it mattered.
“How can you say that?” she asked. “Do you really think you’re worth nothing?”
“Don’t you see?” He threw his hands up and let out a laugh that hurt her heart. “I am nothing. I’m a husk.” His expression changed, his eyes softening, a look of something close to affection overtaking them for a moment. “But you’re not. Beautiful, soft, sensual woman. You should go find yourself a nice, happy Wolf shifter. Someone less fragile, less broken than me. I’m fire and brimstone. I’m claws and teeth. I have no heart. I have no soul. So go settle down with someone who will give you what you need, Luna. Just…do yourself a favour and run a thousand miles from the likes of me.”
She stepped back, a look of ire drawing her red brows together. “Find a Wolf? Find someone less fragile? Maybe I was wrong after all. You’re a cruel bastard,” she said. Whatever fire and brimstone was in him, she could summon it too. The red-haired Wolf’s heart had turned to flame with the cruelty of his words. “You’re a coward to tell me to find another man, when you know perfectly well that I only want you. You want me to take it as a rejection. You want to hurt me, because you think it’ll make me leave. But I know this is only your way to avoid closeness. You’re frightened of feeling anything, Kirith. But you know what? I’m not.”
“Fuck yes, it’s my way to avoid love!” he shouted back at her. “Do you think I want to deal with the cruelty of it? Do you think I want to let myself care about you, when all that came of it last time was pain?” He moved towards her, grabbing her by the chin. “Look at me,” he commanded. She met his gaze, tears in her eyes. “Even if I could bring myself to give into feelings for a Wolf shifter, do you think I could bear to lose you if I let myself fall in love with you? If we had children together, do you think I could live with myself if something happened to them?”
“I don’t think it,” she said, shaking her head. “I know it.”
“Well, that’s brilliant,” he laughed bitterly, letting her go and dropping his hands to his sides. “How the fuck could I bear such a thing?”
Luna inhaled, holding the breath somewhere deep in her chest before letting the words come. “You could bear it, because you’ve borne it before. Because you want to live, Kirith. But without love, there’s no life at all. You’re not alive so long as you’re fighting back your feelings. All you are is a shell, like you said, trying to hollow yourself out each day so that you have an excuse to go to bed angry, when the truth is that you could go to bed with me. You could go to bed with someone who cares about you. Someone who will be there when you wake up, who will hold you when you’re upset. Someone who might just love you back.”
For a moment he looked as though he might give in, that his hard shell might shatter at last.
“I can’t,” he said, shaking his head as if he wanted to release everything that had been building up for the last hour. “I can’t be with you, for too many reasons to count. I’m dead inside.”
“Kirith…” As Luna said his name, she wondered if it would be for the last time. “Don’t do this. Don’t push me away like this. Not now that you’ve told me the truth. I know it’s hard to open up. I understand how much it hurts. But please, let me help you.”
“You should help yourself,” he said. “You think you understand the world now, but the truth is that you’ve only begun to scratch its ugly surface.”
“What’s that
supposed to mean?” she asked, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted an answer. Her heart couldn’t take any more ugliness. Not tonight.
“Nothing. Look, I’m tired,” Kirith replied, turning towards the bed. It was as if he was giving in, surrendering to the onslaught of emotions that had ravaged his soul.
“So sleep,” she replied. “Come.” She reached a hand out, knowing that he might as easily slap it away as take it.
But he reached for her and allowed himself to be pulled gently forward. She stood by in silence as he lay down on the enormous mattress. Quietly, she eased the duvet over him and slipped in behind him, wrapping a small arm around his massive body.
The Dragon shifter tensed for a moment, but he didn’t ask her to leave again. Instead, he took her hand in his and held it tight as they both drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 19
Luna woke in the morning to the sound of voices coming from somewhere down the hall.
She quickly realized that she was still wearing the terrycloth robe. But it seemed that sometime in the night, Kirith had hung her dress and undergarments over the back of a nearby chair. He’d also tidily folded some jeans and a t-shirt that must have belonged to the Lumen’s mate. Whatever the case, she was grateful for the silent loan. She slipped out of bed, pulled on her undergarments and then the new clothes, grabbing her dress before stepping out of the bedroom.
As she moved down the hall, the sound of strange voices crescendoed. Kirith was having a meeting, it seemed, and they were making no effort to keep their discussion private.
But when Luna had positioned herself in the doorway, the speakers went silent and turned to stare at her.
Kirith was sitting at the kitchen table with a man and a woman. The former was tall and broad-shouldered—a Dragon shifter, for sure—with black hair and icy blue eyes. The woman had dark hair as well, and bright eyes. The eyes of a Wolf. There was something about her, though, that was unlike any Wolf shifter Luna had ever seen.
“Hello,” she said, feeling uncharacteristically timid at seeing the otherworldly strangers before her.
“Hello there,” the woman replied, rising to her feet and walking over, a hand extended. “You must be Luna.”
“I am,” Luna replied, gratefully accepting the hand, “and you are…?”
“Amara,” she replied. “This is Minach, my mate. We just popped in to see how Kirith was making out this morning.”
“Uh-huh.” Luna wanted to crack a joke about making out, but something in the air felt too solemn, as though she’d walked in on a secret military meeting of some sort. “I was just…I…” she flailed her hands, gesturing towards the hallway as if doing so offered some sort of explanation as to why she was even in the Guild’s Alpha’s home.
“No need to explain,” Amara replied. From the look in her eye she was being sincere. Somehow, Luna felt like the strange woman knew the truth about her already. There was something so interesting about her, so exotic, as though her Wolf’s blood were mixed with something more than human. “We know why you came here last night, and we’re grateful,” Amara added. “Because of your actions, Minach and his brother Lyre managed to get to Lumen’s family before the would-be assailants did.”
“Oh, thank God,” Luna said. “Listen, I’m so sorry about my Alpha. About everything. You must despise my Pack and me.”
“Despise you?” Amara smiled and turned to look at her mate before swinging back. “We couldn’t be more grateful to you. We wanted to come by and thank you personally. Didn’t we, Minach?”
Amara’s dark-haired mate attempted a smile and said, “Absolutely.” Like Kirith, he was beyond handsome, and like Kirith, showing any semblance of joy on his features seemed to take serious effort. Perhaps it was a trait of Dragon shifters to be unapproachable and gruff.
Unlike the other two, Kirith kept his eyes locked on the wall on the opposite side of the room, tacitly refusing to look at Luna as though he were in denial about everything that had happened the previous night.
“Anyone else would have done the same thing,” Luna replied, looking uneasily at the man with whom she’d shared a bed.
“Not just anyone,” said Amara, her tone full of admiration. “We know that you defied your Alpha by coming to us. We know the risk that you took.”
“Yes, well, it helps that I pretty much despise my Alpha,” Luna said. It was the truth, of course. She hated him even more now, having learned the truth about what Ripper had done to Kirith’s family.
“Whether you like him or not, it’s not easy to go against a Pack,” Amara told her, her eyes shining bright, her inner Wolf lurking just below the surface as though sniffing Luna’s out.
“I suppose you’re right,” Luna replied, shifting from foot to foot as though she couldn’t get comfortable in her own skin. “Listen, I should probably go…”
Kirith was still doing everything he could to avoid her gaze, and his reluctance to acknowledge her stung her more than she wanted to let on. She wanted to look into the eyes of the man who’d been inside her last night. Wanted to see him smile one more time, to see his eyes soften again. But he was cold and hard this morning, his heart locked firmly inside the impenetrable vault where he stored it. “Thank you for what you did for me last night,” she said awkwardly, staring at him. Stupid thing to say, but it wasn’t as though she could blurt out, “Thanks for fucking me like a wild animal then telling me your darkest secrets, Dragon man.”
“You’re welcome, I’m sure,” he grunted. He looked up at her for a split second, then pulled his eyes away quickly, as though it was too painful to make contact for a prolonged period. Poor Dragon was so damaged. He was like a wounded animal, afraid to rely on anyone for fear that he would be hurt further, so he retreated into the dark to suffer in silence.
“Come, I’ll see you out,” said Amara, taking Luna gently by the arm. She seemed to know that it was best to separate the two of them before some emotional nuclear catastrophe occurred.
“Thanks,” Luna said, trying to mask the hurt in her voice. As they moved down the hallway, she whispered, “What’s going on back there, anyway?”
“Just a quick Guild meeting,” Amara replied.
“Guild? You mean the Dragons? Kirith is part of the Guild?”
Amara shook her head as they reached the round room at the end of a long, white hallway illuminated by daylight filtered through the lake above. “No, not yet. I’m not sure he wants to be, though he would be most welcome, particularly after his assistance last night.”
“I’m not sure he’s ready,” Luna said as they stopped walking.
“Neither am I,” said Amara, looking back towards the kitchen. “At least, I don’t think he believes himself worthy.”
“He should,” Luna replied abruptly. “He’s a good man. He’s…he’s always been a good man, I think.”
“I know,” said Amara. “He’s been hurt.”
“Do you know what happened?”
“I’m a Seer,” Amara said, meeting her eyes. “He doesn’t need to tell me anything.”
“I wish I had that skill. I can’t get him to look at me. Can’t get my brother to talk to me, either. The men in my life are like walking enigmas, yet I…”
“You care about them,” Amara said, finishing the sentence. “You have deep feelings for Kirith, despite the fact that you haven’t really known him for long.”
“I’m that transparent, am I?” Luna let out a quiet, bitter laugh even as sadness bubbled up in her chest.
“No more than he is,” said Amara. “To be fair, it doesn’t take a Seer to figure out what you two mean to each other.”
“I don’t mean anything to him. He may find me attractive, but he doesn’t like me very much.”
“Do you really believe that?” Amara narrowed her eyes, and for a second Luna felt as though the strange woman were looking straight into her heart.
She shook her head. “No. I’ll admit that maybe he almost cares. Almost. He doesn’t want to,
though; he fights it tooth and claw.”
“The fact that he has to fight so hard against it means that the feelings are strong. He sees in you a potential mate, you know.”
Luna’s heart began to beat faster with the thought of it. “A potential mate,” she repeated. “That would be something.”
“He’ll need to figure it out for himself, however. A man like Kirith can’t be pushed. He’s covered in scar tissue from his war wounds. It takes longer for him to realize what it is that he really needs.”
“I know,” Luna sighed. “God, I wish I could help him. I want to help make him better.”
“I know you do. For now, though, take care of yourself. Be cautious. Something tells me that there is danger on the horizon, for both of you. Speaking of which, you should probably consider carrying a weapon, if you’re going to live in London and run around parks at night.” Amara winked at her.
“A weapon?” Luna laughed at the thought. “I’m half Wolf; I shouldn’t need anything more than that.” As she said the words, though, she remembered how she’d felt the other night, surrounded by Wolf shifters. Against a dozen foes she was a pretty meagre weapon, at best.
“You might not always be in a situation where you can shift,” Amara said. “You should have a blade for those times. Dragon bone, preferably.” The Seer reached inside her jacket and extracted a sheathed blade with a golden handle. She handed it over, hilt first.
“I couldn’t…” began Luna.
“Take it. There are many more where it came from. Trust me when I tell you that it may one day come in handy. If it doesn’t, you should still have it as a symbol of solidarity. Think of it as a gift from the Dragons’ Guild in return for your service.”
Luna pulled it from its sheath, admiring the strange white blade. “This is Dragon bone, you said?”
Dragon's Bane (Dragon Guild Chronicles Book 5) Page 11