I’m pushed from behind, and almost throw my fists up, bracing for a fight. But then I see Jake cower down, holding his hands up in surrender. “Sorry dude, I thought you saw me coming.”
I relax and pop the tension from my neck, flexing my fingers. “It’s okay. I’m just tense right now.”
He follows me. “Where are you going?”
I reach my car and throw open the door. “Home.” I pull out a cigarette and light it. I let my head fall back against the headrest. “You?” I ask, and then my gaze drops to somewhere across the lot. I watch Skylar walk with Randa, laughing. Their back’s turned to me.
Jake leans against the open door, peering at me with curious eyes. When he sees what caught my attention, he smirks. “You’re such a lovesick puppy.” I look back at him and feign nonchalance, blowing smoke away from him. But thinking it would be funny to blow it in his face. “Where’s Amber?”
I toss him a lazy shrug, “Somewhere pouting, I guess. You know, I don’t give into her every fucking whim; she acts like a two year old. She’ll get over it.” I glance back to where Skylar was moments ago but don’t see her anymore. Ignoring the disappointment, I take another drag.
Nick stalks up behind Jake and they start wrestling. I watch, amused.
That’s when she appears, watching the guys with a look of disdain. “Seriously, y’all are so immature sometimes.” Nick flips her off, my lip tugs upward a tiny bit. Yeah, they don’t like her. No one but Daniel gets along with her. The rest just tolerate her.
I look at Amber, narrowing my eyes. “Don’t be such a bitch to my friends.” I tell her with the right amount of annoyance.
She crosses her arms, frowning. “Sorry. Now, can you please come over tonight?”
My head drops to the steering wheel as I let out a harsh breath. When I lift my head to look at her, I say, “No. I’m not having sex with you tonight. Sorry.” I swear she’s such a nympho, which is usually a good thing for guys, in some cases. But she wants it when she wants it and it has to be her way. Screw what I want. I’m sick of this one-sided shit. It’s getting old and fast.
She stands with her hands on her hips and a grimace. “My parents are gone for the night. I just wanted us to have some fun.”
“You always want it your way, Amber. When are you gonna wake the fuck up and know that you’re not the only one with needs? Jesus Christ!”
Jake stops wrestling with Nick and says, “Yeah and he’s got plans with me tonight.” He throws a wink my way, jokingly.
Nick wrinkles his nose in distaste. “You’re so gay, Jake.” Then he pretends to throw him down on the ground. They’re throwing curses at each other in macho-guy fashion.
I shake my head, almost forgetting Amber’s still glaring at me. “Look, I’m going home. Think about what I just said. Maybe I’ll come over tomorrow.” That’s a big maybe, knowing she doesn’t change her ways very easily. I get up to close my door, rolling my windows down. I yell at them, “I’m leaving. Go fight somewhere else, before I run your asses over.” Jake and Nick both move out of the way. I back out of the space and peer at them, “Sorry Jake, we’ll have to take a rain check on our “date”.” I laugh as I leave the parking lot.
Finally feeling a little better, I crank up the music and cruise on home. Tomorrow’s a new day, it better be a fucking better one too. I smoke another cigarette before I reach the driveway.
Amber has always been jealous of Sky. In some ways I can see why. First off, she lives two streets down from me. We’ve been best friends since we were babies, practically. Skylar was always the trusting kind, the one I could count on in every way. I didn’t confide in Amber because she’s so judgmental and insensitive. But since I don’t know much about her life, maybe she has a reason. Still, if she feels she can’t trust me enough to talk to me, then obviously she’s not the one I should be with. However, on that note, I’m not ready to confront my emotions. I’m afraid to let Skylar in and hurting her, or vise versa.
However, in the physical sense, Amber is everything a guy could want in a girl, besides being a cheerleader. She’s hot and good at everything she does. And I mean everything. But again, so is Skylar. Okay, so I don’t know that she’s good at everything. I imagine she’d be good at that too, though. But where it counts the most, she’s pretty amazing. How do you fall in love with your best friend?
She gets all of her amazing qualities from her mother. Rose dated my dad in high school and once in college. Then something happened there and he met and married my mom, but she left him, my brother and me for one of her young college professors. Skylar’s dad passed away and my dad and Rose became closer. We were both left parentless. I guess that’s why Amber freaks out when Skylar’s around. We were inseparable most of our life. And in many ways, I wish we still were. I need someone I can trust to talk to.
It’s better this way, though. I have to believe that. What if I let her in and she ends up leaving me, the same way my mom left my dad? I couldn’t handle the pain of abandonment, again. I know Skylar’s not like that, but that doubt is still there in the back of my mind like a fucking parasite and I can’t get rid of it. With Amber, it’s not that serious. I don’t see a future with her. It’s easier for me to let myself be with someone when I know it won’t really go anywhere. Then I can’t get hurt if I don’t expect too much.
When I get out of the car, I see Skylar and Jared on the porch. I contemplate joining them. But something in her eyes tells me I should leave. So I do.
I hear Jared’s voice call to me as I open the door. “Hey bro how was school today?”
I turn to him and say, “Fine.” A quick glance in her direction, I say, “Hi Skylar.” She tries to smile and gives me a small wave.
I head upstairs and walk into my room, shutting the door. I plop down onto my bed and flip the TV on. A knock on the door startles me. Before I can answer it, it slowly opens and a head pops in.
Brunette hair flowing over a petite girl I’d know anywhere has me staring like an idiot. “Hey Jackson. I’m sorry for running into you today. I’m such a klutz and wasn’t paying attention.” I just stare at her, uncertain what to say. Her hair is such a distraction, long and beautiful and silky and...I look away.
I lean my head against the headboard, my attention on the screen, my mind somewhere else. “It wasn’t your fault. I had a rough day during practice. I was a little irritable.” I look at her, out of one corner of my eye, I say, “I’m sorry for Amber’s attitude.”
She leans against my desk, looking so fragile. “Well, it shouldn’t surprise me. She’s never liked me.”
I nod, “So true. It’s more that she feels threatened by you.”
Her eyes widen in shock, “Me? Why?”
Well shit, I shouldn’t have opened that door. I casually flip through the channels, my palm sweating, though having nothing to do with the temperature in the room. “She just knows of our history and she’s jealous of us living so close.” And the fact that I’d rather be with you than her because she’s doesn’t make me happy anymore, I don’t say, which of course Amber doesn’t know that part either. I think she uses me too, for popularity.
“Well, tell her she’s got nothing to worry about. You’re secure and happy in your relationship with her. So she can stop torturing me.” I watch her; her eyes filled with something like sadness, her mouth tugged down in a frown. If she only knew the truth, would she feel the same way? She straightens and reaches for the door, “Bye Jackson.” She quietly shuts my door and I’m left feeling alone and confused.
Chapter 3
Skylar
I walk back outside and sit on the porch swing beside Jared. I needed to get out of there, out of Jackson’s room. It hurts to see how Amber treats him and yet, he lets her. It’s almost as if he doesn’t believe he deserves better. Does he really like being treated like crap?
Jared notices my change in demeanor and looks at me in concern. “Is everything okay?”
I shake my head. “Why does Jackson pu
t up with Amber? She’s so mean to him. She treats him like a dog. Is that what guys like? I don’t remember him enjoying that kind of treatment before.” And I remember everything about him, everything that counts.
He looks at me with a raised brow. “I’m not sure why he takes her crap. And no, guys with self-respect don’t put up with their girlfriends treating them like a doormat. They’ll kick them to the curb in a quick flash.” I snort and look down at my nails like I have a hang nail or something, just to avoid Jared’s gaze. He hasn’t always been that way, that’s what bothers me. I know Jackson, inside and out. What’s changed?
He chuckles and I look up at him. “What? What could possibly be funny? Please enlighten me, oh so wise Jared.” I try to glare at him, but I suck at being mad.
“You’re just adorable when you’re brooding.”
I shrug, crossing my arms. “I’m not brooding, I’m just confused. She’s got him on a tight leash.”
He stops the swing and puts his hand on my knee. I look over at him, into his dark brown eyes. “Sky, why does it bother you so much? Wait-” His brows go up and his face changes as if he’s just thought of something insane. “You’ve got a crush on my brother, don’t you? Is that what this is about?” My cheeks flame and it’s impossible to hide it at this point. But if Jared hadn’t seen this coming all along, he’s obviously been blind. I’ve always loved Jackson. He was my best friend. We had everything in common. We shared everything. We loved the same things, and what the other didn’t like, we compromised. That’s how our friendship worked.
But somewhere along the way, our friendship changed. I was aware of the attraction we had, and I started to get nervous around him. I had these crazy butterfly sensations going on in my chest when he’d look at me a certain way. But I never voiced my feelings. I didn’t want it to change us and our easygoing connection.
When he started dating Amber, we grew apart. He didn’t talk to me much when he was around her. But when I’d come over to see Jared, he was always polite, so it became confusing.
I look up and say, “I don’t have a ‘crush’ on him, Jared. But in case you’ve missed it, I’ve always had a thing for your brother. Or maybe not always, but in the recent years. Where’ve you been?”
He laughs, “I know. I always knew. You two were a pair for the longest time. I always wondered if you’d ever start dating. I hate that he settled for Amber. She does treat him like crap. But, if he can’t see it, then it’s his own damn fault.” He pats my leg in comfort. “You’re too special to let it bother you. Find someone who’s gonna see your beauty and passion on their own.”
Beauty? I’ve never thought of myself as pretty or special. My chocolate brown hair and plain brown eyes are quite boring compared to Randa’s blonde locks or hazel eyes. I sit here and stare out into nothing, just wishing, that Jackson would wake up and see what a meaningful connection we had, could have. I may not be pretty like Amber, but I know I’d be a much more respectful and caring girlfriend than her. I’ve got the biggest heart when it comes to those I care about. Not to toot my own horn.
Thanks to my parents. They had set a good example for me. They were loving people and always put me first. My mother worked a lot of hours but she always made sure I got the attention and love I needed. My father was a role model dad, one that most kids would have killed for. He always felt that family was most important and he never failed to show me his love and he even showed Jackson and Jared love too. I wish he were here, during the years that I have to discover who I am and who I want to be. And who I want and need to be for a future partner. I know their mother leaving had screwed things up for them growing up, especially Jackson.
Jared was a great friend, always. He still is. But in my head and heart, he’s only ever going to be just that. A friend. Someone to confide in. Besides Randa, he’s all I have now. Life sometimes sucks when you don’t have a lot of friends. But that was the path I chose to take, a path that I was confident I wouldn’t regret. And though I don’t regret taking up art and painting, I do regret not having others to share it with. I just like the bubble I created for myself. It’s hard to know who to trust. Even if he’s changed, I know I could always trust Jackson, though.
Jared stiffens next to me, then pats me on the back and gets up, making the swing teeter back and forth beneath his weight. He stretches and rolls his head, popping his neck a few times. I wince at the sound. “Ugh, you’re going to get arthritis, my friend.”
“I probably already have it.” That’s so true. He’s always popping something whether it’s his fingers, neck, back or knees. Oh and knuckles too. Just the cracking sound makes me cringe.
“Hey, I’ll drive you home.” He lifts off the swing.
I shake my head, “No I’d like to walk home today.” I did walk over here, plus a walk with the cool breeze hitting my face sounds pretty great right now. I get up and start strolling down the steps. I look back at Jared and say, “You can walk with me. Exercise is good for the body.”
He joins me. And with a teasing smirk, he asks, “Are you trying to be all therapeutic on me, now?”
“Well, my mom is a nurse, you know.” I shoot back, even though it’s not exactly the same field.
“Touché.” He retorts.
We walk with a steady pace in silence. Across the way, I see the park that is filled with special memories of Jackson and me. We called it our park, because in a way, it was. We went there every day after school and played for hours on the playground or soccer. It’s also the place where we first kiss…we were five, but still. We did some exploring and I have to say, it was bizarre. We were both nervous and had no idea what we were doing. But even after that fiasco, we went back to being the same kids. We never let that day affect us.
“Hey,” I speak through the silence, “I’m gonna hang out at the park for a little bit.”
We stop walking and Jared looks at the park and then back at me. He scratches his head for a minute, “Do you want some company?”
I ponder the idea of having him tag along, but then I shake my head. “Nah, I think I just wanna be alone for now. I come here when I wanna think and I need to think about some stuff.”
“Are you sure?” He asks once more. When I nod, he wraps an arm around my shoulder. He’s much taller than me, probably standing at six-foot-two. I’m just five feet-three. I hug him, silently thanking for his presence and comfort. He pulls away and smiles. “If you need me, don’t hesitate to call.”
“Thanks.” I watch him walk away before heading to the park. I sit at the top of the slide and look out at the houses, wondering what I plan to do with my life. I have ideas, but they’re not set in stone. Though once I graduate, I plan on moving to New York and going to art school there. That’s still up in the air. Also, for the summer, my mom and I are going to travel around Europe. A plan we’ve had since I started high school. It’s supposed to be a graduation present from her, which I won’t complain. I’ve had my heart set on Paris and Rome for so long. I can’t wait to go to the Eiffel tower. It’s my biggest inspiration for painting.
“Hey dad, wherever you are.” I talk to the wind. “I hope you’re watching over me. But mainly mom. She misses you. I miss you too, of course.” I hold onto the bar and lean back, closing my eyes. “I need her to be happy again. I know you don’t want her spending the rest of her life mourning. Right? Help her move on, help her want to move on.” A tear slips out of my closed lids. “I love you. I hope you’re having fun.” The honest truth is I don’t know where he is. My parents were semi-religious. We went to church and all, but I’m still uncertain of life after death. I’d like to think he’s somewhere peaceful and free of pain. I should read the bible more.
I grip the top of the slide and twist around to climb down the steps when behind me, I see Jackson. A loud gasp slips out. “Hi.” I say weakly, trying to gather my bearings.
Chapter 4
Jackson
Coming face to face with Skylar was the last thing I anticipate
d on my way over here. I shove my hands into my pockets. “Were you just talking to yourself?” I ask curiously. It’s weird to see her here. We haven’t been here together since a few years ago, or so. But it always was our park during our childhood.
She turns away embarrassed. “Sorta. I was talking to my dad. I mean, obviously he’s not here. But-“ She looks back at me, “What are you doing here, anyway?”
I should leave, but I came here to be alone. My dad and Jared were interrupting my quiet time so I needed to find a place where I can clear my head. I kick at the ground, avoiding eye contact. “I come here when I need to be alone.”
She lets out a breath, almost a laugh. I look up at her and watch her bite her lip. “I guess some things never change.”
“What does that mean?” My voice comes out harsher than I intended. I clear my throat and try a different approach. “What are you doing here?”
“I come here for the same reason. That’s all I meant. We’ve been coming to this park since we were kids. And now that we’re older, we’re still doing it. I just find it pretty funny.” She adds, “And ironic.” There’s nothing ironic about it, it’s peaceful when you need a moment of clarity.
I get up on the merry-go-round and sit stretched out. When my phone digs into my hip, I shift a little and take it out. “You still painting?” I know she is, but aiming for small talk, that’s the first thing to pop into my head.
She shrugs. “Of course. That’ll never change. You still playing football?” She sits down on a step.
I cross my legs at the ankle and fold my hands in my lap, failing at ignoring the way her hair blows across her face. “Obviously. That’ll never change, either.” A sly grin tugs at the corners. Or maybe it will, who the hell knows anymore.
Torn (Torn Heart) Page 2