To Catch a Dream

by Mary Wood

  Sitting opposite her in a window seat, he didn’t know where to begin, so many questions formed. ‘Lilly, this is a surprise. I never expected . . .’

  ‘I know you didn’t, love, but this is what you did for me. I’m respected – one of the business folk of the town. I have a large tea shop here, and another in Scarborough. I don’t pretend I’m sommat I’m not, and these folk appreciate that. And I’ve put sommat back an’ all. Helped the community from me good fortune.’

  ‘What about – well, your old business?’

  ‘There ain’t no old business, not to this lot there ain’t. They think I had a bed-and-breakfast house in Leeds and made me money with it, and moved here to better me prospects. They also think I’m a widow. I’ve told them that you’re a friend of me late husband’s, on a visit.’

  ‘Oh, I see. No renting a room then?’

  If he could have snatched the words back, he would have done. Her hurt showed on her face, and he apologized quickly.

  ‘Lilly, I’m sorry. I . . .’

  ‘I know that’s what you think of me, and why should you think different? But I’ve changed. I haven’t been with a man since you. I’m waiting for someone who’ll love me and give me a good life. Don’t look so downcast – I’m still yours, and I want to – well, you know. In fact I can’t wait, but I don’t want you to think of me in that way only.’

  ‘I promise I won’t. I need you, Lilly, more than you can know. I need an uncomplicated love, like we had for one another in the old days. Oh, I know it did get complicated when I had to marry, but the feeling I had for you then is still in me now.’

  ‘Thank you. I wanted to hear you say that, cos we did have sommat between us. I was sorry to hear about your wife. I didn’t know until after I’d written. I was devastated when the solicitor came and told me. He works for me, you know, but he never discusses anything to do with you. He just told me that.’

  ‘Well, there is a lot more that he could have told you. I think, Lilly, you may be shocked at some of it. But I need to talk it over with you. A lot happened, and I didn’t behave well through it. I hope you won’t mind listening, as I have no one else. No one I trust, like I do you.’

  ‘Of course, love. Let’s eat, then we can go back to my place. I’m set up nice, in me flat above the shop. It’s reet big an’ all, since I took over the two shops adjoining mine and had it all knocked through.’

  After enjoying their lunch, they walked along the sea front. The breeze whipped around them. This small town had a beauty of its own. Its sandy beach, stretching to the sea, looked inviting. Andrew would have liked to take off his clothes and run along it, splashing into the water with the new feeling of abandonment he felt inside him.

  Her apartment did take him aback, as did the tea rooms below. They stood on the promenade, their white frontage immaculate. The windows were draped in cream lace tied back with ribbons, and the red door had a shiny brass knocker. It all charmed him. He hadn’t expected such a tasteful place.

  They reached her apartment by way of stairs at the side of the building. And, as she’d described, it was large for the type of residence it was. Two reception rooms (a sitting room, a dining room), a kitchen and two bedrooms – not to mention a bathroom of the kind he’d only expect to see in houses of his own calibre. Everything shone, as though she’d spent hours preparing it. But she put paid to this notion when she said, ‘I have a lady as does for me. I’ve no time for polishing and stuff – too much to do downstairs. Make yourself at home, love.’

  She stood next to him, helping him out of his coat. Something held him back from taking her in his arms and drinking in the pleasure of her. He wanted to, with every fibre of him, but this was a different Lilly and he felt the need to let her take the lead. She did. She didn’t immediately move away with his coat, but stood looking up at him. He held her gaze and saw the longing in her beautiful, huge, liquid-blue eyes. His face drew closer to hers, without him being conscious of the movement. Their lips met. He had no knowledge of this sensation with her, having never wanted to try it in the past. Now he savoured the sweet taste of her as he explored her mouth.

  She melted into him, dropping his coat to the floor. They kissed until his lips felt tender. He eased her away from him. She parted her lips once more, her eyes half-closed. ‘I knew that would be Heaven. Oh, Andrew, my love.’

  The endearment shook him for a moment, but something kindled inside him: a strong feeling he couldn’t deny. ‘Lilly, Lilly, I’ve missed you.’

  She took his hand and led him through to her bedroom. He had a feeling he’d not make it in time, as his veins rushed with the excitement of anticipation and his groin ached for release. That release came the moment he entered her. Nothing had gone before – no touching, no sensuous play. Lilly had recognized his need. She’d only taken the time to dispose of her ringed petticoat and bustle, before slipping off her bloomers and lying on her bed. They stayed locked together, clinging on as if they would never let go.

  ‘I love you, Lilly. My own Lilly.’

  Coming out of her, he undressed and slipped between the sheets. Lilly did the same, only more slowly than he had, playing the game she used to, of pretending to be an exotic dancer. Each item of clothing she peeled off revealed more of the beautiful, creamy, freckled skin he remembered. When she came to him and snuggled up to him, she had a softness about her. He hadn’t noticed until she’d undressed, but she had put on weight. Now her limbs and stomach were rounded and no longer ribbed and bony. He snuggled into her. With the touch of her came a remembered feeling. Something he’d had with Dvina. He could think about her now without hurt or guilt. He could remember the divine contact with her body, how it cushioned him and enveloped him inside her. Lilly could give him that. She was already exploring him, heightening his expectation. This time there was no hurry. This time he could savour all of her.

  The days had gone by too quickly. They were some of the happiest Andrew had spent in a long time. The only thing marring them had been when his heart suddenly went into a frenzy and he thought it would come out of his chest. Lilly had held him, soothed him, calmed him, and it had passed. Since then she had insisted on taking the active part in their lovemaking. Skilled as she was, this had enhanced his time with her, but the worry over his condition reared up in him once more. He vowed to see a specialist when he returned home.

  ‘You will get that girl out of that place, won’t you, Andrew? I can’t bear to think of the poor lass, and didn’t know you were capable of such a thing. But then again, I forget sometimes as you’re one of them top-drawer types. You’re not like us.’

  They were taking a stroll along the sea front again, their last before he left. ‘What does that mean? “Not like us.” We do have feelings, you know.’

  ‘Yes, but not like ours. Us common folk know how things feel, and it makes us care more. You have no idea. You’re only wanting her out to ease your own mind, not to save her. How you could have put her in there in the first place beats me.’

  ‘I wish I hadn’t told you now.’

  ‘No, don’t wish that. Don’t ever go back to having secrets and covering things up. It’s not good for you. Everything about your life is in the open now.’

  He knew what she meant, as he had unburdened himself to her and felt better for doing so, but he wouldn’t agree everything was in the open. He’d still have to keep Lilly to himself. He couldn’t be seen in public with her, or introduce her to his mother and sister. Come to that, he couldn’t even introduce her to any of his friends, most of whom were more than acquainted with her in the old days. But they had sorted that out, too. He would come down every month to stay with Lilly for a few days.

  To all of her friends, he’d be the shy man she had fallen in love with. And she had said they would allow for that. They wouldn’t press her to introduce him. They’d just be happy she had someone at last. They’d accept that it couldn’t go further for her, when she told them her story of him being a widower and having a
small family and a business he couldn’t leave. It was true, of course – at least the business part. As for not leaving his son, that didn’t come into it. Now twelve years old and at boarding school, and spending most of his holidays with friends, Jeremy’s routine wouldn’t be upset by his father’s comings and goings.

  The fact of his own schedules being disturbed pleased Andrew very much. He’d forgotten what it was like to look forward to something, and to have that something be time spent with the woman he loved made it very special. Because he did love Lilly. He loved her with an intensity that shook his emotions with the violence of a thunderstorm. It was a feeling he had thought he’d never experience again.

  Issy trembled as she waited for Mr Harvey to speak. Her limbs had started to shake the moment Tom had told her that his master wanted to see her, and could she come to the house at two that day? Questions by the dozen had gone through her. Had the police contacted him? Would she be done for aiding and abetting? Oh, God, the implications of that!

  Mr Harvey looked up at her. ‘Isabella, this is awkward. I have had a change of heart over Bridie. I wanted to tell you, before I did anything. I have decided to pay her fine and set her and her child up. Will you act as intermediary between us? I have a solicitor who could do it, but I know you take her little girl to see her and have a good relationship with her, so you might be better suited to sort out what she wants or needs.’

  Unable to speak, Issy swallowed hard. With him having been away, it seemed he hadn’t heard yet that Bridget had gone. She hadn’t expected him to come back a changed man, but she knew he had, as a certainty. Sitting before her wasn’t the detached, despicable Mr Harvey, but the approachable, caring one she remembered from before everything happened between him and Bridie.

  ‘Well, this is something new – Isabella Grantham having nothing to say!’

  ‘I have plenty, Mr Harvey, but I can’t say it, with the restriction of our positions.’

  ‘Just relax, Isabella. I know you would love to give me a wagging of your tongue, but there are always two sides to every story. Very few people were innocent in this one, least of all Bridie Hadler.’ He put up his hand to stay her protest. ‘But that is as it may be. The fact is, I have had second thoughts and want to put right anything I did.’

  ‘It . . . it’s too late, sir!’ She blurted out all that had happened on her visit last week, and his expression grew more incredulous with every word she uttered.

  ‘Good God, Isabella! You could be in very deep trouble if they found out.’

  ‘I know. I’m worried out of me mind, but I did it for the best. She’d have been dead soon if I hadn’t, and then there were the threats on Bridget an’ all.’

  ‘Of course. That part of your story is appalling. I hadn’t realized the state of things, nor am I going to tolerate the behaviour of the Dochertys any longer. But Bridie was committed there under the Poor Law. A law, Isabella – and a law you have broken by helping her to escape.’

  Issy’s stomach lurched. ‘Please help me, Mr Harvey. I did it out of the goodness of me heart. I never meant to commit a crime.’

  ‘Leave it with me. I have favours I can call in. I’ll get my solicitor to look into it. Maybe if the fine is paid, that will be the end of it. How will Bridie live? Can you get help to her?’

  ‘No, we parted for good. I don’t know where in Sheffield she has gone, but I know she has a friend she sets great store by, and this friend will look after her. We thought it best that way. If I was to keep in contact, it might lead to her being caught. Best for Bridget an’ all, as she can start a new life.’

  ‘Yes, that must be heartbreaking for you. I’m very sorry. The child had been with you a long time.’

  ‘Near on six years, but she’ll forget. She’s young enough to, so that’s a good thing.’

  ‘Yes.’ He looked as if he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t, other than that she should leave it with him. He would sort it out so that there would be no recriminations for her. Issy thanked him and left. She wished that was the end of the matter, but it wouldn’t be. She’d never fill the hole left by little Bridget.

  31

  Two weeks later

  Full circle

  When Bridie opened her eyes and saw Beth sitting next to her bed, the intervening years were stripped away. ‘Is it a correction convent I am in?’

  ‘Eeh, Bridie. That was a long time ago. No, you’re in hospital, love. You’ve been here a few days. You knocked on me door, after me not seeing you for years, and collapsed at me feet. They say you have sommat wrong inside – sommat they say as rat-bites cause. You’re on the mend now, though, love.’

  ‘Bridget?’

  ‘She’s at mine. She’s a lovely little lass. She keeps talking about Aunt Issy and Uncle Tom, saying they did this and they did that, and how she were to sit down to her meals and eat proper. She’s that old-fashioned with it.’

  ‘Is it that she understands where her mammy is? I’m feared she may think I’ve run out on her.’

  ‘No, she knows. She said she wants the doctors to make you better.’

  ‘Thanks for having us, Beth. I had it in me that I could come to you.’

  ‘Of course you can, love. But you might have arranged it!’

  ‘It wasn’t the way of it.’ Bridie told her what had happened. ‘Did you not get me letter? I hoped you would be visiting me and I could have sorted it out with you.’

  ‘No. Last one I got were over a year ago. By, you’ve been through the mill, love.’

  ‘I have, but ’tis as I had a lot of happiness with my Will.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear of it. So, what plans have you? You know I still work at prostitution?’

  ‘I’m not thinking of taking up the game again, Beth. I’ll find something, so I will.’

  ‘Aye, happen you will. Mind, it’s not like the old days. We have clients come to the house now, me and a few other lasses. There’s a room going, but it ain’t reet for a young ’un. I’m onto a good thing, as I take a commission on every client the girls service. Well, me and Bruiser do.’

  ‘Bruiser? You’re not after associating with him, are you?’

  ‘He’s mellowed. He runs a good place. He has about five girls, same as me, and he has a nice house separate to that. If he sends me clients, he takes a cut, and the same other way around. It’s business. Agnes has gone back to work for him. She says it ain’t the same working for me, because we’re mates. Besides, you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him helping me pay for it – you’d have been taken to the workhouse hospital up the road.’

  ‘Bruiser helped me?’ Bridie had forgotten the loyal friendships in the world that Beth and Bruiser still inhabited – the looking out for one another – but she hadn’t forgotten the other side of it. In the workhouse she’d had plenty of the sick feeling of trading your body for your needs. Thinking of which, she asked, ‘You haven’t got a drop of gin on you, have you, Beth? Only I know you used to have a flask, to help you through it all. I’ve a powerful need of some. And I promise I’ll think about the other, when it is as I am stronger.’

  ‘Aye, I have. Not that I need it, but I thought on how it was in the days I did and knew you’d be suffering. You always mentioned your lack of it in your letters. But I’ll tell you sommat, Bridie: you should think about giving it up. It’s taking a toll on you, love. You’re not half the woman you were. Here. But just a sup.’

  Bridie lay back. The large gulp of gin heated her stomach and burned her throat. She swallowed hard as she felt a rejection of it rising, then her head swam into the hazy bliss she craved. ‘Don’t be saying that, Beth. You haven’t the idea what it was like. I’ll be getting better, putting flesh back on me bones, then sure enough I will think on giving up the gin.’

  ‘I doubt you’ll be here to do that by then, love. Listen to me: you have to stop. It’s rotting your insides. I can tell by how yellow the whites of your eyes are. I’ve seen the signs many a time. And it’s making you weak, so
that you’re not fighting off infections . . . No, Bridie, don’t even try to protest. Have you looked in the mirror of late? Aw, don’t cry, love. That was harsh of me, but you know I’m only thinking of you. Here, have me lace hanky. Oh, aye, I’m posh when I want to be, thou knows.’

  Bridie dried her tears and smiled. Beth was so like Issy that when she was with one of them, it felt like being with the other. She was going to miss Issy. It made her heart-sore not even to have contact with her.

  ‘Well, love, I have to go. A girl has to work, thou knows, and I have three appointments tonight . . .’

  ‘Appointments? ’Tis a high world you’re in, Beth.’

  ‘I told you, it’s all different now. No waiting on street corners. No hanging around outside bars to fleece the drunks. And if you have sommat about yer, you can make a packet. You’d do well, Bridie, if you could just get back some of what you were made of. Cos you were made for it in them days, love. Made for it.’

  Beth laughed as she left, waving her hand until she reached the door. But Bridie didn’t laugh. How often had she had those words said to her, and wasn’t she for knowing they were her downfall?

  Walking out of the hospital on legs that shook beneath her, Bridie couldn’t believe it had been two weeks since she’d arrived there. She’d spent most of it asleep – a sleep through which she’d still felt her pain, so she didn’t feel rested. Most of the infections on her skin had cleared up, but she had a weakness inside her. She hoped Beth would be waiting with the cab she’d promised her, and she hoped to God little Bridget would be with her. She didn’t know if she could stand any more days without seeing her. Even though at times it had been a year in between visits in the past, just knowing they should now be together all the time made it more difficult.

  As the doors closed behind her, Bridget dashed towards her. The silver locket swung from side to side around her neck, and her breathless little voice shouted, ‘Mammy! Mammeee!’