To Catch a Dream

by Mary Wood

  Andrew rode up the sweeping drive of Hensal Grange. His eyes wandered over the magnificent house, with its many windows glistening in the sun and the majestic pillars at the entrance to one of the grandest front doors he had ever seen. The lawns surrounding the house – flat and stunningly green, despite the hot, dry summer – looked more like a carpet than grass. In front of the house stood his sister’s small carriage, and just disappearing around the corner of the building was his own carriage. His driver, having dropped Dvina off, would park it at the back until they called for it.

  Agatha alighted, looked back at him and then walked up the first set of steps of the entrance. The steps swept around the grand pillars in a half-moon and were in stages: three, then a patio, then three more, another patio, and finally one step into the house. She turned again before proceeding to the second climb and half-waved. He had no inclination to wave back; his anger at her had not dissipated. It had been all he could do not to go over to her home and bawl her out before now. He’d worked at trying to calm down, so that he could act politely with her when they met, but just looking at Agatha, he knew he hadn’t managed it. He wished she hadn’t chosen to visit on the same afternoon they had.

  The door opened and Jameson, the butler, welcomed Agatha in; then, as if by magic, a groom appeared from around the west wing of the house and took Andrew’s mount to the stable. Andrew followed his sister into the hall and waited whilst the butler took her cloak. Swallowing hard, he made a desperate effort to greet her amiably, but to his chagrin he heard himself say in stilted tones, ‘Agatha, before we go in, I feel I must say that I am very angry with you. You had no right to hint to Dvina about my private life, and you upset her greatly.’

  ‘Oh, my dear brother, stop being such a pompous hypocrite. You marry a frump for nothing more than her money, you take your pleasure with a trollop, and then you have the gall to act in front of Mama like you are the perfect husband. Well, I for one did not think it right Dvina should remain innocent of your disgusting ways.’

  ‘It is none of your business how I conduct my affairs, and you have it all wrong anyway.’

  ‘Oh, come off it, Andrew – everyone knows. They pity you, and you know it. “Poor Andrew,” they say, “lumbered with that lump and having to try to get an heir out of her. No wonder he needs to visit his whore on a regular basis!”’

  Neither of them noticed a shadow draw back into the withdrawing room, or heard the faint sob.

  ‘That is not the truth of it . . .’

  ‘Yes, it is. Anyway, I am glad Dvina understood my innuendos, as it seems she did, and has taken you to task. You deserved it.’

  As she said this, she swept away from him and walked up to the door leading to the withdrawing room. It stood open. In an over-elaborate way she said, ‘Ah, my dear Dvina, how lovely to see you. Oh dear, are you all right? You look very pale, dear.’

  Andrew’s heart dropped like a stone in his chest. Dvina couldn’t have heard, surely? Please God she hadn’t – not the bit about everyone pitying me. Oh God, how much that would hurt her! It would resonate with the way I have kept her away from society! How could I ever make it up to her?

  ‘I’m perfectly well, thank you, Agatha. The nurse came down a little while ago and called your mother to Edgar’s chamber. Your mother asked that we should go up as soon as you both arrived.’

  ‘Darling . . .’

  ‘We will talk later, Andrew. But to put you out of your misery, I heard every word. I . . . I am very upset, but my feelings are of no importance at the moment. It seems Edgar has taken a turn for the worse, and it is he and your mother we must think of at this time.’

  She turned from him. Never had he seen such devastation in anyone, or such coldness in his wife. At that moment he knew he loved her above everything – he’d been a damn fool! Fool enough to lose her, for he’d never felt surer of anything. He had lost his gentle, kind, loving Dvina . . .

  18

  Will

  Sheffield, September 1880

  Finding a way

  Will played around with his jug of ale. He hadn’t a taste for it, but his taste for the one who had served it to him consumed him. So much so that he had taken to frequenting the bar more and more since he’d first entered it three months ago, just to be near Bridie and to take the odd chance of walking her home and making love to her – a need he couldn’t deny himself.

  He looked around the pub. His first visit here and the fight seemed so long ago, and the men had long since accepted him as part of the scenery. A haze of smoke from the fire and from their cigarettes hovered over the heads of the men. Some sat in gangs playing cards, others dominoes and others shove-halfpenny – these last were the ones responsible for the shouting and bouts of excitement that filled the room every now and then. A few just stood around on the freshly laid straw and talked. The main topic was the fliers stuck up all over the place asking for skilled workers for a mine over in Breckton. Most didn’t know where Breckton was, and he was able to tell them it was a small town halfway between Leeds and York. He’d been that way fishing sometimes, as it was awash with lakes hidden in the valleys of the hills.

  None of them seemed interested in taking up the offer, even though the advert promised good wages and conditions which they didn’t have at the moment.

  To him the opportunity offered a way out, and he intended to travel there to try his luck the next time he had two days off, which wouldn’t be for a while.

  Talking to Bridie about it as they stood under the bridge an hour later, she surprised him by urging him to go sooner. ‘Will, ’tis as things are getting difficult. I dare not even ask you back to my place today, for the fear Bruiser might catch us. He said as he was for hearing rumours about me and some virgin, and he didn’t like what he heard.’

  ‘But he’s on late shift, Bridie. He won’t be home till on eleven, and I’ll be long gone by then.’

  ‘No, Will, I know him. He’d be for catching me out if he can, and it is for sure he’d be for killing me – and you too, me wee love. Please, Will. Take yourself along to this Breckton and be seeing if they would set you on. There’s talk as houses will be found for all of the new workers in due course. Just think, it will be after being a new start for us, so it will. You could go and live in lodgings until you are allocated a cottage, then me and your mammy could be after joining you.’

  ‘Aye, it all sounds good, but what if I don’t get set on, but lose me job here for being absent? Everything would be much worse for us then. I can’t take the risk, me little love, I can’t. Me ma’s getting on in her age. She had me when she were in her forties.’ He smiled, adding, ‘I were her “little shock”, so she’s always telling me. After years of nowt happening, I popped out with no warning and turned her and me da’s lives upside down.’

  ‘I’m for thinking you make a habit of that, Will Hadler, cos you’re after doing that to mine too!’ This made them laugh, and he felt glad because all seemed hopeless at times, and having a joke together helped them get through.

  ‘Look, I’ll make a start by talking to Ma. See how land lies with her.’

  Though I’ve a good idea as she’ll blow her top. Even more so at me wanting to go, before I’ve any official time off.

  ‘Anyroad, if I’m willing to take the chance of Ma’s wrath for you, Bridie O’Hara, the least you can do is repay me.’ He kissed her neck, moving his lips up over her lovely soft skin until he reached her mouth. ‘Eeh, Bridie, don’t be telling me I can’t have you, lass. I have a need on me as is too much for me to calm on me own.’

  ‘I know. I’m for feeling the same, me wee love. If only we could go somewhere else.’

  The need in her fired his longing to a pitch that he could hardly bear. His kissing of her wasn’t enough. Their hands explored each other, finding and giving what pleasure they could, until a mocking voice crashed into the private world they’d thought themselves in. ‘Ha, Will, give it to her, mate.’

  Then another joined in. ‘Ho
pe it’s worth it, though, as Bruiser’s already got whiff of yer antics with his woman.’

  The fear in Bridie singed through him. ‘Don’t worry, love. If they had malice in them, they’d have not sounded like they were taking us on.’

  ‘Were you for seeing who they were? Is it as you know them, Will?’

  ‘Aye, one of them works in the steel, but his brother and da are down the mine, so he lives in our road. Happen he’s heard sommat when he’s at work and he thought he’d have a laugh. He ain’t a bad bloke. I can’t see him making anything of it. Anyroad, I’d better be off.’ He held her close. ‘Eeh, lass, you’re shaking. I’ll make it reet, I promise. I can’t have you afraid like this. What time are you expecting Bruiser to come by?’

  ‘’Tis as he could come round any time, and is why that lad knew of me. For hasn’t Bruiser taken to coming out of work, to make sure as I’m not cheating on him?’

  ‘By, lass, he’s sommat else. Look, I’ll take me chance and come round later.’

  ‘No . . . ! Will, ’tis heart-sore I am to refuse you, but . . .’

  ‘Look, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll give Beth a knock first and see if she knows if he’s with you. And if he is, I’ll make meself scarce – how’s that?’

  This settled her.

  ‘Reet, then, lass, I’m loath to leave you, but I have to.’ Not trusting himself to kiss her properly, he pecked her cheek.

  Walking home, his mind dwelt on how he’d get his ma to accept his going, because he knew now he was going, no matter what she decided and whether she liked it or not.

  The saying having a ramrod for a back applied to his ma at this very moment. Standing looking out of the window, she hadn’t spoken. When she did turn to Will, her face looked ugly with distaste. ‘Not Bridie O’Hara . . . not that whore!’

  ‘Don’t call her that, Ma – you know nothing about her. Yes, her life ain’t been what I’d like, but there were reasons. She were put on the path she’s followed by men as did her wrong, not least her own da!’

  ‘You won’t convince me, son. Think on. Think of all those who’ve been there afore you. That’s what will eat at you as the years pass. She ain’t the kind for any man to marry. She can only bring heartache to you.’

  ‘I know you are concerned for me, but I am a man and can make me own decisions. And I’ll tell you this for nothing, Ma: I’m going with her whether you come or not, but it won’t be how me heart wants it. Just give her a chance. You know what you always say: don’t meet trouble halfway, when it might not be travelling your road in the first place. We’ll be reet, Ma, I know we will, but we have to move. We can’t risk Bruiser Armitage’s wrath . . .’

  ‘Bruiser Armitage! What’s he to do with owt? She’s not tied up with him, is she?’

  ‘Aye, he thinks she’s his girl, but she’s not, never has been. Oh aye, he’s been with her a long time and he got customers for her, but . . .’

  ‘Customers! God in heaven, listen to yourself, Will! What’re you thinking? How’re you going to live with it all? It’ll fester in you, son, it’s bound to. All those other men that have had her! Taken her down for . . . for money! Will, please, I beg of you, think again. Give yourself some time. Have your fun, but keep yourself for a decent lass.’

  ‘Bridie is decent! Look, Ma, her own da raped her when she were no more than sixteen years old. Then a gypsy lad tricked her out of everything she had in the world. She had no choice; she only had a girl from the correction convent to look after her and that’s how she came to land up here, doing what she does.’

  Watching his ma slump down into the chair opposite him and lower her head into her hands, he felt heart-sore to bring this trouble to her door. But he couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t. He loved Bridie with everything he was, and he had to be with her for the rest of his days or there was no point to living.

  ‘Time’s not going to make any difference, is it, Will?’ Her voice shook. ‘I’ll say sommat, though: in some ways me and your da gave you your impulsiveness. I haven’t told you afore, but I only set eyes on your da the once, and from that moment I knew he were my man. We shocked everyone by marrying within two months of meeting. And, though I’m embarrassed to say it, I was already his – completely his – cos I gave meself to him just one day after meeting him. It seems same has happened to you, Will. And just as I needed folk to accept me situation, you do too. Yet here’s me, your own ma, denying you that acceptance.’

  She looked at him. Her eyes held love, but he saw the pain in her face. Was she going to make him choose between her and Bridie? Her face changed, and he couldn’t read her expression. It was a relief when she said, ‘I’m sorry about what I said. It was the shock of it all. I’ll do me best to take to her. I’ll look for good as is in her, and forget the bad that’s gone afore. After all, wasn’t Mary Magdalene herself a prostitute? And look at her; she turned out to be a saint!’

  Will laughed at this and the tension broke. ‘Thanks, Ma. Thanks. I doubt as Bridie’ll turn out to be a saint, though! But I couldn’t have been happy without your blessing – not truly happy. And I’m sorry about all the upheaval it’ll cause, with us moving and everything. But I don’t see another road as would work.’

  ‘You’d better see if you get the job first, Will. There’s that hurdle, thou knows, and it’ll probably be first of many an’ all, with what you’re going in for. But we’ll take each one as it comes. Now let’s get tea on table. It were ready two hours since and’ll be spoiling by now.’

  He couldn’t put his relief into words, though he knew his ma could still be difficult. Something had clicked with her, to go along with him, and he didn’t think it was the tale of her and Da that she’d told him, though that had shocked him. He’d always thought they’d had a long and proper courtship, not – well, not at it after they had only just met!

  Pondering over it all while he ate, he found he’d a good appetite on him. He took seconds and thirds, but made no conversation whilst he did so, and his ma didn’t question him on his silence. Plans formed in his head. Putting his knife and fork down, he sipped at his tea, announcing, ‘Ma, I’ve made me decision. I’m going to Breckton tonight, if there’s a train, but I’ll get to the station anyroad and stay there till there is one.’

  ‘Tonight! As soon as that?’

  ‘It has to be soon, Ma. Bridie’s thinking as Bruiser knows sommat is going on. If he finds out, he’ll cut up rough about it. Besides, I’m not at work till ten tomorrow night, and I can make it back for that, and no one will be the wiser. That way, if I’m not successful I won’t lose me job here.’

  ‘Oh, Will, it’s a lot to take in. Where shall I say as you’ve gone, if folk ask?’

  ‘Just say as I’ve gone fishing or walking, like I do on occasion. In fact, I’ll take me fishing basket with me, then if I’m seen on station no suspicions will be raised. I’ll call in on Bridie on me way and let her know me plans and tell her as you’ll be coming with us.’

  As he took another sip he noted her distress, and knew she hadn’t really won the battle going on inside her. She’d only voiced what she’d known he wanted to hear, but he wouldn’t press the point. He couldn’t. He had to take her acceptance of the situation as it stood. The moment held an awkward silence, until his ma broke it.

  ‘I can’t say as I’m not vexed about it all, nor as I’m not upset about having to up sticks. But me mind’s made up to give me best to it all. I can do no more than that.’

  ‘Well, that’ll do me, cos your best is twice that of others. It’ll pan out, you’ll see.’ He rose and kissed her cheek. ‘I’ll make it work, Ma. It’ll be reet, I promise, and I know as you’ll grow to love Bridie.’

  The corner of the wardrobe sliced Bridie’s face as her body hurtled into it. ‘No! Bruiser! For all that is holy, will you listen to me . . .’

  The last shred of her bodice ripped from her as he clawed her and pulled her towards him. Evil bled from the black coals of his eyes. His spittle sprayed onto
her cheeks as he hissed, ‘Tell me the fucking truth! Who is the fucking virgin you’ve been seeing?’

  ‘’Tis the truth I’ve been telling you . . .’ The force of the blow sent her reeling again, and she landed on her knees. Red spots dripped onto the floor beneath her, merging with the small puddles of blood already making patterns around her. Every ounce of her strength ebbed away into a pool of tears. ‘Stop it, Bruiser, for the love of God, stop!’

  A sickening cracking sound brought with it immense pain and the knowledge that his foot had broken her ribs. She rolled over onto her side, moaning like an animal.

  Trying to put space between them, she stretched out her hands, hoping to edge forward. Through the mist crowding her brain, she saw his boot a second before it came down to crush her fingers. Oh, sweet Jesus, be at the helping of me, she beseeched Him. But as her body lifted like a rag doll, she knew no one would be answering her prayer.

  The edge of the bed dug into her stomach. Bruiser had placed himself at the back of her, between her legs. Fear gripped her as she realized his intention, felt him near to where she’d always refused him entry. Not able to fight him off, she tried to beg him once more. ‘No, please, I’ll be at doing anything, but not that, not that . . . Please . . .’

  By the time Will left home and headed for Bridie’s, the good feelings he’d had inside him earlier had come back to him, though they still had a taint of the emotional blackmail he knew he’d used on his ma.

  When he arrived, he took the stairs leading to Bridie’s room two at a time. Eager to see her and to tell her how he’d sorted everything, he’d forgotten all about their arrangement.

  The moment he reached Bridie’s door, his smile and excitement left him. Instead, a frozen shock and a deep fear held him as he heard Bridie’s pitiful voice whimpering, ‘No, Bruiser . . . No! Please don’t . . . Stop! Stop! Will you stop . . . Oh, God! Oh God, help me . . .’