Torn (Torn Heart)

by Brewer, Annie

  “Stop! Stop!” He brings me down to the ground, pinning my hands above my head and my body thrashes uselessly. “Jackson! Let me up!” Don’t let me up.

  “Never!” His face is so close to mine, I feel his breath on my face, his racing heart against mine. I can’t think. I don’t want to think…except for his mouth on mine. My eyes focus on his lips. When I finally look up again, his eyes are filled with desire and I know he wants the same thing. “I can’t control myself when I’m with you. I don’t want to.” His lips skim my jaw and chin.

  I close my eyes, filling the space between us. “Then don’t.” I dig my fingers into the back of his neck, pulling him closer. “Touch me, Jackson.” My voice is soft and pleading, and so he does, all over. His hands are greedy and rough against my skin. Our bodies are so close with very little space between us, possibly just a sliver of air and yet it’s not close enough. I run my hands up and down his chest under his shirt. We stare at each other, trying to figure out what the other is thinking.

  I shiver when his mouth trails kisses down my neck, to my chest. A moan slips out when he moves my shirt up and his mouth follow with the barest of a caress. And then he stops. “Let’s lie here.” I look up, confused. He kisses the tip of my nose and pushes me forward. “I wanna lie here with you and hold you. Just like this.” He positions himself behind me holding my body tightly to his. I lean into him feeling safe and content.

  “This is nice.” Bringing his hand up to my mouth, I kiss each finger and knuckle and cradle it to my chest. “Thank you for tonight.” I lean my head back to see his face. “It was perfect.” It’s the perfect night, at the perfect place, with the perfect guy.

  “I’d do anything for you, Sky.” He says in my ear. “By the way, I got the money for an apartment. I found one I liked, too.”

  I turn to look at him, “Really? You mean all that overworking you did have finally paid off?” I try to be teasing, but it’s true. He’s worked his fingers to the bone and all for what? An apartment? “When can I see it?”

  “Graduation night, I’ll take you to see it. You can even have a sleepover.”

  I do my best flirty smile, “Oooo, a sleepover. You’re daring.”

  ***

  The last few weeks of school have been easy. My exams went well. I aced most of my exams, with the exception of Spanish with a low B, the rest were all A’s. Jackson’s been working a lot, leaving us little time together. But in my mind, he’s doing it to help for when I leave. I just hope he considers going to New York with me. I want him there.

  “You’re turn, Sky.”

  “Huh?” I give Jared a puzzled look, not having a clue what he’s talking about.

  “It’s your turn to bowl.” Oh yeah, we’re bowling. I give him an apologetic smile and get up to retrieve my red ball and walk to the line. We’ve been here an hour so far. I’m kicking butt. At least I was. Taking a deep breath, I bend and throw the ball down the lane. I knock seven pins in. “Yes!” I cheer for myself. Jared cheers too. We high five and grab another ball.

  “You can do this. Concentrate and aim.” I argue that this isn’t pool, and you can’t aim exactly at the pins. I get gutter balls when I do that. But I throw and walk back to the table without looking. I only got two more. Why can’t I get more strikes?

  “You’re still awesome!” He hugs my shoulders. “I’m gonna miss this.”

  I pull away and sit down, watching him bounce his ball. “Don’t. I can’t handle crying, not in public.” He tries to smile. “Now, go get a strike since I can’t get one.”

  We spend the next hour laughing and cheering each other on. He seems happy. And I’m happy he’s found someone to make him smile. She plans to move in a couple of weeks. Randa and Ian are moving after graduation, in four days. Monica is now on bed rest, with a little over a month to go. I wish I would be here for Baby Brayden’s birth. Monica assures me she’ll take lots of pics and email them to me.

  “I’m all packed.” I sit on my bed the next day and look around.

  “I can’t believe you’re leaving soon.”

  “Me? You’re the one moving.”

  Randa sits beside me. “Yeah, but I’ll still be in the same state. You’re gonna be gone for the summer and then moving across the world. I wish you could come to the beach.” I lay back, folding my arms behind my head. “Is Jackson really going with you?”

  “I hope so. It’ll make living there and planning a future easier if we’re together. But we’re gonna talk when I get back.”

  She takes my hand and squeezes, “It’s gonna work out, you know. Everything will work out.”

  I smile, hoping she’s right.

  ***

  Graduation is anything but exciting. It’s a reflection of the last four years. I’ve waited for high school to be over since it started. Now I wish it wasn’t. I look in the crowd and see my mom, Paul and Brandon. Jared is a couple of rows in front of them with Hannah. He smiles when he sees me, so I give a subtle wave.

  I turn back to the front and listen to Vanessa, our Valedictorian, talk about the future and how this is the first step into the unknown. I tune her out and look around at the students, wondering what their future plans are or if they even have any. My art teacher says I’ll have fun in New York, at the art school. But I might just become an art teacher, like him. I have time to decide, and I have options.

  I catch Jackson turning in his seat a few rows up and when our eyes meet, he winks. I look back at the past four years, happy that it’s over, yet grateful for what I have now. We found our way back to each other and sure, it was hard seeing him with Amber, and yeah, I’d gone to bed crying many nights. Part of me hated him during those times, or at least I tried to. But I think I always knew he was still in there somewhere, just a little lost. Whatever the case, I’m glad I found him again.

  When the students line up to get their diplomas, I cheer when Jackson gets his. The family is yelling his name and shouting for him. He glances back at me holds it up, smiling proudly. I see his dad wiping his eyes. I wish my dad were here too. He’d be sitting with them, sharing in this day with us.

  I absentmindedly wipe my own eyes. Both Randa and Jake, sitting in my row, find me and smile. Our row stands up and get in line. Almost done. I’m almost a high school graduate. Luckily our school is not that big, so we don’t have too many seniors to go through. When I get closer to the stage, I grin at Jackson. He mouths “I love you” and I do the same. I feel Amber’s hard stare even before I glance her way. I just smile at her.

  It’s finally my turn. I climb the steps and nearly trip over my clumsy feet and reach for my diploma. We pause for a picture. My family is loud and screaming and it almost embarrasses me. I hold up my diploma and find my mom standing and clapping and yelling. I’ve made her proud…an emotional wreck, but proud.

  “Go Skylar! Whoooo!” Jared shouts. What a great day!

  When it’s over, I kiss my mom and all of our other friends and leave with Jackson. He’s taking me to his new apartment he just got yesterday. I’m excited and yet, a little sad that he’s not gonna be on the same street he’s lived on since forever. So both of my boys will be gone.

  He glances at me, “You’re quiet. What are you thinking about?”

  “Just how much everything’s changing. And how I’m scared of it.”

  He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. “Remember what that wise woman once told you? That change is needed in order to grow? It’ll be good changes, Sky. Everything’s gonna work out the way it should.”

  Suddenly needing a topic change, I search through the stations and find a song that won’t depress me further. High school is over, it’s done. I’m a high school graduate. I’m about to embark on an uncertain journey.

  Chapter 34

  Jackson

  I pull up to the gated complex. It’s not in the richest part of town, but it’s not the town I grew up in, either. It’s somewhere in the middle. But I think it’s a safe a place as any. I got a two-bed
room, one bath with a nice size living room. It’s on the second floor. I’ll have to get new furniture and whatnot, but that’ll come when it comes. I’ve already worked so damn much that I can wait on the materialistic shit. Hell, I’ll live in a sleeping bag if I have to.

  I pull the key out of my pocket, Skylar right behind me. When I open the door, we’re blasted with the chill of not having the heater working yet. I mean, I did just get this place, so it’s not gonna work right away.

  Skylar views the apartment, a smile on her face. “I like it.” She goes from room to room, and for some reason, I’m feeling self-conscious.

  “It’s not hot shit, but it works.” Though I’d love to paint these plain and dull white walls. Maybe I’ll just put up posters of Nascar or something, to give it more life. Or…”Hey, any pictures you wanna give me to fix up this place?”

  She glances at me, “Maybe. That’s a pretty good idea, actually.” She sits in the middle of the living room. I already know where I’d put furniture when I do get them. It’ll take me some saving, but I can do a little at a time.

  I walk out to the balcony and look over. I can see trees and grass and houses. The space isn’t too big, but I can put a chair or two out here when we have people over. I can smoke, too. Speaking of which, I dig into my pocket and pull one out, lighting it. “You know what I was thinking?”

  The sliding door is open enough for her to hear me. “What’s that?”

  “I may get a dog, since you’ll be gone, I‘ll need some company.”

  She chuckles, “Or you can just keep my dog while I’m gone.” She gets up and moves closer to the door. “Wait, would you?”

  I glace at her. “Would I what?”

  “Would you watch Bailey while I’m gone? I mean, Brandon is supposed to, but you’re already attached to her. She loves you to death, so it would make sense for you to keep her here. And she’s practically your dog anyway, you know, what’s mine is yours type of thing.”

  I consider the thought, but who would watch her while I was at work? “I’ll have to work it out with Brandon because I work so much, I don’t want her to be crated the whole time. At least he has a house with a yard.”

  Her face falls, “Oh, yeah, I didn’t even consider that. Well, I guess you can figure it out and work out a system or something. Take her on your days off.”

  I finish my cigarette, throw it on the ground and stomp on it. “We’ll work something out.” I pull Skylar to me and kiss her. “So, what do you think of my new place? It’s not hot shit yet, but just give me a few weeks and I’ll have it looking homey.”

  She laughs, “I love it. Even as plain and dull as it is now, I still love it. Because it’s yours and you worked your ass off for it.” She kisses me. “You don’t need the expensive material things to be happy. Just be proud of what you’ve worked hard to get.”

  I grasp her face in my hands, “You’re the reason I work hard. I wanna give you everything I can. And with me getting such things in the process is a plus, but you’re the one I wanna see happy. Because seeing you happy, makes me happy. And when you come back, we’ll figure out what to do, but we’ll do it together.”

  Later that night, we ended up hanging out at Jared’s apartment. We watch movies, eat popcorn. Randa and Ian, Monica and Jake showed up, too. Monica is due in a month and she’s getting more antsy and uncomfortable so they don’t stay long. Then it’s just Randa and Ian with my brother and Hannah.

  “So this is depressing.” Randa says out of the blue.

  We all look at her, but Skylar speaks. “I know what you mean. It’s like; this is the last time we’ll all be together before everyone goes their separate ways.”

  I pull her against me, and kiss the side of her head. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous or worried. Three months is enough time for shit to change. I’m not ready for that, but I have to be the one to keep Skylar from breaking down. Or be her rock when she does fall apart. We can’t both be miserable.

  Jared says, “Well, I think you guys will be fine. I’m gonna be twenty-one soon and I’ve managed to be just fine after I graduated.”

  Skylar brings a bag of popcorn and plops back down beside me. Bailey came with us, so she’s sprawled out on the floor at my feet. She’d worn herself out after chasing her toys a million times.

  I scoff. “Yeah, if Jared can survive…we all can.”

  Randa and I sit opposite us on the other couch. They’re supposed to be moving this weekend. It’s not a long drive, but they’re right. It won’t be the same.

  “Let’s just try to enjoy this time we have now.” Skylar says, snuggling against my chest.

  I play with her hair, letting the strands fall between my fingers. I have to believe it’ll be fine. Nothing will change.

  ***

  It’s raining when we drive to the airport. Jared, my dad and Brandon all join us to see Skylar and Rose off. Ian and Randa came by this morning to say goodbye.

  I park in the garage, even though Skylar insisted I just drop them off by the curb and leave, which if I was smart, I’d have done just that. I should’ve dropped them off and kissed her and left. Instead, I’m going inside with them, torturing myself, because this is gonna be the hardest thing I’ll have to do. “I wanna walk in with you and help you with your luggage.” They have a lot.

  “But you can’t see us off. You can only come inside the door; the security won’t let you through.”

  Rose says from the backseat, “Skylar, let him do this, honey. I’ll check us in and give you two sometime before we have to go.” I smile at her in the rearview mirror; appreciative of the gesture. She returns with a smile of her own and I realize then that I’m gonna miss her too. She’s always been kind and considerate, much like her daughter. And she’s the mother I never had. Don’t think about that.

  We get out as my father approaches my car and helps Rose. I light a cigarette and hold it between my lips. I lean against the car and shove my hands into my pockets. “So, where are you most excited to visit?”

  She looks taken aback, “I don’t know. I guess Paris and maybe Italy. Considering I’ve never been out of the country, I’m excited to see it all. But I don’t want you to feel that I won’t miss you.”

  “I don’t feel that way. Skylar, you have a right to be excited. Don’t let my feelings or my missing you cloud your excitement. I’ll be fine. Just don’t forget me when you’re partying it up until 3 in the morning, okay?” I tuck her hair behind her ear.

  She laughs, “Oh yeah, when have you known me to ‘party it up’, ever?” She sobers up quickly. “I could never forget you. I just wish you’d be there with me to experience it all.”

  “I’ll be there…when you go to sleep, I’ll be there.” I pull her close, burying my face in her neck. “I love you, Sky. So much.”

  “Please take care of Bailey for me. Give her kisses and tell her I’ll see her soon.”

  “I will, babe.”

  “Okay guys, Skylar needs to go inside now.” We pull back to see my brother and Hannah. “Come on.” He leads us out of the garage and into the rain and we step inside.

  I sit down on one of the benches by the window. The airport is crowded so I keep to myself. I watch my dad give Rose a hug and he wishes her a safe trip. She smiles at him and tells him to take care of himself and “her boys”.

  They would have been a great couple, I think. Even if both their kids are best friends, and practically soul mates. But it wouldn’t be wrong, since we’re not related by blood. I just wish my father would date someone. It’s his life and all, but I’d hate for him to be alone the rest of his life. Skylar hugs him next and kisses his cheek. They talk about me, but I don’t hear what they’re saying. I plaster a fake smile on my face when Rose approaches me.

  “You take care of your father.” I nod as she hugs me tight. “I love you, Jackson. Be good.” She pinches my cheek.

  I glance at Skylar, locked in a hug with Jared. “Take care of my girl for me.” I try not to le
t my voice crack with emotion.

  She smiles. “I will.” She steps back. I wish her a safe trip and enjoyable summer. She turns to Skylar, “I’ll be over there.” She walks away. My dad and Jared walked away somewhere. I’m alone. Until Skylar’s in front of me.

  “Well,” She fidgets with her shirt. “I don’t know if we’ll have phone service where we stay, or internet. But I’ll write you.” Her voice cracks, “Every day. I’ll paint you pictures. I’ll always wear this as a reminder,” She touches her bracelet. “I love you.” I wrap her in a hug, never wanting to let her go. My own tears fall down my cheeks. Fuck being strong, I can let my emotions show. Her cheek rests against my chest.

  “It’ll be okay, baby. I’ll be here. Enjoy your summer.” I lift her chin with my finger and kiss her tears away. “I love you.” I kiss her lips. I pull back and grin, “Just bring back some cool weather, please.”

  She laughs, nodding before she hugs me again and gives me one last kiss. She pulls away too soon, leaving me alone. She looks back and waves. I watch her back until she’s past the security and gone from sight. I stand there for another thirty seconds before I realize that, it’s gonna be a lonely three months.

  Chapter 35

  Jackson

  One month later

  I haven’t heard from Skylar. Something tells me she’s having a lot of fun, which is what I wanted for her. Yet I can’t shake the hurt I feel. I’ve been working so much; I barely have time for a life. But it’s a good distraction, makes the days and weeks pass by that much faster.

  Today has been really busy. I’ve had cars needing oil changes, new spark plugs, alignments, the whole shit and shebang. My hands are covered in grease but it feels good. Well, not the heat. That’s ridiculously stifling. If I were to move to New York, I can’t say I’d miss the good ‘ol Texas summers. My hair is sticking to my face and sweat drips down my neck. It’s gross.

  Mick approaches me. “You’re doing a great job Jackson.” I glance at him, all clean and sweat-free. I envy him, but then I remember he offered me a job inside and I turned it down, so I can’t bitch.