[Jenna's] Gang of Deadheads

by Paul Atreides

  Overlooking the street, he peered out in both directions in search of Jenna. He avoided looking down at the pavement so he wouldn’t see the spot where he’d died, even though he knew the dark stain of blood had to be a figment of his imagination after all this time. “Shit! It’s going on one already. With the amount of time it takes you to get ready …”

  A flash of auburn hair, a couple blocks away, caught his attention. When he realized he couldn’t see through the woman like he could deadheads, who were just slightly transparent, he figured it couldn’t be Jenna. Anxiety rose into his chest. To avoid going off on one of his ‘infamous rants,’ as Jenna called them — those times when he started complaining about something, where his volume would increase, and nothing but a smack upside the head could stop him — he went across the hall to the McClaskey’s.

  Ignoring the resultant buzz that reminded him of touching a nine-volt battery to his tongue, Marvin stuck his head through the door. “Colleen? Patrick?”

  Patrick’s voice carried from their dining room. “Marvin, come in! We’re just sitting down to a cuppa if you’d like to join us.”

  They both turned as Marvin rushed through the archway from the living room.

  “How are you? You seem a little frazzled.” Colleen gestured to the chair across from her, since Patrick had reclaimed his place at the head of the table now that his wife had joined him in death. “Have a seat, dear. A nice cup of tea does wonders for the nerves.”

  “Thank you.” Sitting was the last thing Marvin wanted to do. Moving would’ve allowed him to expend his nervous energy, but he needed to mind his manners — Mrs. McClaskey could be a real stickler for those. Because, the real last thing he needed was for Jenna to hear about it and think he’d stepped out of line, or been rude to Colleen. He’d never hear the end of it. Jenna had become fast friends with the old woman after Marvin’s death and considered their neighbor to be the sweetest person she’d ever encountered.

  “You look awfully spruced up,” Patrick said, passing the cup of hot tea Colleen held out.

  Marvin took a glance at his black coat sleeves and nodded. “You like it? Davy picked it out for me to wear today.”

  “Who’s Davy?”

  “Oh, you remember, Patrick,” Colleen reminded, sliding a steaming cup across the linen cloth she’d put on the table. “The young man at Nordstrom Jenna recommended we see if we needed new clothes.”

  “Oh, right, right.”

  Marvin saw his chance and grabbed it. “You haven’t seen her, have you? Jenna, I mean.”

  Colleen paused in the preparation of her own tea. “Why, no dear. Why do you ask?”

  “She left Epstein’s before I did, well over an hour ago, to get ready for her funeral. She still hasn’t gotten home.”

  “That’s what’s got your nerves on edge, is it? Well, our Jenna is a strong girl though, isn’t she? She’ll be along, I’m sure of it.”

  “Oh, I’m not worried she’s in trouble. Though she’s gonna be in trouble, if you know what I mean, if she doesn’t get a move on.” Marvin shook a fist in the air.

  Colleen laughed with a little wave of her hand. “Oh, go on!”

  “Well, I hate being late,” Marvin explained.

  “What time does visitation begin, again?” Patrick asked.

  “Two. But, Davy said we should get there at two-thirty.” Marvin grinned. “You know he takes quite a bit of pride in what he does, and he likes to announce the arrival of his clients. And when you get a look at Jen, you’ll understand why. You are going, aren’t you?”

  Patrick cleared his throat, and took a sip of tea.

  “Well, of course we are, aren’t we dear?” Colleen touched a hand to her husband’s arm. “We couldn’t disappoint our girl, now could we?”

  Patrick gave her a sheepish smile. “If you think we should.”

  “I do.” She noticed Patrick evaluating his own clothing against Marvin’s suit, and added, “But, there’s no need for you to dress up any further, if that’s what concerns you.”

  A small sigh of relief passed from Patrick. “Well, then —”

  “Marvin, are you over here?” Jenna called out from the front door.

  “He is. He’s decided to have tea with us, while he waited for you to get home. You’re welcome to join us.” Though he’d died many years before, Patrick hadn’t lost the manners his wife insisted upon, and he stood as Jenna entered the room. “That is if you have the time.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m running so late, I better not.” Jenna brushed a hand through her hair and smoothed her rumpled blouse. “I do appreciate the offer, though. And thanks for looking after this big lug for me. Marvin, could you come home, I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Sure thing, Jen. Just let me fini —”

  “Now, please,” Jenna insisted. A slight crease knit her brow and she bit at her lower lip.

  Marvin downed his tea and pushed up out of his chair. “Colleen, your tea was excellent. It does work wonders. Thank you.”

  “You’re entirely welcome, dear. Anytime,” Colleen replied. When Marvin turned to carry his cup to the kitchen, she touched his jacket sleeve. “Oh, there’s no need for that.”

  “I can drop it in the sink.”

  “That’s thoughtful of you, really it is. But what else does an old woman have to do? Now, you run along and take care of our girl.”

  Marvin put the cup down on the table next to Colleen, gave a slight wave, and hurried after. “Jen, hon…”

  He found her at home, leaning against the kitchen counter, downing a glass of wine. There was a tear in the hem of her right pant leg, smudges of dirt on her blouse. “What happened? Where did you go?”

  Jenna threw herself into his arms. “Oh, Marv …”

  Marvin felt her quaking arms grasp him. “What? What’s wrong? Are you all right?” Though he knew it was impossible, being as she was dead and all, he pushed against her, to hold her at arms’ length, to make sure she hadn’t been hurt. It was one habit of the living he didn’t want to lose. Jenna tightened her grip. This was unlike the woman he’d met and fallen in love with. That woman had been strong and defiant, capable and ready for a fight at any turn. Though a bit of fear might be understandable since she’d only been dead a few days, she clung to him like a little girl. “What? Tell me.”

  She took a deep breath to gather her strength and pulled away. “I’m okay. Rattled, is all.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “Well, I heard a woman scream. I mean, not a scared kind of scream, Marv, this was a blood-curdling, frightened-for-her-life scream.” Jenna knocked back the rest of her wine and poured another glass full. She held the bottle up in question and Marvin declined. “Then I heard the most foul-mouthed man yelling and threatening to kill her.”

  Marv’s stomach dropped in fear. When Jenna was alive, she’d spent a lot of time volunteering at a shelter for battered women, working, doing what she could to help; she’d seen a lot of scarred bodies and souls. He feared where this was headed. “Is the woman okay? Did she get away?”

  “Uh, yeah … But …”

  Marvin waited.

  “I kind of helped, you know. And this man — not the one who’d been attacking his wife, or girlfriend, or whatever she is to him — this was a deadhead.” Jenna stopped and a slight shiver went through her. “Marvin, he looked at me, he scowled, and shook his head. He opened his mouth and I … ran. I don’t even know what he said, I ran so fast to get out of there.”

  Though Marvin knew perfectly well what her answer would be, he asked anyway. “What did he look like? Describe him.”

  “A big man. Not heavy-big, tall-big. He had on dirty, ratty clothes. You know, tattered and threadbare, and a tam hat, like the kind you used to see men wearing on golf courses. You know, like the one Will Smith wore in Bagger Vance. Otherwise, the closest comparison I could make right now is he reminded me of Morgan Freeman.”

  Marvin chuckled. “You’re starting to sound like
Tommy. Everything gets equated to a movie.”

  Jenna ignored his interjection. “But that’s not what really scared me. Maybe it was my imagination, but I swear he started to get bigger.”

  Because Jenna stood there in the kitchen with him, based on his own experience Marvin knew the answer to his next question, too. “The man who accosted the woman, the live guy, what happened to him?”

  “Oh, he’ll be fine,” Jenna said in a dismissive tone. “He just fell and bumped his head. Marvin —”

  Marvin’s voice became stern. “But you had something to do with his fall, didn’t you?”

  “Well, yeah. Marvin, I couldn’t let him keep at her. I couldn’t! She was bloody and bruised, and he was pointing a gun at her and —”

  Marvin pushed to the point. “What were you going to do before you heard the deadhead’s voice?”

  “Well, I managed to knock the gun out of that asshole’s hand, and it skittered across the sidewalk. Naturally, I ran and picked it up. Not that I could do it, I yelled at the man to stop or I’d shoot, but he kept beating her, Marv. So, I yelled again, and that’s when I heard a real deep, loud voice — like it came from the depths of the earth, you know — say my name. I turned, saw him and…” Her body shivered in fear. “I dropped the gun and ran.”

  Marvin grabbed her upper arms with both hands. “Don’t ever try something like that again. Do you hear me? Ever!” Then he pulled her into a bear hug and held her until she stopped shaking. “Okay now? Better?”

  Jenna nodded her head against his chest. “What happened, Marv? Who was that … man? How did he know my name?”

  “I don’t know. I think they know who we all are.” A violent shudder ran down his spine.

  Jenna raised her face to look at him. “What was that about?”

  “You’re lucky. You got off with a warning.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I told you about Jason and what he did to me, remember?”

  Jenna shook her head. “I remember that name, but all you said was, ‘You don’t even want to know.’ ”

  “Well, then, in that case, I was right the first time. You don’t even want to know.” Marvin looked at the clock. “You better get ready, or you’ll be late for your own funeral.”

  Jenna pulled away from him, noticed the serious expression on his face, and laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous.” She strode to the bedroom to clean up and change.

  -4-

  As Tommy predicted, Davy stood in the lobby of the Davis Funeral Home near the doors to the chapel; the same room Jenna had booked for Marvin’s visitation. When Jenna walked through the lobby, an arm linked through one of Marvin’s, and Tommy and Mike following them, Davy smiled with appreciation.

  He threw his arms open for a hug. “Oh, my, don’t you look scrumptious. I knew it, I knew that would be the perfect dress.”

  Jenna laughed, accepted the air kisses, and then twirled around for him. The full-skirted, shimmering Kelly Green chiffon highlighted her green eyes and set off her auburn hair. The gown splayed out from her body and exposed the silver heels he’d chosen for her. The diamond earrings and matching choker-style necklace borrowed for the occasion glittered. “You like it?”

  “Oh, honey, you are going to turn heads for sure.” Davy shot a quick aside to Marvin, “Diane’s not the prettiest diva in town anymore. She’ll positively look like a frump now!”

  Before Davy could throw open the doors, Tommy interrupted him, and in his excitement rushed right through Marvin. “Dude! Wait. I want to do the intro this time.”

  “Jesus H., hippie! Don’t do that.” Marvin slapped through the back of Tommy’s head. Marv would never get used to the buzz it caused when some deadhead brushed through him in a rush like that. For him, it was almost as bad as a living person knocking into him; not quite, but almost.

  “Sorry, Marvin.”

  “And who would this Diane person be?” Jenna asked pointedly.

  “Oh, this woman at Marvin’s funeral — ” Davy stopped when he noticed the scowl on Marvin’s face. “Oh, you know, just someone who thought she’d hit the jackpot when she laid eyes on Marvin here. Of course, she changed her mind quite quickly when he made a beeline to your side. If she shows up today to judge the new competition, she’ll be positively green with envy.”

  Tommy flung the big double mahogany doors wide and stepped into the room with a flourish. “Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you Ms. Jenna Wilson!”

  “Nice save,” Marvin whispered to Davy.

  When Jenna stepped forward through the archway as Davy had instructed, a round of applause and murmurs spread through the discarnate crowd. She smiled and waved. The nods of approval from the ladies and the discernible words of “gorgeous” and “hot” from the men reached her ears and she broke into a lilting laugh. More than one man moved in to greet her and stopped in disappointment when Marvin stepped to Jenna’s side and she hooked her arm through his. The number and din of deadheads muted the small crowd of living mourners who sat in the first few rows.

  It was apparent Mr. Davis, the proprietor of the Davis Funeral Home, had done some remodeling since Marvin’s wake when the place still had outdated folding chairs. The wallpaper had been replaced by a dove grey paint, a white chair rail splitting the wall ran the entire perimeter. Thick, charcoal-colored carpeting covered the floor, save for the center aisle to ease movement of sometimes extraordinarily heavy, unwieldy coffins.

  The layout of things hadn’t changed, though. With a spray of roses adorning the top, Jenna’s casket took center stage in the small alcove at the front of the room on its wheeled dais. Ceiling can-lights shone against the burnished metal, augmented by candelabras at either end. Several small funeral arrangements, sent by the law firm Jenna had worked for, had been placed to the left side of the alcove, and an easel held a display of photos on the right, though the flowers to shield the base of it had been supplied by Mr. Davis (included in the bill, of course).

  Jenna and Marvin were both surprised as they made their way to the front. Jenna saw them first, seated in the front row of the new, padded-seat pews, on the left; the ‘family side’ as she recalled her one-time future mother-in-law had referred to it.

  “Oh, my God, Marv.” Jenna nudged him and pointed to his family. “What are they doing here?”

  “Who?”

  “Your mother and father.”

  Sure enough, as Marvin followed her pointing finger, there sat Madelyn sobbing into her husband Morton’s shoulder as if her world had tumbled down around her ears.

  “I expected to see your brother, but why would your parents come? And what’s with the crocodile tears? Your mother hated me.”

  “Jen, for the hundredth time, my mother did not hate you.”

  “Bullshit, Marvin. I got nothing but cold, icy stares from that woman from the day you brought me to meet them.”

  Marvin heaved a sigh and thought, while Jenna may have been born Jewish, it was certainly obvious none of the foster homes she’d grown up in were Jewish families; she would never get a handle on how things worked. From his mother’s perspective, his brother, David, was the logical choice for Jenna after Marvin’s death. “She’s here and sobbing because now David won’t be able to marry you.”

  Jenna ignored the statement. Though David had kept in touch after Marvin’s death, they knew there would be no chance of a relationship. Jenna considered David to be too much of a pleaser, too much of a mama’s boy for her taste, and he’d been well aware of the fact. “Speaking of your brother, where is he?”

  Mike spoke up from behind them. “Over there in the corner, talking to Mr. Davis.”

  Jenna scowled at the old funeral director who’d pushed her financial envelope to the limit when she’d made the arrangements for Marvin. “I don’t know what he’s charged JoAnne for this, but thank goodness your father stepped in and made him lower the bill on yours,” she told Marvin.

  “He also paid it for you.”

  “I know t
hat, Marv. You could give a person a chance to finish before you butt in.”

  Marv spread his hands out in question. “What? I was just sayin’.”

  “Well, so was I.” Jenna slapped at his arm and her hand breezed through it. She looked to the right side of the room to find her boss, JoAnne, tears streaming down her face, seated with a moderate contingent from the law firm. Jenna had been promoted to full-fledged paralegal a few weeks before her tumble down the stairs of the condo building.

  Larry, the young lawyer Jenna dated for a very brief period after Marvin’s death, sat at the far end and dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief. Marvin pointed to him. “Get a load of that schmuck, will ya? From the looks of him, you’d think he really cared.”

  “Well, maybe he did, Marv. How do you know what he feels right now?”

  “Maybe I know plenty.” Marvin nudged her. “Hey, who left you alone at the hospital after the golf course accident?”

  “I wasn’t alone, Jo was with me.” Jenna pulled away a little to turn and look at him. “Besides, who was it that smacked me with the golf ball in the first place?”

  Marvin tried to cover his guilt with a sheepish grin. “What can I say? I missed you.” He shrugged. “So sue me.”

  “I’ll sue you alright. How about if I deck you one?” Jenna pointed to JoAnne. “Oh, God, look at her, Marv … That breaks my heart … I don’t suppose there’s anything I can do to let her know I’m okay, is there?”

  “Well, you could — ” Marvin started.

  “No.” Tommy caught Jenna’s arm. “Not allowed.”

  Jenna pulled away and moved in JoAnne’s direction.

  “Oh, come on, Tommy. That’s not entirely true. She could leave her some signals,” Marvin argued.

  “I wouldn’t go breaking any rules right now.” Tommy looked around the room and leaned into him in a conspiratorial way. “Jason and Nancy are probably keeping real close watch right now. Dude, I’d keep a very low profile for a while if I was you. Or do you want one of them to come for you again?”