ShouldveKnownBetter

by Cassandra Carr

  As the EMTs finished loading Sarah into the ambulance and pulled away from the arena, she thought about Sebastian’s reaction. She doubted anyone knew about their kiss, but if he kept doing things like he had today…

  Maybe she needed to look into dating. If she wasn’t available, perhaps Sebastian would back off. Her head started to throb and she closed her eyes.

  Not even lunchtime and this has already been a long day…

  ****

  A few hours later Sebastian couldn’t stand it anymore and went to see Sarah. The information desk attendant directed him upstairs, which meant they’d admitted her. His heart in his throat, he sprinted to the elevator. As it ascended, he tapped out a staccato rhythm on his thigh with his fingertips.

  When he reached her room, he popped his head in first. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” She waved, revealing the air cast on her arm.

  Other than the cast and the paleness of her face, she didn’t appear too worse for the wear. He willed his heart to stop thumping and stepped into the room. “Broken?”

  “It’s a sprain. The doctor said I can take it off in a few weeks, which is good. The damn thing is uncomfortable.”

  Sebastian laughed and nodded. “When I broke my wrist during juniors, the cast itched so much I spent an entire day searching for something I could slide between my wrist and the cast to scratch with.” A ghost of a smile played over her face and his heart swelled. He hated seeing her unhappy. “Can I sit?”

  “Um, sure.” She gave him a weak, uncertain smile and he fought not to reach out and caress her.

  He pulled one of the chairs to the side of her bed and sat. “Other than your wrist, how are you? I heard it was a pretty nasty fall.”

  “They said I have a mild concussion. I guess my head hit the boards, and as you know, a helmet can only do so much. Good thing I was wearing one though. And I hit the ice with my hip, so I’ve got a huge bruise that’ll probably hurt for a while.”

  “When I heard you’d taken a tumble, it scared me half to death. I think I have gray hairs now.” He attempted a smile, but wasn’t sure he succeeded.

  Sarah raised an eyebrow. “Gray hairs? Right…” Shifting a little in the bed, she regarded him. “You shouldn’t worry about me. In fact, you shouldn’t even be here. How would it appear if someone from the team showed up?”

  Sebastian would’ve liked to argue with her, but with Sarah in this condition, it didn’t seem fair. “I know, but I couldn’t help myself. I had to see that you were all right.” Leaning forward, he took her good hand in his and squeezed.

  “I’m all right,” she whispered, her voice cracking, and it was all he could do to remain seated.

  Sebastian wanted so badly to put his arms around her and hold her tight so she would never hurt again. He was waging an internal battle over doing just that when a nurse came in. Sarah snatched her hand away and the loss registered acutely.

  When the nurse finished checking her vitals and had vacated the room, Sarah returned her attention to him. “Go home, Sebastian. Really, I’m good. I just need some rest.”

  He sighed, defeated. It wasn’t like he could force her to let him provide comfort. “Is that what you want? You want me to leave?”

  She swallowed and then nodded. “Yes.”

  He didn’t believe her, but couldn’t exactly call her a liar in her vulnerable state. “All right. But I want you to promise me you’re going to take care of yourself.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  Leaning over the bed, he placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. He fought the urge to trail his lips down her face to her mouth for a repeat of that intense kiss they’d shared in her office, but now was not a good time. Sarah was injured and if he took advantage of her condition to further his own agenda he’d feel guilty.

  He recalled the man who had attacked her. Though Sebastian would do anything rather than hurt Sarah, and he hoped she knew that, he worried she might see an advance as threatening, given her weakened state. As he pulled back though, he caressed the sides of her face with his hands.

  Her eyes closed and she leaned into the touch for just a second before pulling away. “Thanks for coming.”

  Sebastian took a gentle hold of her chin, urging her to meet his gaze. “Mon ange, what will I do with you?”

  Unable to stop himself, he placed a soft kiss on her lips then forced himself to straighten and move away. She stared at him, confusion and want warring in her eyes. Before he did something else stupid, like going back for another ill-advised kiss, he said, “I’ll see you in a few days.”

  As he left the hospital, he went back over the past weeks and how much he’d come to depend on seeing Sarah every day. That kiss in her office had thrown him for a loop and now he wanted more, so much more. He’d never heard about a rule forbidding players to date people who worked for the team, but Sarah believed it would be a problem.

  Without a shadow of a doubt, he was falling for her. How could he convince Sarah to take a chance on him?

  ****

  Sarah had just finished dinner when Rob leaned on the door frame and knocked. “How are you?”

  How do you think I am? She smirked. “Awesome. You?”

  Rob walked into the room then sat in the chair Sebastian had used earlier. “Quite a wipeout this morning, huh?”

  “Were you there? I don’t remember seeing you.” She frowned. Had she forgotten more about the incident than she thought she had?

  “I was on the bench.” Rob narrowed his eyes, assessing her. “You’re lucky. A sprain’s better than if you’d broken it. Well, actually, that’s not true. Sometimes sprains don’t heal as well.” He bit his lip as if he’d said too much, and Sarah smiled despite herself at his “got his hand caught in the cookie jar” demeanor.

  Rob cracked her up, and she was grateful for his visit, especially after all the emotional stuff Sebastian had stirred up. Rob made her comfortable, and for that she really appreciated him.

  “At least the cast won’t be on long. What else did the doctor say?”

  “They’d like to keep me here overnight for observation. I have a mild concussion.”

  Rob nodded. “Ah yes, the joys of being on skates.”

  Sarah chuckled, relaxing against the pillows the nurse had piled behind her head. “Yeah, right. So what brings you down here?” Even though she knew it might still be odd for someone from the team to find Rob in her room, she felt absolutely no attraction to him and thus had nothing to hide.

  He held up a bag. “I brought your stuff from the rink. I figured you might want it.”

  “Oh, thanks. That was sweet of you.” Rob grinned and she relaxed a little more. Rob was great as a friend. He was funny, could talk a hungry bear away from a picnic basket, and was a scrappy, hard-nosed player despite his relative size deficiency. One of the local sports reporters had dubbed him “Our Little Psycho,” which pleased him to no end.

  Rob jerked his head toward her. “Hurts, huh?”

  “It’s not just my arm. I’m pretty sure a truck ran over me. I ache everywhere and I’m exhausted.” And I sent Sebastian away and I feel like the world’s hugest bitch.

  “Well, that’s why hockey players wear pads when we tear around the rink, you idiot. Though most days I wake up aching all over too, so I’m not sure how much they help.” The corners of his eyes crinkled as he laughed. “I can’t imagine what it will be like if I’m still playing in ten years. I’ll probably be in a wheelchair when I’m not on the ice.”

  Rob cleared his throat. “Sarah, I know this is none of my business, but Sebastian confided in me about you two. I wasn’t going to say anything, but Rick mentioned Sebastian’s overprotective behavior after the accident. As you know, it’s not good when people are starting to notice.”

  Suddenly Sarah’s head was like a lead balloon and she closed her eyes, willing the headache that was threatening again to abate. Maybe my concussion is worse than I thought… Her eyes flew open again as the mortifying idea th
at hers and Sebastian’s pretty much nonexistent relationship was a topic of conversation sank in. “There’s no ‘us two.’”

  “I know that. Calm down, honey.” Rob ran a hand through his hair. “Sebastian is a good guy. He’s one of my best buddies, and I like you too. You’re cool. You’re smart. Plus I think this mathematical analysis thing is amazing, now that I understand it better. But I think it’s a bad idea for the two of you to get involved. It’s like sleeping with a teammate’s wife. It’s not good for anybody. I mean, it’s almost like you’re a coach. That’s just weird, like sleeping with your boss or something, you know?”

  Sarah groaned. “I get the point.”

  “I’ve been watching you ever since Sebastian told me about that night you two went to dinner. He wasn’t at the arena by accident that night. He went there for you.”

  “I know.” Her tone was defensive, but she couldn’t seem to temper it. “It’s not like I invited him.”

  Rob ignored her. “You’re trying to hide it, but you’re lonely. I can see it when you get off the plane and go to your car alone, and I can see it when we’re home and everybody is talking about plans with friends and family. You said your family lives out of town, and I can appreciate that, seeing as my family and most of my non-Storm friends live ten hours away.”

  Sarah nodded, chagrined to know her loneliness was so obvious to others. She pulled the hospital gown tighter then folded her good arm over her chest.

  “I can also see you love your new role and you’re gaining confidence with the guys, which I think is great and will help you get your ideas across. Every now and then, though, you have this faraway look in your eye, like you’re thinking about something else, or someone else.”

  His perceptiveness both surprised and appalled Sarah. “Am I that easy to read?”

  Rob chuckled, revealing the creases around his eyes again. “No, you’re not. I’m probably the only one who’s noticed, since I know about the thing with you and Sebastian.

  “I was dating a girl while I was in Rochester a couple of years ago. Things were pretty serious. Then the Storm called me up. I was ecstatic to be playing here, but I missed her a lot. I wanted her to move here, but she was going to school at the University of Rochester and didn’t want to leave.”

  He took a deep breath.

  It must be costing him to relive this part of his life.

  “After a while, it just got too hard to see each other between my playing schedule and her college workload.” An expression of resignation settled over his face.

  Sarah’s heart hurt for him. Rob was a good man and she hated to see him in pain. Was this woman why Rob never dated seriously?

  “Anyway, we broke up. It took me a while to start dating again, but I did. You need to do the same. Go on a few dates. Have some fun.”

  “This isn’t the same situation. There is no relationship to speak of.” She appreciated his concern, because it was kindly intended, but she wanted this conversation over. With her background, she wasn’t at all sure she was capable of just going on a few dates for fun. Not that she was expecting a proposal by the second date, but just going out without the possibility of a relationship seemed like a waste of time. “But thank you. Sage advice from such a young man.”

  “I’m not young. I’m only a few years younger than you, I think. You’re, what, mid-thirties?” Sarah grunted and he smirked, standing. “And you know I’m right about this. You need your rest, so I’m gonna go. Hey, do you need anything from your house? I didn’t think about that. I could go get you some stuff if you want.”

  “No, I’m fine. They’re discharging me tomorrow morning.” Sarah smiled despite the squirm-inducing conversation. Rob was one of the guys she loved to banter with and tease. “Should I keep the fact you’re a nice guy to myself? I’d hate to ruin your macho, studly reputation.”

  Rob laughed and feigned innocence, his eyes wide. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. What reputation?”

  “Let’s just say I’ve seen scantily clad women leaving your room on the road a time or two. Plus, walls are thin, my friend, and, well, you seem to cultivate screamers…” Sarah grinned as Rob colored, and then she snorted. “Like you’re embarrassed by that.”

  “I’m not embarrassed by my behavior. I’m a stud. But I am embarrassed if you’ve ever, um, overheard things.” He shook his head, smiling. He went to the door then turned, waving at her as he departed. “See you soon, I hope!”

  “Me too.” Sarah rolled over carefully. Rob was right. Marcy was right. She needed to get over Sebastian. It would be best for the future of both of their careers.

  She groaned, cursing her predicament, and closed her eyes. They’d given her a pain pill with dinner. Hopefully she’d fall into a blessedly dreamless sleep.

  ****

  Sebastian was staring at the television, but his mind was a million miles away when Rob got home. His friend must’ve read something in his expression, because Rob said, “You went to see her, didn’t you?”

  “I had to know how she was.”

  Rob snorted. “Yeah. I figured you’d been there. I stopped by to bring her some of her stuff from the rink.” Rob sat on the couch, shrugging off his light coat and tossing it toward the other end. “You guys need to stop this. I told her that tonight too. Rick mentioned something about how you were after the accident. Dude, that’s not good.”

  Sebastian had half-risen, angry that Rob had interfered, before realizing what he was doing. He sank back down. “He did?” I hope Sarah didn’t freak. “What did she say?”

  “She said there wasn’t anything to stop.”

  “Well, she’s right. There isn’t.” He sounded defensive, but dammit, it wasn’t like they were actually a couple.

  Rob shook his head. “You guys are both bad liars.”

  “We’re not dating. I kissed her once. That’s it.”

  “You kissed her? When did that happen?”

  “A couple of weeks ago.”

  “Well, it’s pretty obvious you still want her. If my guess is right, she wants you too, but that scares her, as well it should.”

  Sebastian prayed Rob was right and Sarah wanted him too, but her mixed signals were driving him crazy. He began to argue.

  Rob held up his hand. “Hear me out, man. You made the team. You got your dream. But don’t forget, if you play like crap, you’ll be sent down to Rochester in a heartbeat. Don’t take this chance for granted.”

  “I’m not,” Sebastian grumbled, not wanting to admit the other man was right and his focus wasn’t entirely on his game.

  “Sure as hell looks like you are.”

  “Hey, I bust my ass out there!”

  “Yeah, but what about your head? Is your head in the game?”

  “Of course my head is in the game!” During the game, anyway.

  Rob stood and walked toward the kitchen. When he reached the doorjamb, he pivoted and leaned against it. “Look, dude. I’m just trying to watch out for you. For her, too. She insists there’s nothing between you. I don’t know why she bothered to lie to me. I can see it in both of you.”

  Rob sighed. “Just make sure if you do this it’s for the right reasons. If you think it’s more than just lust and you’re willing to do what it takes to have a real relationship with her, one with a future, that’s different. If you just wanna sleep with her, find someone else.” He pivoted once more and left the room.

  Sebastian fell back against the cushions of the chair. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he couldn’t leave her alone, even if it was the smart thing to do for both of them.

  Chapter Six

  After coming home from the hospital, Sarah sat around the house for a week, per the doctor’s orders. She wasn’t used to this level of inactivity. Since the season had begun she’d hardly had time to breathe.

  Thankfully, Marcy called every day, which kept Sarah from actually climbing the walls. She also unpacked a bunch of boxes she hadn’t had a chance to get to yet, but st
ill found herself going crazy with boredom.

  Sarah considered Rob’s and Marcy’s advice and decided to do what she could to get over her growing attraction to Sebastian. After going through and discarding a bunch of different methods to meet people, she settled on speed dating. It was all she had time for anyway since she was going back to work soon. Plus she wouldn’t be meeting strangers in a bar; something she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to do. She went online and found a session scheduled in two days’ time and signed up for it before she could chicken out.

  Marcy was enthusiastic about the idea, but Sarah couldn’t shake her nerves as she rearranged the folds of her red, raw silk dress for the millionth time then strode into the restaurant, trying not to totter too much in her heels. Wearing all those track suits meant getting dressed up again was even more uncomfortable, and being so nervous didn’t help.

  Sarah would meet with eight different men for eight minutes each. At the end of the hour, she would turn in a list of any of the guys she’d liked. If that man handed in her code number as well, they would both receive each other’s contact information.

  She got a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and had a quick peek at the others before the event started. There was a mix of people, from college-aged to quite older, in attendance. When the bell rang, she sat at the nearest table.

  Her date was older than her by about ten years and wearing a button-down shirt with a cardigan sweater over it. He should be hanging out at the park and throwing bread to the ducks as he reminisces about the good old days. He was friendly enough, but as it became obvious he was fascinated by her job but not her, she had to temper her annoyance. Mercifully, the buzzer sounded, and she moved to the next table.

  The next guy was closer to her age and an accountant. As he talked about his interests, Sarah had to fight to pay attention. She hated stereotyping, but this guy was the textbook definition of a nerdy accountant. He had an ink stain at the bottom of his chest pocket and his hair was a rumpled mess.

  If he’d known he was coming to something like this, he could’ve at least run a comb through his hair.