Finding the Way (The Amish Millers Get Married Book 5)

by Ruth Hartzler

  After Nash ate all the sandwiches in the refrigerator plus a copious amount of soft pretzels with homemade mustard, he poured himself some more coffee and took it to his room. He sat on the edge of his bed, pulled out his cell phone and looked at it. I must get to the bottom of this, he thought. What has Sarah Beachy got to do with the Millers?

  Nash could not remember anyone named Samuel Beachy from his community, but if Samuel Beachy had left when Sarah was a boppli, then Nash would have been a boppli too.

  Nash stroked his chin. One of his old friends was still on rumspringa. He would call him and ask him to find out everything about Samuel Beachy. Nash was sure there would be some way he could use this to his advantage. If nothing else, it would lift the boredom which had so rapidly descended upon his life, being stuck living with his parents in the boring countryside, surrounded by boring Amish folk.

  Romans 8:38-39.

  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

  Chapter 4

  Sarah sat awkwardly at the large, wooden table in the bishop’s wife’s kitchen. She was worried on two counts, and both with good reason. Fannie Graber, the bishop’s wife, had invited the youngie to lunch, and Fannie was known for her strange food choices. This was also the first time that Sarah would see Benjamin again after that day by the pond, when she had told him that her real vadder had died when she was a boppli, and, more to the point, when she had fallen and he had caught her in his arms.

  Fannie’s ample frame bustled over to the table. “Here, have a little something to eat while we wait for the others to arrive,” she said, setting plates of what looked like raisin bars in front of Sarah and the other young people.

  Sarah was used to Fannie’s food, so asked, “What is in them?”

  “Why they are raisin and raw liver bars, dear,” Fannie said, as if she were stating the obvious. “Very good for you, high in iron. Eat up.”

  To Sarah’s relief, the door opened and Benjamin, Nash, and Jessie all arrived at once.

  Sarah stared in puzzlement at Nash; after all, he was an Englischer now, and not one of the community’s youngie, but then, Fannie Graber was a kindly soul and probably thought that Nash was simply on rumspringa. And he might still be, for all she knew, Sarah reminded herself. Sarah noted that Nash had removed his piercings, and had rolled down his sleeves to cover his tattoos, despite the day being warm.

  As they took their places at the table, Sarah wondered about the pungent perfume that hung around Jessie. Surely she hadn’t taken to wearing perfume, and if so, why such a distasteful one? Perhaps Jessie had brushed up against an Englischer guest’s car at the B&B, as the scent had somewhat of a stale, mechanical smell.

  Sarah looked up from her musings over Jessie to see Benjamin staring at her. He looked away at once.

  Fannie was clearly delighted that all her guests were there, and set many plates of sandwiches on the table. All her guests looked aghast, and opened the sandwiches to look inside them. “What’s in your delicious sandwiches today, Mrs. Graber?” Jessie asked with no obvious trace of sarcasm.

  “Those ones are plain sugar and pickle sandwiches; those ones are chocolate spread and blue cheese; those ones are anchovy and marmite. Now excuse me a moment; I’ll just fetch the pea and ham soup.”

  Everyone looked at each other then all reached for the sugar and pickle sandwiches and put them on their plates. When Fannie returned with a large soup tureen, Jessie asked, “What’s in the soup?”

  “Why I told you, pea and ham, dear.”

  Sarah tentatively ladled some soup into her bowl and tasted it gingerly. It did taste like pea and ham soup after all. She let out a sigh of relief, but then saw funny little things floating inside the soup. She fished one out and looked at it. It looked like a cashew nut. “Is this a cashew nut, Mrs. Graber?”

  Mrs. Graber looked at Sarah as if she were somewhat silly. “Yes, of course, dear; I already just said twice that it was pea and ham soup.”

  Oh well, it could be worse, Sarah thought, as she tucked into the pea and ham—and cashew—soup.

  Sarah had hoped to speak to Benjamin, but Jessie Yoder was hogging the conversation, flirting with Benjamin and Nash, the only two menner her age at the table. Until now, Sarah had never considered that Benjamin would be interested in Jessie, but here he was, laughing at her jokes and generally getting on well with her. Jessie works at the B&B, and Benjamin is a guest there, Sarah thought with dismay, suddenly assaulted by uncomfortable pangs of jealousy.

  Sarah shook her head to try to clear it. Benjamin isn’t interested in me, she thought, or he would have asked me on a buggy ride ages ago, before I left my community and came here. He’s only here to try to force me to go back. Once more, she sent up a silent prayer to Gott to ask Him to take away her feelings for Benjamin.

  * * *

  Nash helped himself to some more Applesauce Cake Surprise. He had no idea what the surprise was, and he didn’t care, even if it did taste more than a little like garlic. All he cared about was that it was free. No matter how much these boring and unadventurous Amish people stuck up their noses at Fannie Graber’s free food, he for one was going to eat as much as he could.

  Nash watched Sarah through narrowed eyes. She had no idea he was watching her; she only had eyes for Benjamin. In fact, she stared at Benjamin throughout the whole meal. Nash prided himself on being observant, but even someone less observant than he could see that Sarah Beachy was plainly head over heels in love with Benjamin Shetler, and what’s more, was not happy that Benjamin was chatting so happily to Jessie Yoder.

  Nash smiled to himself. This was a golden opportunity.

  Daniel 9:4.

  I prayed to the Lord my God and made confession, saying, “O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments.

  Chapter 5

  “Are you up for some fun?” Nash had waited that morning for Jessie Yoder to show up at the ruins of the old, stone cottage.

  Jessie narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

  Nash shrugged and tried not to look too keen. “I’ve had an idea how to liven things up around here. When we were at the bishop’s for lunch, it was obvious to me that Sarah Beachy likes Benjamin Shetler. She was jealous that you were flirting with him.”

  “I was not!” Jessie sounded indignant, and Nash silently chastised himself for getting her off side.

  “Yes, you and I know that,” he said in a conciliatory tone, “but Sarah obviously doesn’t. She has a huge crush on him.”

  “So?” Jessie’s mouth formed into a pout. “What does that have to do with me?”

  “Do you want to help me cause some trouble?”

  Jessie looked thoughtful, and Nash’s spirits rose. At least she had not rejected his suggestion outright.

  “What do you want me to do?”

  Nash chewed on a fingernail. “You could flirt with Benjamin a bit in front of Sarah, to annoy her.”

  Jessie appeared to be thinking it over. “If I agree to do this, how far do want me to go? Should I kiss him?”

  Nash didn’t like that idea at all. He was very much attracted to Jessie, who was just the sort of girl he liked. Nash was a little hurt that Jessie wanted to kiss Benjamin. What did Benjamin have that he didn’t have? He was sure he was just as good looking as Benjamin, and just as tall, and what’s more, he wasn’t an irritating do-gooder and a boring one at that.

  “Well?” Jessie prompted. “Do you want me to kiss him?”

  “Sure,” Nash said quickly, to hide his true thoughts. It would seem suspicious if he said he didn’t want her to, but the truth was, he did not want Jessie Yoder to kiss Benjamin Shetler at all. In fact, the only person he wanted Jessie to kiss was himself.

  * * *

  Jessie Yode
r crushed the cigarette under her foot. It was about time she gave them up. She had only taken up the habit to annoy her mudder. After her initial satisfaction in succeeding in horrifying her mudder, she was now left with a bad habit.

  Yet that did not concern Jessie at this moment. What concerned her was that Nash Grayson wanted her to kiss Benjamin Shetler. She had thought that Nash was growing interested in her, but now she realized that it only been because he wanted to use her as a pawn in his game of amusement. How wrong could she have been? She was a fool to have let herself have feelings for Nash. She’d had crushes before, sure, one of them being Jacob Hostetler, but she had been much younger then, and unwise.

  She found Nash exciting, with his dangerous looks, his tattoos and piercings, and she found his sneaky ways intriguing. Now, for the first time, Jessie discovered what it was like to be on the receiving end of tricks and plots. She didn’t like it at all, not one little bit. In fact, it suddenly brought home to her all the hurt that the tricks she had played on others over the years had caused. She felt truly remorseful for the first time.

  Ephesians 6:1-4.

  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

  Chapter 6

  Sarah sat on the hard, wooden benches in the large reception room at the Flickingers’ B&B, as this was where the biweekly church meeting was being held that day. She was wondering why things could never be easy for her. Her mudder had died, and then her vadder had told her that he was not, in fact, her biological vadder, but that her biological vadder had died when she was a boppli. And as if that was not bad enough, she had run away and had gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd, and had been arrested.

  She thought her life had turned around when she had met Martha Miller and then had been welcomed with open arms by the Millers, but then her vadder had sent Benjamin Shetler to talk her into returning home—Benjamin, the only mann she had ever loved, but who did not love her in return.

  Could things get any worse? Sarah turned her attention back to the ministers. The thirty minute initial preaching had ended, and the people now kneeled for the silent prayer. Sarah absently thought that her knee hurt where she had tripped over a rock the other day. She shifted her weight to relieve the niggling pain.

  Sarah was relieved when everyone stood for the reading of the chapter from Martin Luther’s German Bible. I must ask Mrs. Miller for some arnica cream for my knee, she thought, while sneaking a glance at Benjamin. The minister started by reading from the lectionary about the Gospel of Matthew, and then went on to say that we should all submit to the will of Gott. The minister also said we should be patient while we wait for the will of Gott to unfold.

  Sarah sent up a silent prayer that she would be able to submit to the will of Gott; after all, she wanted to; she would just have to try a little harder.

  Finally, the long service was over, and Sarah went to the kitchen to help Mrs. Flickinger and the other ladies prepare the food. She was just as quickly shooed back out, and told by the kind ladies to join the other youngie.

  Sarah made her way over to Martha and Moses, but saw they were joining their schweschders and bruders, Hannah and Noah, and Esther and Jacob, and their kinner. Sarah didn’t want to intrude, so walked over to sit by herself on a wooden and iron bench under a weeping willow. There was a little garden bed nearby, and Sarah breathed in the sweet scent of the trumpet-shaped honeysuckles, the spicy fragrance of the prolific Sweet Williams, and the pungent scent of the beautiful, blue hyacinths.

  So engrossed was Sarah in looking at the flowers, that she did not hear anyone approach. “Oh, it’s you,” she said, and then instantly regretted her tone.

  Benjamin loomed over her. “May I sit with you?”

  “Of course, please do.” Sarah made her tone sound inviting.

  “Have you given any thought to coming back home?”

  Sarah’s heart sank. She kept hoping that Benjamin was in love with her, despite all evidence to the contrary. Again, her heart soared when he sat next to her, only to plummet when he asked the question.

  “Nee,” she snapped. “I am not going home, not ever, and that’s final.”

  Benjamin turned his warm gaze upon her, and moved a little closer along the bench to her. “I’m so sorry, Sarah; I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I wasn’t pressuring you, truly. I just wanted to know if you intend to stay here or go back.”

  Sarah was bewildered. He wasn’t trying to pressure her? But surely that was his only reason for being here?

  Benjamin must have suspected what she was thinking, for he continued, “That’s not the only reason I came here.” He hesitated, and a slow flush traveled up his face. “It was…” he began, before he was rudely and abruptly cut off by Jessie Yoder.

  “Hiya, you two,” she said. “Can I sit down?”

  Before anyone could answer, Jessie planted herself on the bench between Sarah and Benjamin, and then moved a little closer to Benjamin. She completely ignored Sarah, and turned to Benjamin, asking him how he had liked the church meeting.

  It seemed to Sarah that Jessie was flirting outrageously, and giggling quite loudly and often. Benjamin was making no attempt to get away from Jessie. I wonder what Benjamin was going to say to me? Sarah thought. Again, she had gotten her hopes up only to have them dashed. Just face facts; he doesn’t like you, she scolded herself silently.

  Sarah got up and walked away. As she did, she saw the tall, brooding figure of Nash Grayson standing in front of the B&B front porch, staring at Jessie and Benjamin. A chill ran up her spine. He’s up to no good, she thought.

  * * *

  Nash stared at Jessie flirting with Benjamin. She’s got a nerve, flirting with him like that, he thought, but then remembered that he had told her to. Well, she doesn’t have to be quite so enthusiastic about, he thought, with growing irritation. He walked back inside the B&B and slammed the door as hard as he could.

  * * *

  Jessie knew that Nash was watching her. I hope he’s jealous, she thought, and she flirted with Benjamin all the more. She could see that Benjamin was uncomfortable with her behavior, but she didn’t care. She figured she was not hurting Benjamin’s feelings at all, and if she could use him to make Nash jealous, then she would.

  When Nash stormed off and slammed the door of the B&B, Jessie’s spirits rose. Perhaps he is jealous after all, she thought with satisfaction. She abruptly left the puzzled Benjamin and walked over to speak to Sarah.

  * * *

  Sarah watched Jessie approach her with some apprehension. She knew Jessie well enough to know that she wasn’t going to make small talk.

  When Jessie reached Sarah, she came straight to the point. “I have a confession.”

  “You do?” Sarah was concerned; she did not trust Jessie after the things she’d heard about her, and wondered if this was perhaps part of some game Jessie was playing.

  Jessie nodded. “Jah. But if I tell you, you can’t tell anyone.” When Sarah looked at her blankly, she continued, “Agreed?”

  “Oh, jah. I mean, nee. I won’t tell anyone.” Sarah was somewhat intrigued.

  “I’ve told Gott that I won’t hurt anyone’s feelings any more,” Jessie said, without any trace of embarrassment. “So I have to tell you this. Nash asked me to flirt with Benjamin.”

  “He did?” Sarah’s voice rose to a high pitch, so Jessie took her by the arm and guided her down to a row of trees.

  “Shush. Yes he did, but this puts me in a difficult position as I don’t want to betray Nash either.” Jessie sighed dramatically. “That’s why you can’t tell anyone.”

  “But why?” Sarah was more puzzled than ever.

  Jessie shrugged. “He’s bored, I guess. He could see you and Benjamin like each other so he w
anted to cause trouble.”

  “But we don’t, err, he doesn’t…” Sarah began, but her curiosity overcame her. “Why would Nash want to cause trouble?”

  “How should I know? I’m not a therapist.” Jessie’s tone grew less tolerant. “Look, I didn’t want to tell you, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings. You can’t tell anyone, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  “All right then, you and Benjamin can go live happily ever after.” Jessie looked Sarah up and down, and then walked away, leaving a bewildered Sarah behind.

  Could this all be true? It certainly would explain Jessie’s recent behavior, and it was something Nash was likely to do, from what Rebecca had told her of the goings on at the B&B when she had worked there prior to her marriage to Elijah.

  More importantly, could Jessie be right about Benjamin liking her? It seemed that both Jessie and Nash had assumed that Benjamin liked her. Sarah had been over this a thousand times, usually at night when she was trying to sleep. Sometimes she thought that Benjamin liked her, but then the normal thing for him to do would be to ask her on a buggy ride, and he had not done that.

  More than anything, Sarah wanted to be Benjamin’s fraa. Just as she was coming to terms with the fact that she never would be, her hopes had been raised again. Was this the will of Gott, or a cruel trick? Sarah had no idea.

  Psalm 23:1-3.

  A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

  Chapter 7

  The young people filed into the large reception room for their turn for the meal. Church spread, made up of marshmallows and peanut butter, was everywhere, as were bowls of a mixture of potato chips, corn chips, popcorn, and crackers, as well as numerous trays of dessert bars and cookies. Jugs of water, and pots of kaffi, meadow tea, and cocoa were placed around the table at intervals.