Torn (Torn Heart)

by Brewer, Annie

  We end the night at our park, lying side by side on the merry-go-round, staring up at the night sky. You can only catch a few bright stars peeking out. It’s so peaceful, breezy and perfect. I’ve never felt so content to just lie with someone without speaking.

  “Jackson?” Skylar’s voice is a breath of air.

  “Hmm?”

  “Do you think your dad will ever date again?” Her question surprises me, but I’ve wondered that myself. He just makes an excuse that he’s too busy.

  I move my head so I can look at her, “I’d like to think he’ll meet someone. But he doesn’t seem interested.”

  “My mom’s the same way. She works too much so she claims she’s too tired.” Absentmindedly, I run my fingers up and down her arm. “I think she’s still scared of the idea.” I can relate. “Sometimes I can still hear my dad’s voice, telling me what to do.” Her voice takes on a haunted tone. My hand reaches her fingertips, slowly tracing the length of her fingers. “Does the pain ever go away?”

  I stop moving; wracking my brain for an answer but come up short. “I don’t know, honestly. We’ve both lost a parent in a different way. I imagine it’ll get easier, though. You know why?”

  She pivots her body so she’s on her side, facing me. “Why?”

  I lean close to her, reach out to touch her face and say, “Because I’m gonna remind you of all the memories I have of him, to make you smile, laugh and feel grateful for the time you got to spend when he was alive. Because that’s what he’d want.” A tear falls from her eye. My head dips slightly, kissing it away. “Because he was amazing. Would that help?”

  She wraps her arm around my waist. “That would really help, Jackson. And I’m sure he’s watching us from wherever he is, smiling that his daughter found such an incredible guy to make her happy.”

  It brings a smile to my face and I hope her dad knows how grateful I am to him for bringing such an amazing girl into the world. I’ll do my best to show her how special she is. I can be that guy for her. I will be. I hold her tight against me, massaging her back. Our legs are tangled together. There’s no such thing as perfect; in a perfect world, maybe. But this is anything but a perfect world. However; this night, this moment, is as close to perfect as you can get. I close my eyes and soak up the warmth emanating from her body, listening to her steady heartbeat.

  I don’t know what time it is when we finally reach her porch. I’m too tired to check my phone. She pulls her house key out of her purse and turns in my direction. “I’d ask if you wanted to come in, but you look tired.”

  I smile sleepily. “As much as I’d love to, I’m gonna pass this time.” Taking her hand, I bring it to my lips and kiss her knuckles. “So was this first date everything you thought it’d be?” I stare at her with a raised brow, hoping she enjoyed my company.

  She leans against the door wearing a dreamy expression. “Honestly? It was more than everything I thought it’d be.” She kisses me. As I’m letting myself get lost in our kiss, she pulls back. “It still feels so unreal. I’ve wanted this, us, for so long but I don’t want you to push me away again. I couldn’t handle it-“

  I pull her into my arms in an embrace, stroking her backside. My lips travel to her neck, grazing her skin softly. Trying to control my urges, I keep my tongue in my mouth but still trail light kisses across her jaw and chin. “I won’t,” I breathe into her hair, “Push you away again, Sky. I swear.” Her hand slips under my t-shirt sending a shiver through me when her nails dig into my skin across my stomach.

  “Good. I’d hate to sick Randa on you.” She jokes.

  That gets a laugh out of me, remembering our moment in the hall at school. “Yeah, she’s intimidating.” I feel her relax against me, so I place a quick peck on her forehead and put some distance between us. “I’m gonna say goodnight, and tell you I had a wonderful first date. And I look forward to more.”

  “Me too. I can’t wait for future dates with the hot football star.” She coos flirtingly. I try to smile but thinking about football and the upcoming season puts my mood to hell.

  I think for a minute and then ask, “Will you come to my first game and cheer me on? Maybe I’ll play better.” She nods happily. “Great. Well, good night, Sky.” She waves as I jump in my car and drive home.

  Chapter 17

  Skylar

  I’m up bright and early, ready for school. It normally takes me a while to wake up, but after my first date with Jackson, I’ve been on this high that I haven’t been able to come down from. Not that I want to.

  My mom greets me when I enter the kitchen. “Morning, sweetie.” She pours herself a cup of coffee and I fix a glass of orange juice. “Would you like some pancakes?”

  I sit down at the table, glancing at the clock. I’ve got an hour before school. “Sure.” I tell her, my stomach growling at the thought of food. “I’m supposed to help Jared move this week.”

  “Oh that’s right. I’ll bet he’s excited.”

  I wipe my mouth and nod. “He is. It’s kind of sad, though.”

  “Well, he’ll still visit plenty I’m sure. It’ll be good for him to be on his own.” I keep forgetting he’s twenty and most people are long gone by that age. I guess it’s time for him to spread his wings, not too far.

  There’s a knock at the door, surprising us both. My mom looks toward the door, “Did you hear that?”

  I roll my eyes, “Yes mom, someone’s at the door.” I get up to answer since she’s in the middle of making pancakes. My heart flutters in my chest when I open the door to find a smiling Jackson. “Hey.”

  He flashes a sexy smile and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Hey to you.” I open the door wider to let him in. “I figure I’d start taking you to school so you can save on gas.” I like that idea. “And of course that’s what guys do for girls they like.” I don’t even know our status, besides best friends…soul mate, maybe. I doubt he’d agree.

  I close the door and follow him into the kitchen. “Want some pancakes?”

  My mom turns and nods at him, “Hey, Jackson. Almost done, have a seat.”

  “Oh yes, I’m starving. Thank you.” I offer him something to drink, he asks for orange juice. I fix his glass and hand it to him, and then help my mom make our breakfast before we head out.

  In the school, people are looking at us, watching us as we roam the halls hand in hand. It doesn’t bother me, though. But it doesn’t go unnoticed either.

  Randa catches up to us, “Okay seriously, the picture you painted of your first date,” She means metaphorically, not literally. I laugh as she goes on and on about how our date sounded more exciting than most of her dates with Ian combined. “And where’s this hangout place? I wanna go.”

  “We should go there some time, the four of us.” Jackson suggests. Randa nods enthusiastically. He turns to me, “I’ll see you after class, babe.” With a kiss and a wave to Randa, he’s gone.

  She gives me a sly smirk. “Damn, I told you it’d be a great night.”

  I lean against her locker in a dreamy state, hoping this feeling never wears off. “Oh it was. It was perfect.”

  “Well Ms. Perfect, it’s time for class.” We part ways.

  At lunch, we get our trays, and find a table. “Where’s Ian?” I ask Randa when he doesn’t show up.

  She looks up from her food. “Oh, he’s at the library studying or something.” I take a bite of my pizza, thinking how odd it sounds of Ian being at the library.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Amber and Daniel two tables down laughing and being stupid. I ignore their existence and perk up when Jackson finally joins us.

  “You’re still hungry after this morning?” I bump his shoulder with mine.

  He cracks a tiny smile, “I am an active guy. I need to be fed more than most.” I give him the rest of my pizza since I’m still full from breakfast.

  We keep casual conversation while we eat. It feels right and amazing to be sitting with my best girlfriend and the guy I’ve fantasized
about for too long. Everything’s wonderful, that is until Amber comes over to us. I don’t look up right away, but I feel Jackson’s body tense.

  “Isn’t this cozy?” She sneers.

  “Oh it is, Amber. It really is.” Randa replies casually.

  Amber ignores her and keeps her eyes on us. “So, have you been sneaking around with Skylar behind my back?”

  That’s when I look up and say, “Not the way you’ve been sneaking around with Daniel behind his.” I show I’m not afraid to speak up, that she doesn’t scare me. “Why don’t you go back to him and forget we exist.”

  “Oh that won’t be happening,” she glances at Jackson, “Both Jackson and I are elected for Homecoming King and Queen and during the first game, we have to go together.”

  Jackson lets out an irritated breath. “I just might not go, then.”

  “You can’t not go to your first game.” I tell him quietly. “I’m supposed to go and cheer you on, remember?” I touch his knee and he holds it in his lap. “It’ll be fine.”

  The look in his eyes shows appreciation. “Okay, I’ll go… for you.”

  “Ugh, I’m gonna be sick. Were you always this sappy?” Amber complains.

  “Nope, with you, I didn’t care enough to be romantic.” My cheeks warm at his words and I lean my body against his, resting my head on his shoulder. “Now please go so I can enjoy the rest of my lunch.” When she stalks away, he drops his head down on mine and sighs. “Fuck, I forgot about the Homecoming election crap. I’m sorry, Sky.” He kisses my temple.

  “It’s okay. I’ll bring your brother, and Randa and Ian will be there too, cheering you on. Just focus on us, focus on me.” An idea pops into my head; I’m gonna make a sign for him, a big one. I smile at him, keeping my secret hidden until game time.

  In art class, I paint a picture of a little girl with her dad and a teddy bear. One of my fondest memories of my father when I was seven. We were at a carnival and he won me a giant stuffed teddy bear. He took me on every ride I wanted, except one; because I wasn’t tall enough. So he played a game over and over until he finally won. He did so much for me and I never got to thank him for it all.

  I feel my eyes water so I blink them a few times.

  Mr. Shaw approaches, appearing impressed. “Skylar, that’s a nice picture. Is that you?”

  I smile proudly, “Thanks, and yes, it’s my dad. He won me this bear at a carnival when I was seven. I still have it.” He pats my back gently before observing the rest of the class.

  When the bell rings, I pack up and lay my picture on the table to dry. I throw my stuff in my locker and wait for Jackson.

  Jake, a friend and teammate approaches. “Hey, Skylar.” I look around for Jackson and open my mouth to tell him he’s not here yet but he beats me to it. “I wanted to say hi. I know we’ve never really met. But I’ve known about you for some time. See the thing is, Jackson’s been one of my closest friends and I love hanging out with him. And we did a lot. But I never liked Amber coming over; I tolerated her, but come on, we all know she’s not a good match for my boy.”

  I giggle. “I see.”

  “And my girlfriend needs more girl friends, so I thought I’d invite you guys over some time. That way we can do our guy thing and Monica’s not left in the dust.” I like him already, so attentive and thoughtful. And then he says, “She’s a reader.” Oh yeah, I like her too.

  “Okay, when?” It doesn’t seem like it since I’m always painting, but I’ve been a reader since I was a little girl. I read a lot over the summer, though since school’s started, I haven’t read much. But it would so cool to have a book buddy. It makes me wonder what kind of books she reads. I like most genres, except historical fiction and biographies. My favorite genre is paranormal romance.

  “Hey! Are you hitting on my girl, Jake?” Jackson grabs me from behind, wrapping his arms around my stomach. I blush, my girl.

  Jake starts sputtering guiltily, though it’s in jest, “No, not at all. I was introducing myself to her, and inviting you guys over to hang out.”

  He kisses my neck, “Oh yeah, she’d get along great with Monica. Good call.” He tosses his books in his locker, shuts it and turns to me. “Ready to go?”

  I take his hand. “Yep.” I face Jake. “So, let’s plan something soon.”

  “Will do. I’ll text Jackson.” He waves to us.

  When we’re both buckled in his car, I bite my lip and then say, “So, I’m anxious to meet Jake’s girlfriend.”

  He takes a cigarette out of his pack along with the lighter. “Do you mind if I smoke?”

  “Jackson, for the last time, I don’t care. I’m not gonna make you quit. I’m surprised what with your dad being a dentist and all, that you’d be okay with yellow teeth.” I chuckle. “But seriously, I’m not a controlling person. Except of my own vices.”

  “Okay, sorry. I’ll stop asking. I thought I was on my way to quitting, but..I’m just not ready.” He rolls his window down. “Thank you for being so accepting of all my flaws.” He blows the smoke outside before he kisses my hand. “And I know you’ll love Monica. She’s really sweet.”

  “And a reader.” I add.

  He backs out of the parking lot, “Yeah, that too.” He smirks at me, probably remembering all the nights I’d lay on his bed, reading while he’d play his videogames, both of us doing our own thing but in each other’s company.

  I give him a quick kiss and leap out of the car.

  Chapter 18

  Jackson

  “Okay, grab that box.” Jared orders me, “But don’t drop it. I’ve got fragile stuff in there.”

  I lift it and start loading stuff into his truck. Jared got the apartment keys yesterday, so we’re bringing the small shit there now. Over the weekend is when we do the big move. I set stuff in the bed and when I turn to go back inside for more, I catch sight of Skylar strolling down our street.

  Jared sees her too and smiles. “You’re just in time.” He says loud enough for her to hear.

  Her eyes light up when she approaches. “Alright, I’m here. Let’s get to it.”

  We all go back inside and get more boxes. Skylar automatically gets to work, helping us without a complaint. She’s always included herself in this family, which if she didn’t, my dad would. So it became natural for her to be involved in all activities. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  It takes us four trips each to get the truck filled up. “Do you need help unloading it?” She asks Jared.

  He removes the key from his pocket. “Nah, don’t worry about it. You’ll be helping this weekend, right?” She nods. “Okay, you can help unload everything then.” He hugs her and thanks her for her help.

  “Are you thirsty? Hungry? I can whip you up something to take with you.” He shakes his head. She sadly gives him a big hug. “God, I’m gonna miss you around here, Jared. It’ll be weird not seeing you all the time.”

  Jared drapes an arm around her shoulder as he stares down at her. “Look at it this way, now you don’t have to worry about getting caught doing the hippity dippity with my brother.” She hits him playfully. “Oh yeah, our dad will be around. So you should still be cautious.” He winks at her.

  I lean against the truck, glancing inside at all the crap he has, and he still has more to move. “Are you gonna be here for dinner?” I ask him to change the subject, noticing Skylar’s face turn red.

  “No, I’m gonna go to the apartment and get stuff organized. My friend, Josh is coming to deliver some of his stuff.” I’m guessing he’s his roommate. “But I’ll see you guys later. Thanks for the help, Jackson.”

  I wave to him as he gets in his truck. We watch him leave the driveway and disappear out of sight. “Are you hungry?”

  She’s still watching the road, a little sad. I take her hand and do a shake until she looks at me. “Sorry, I guess I forgot everyone leaves at some point.”

  “He’ll be back.” I pull her in for a hug. “But now we have another place to go and han
g out. And possibly trash.” I add, jokingly.

  “Yeah, true. We better be invited to his housewarming party.”

  I follow her into the house. “Just don’t tell Randa, she’ll wanna come.”

  We sit on the sofa and Skylar grabs reaches for the remote at the same time I do. I give in and let her have free reign of the TV. For now. “Well of course I’m inviting her. You know she’d kill me if we went and never told her.”

  “Hey, guys.” My dad walks in and plops down on his recliner. He glances around the room, “Where’s Jared?”

  Skylar rests her leg over mine. I run my hand down her thigh. She’s trying to act unaffected and tells my dad, “We helped pack his truck to move to the apartment. He said he’ll be back later or something.” I know she’s struggling to keep calm.

  “Or tomorrow.” I add. I take the remote from her grip and find the movie channels.

  “So what are you kids up to?” He asks. Skylar talks to him while I watch The Waterboy on HBO. I find myself laughing during the movie; Skylar’s moved to the kitchen with my dad.

  When I take the glass of soda Skylar brings me, I set it down and pull her against me. Kissing her neck and up to her jaw, I cop a feel when she least expects it. Her incredulity drives me fucking crazy, so I stop before things heat up.

  “Thank you for the drink.” I tell her as she goes back to the kitchen. She informs me dinner’s in fifteen minutes. So I go back to watching my movie.

  After Skylar leaves, I swing by Jake’s for about an hour or so. We mostly play Ghost-Recon and drink beers. Monica’s sitting on the couch watching with a smile on her face. She reminds me a lot of Skylar and how she’s content to do nothing but be in the same room as her man. It makes me glad for Jake to have someone so supportive and cool. And she’s really pretty too; dark skin, dark eyes and very dark hair. But her hair’s not like Sky’s. No one’s is.