Torn (Torn Heart)

by Brewer, Annie

  I take the popcorn from her. “No babe, it’s like, six-thirty. I think that’s the start time now.” She shrugs, thoughtful.

  We sit down on the couch together and set the popcorn in the middle. “What’s first?”

  I pick up my stack of preferred Halloween movies I plan on us watching tonight and show her. We start with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. When I sit back down and grab the remote, Skylar cuddles into my side. I think she’s secretly scared of scary movies but I think she also just likes the idea of me being here as her protector. So who am I to complain? I secretly love being the guy who gets to run off all her fears. I’ll protect her with my life, even if it’s from a silly scary monster on TV.

  Another bulk of kids come to the door and knock, we hand out more candy. Skylar looks for another bag to fill the bowl and we go back to our movie. I don’t know how we’re gonna do this if we have to keep stopping the movie every few minutes.

  At one point though, as she’s getting comfortable, I shift my body in a laying position putting her body in front. My left arm drapes over her stomach, while my right one holds my head up. Absent-mindedly, I stroke her skin beneath her belly button. Her fingers thread through mine, and she slowly moves our hands up her body. My heart’s on speed at this point; but I follow her lead, because Jesus, my body loves this. Still watching the movie, I can feel both of our attention slipping away onto something else entirely. Something insanely fucking hot. What are we watching again?

  Her other hand, warm to the touch, lifts up to my neck and stays there bringing tingles everywhere. I smile to myself, appreciating her efforts. “Sky,” The word is a whisper. She stiffens, slightly.

  My mouth grazes her skin on her shoulder blade. “Your skin is so soft,” I say against her flesh. Our legs tangle about the same time her ass rubs against my thigh. I lift my leg over her tightly, holding her in place as my hand moves from her stomach to her thigh.

  We break apart when the damn doorbell rings. I groan, but Skylar lifts off the couch and answers the door politely, also fixing her messy hair. When she comes back in, she finds a small scrap of paper, pen and writes “help yourself” and tapes it to the bowl. Opening the door, she sets it outside, turns the light on and locks the door.

  I gawk at her in pleasant surprise. She flashes me a grin, “I thought it’d be better if they got their own candy instead of interrupting us every second. It totally kills the moment.” Indeed it does. Why didn’t I think of that?

  I pull her down onto me and kiss her fiercely. “I love you and your genius idea.” She giggles, holding onto my shirt. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I ask.

  On her knees, she leans her body over mine licking her lips. It drives me crazy. “If it hurts, if I hurt your knee, please tell me.”

  I tuck her hair behind her ear and kiss her neck. “Don’t worry about me. But you do know it’ll hurt.”

  She nods.

  “We can take this to your room.” Thank God her mom works nights. I add, “It’ll make you more comfortable.” She nods again, so I lead her upstairs. Excitement courses through every part of my being to finally have this physical connection with her. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.

  We sit on her bed in silence and I can tell she’s apprehensive. I reach for her hand, bringing it to my lips and kiss her knuckles. “I’ve wanted this with you, Jackson. This deep, intimacy that I’ve never experienced before, it’s thrilling. But I’m scared too.” When she notes my expression, apparently I’m getting the wrong message behind it, and not the actual message she’s trying to convey, she says, “Not scared of the pain itself. I know it only lasts for a short time.” Her gaze drops to our hands, distractedly. “Scared for what it’ll do to us.”

  I tilt my head in confusion, trying to understand how she’s feeling. “What do you mean?”

  “Sex changes everything; some for the better, but some it destroys everything.”

  I totally understand now and I can see why she’d think that way. I grip her shoulders and look her in the eyes, in all seriousness. “You just have to believe that’d it’d change us for the better, then.” I say. “We’ve always been so connected on every level that matters. Despite the times I wasn’t honest with you or myself, we were a package deal. And the fact that I knew we were the real deal is what scared me. I’d never experienced such intense emotions for another, emotionally. It was just physical.” I smile, hoping she can detect the sincerity in my voice. “I won’t let that fear control my life and make me miss out on something so incredible, again.”

  She smiles, “You have a way with words.”

  I put on my best macho-confident act and say, “Yeah, well I read a lot of poetry.”

  She raises her brows, “Do you really?” Her voice, hopeful.

  I stifle a laugh and shake my head, “No.” She mock-glares at me. “And don’t you dare get any ideas.” I tug her into my chest, wrapping my arms around her back. I can feel the tension leave her body as she relaxes against me. “Sex changes only those who let it. So let’s not be one of those, okay?” I hold her face while stroking her cheekbones with the pads of my thumbs. “I love you. That’s what matters.”

  She nods with a smile. I’m aware of the trick-or-treaters at the door. So does Skylar. “I guess we ran out of candy.” I wanna say ‘candy is bad for their teeth anyway’, but then she could throw in the ‘smoking is bad for my lungs’ point, so I say nothing. Not that she’d really do that, or at least out loud. But she’d be thinking it. I did.

  I turn her face back to mine, “Ignore the door.” I order her in a husky voice, “Kiss me, Sky.”

  With such passion in her eyes, she obeys. At first she kisses me slowly and lusciously, but then in a quick flash, she’s kissing me more sensually and pushing me back onto her bed. It’s so damn hot watching her take charge. I gladly let her take the lead, whatever pace she’s comfortable with, I’ll follow, even if it’s a snail’s pace.

  Her greedy hands graze my flesh, sending all of my senses reeling. I can’t think straight, my body screaming for more. Her lips move to my torso, leaving goosebumps.

  This is the first time I can recall ever having the desire to satisfy her needs, instead of mine. Because it’s not about my fulfillment, it’s about giving Skylar the most memorable sexual experience she’ll ever have. Once the skin is broken on a woman, it can’t be patched up. I can’t let it be something she’ll regret.

  I decide to take it in a different direction. I lift myself up and grasp her wandering hands to stop her. Seeing it as a bad sign, she slightly backs away from me. Hurt shows in her eyes, “Sorry, did I do something wrong? You know I’ve no experience with sex. I only ever read about it or watched it on TV. Oh man, I-“

  She goes on and on, worried that she’s done something wrong. I can’t help but smile at her perplexity, when it’s actually the opposite of why I stopped her. She finally notes my expression, which only worsens her dilemma.

  I reach out for reassurance. “You’re so adorable when you’re perplexed.” I say.

  “Well, I’m glad I amuse you at a time like this.”

  I clear my throat and add, “What I mean is, you did nothing wrong. The problem is, you were making me all hot and bothered with your sensuality. You were setting my body on fire.”

  “And that’s a problem because…?”

  I chuckle, “Because this is your first time. I wanted this experience to be about you, not me. So, I was just going to relax you and give you pleasure, so you see how incredible sex can be.”

  She finally settles back, with ease and gratitude in her eyes. “Sorry for overacting. I just want this to be special for both of us.”

  I get up on my knees, holding myself up with my hands flat on the bed. My body extends toward her so we’re only inches apart. Her eyes search my face, as her breath hitches at our closeness. When I lean in closer I say, “You being here with me… in the physical, as well as the emotional, sense is special in and of itself. You
don’t have to try with me.” I press my mouth over hers, pouring all of me into her. Her arms slip around my neck, pulling me onto her. Our bodies mesh and move in perfect rhythm. I’m instantly hard. Fuck.

  I move my hand slowly, downward until it’s close to her thigh, and across to her panties. She stiffens but soon relaxes as my tongue traces down her neck, stopping by her breasts. “Relax, this’ll feel good.” Her eyes are closed and a smile shows on her face.

  I pull her shirt up and take one nipple in my mouth, sucking and nipping. Her grip tightens on my back. Moans and smacking sounds are all that are apparent in the room. “Oh my God.” She breathes, gripping the sheets. If this is affecting her now, I’d love to see what the actual sex will do to her. I move to the other breast with my mouth as my hand caresses her region beneath her clothes. She’s so wet, I take note. “Jackson.” I look up, and see her eyes closed. “I need you-“

  “I’m here, baby.” I make my way up to her face slowly. “What do you need?”

  “I need you inside me.” She doesn’t beat around the bush. Holy shit!

  “Just wait a sec.” I pull her shorts and panties down, my hand stops at her opening. “I wanna get you ready, okay?” She nods; her hands in my hair, back, and everywhere she can grasp.

  She’s ready, and after getting the condom on quickly, I tell her I’m going to enter and to grip me tight when she feels the pain. She bites her lip and thrusts her hips, clearly meaning business. I take my time, getting her as moist as possible for easier access. She’s clutching my back, preparing for the next step.

  I first kiss her tenderly for both gratitude and distraction. I pin her hands above her head and lick the length of her with so much fervor. “I love you, Sky. Always.” I breathe into her chest. It’s time. This is happening. I still can’t believe it’s with Skylar. It’s such a thrill and fucking scary concept. “Ready?” She murmurs her response and I take the plunge…

  ***

  I lie on my side, watching my girl sleep after our incredible time together. She’s so peaceful and beautiful. And mine. I catch her eyes twitch every once in a while and I wonder what she’s dreaming of. Her body is curled up in fetal position, wrapped up in her comforter. It was the best experience with her; being so physical, yet the emotional connection was there ten-fold. I know sex changes a couple. But I never once believed it’d change us. At least not in a bad way. If anything, it brought us closer.

  I climb off the bed and head downstairs. When I open the door, I see the empty bowl and the empty neighborhood. They sure did raid the shit out of our candy. I bring it in and wash it before putting it away. I clean up the living room and put the popcorn and glasses up. We never did actually finish our scary movie tradition. But I guess we made up a new one.

  I startle when the sound of feet padding along the floor gets my attention. “Hey, why did you leave?” A sleepy robed Skylar asks, yawning.

  I smile, pulling her to me. “I was letting you sleep.” I grip her bathrobe, undoing the tie so it falls open, giving me a peak of her curves underneath. I slip my hand inside and caress her bare skin while my other hand grips the back of her neck. “Ready for round 2?” I ask into her hair, only partially joking.

  Her hands caress my scalp, spurring me on. “I’m still a little sore, but, it was amazing.” Her voice a whisper. “Thank you, for making my first time special and unforgettable.”

  I kiss her once more and let go. “Do we have anymore candy?”

  She clamps her mouth shut and nods her head, walking to the kitchen. I watch in wonder, as she comes back into the living room with a bag full of skittles. “I bought these for you, and hid them so we didn’t use them.”

  I take the skittles from her, “You remember my favorite Halloween candy.” I kiss her forehead. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t say I never gave you anything.” Her shoulder bumps mine. “I wanna show you something.” She grabs my hand and leads me upstairs.

  When she opens the door to the room across from hers, I’m blasted with Skylar, the artist. I always knew how incredible she was. But holy shit, this room is filled with so many colors, light and dark, sad and happy. I take it all in, but it becomes overwhelming. It’s like walking into an art supply store or art gallery and she’s giving me a tour.

  “Fuck,” I breathe. “This is amazing.” She looks at me with a mix of uncertainty and gratitude. I return her gaze and smile. “These, they’re so beautiful.” They’re paintings of Jared, her dad, her and her mom, the ocean, skylines and one of me….

  I pick up one of me holding a football as I look away, smiling. “I remember when it used to be fun,” I say almost to myself. I look up to find Skylar quietly studying me, and I give her slow smile. “Did you secretly watch me?”

  She hesitates and then nods. “All the time. You loved the game the way I love painting. It kind of separated us.”

  My eyes start to mist over. What the hell. I put it back down and walk around, glancing at her life in this room. Her personal emotions, conveyed in each piece. I turn back to her, “Why’d you bring me in here?”

  “I wanted to share my passion, and show you that even when we didn’t talk, I still thought about you. About us, all the time. The boy in you and the girl in me, I’ve always loved you, Jackson.”

  My gaze shifts all over the room, seeing the sad but talented girl I knew she’d be. I reach for her and pull her to me, kissing her hair. “Thank you. I love it.”

  “Wait.” She pulls away and walks to her desk, searching for something. When she finds it, she closes the drawer and comes back to my side. “I want you to have this.”

  She hands me a picture of two kids, holding hands and watching the sunset. Their backs to me, her long dark hair flowing down her back, curled slightly at the end. His hair in disarray; looks like me alright. It brings me back to then, fishing with her and watching the water.

  “Oh my God.” I blink back a tear trying to surface. I’m not sure words would be enough for what my heart feels. I grab her and kiss her, instead, pouring every detailed emotion into her, into our kiss until we’re left breathless. “I fucking love you.”

  Chapter 21

  Skylar

  Mr. Shaw calls me to his desk when the bell rings. I set my art supplies down and stand in front of him, a little nervous. What could he have to say to me right now? He leans back in his chair, bouncing back and forth, studying me.

  ‘“I sense you’re worried,” he says, with an amused grin. “I only called you here to discuss something with you.”

  “Okay.” I wipe my sweaty palm on my pants.

  He folds his hands on top of his desk and peers at me over his glasses. “I’ve recently spoke to a friend of mine in New York, whom works in an art studio. I’ve sent pictures of some of your paintings to him. He’s interested in having you meet with him. He’d love for you to paint for him and maybe do some photography.” I’m too stunned to speak, so I stand stock-still and try to soak up every bit of this information. “Now, I remember you saying something about moving there after the summer. If you’re still interested, I think you should talk to him. There’s a good art school in Manhattan too. I can get you all the information you need.”

  I gape at him, grateful and totally disbelieving that this is happening. Art school? Art studio? Photography? What the hell is happening here? The school year isn’t over yet and I’m already having opportunities knocking on my door. “Wow, I’m speechless. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you’ll take this information and think it over. New York is a great place for exploring, in many industries.” I watch the top of his head, in concentration. “You’re really talented, Skylar. You should really put it to good use. I know your father would be so proud of you.”

  I couldn’t agree with him more. But still, it was only an idea. I still need to get through the summer in Europe with my mom, before I decide on actually moving. And then there’s…

  Jackson.

  What would he think o
f all this? Would he be excited? Would he discourage me? We haven’t talked about our futures, not really. I get the feeling he’s on the verge of ending his football career, but would he support me and my dreams?

  My heart starts to race with anxiety and uncertainty. I know when I think of a future, I see Jackson. He is my future. Maybe we should start talking about that. These months are flying by and before we know it, school will be over.

  I take a deep breath, “Thank you for even considering such a generous offer. I’ve heard of the art school in Manhattan and I was thinking of checking it out. I’m still undecided at this point. But I’ll let you know when I decide something for sure.”

  He gets up from his desk and leans against it, crossing his arms. “Good, I’m glad to hear it. I love your passion, your emotions that are conveyed in each piece you put out in class. They’re so raw and vivid.”

  A small breath escapes my throat. “Thank you.”

  He excuses me from the class but when I reach the door, he calls my name. I grab the frame of the door and glance back at him. “You should be proud of yourself. You work hard, you deserve great things.” I nod in thanks and leave.

  Lost in my deep thoughts while putting my stuff in my locker, I jump a little when a pair of familiar arms wrap around my stomach from behind.

  Jackson chuckles in my ear. “I didn’t scare you, did I?”

  “No, not at all. I’m always this skittish.”

  He kisses my ear and then blows air, sending a shiver through me. I’ll never get used to his touches or his constant flirting. I guess I don’t want too, either.

  When I close my locker, I turn around lean back against it. That’s when he leans closer, trapping me with his body. A sense of thrill grips me from the inside. I wrap my arms around his neck and say, “This isn’t the place for makeout sessions.”

  The corner of his mouth lifts, just slightly. “Who says anything about making out? There’s a bathroom right over there,” he says, lowering his voice teasingly as he points to the right of us. Students are milling about but we don’t pay attention to them. He kisses me once before his body is gone, next to mine instead of covering mine. I twist a little so I’m mirroring his sideways position. “So I was thinking.”