Cold Feet
Page 24
Something was still bothering me, though. “What about the chuppah?”
“What?” Sam responded, baffled.
“The canopy. For the wedding. Why did you cancel it? I got a confirmation e-mail. I thought that meant it was really over.” I trailed off, fully aware that this officially made me crazy. After all, I’d told him it was really over.
“Oh, that.” Sam burst out laughing. “I canceled it because my cousins built us one this week when they were bored. I think they got sick of watching me cry into my beer, so they needed something to occupy their time. And they thought it might change the outcome.” He tilted his head to the side, smiling to himself, perhaps thinking about how nuts I was, but loving me for it anyway.
“You really cried?”
“Emma Moon,” Sam said warningly. “Are you gonna marry me or not?”
EPILOGUE
Two days later, we walked out onto the makeshift dance floor, which was really a closely clipped grass clearance, for our first dance to Van Morrison’s “Sweet Thing.” As I hugged Sam close and felt his warm body enfold me, I saw Liv standing on the side, flirting with Dante. I also spied Sam’s brother trying to get a girl from my firm a drink as her boyfriend fumed. And Caro sat at a table, tapping on her phone, but at least stopping every few seconds to take a sip of champagne.
The weekend was perfect, full of lovely mistakes. My rehearsal dinner dress looked like it was made for me, until I spilled an entire glass of champagne down the front. That afternoon, the pastor accidentally called me Anna repeatedly when she read us our vows, which made Sam and me crack up every few minutes throughout the entire ceremony. Minutes earlier, one of our recently separated friends made a drunken speech with the closing line, “Never get a divorce, because fuck that shit.” (“Never use the D word at a wedding,” I heard Dante murmur. “Or the FTS word,” Sam added.)
I even got a text from Dusty that said, Have a wonderful day. You deserve it. What an amazing guy. I could recognize this but at the same time, it didn’t bring my crush back. I couldn’t have fallen in love with him, anyway. It was impossible. I was already in love. Speaking of, Sam seemed pretty happy, too. He had the permanent dopey grin on his face that he always got when he’d been day drinking.
Dancing together closely and reflecting on the day, I suddenly remembered there was one more mystery left to solve.
“Sam, I almost forgot. Where are we going on our honeymoon?”
“That’s a funny story, actually,” Sam said with a laugh.
“What?” I said, fully ready for him to tell me he’d forgotten to buy the tickets, or he’d purchased them for the wrong year.
“We’re supposed to go to Italy,” Sam said reluctantly.
“Italy! Sam, that’s incredible! What’s wrong? Why do you sound so nervous?” When he hesitated I squeezed him. “Tell me!” I demanded, using my “I’m the bride; you have to do anything I say” voice. It had been surprisingly effective all day.
“I planned the whole thing, found little bed-and-breakfasts, and got the train schedule worked out. The plan was to travel around northern Italy, around Florence.”
“That’s amazing, Sam. I love that idea! And I’ve never been!” I exclaimed.
“I know.”
“Then why are you acting so weird?”
“Well, the trip is kind of organized around the towns the Rigazis and their relatives originally came from. That was the plan, that we could, you know . . .”
“What?”
“It’s kind of anticlimactic now. But when I planned the trip I was thinking while we were there, we could do some research and . . . I don’t know how to say this.”
“Research? For what, a movie?”
“No, Em.” He pulled me back to arm’s length and looked at me, smiling sheepishly, curly hair crushed on the side I’d been pressed against, his eyes crinkled in his typical smile. “I was thinking we could try to find your family.”
I put my head on his shoulder and turned it to the side. I didn’t want him to see the tears in my eyes. We’d only been married an hour; I didn’t want him to know what a basket case I was, at least not yet.
As I pressed my eyes tightly shut, I felt the tears of happiness, of rightness, roll down my cheeks. I hugged my husband, my partner, my love. I was wrong about him the entire time. As it turns out, he got it all along.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First and foremost, thank you to Claire Anderson-Wheeler, my wonderful literary agent, who believed in me, pushed me, and taught me much more than I can list here. I could not have done it without her never-ending confidence and support, genius ideas, and the untold number of hours she put into this book. Every writer in the world should be so lucky to have someone like Claire in her corner.
I would also like to thank everyone at Berkley and Penguin Random House, especially my incredible editor, Jackie Cantor. I don’t know what I did in another life to deserve having someone as amazing and accomplished as Jackie on my team, but I am sure glad I did it. Working with someone so smart, funny, and talented is truly a dream come true.
I would also like to thank my team at the Movember Foundation, especially Astrid Heward, who is the best teacher I have ever had, along with the rest of her Angels. Working at Movember makes me love coming to work every day, and I couldn’t ask for a more caring and fun team of friends and colleagues.
Thank you to Heather Thomason, Natalie Blazer, and Reade Harbitter, who inspired many of the ideas in this novel about friendship and family. I am so grateful for you. Also, to Zack McDermott, another friend-turned-family member who makes my life so much better just by being in it.
Thank you to Juli and Conor Welch, who listened to this idea when it was still a crazy dream and told me I had to go for it (time and time again); to my fellow creator Elizabeth Scouler for the brainstorming and for getting it; and to Steph Opitz, who I adore and admire in countless ways, and who was the first person I ever told that sometimes, in my spare time, I like to write.
Thank you to all the friends who were by my side throughout this process: my Venice family, who helped me in a million different ways, including Christine Daley, Jessica Franks, Alex Flaherty, Brian Flaherty, Jac Chapman, Mikey Wigart, Cullman Hedges, and Nora Nolan; and all of the members of our truly special one-of-a-kind “book club,” including Lilly Walton, Caroline Donelan, Emily Blass, Kate Danson, Kristy Duncan, and Annie Eckhart, a group of women I couldn’t live without.
Finally, thank you to Mike Knetzger. For all of the above, and for everything else.
Readers Guide
Cold Feet
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. What did you think of Emma as the story’s protagonist? Did you relate to her? Were you frustrated with her at times? If so, why?
2. Emma clearly has a blind spot when it comes to her personal life. What are some instances of this and how does she begin to see things more clearly as the novel progresses?
3. In the law, most people who commit crimes require a certain level of mental involvement, as well as physical action, in order to be found guilty. “However, there are also crimes that don’t require any level of mens rea, called ‘strict liability’ crimes. It doesn’t matter whether it was your intention to commit the crime . . . if you committed the physical act, you’re as guilty as they come.” Is infidelity a strict liability crime, or should other factors—such as the number of times, the intent, the state of your current relationship—be taken into account?
4. When considering the various accounts of adultery throughout the novel, do you think unfaithfulness is ever forgivable? Which characters in Cold Feet would you have forgiven, and why?
5. As a sharp-eyed lawyer, Emma often applies her knowledge of law to matters of the heart. Do you think one can inform the other, or is this application futile or even detrimental? Cite examples from the novel.
6. Emma forgiv
es Liv for lying to her much more quickly than she forgives Sam. Do different rules apply to your closest friendships than they do to your romantic relationships? Why or why not?
7. “The ability to freeze my pain and tell myself not to be sad . . . was one of the things I was most proud of . . . Why would I stop doing the thing that got me through life up until this point?” Does Emma’s coping mechanism make her strong and resilient toward adversity, or is it a temporary fix that, as Dr. Majdi advises, won’t serve her well in the long run? Is there any positive value to coping mechanisms?
8. “I don’t think we should talk about it . . . it’s going to upset you, and I really don’t think it’s worth putting our friendship in jeopardy over.” Is it sometimes better not to talk about something, or even to lie about it, in order to protect your relationships, or is honesty always more important? Consider Liv, Caro, and Sam’s dishonesty with Emma as you consider the question.
9. Did you sympathize with Val or were you angered by her actions? If you were in her position, would you have felt obligated to tell Emma the truth?
10. At the end of the novel, Sam performs a grand romantic gesture for Emma. In your opinion, was this act enough to merit forgiveness? Has a similar grand gesture ever won you over or, alternately, not been enough to change a situation for you?
11. By the novel’s end, Emma finally gets some answers about her father. Does this information inform her relationship with Sam? How or how not?
12. “In some cities not only was the crime itself illegal, but they were also putting a burden on any witnesses who failed to report the crime.” Do passive bystanders have liability for a crime? What about witnesses to crimes of the heart? “If you were betrayed, you had a right to know. You had a right to expect someone, anyone, to tell you.” Do you agree?
13. Do you think there is room for reparation and growth between Emma and Caro, or will their relationship continue as status quo?
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