Blackbird's Fall

by Jenika Snow

She smiled again, but it was still sad.

  “Yeah, but it helps me clear my thoughts, and I want to get in a few more before it becomes really cold.”

  He didn’t remind her getting sick in this fucked up world wasn’t the best option. It might still be warm enough that t-shirts and shorts were fine, but taking a dip in the water was another story.

  She looked down at the food sitting on the tray, half eaten. “Make sure to finish your food. You need all that protein to help heal you.” Maya smiled, and he felt his whole body tighten. She had a little dimple in one of her cheeks, and it made her look even more gorgeous. “If you want to get strong, and help out, I need you to finish the food. I have some manual labor that needs to be done.” She chuckled after she spoke, and went to walk past the couch.

  He reached out and grabbed her hand, shocking himself. She looked equally surprised. “I don’t think you should go out there, and least not alone.”

  “I’ll be fine. Trust me, I know how to handle myself, and Sherman knows if someone is close that shouldn’t be here. Besides, I’ve been here alone for months before I found you.” She said that softly, not in an angry way, just in a matter-of-fact tone.

  “I should come out there with you.”

  She looked sympathetic. “No offense, but you needed help coming into the living room. Not sure you’d be much help out there.” She smiled, but it was a bit forced. “I always take a swim, so I’ll be fine.”

  And before he could argue anymore she was gone and Sherman followed behind.

  It took a few minutes before Marius finally finished his lunch. He stood and took the tray with the dishes into the kitchen. The window above the sink faced the back property and the lake, and although he saw Maya walking toward the water and should turn around and give her privacy, he found himself rooted to the spot. She bent down and rubbed her hand over Sherman’s head when they reached the edge of the water, and a second later the dog jumped in. She had been carrying a rifle, and when she set it down and started removing the various other weapons she had stashed on her body, he couldn’t help but smile.

  But it was when she started getting undressed that he had to reach down and grip the edge of the counter. He pressed his fingers into the metal, heard his nails scrape along it, and knew he was being a motherfucker for even watching her. She didn’t get nude, but her white panties looked small, and her bra was white, too. Those would be transparent once she was in the water. He wanted to go out there and make sure she was protected, be her guard while she swam, but she was right that he wouldn’t be much help.

  That doesn’t mean you can’t stand watch for her, even if she doesn’t know it.

  When she started swimming he moved from the sink and grabbed the gun that was leaning against the wall beside the front door. His cock was hard, but there was no going around getting that fucker to go down. He wanted Maya.

  He stepped onto the front porch, and walked around to the side. Leaning against the banister, he scanned the woods, keeping his eyes trained on anything that was suspicious. Aside from a flock of birds that flew overhead everything was silent, still almost.

  He turned his focus back on Maya, and saw her swimming toward him now. Her moves were elegant, fluid, and as the water rippled away from her, all he could think about was how her bra and panties would be soaked, transparent. God, he was so hard up for her, but he knew nothing could happen between them. She might still want him to leave, even if she’d mentioned him getting strong to help around the farm. They hardly knew anything about each other, and he even knew less about her than she did him. She’d gotten up far too soon during their conversation, and he knew it was because she didn’t know what to make of his involvement in the infection.

  He was leaning against one of the banisters on the porch, and he knew from her location she couldn’t see him, not clearly at least, so watching her made him feel like an even bigger asshole. But despite telling himself to leave he couldn’t stop staring in aroused lust as she climbed out of the pond. Sherman was next to climb out, and with a massive shake he succeeded in getting the water off of him.

  She grabbed her hair and started wringing it out, and all Marius could do was watch as the water dripped down her body. Even from the distance he could see the transparency of her undergarments, of the fact a dark triangle of her pussy hair was visible through her panties.

  “Fuck,” he said under his breath, and felt his cock give a jerk. He was being a voyeur right now, and should have felt disgusted enough with himself to turn away. And then she lifted her head and he swore their eyes locked. For a second they just looked at each other, and then he felt like the biggest fucking asshole. He turned and headed back toward the front of the house, telling himself he’d stay by the front door and watch the woods until she was inside.

  He just needed to get his erection under control so she didn’t see him as some depraved pervert.

  Chapter Eight

  Maya stared at the table that she’d set for dinner. When she’d gotten back into the house after her swim several days ago, she’d felt this funny sensation moving through her. Marius had been watching her, and most likely had seen more of her body than she’d intended to. The fact was she’d needed that swim to help clear her head after what he’d told her. She’d used that pond since she’d gotten here to help her relax, knowing that it was one of the few comforts she had left. And when he’d told her about being one of the scientists that had created the immunization she hadn’t known how to process it all.

  Swimming had been her first thought.

  Ever since then she’d been thinking about Marius in a way she shouldn’t, in a way that was dangerous. It had only been a little over a week since he’d been here, and she should be on high alert around him. But she wasn’t, not anymore. He’d been helping her around the house even though she wanted him to rest. He was stronger, that was for sure, and she couldn’t help but admit watching him fix the little things, seeing his muscles flex beneath his skin, made her wet and tingle between her thighs.

  She knew it wasn’t his fault that the immunization had mutated the way it had, but she also knew he blamed himself. There was something very noble about that, something that told Maya this man would take a bullet even if it weren’t intended for him. He didn’t have to tell her any of that, didn’t have to admit his involvement, but he’d been honest. That went a long way with her.

  Tonight she was making a nice dinner for them. She’d even cracked out one of the bottles of wine that had been stored in the cellar. Winter would be fast approaching, and although she was working hard to ensure she wouldn’t freeze to death, she was also thinking about other ways to stay warm.

  Get it together.

  She heard Sherman barking and went over to the window to look out of it. The sun was setting, but she could see Sherman and Marius coming from the greenhouse. She’d told him she needed some fresh herbs, but he’d insisted on going and getting them himself.

  Sherman starting jumping, trying to play with Marius, and she knew, just by the way she felt and how Sherman acted, that Marius wasn’t one of those “bad men”. Maybe it was naive and stupid for her to think so, but it was the truth, and how she felt. She relied on her instincts, had to in this new world, and her instincts told her that if he’d wanted to hurt her he could have ten times over by now. But he’d been helpful and kind to her. She’d also caught him staring at her more times than not, and that had her already growing arousal becoming more noticeable.

  He came inside just minutes later, and before he rounded the corner she smoothed her hands down the dress she’d put on. It wasn’t anything fancy, was even one her grandmother had owned when she’d been younger. But it was the only feminine thing she’d found, and she wanted to look delicate for him, wanted him to see her without the dirt smudging her face or the wrinkled tomboy clothing she wore when she worked around the yard.

  “I forgot to ask you what kind you wanted and how much, so hopefully this is enough—”

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nbsp; His words stopped when he lifted his head from the basket and stared at her. For a second they just stood there facing each other, neither speaking nor moving. He lowered his gaze up and down her body, and she heard and saw him swallow.

  God, him looking at me like that, watching me like how a man watches a woman he wants, has me so wet.

  Marius looked at the table next, and she knew he was surprised by the expression that covered his face. “What’s this?”

  She felt herself blush. “I thought we could have an adult meal.” Walking over to the table she held up a bottle of wine. “Found it in the cellar.”

  He smoothed one hand over his torn pants, and nodded. “I’m grossly underdressed for this.”

  She smiled again and set the bottle on the table. “It’ll be a little while longer for the food to finish cooking, so you can change if you want.” They stood there staring at each other for a moment too long, a second longer than what was comfortable. All she could feel was the pounding of desire in her veins. Maya was aware of the fact Marius watched her with this clear heat, this arousal that he tried to fight, that he tried to hide.

  “Yeah, okay,” he said with a harsh, gravelly voice, and ran his hand over his hair. “Let me just put something clean on and wash up.”

  And before she could move or say anything he was walking past her. The scent of masculinity, of all male, filled her head as he walked by her and a breeze moved over her. She closed her eyes, clenched her hands into fists, and told herself she wasn’t some hormonal teenager. She could control herself and how she felt for someone.

  This isn’t like how it used to be. This is a desperate world, filled with hate and loss, death, and sorrow.

  When she heard him ascend the stairs she breathed out a lungful of air and braced her hand on the table beside her. She could get through this without acting like she had never been with a man before, that she didn’t know how to control herself and how she felt.

  Maya could make this work, because that was the only way they would get through this. Sleeping with him would complicate things, would change things between.

  But it might be for the best. It might be exactly what should happen.

  He was back downstairs ten minutes later, a fresh shirt and pair of pants on, and his hands and face cleaned. She’d give him her grandfather’s old clothing. It was outdated, but they’d been about the same size and it worked for him.

  “It smells delicious, Maya,” Marius said in a deep voice.

  “Thank you. I hope it tastes okay.” This was the first “real” meal she’d had since all of this had gone down, and she knew it was probably the same for Marius. She didn’t have much she could spare, especially not since she was trying to stock up for winter, but she’d gotten some fish out of the pond, had a few canned potatoes in the cupboard, and even opened one of the jars of peaches. The cellar had been stocked nicely with canned items. Her grandfather, who had been a farmer and a manly man all the way through, had also canned fruits and veggies, even some salmon and chicken. The cellar had two large shelves with just those canned goods alone.

  “I’m sure it’ll be incredible.” He was looking at the table, and she gestured for him to take a seat. “This will be the first ‘real’ meal I’ve had. I mean you’ve been taking care of me, but I haven’t had a sit down meal since before all of this happened.”

  “Me either,” she said and took a seat. “Dig in.” Maya started serving some of the veggies and put the peaches on a small plate. She was nervous, because she knew what she’d like to do tonight, knew she’d like to finally give in to her desires, even if she shouldn’t want to. A lot of things went through her mind, things that said a platonic relationship with Marius might not be realistic, but that it was what was smart. Once people slept together the whole dynamic of things changed, and sometimes that wasn’t for the best.

  She popped the cork on the wine and poured them both a glass. As they ate and drank their wine in silence, she felt like this thickness was between them. Marius seemed distant, although he was polite. He just seemed like he was keeping this wall up.

  Had she totally read him wrong? Had the looks he been giving her, the ones she thought were filled with desire, nothing but her need to be with him?

  “You never really told me your story.”

  She looked up from her plate. “My story?”

  He nodded and took a bite of the fish. “What you were doing before all of this, where you came from.” He continued to eat and watch her. “I’m curious about you, but didn’t want to pry. I figured you would tell me when you were ready, if you were ready.”

  She didn’t say anything at first, and although after the infection she’d become distant with strangers, not sharing anything about herself because that opened her up, made her vulnerable. But she’d grown to put more trust in Marius and this strange kind of relationship they had. Would he leave once he was fully healed? She checked his wound every day and it was healing, with no sign of infection, but she also knew that asking him to stay would change everything, as well.

  “I’m from Thornton originally. I was with my parents when everything went down, and we just stuck together.” She stared at her plate of food, suddenly losing her appetite. “We stayed put for months, waiting to see if the infection would die out, or if the government would be able to get it under control.” The memories of what she’d lost, of what she’d had to do to her parents, played in vivid color in her head. Grabbing her glass of wine she poured it full, and then sucked it down. She refilled it, mindful of Marius sitting across from her silent, still.

  “You lost your family.” He stated it without forming it as a question.

  She nodded, and drank off the second glass of wine. “Yeah. My father had gotten bitten, and he turned a week later. Up until that point I tried to make him comfortable, all the while knowing he wasn’t going to be with us for much longer.” She lifted her head and looked at Marius. “Yes.” She didn’t know if she should divulge, but she figured if they were going to get closer, and if she was going to broach the subject of him staying long-term—if she was going to do that—she needed to be honest.

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  She looked down at her food again. “My father turned from the infection and killed my mother. I ended up shooting both of them.” The tears were going to come on fiercely, and she needed to stop them, to be strong. She finished off her glass of wine, refilled it again, and drank half of it. The fact she didn’t have any food in her belly yet, and that she was sucking down alcohol, had the buzz coming on with an intensity that startled her.

  “We’d planned on coming up here when things got calm, when it was safer to travel. We should have left sooner.” She whispered the last part. She finished off her wine, not going to cry, or at least telling herself that. “So, I came up here after they were … gone, and started to live my life and survive. I’ve been up here for the last few months, and until you came along you’re the only healthy human I’ve seen.”

  He didn’t speak, didn’t even move, it seemed. But then he rose and walked toward her. She was frozen, wondering what he planned on doing. He helped her out of the chair and pulled her in for a hug. All he did was hold her, rub her back, and tell her he was sorry but that things would be okay.

  Maya wanted to believe that, and being in Marius’s arms had her feeling like everything could start to be good, be better.

  Chapter Nine

  Marius held Maya, let her sink into him, and kept telling her everything would be okay. He didn’t know how to make her feel better. She’d lost everything, and was here alone, trying to make this new life work. He could feel her pain as if it were his own, and he knew that her opening herself up like that, telling him about her family, had to have been hard.

  She pulled back and looked up at him, and he pushed away her dark hair and cupped her cheeks. Staring into her eyes, he saw the raw agony.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered again.

  She look
ed down at his mouth, and his whole body tightened. And when she rose on her toes, and he knew she was about to kiss him, everything stopped inside of him. When she was a hairsbreadth away from his mouth, her warm, sweet wine smelling breath brushing along his, he took a step back.

  “I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’re upset and have had half a bottle of wine.” He smoothed his fingers over her cheeks, feeling the warmth, the smoothness of her flesh. He was being honest, and trying really fucking hard not to give into his desires.

  “You don’t want me?” she asked softly.

  “Maya,” he said her name on a groan and closed his eyes. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.” He opened his eyes again, hoping she saw the truth. “I want you so bad it’s hard to walk comfortably most of the time.” He saw her cheeks turn red as she blushed, and he smoothed his thumbs along the swells, loving how sweetly she was looking up at him. “But I’m not a bastard and won’t take advantage of you, and that’s what I’d be doing if I gave in right now.”

  She didn’t say anything, but then she turned from him, clearly embarrassed. For a second she kept her back toward him, staring at the kitchen table. “I’m sorry.” She left the dining room.

  “Maya, please wait.” But she didn’t. He let her run away, because she needed that space, needed to have that time. He would talk to her about this tomorrow, make her see that he wanted her, but he wanted her when she wasn’t hurting and when she wasn’t half drunk.

  “Fuck,” he said under his breath. He left the kitchen and headed upstairs, needing to take a bath, to wash off the day, what had happened, and just relax. He also needed to jerk off, because as it was now he was so aroused for Maya he could have come in his jeans.

  He grabbed one of the candles in the holder and climbed the stairs. He felt like an asshole, like he’d pushed her away, which he had, but it still felt wrong. He didn’t know if she’d really understood why, even though he’d explained it. He didn’t want to be that man that took what was thrown at him, that was going to be a motherfucker and be with a woman that was seeking comfort because she was in pain. He didn’t want to be that way with Maya, especially not for their first time.