Lessons of the Past

by Chloe Maxx

  He turned his lips up into a smirk. “You like my ass?”

  Nodding, I said, “Yes. In fact, before we got together, so like that first week of school, I called you Professor Hot Ass.”

  Javier threw his head back in laughter, his chest jostling both of us. “Professor Hot Ass, huh?” I nodded and laughed. “Well lucky for you, it’s yours.”

  I froze. “Javier…let’s just enjoy tonight, okay?”

  “I can do that.” He backed me into the wall. “In fact, I think I’ll enjoy you up against this wall.”

  “Yes, please,” I replied.

  He thrust inside me, his eyes not moving from mine while I immersed in the feeling of him stretching me. The water sprayed down on us, droplets running down our bodies, but we didn’t break our connection. I felt like I could see into his soul, see his love for me. But would that be enough for me? The going got rough with Amy and he turned to me. What if we hit a rough patch and he turns to another girl? What would be left of me then? I couldn’t chance it.

  “I. Love. You. So. Damn. Much,” he gritted out with each thrust. “You. Were. Made. For. Me.” His lips crashed into mine violently. I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing us closer, needing him. “Do you understand me? I’m not fucking letting you go again.”

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I took his bottom lip into my mouth and sucked, eliciting a deep moan from his throat.

  My tongue swept into his mouth, tasting every inch I could. I needed him burned into my memory.

  “Fuck,” he grunted when I pulled back. “So damn good with you.”

  I nodded. “I’m going to come. Fuck…” I screamed, letting the orgasm vibrate throughout me. It seemed like each orgasm he gave me tonight was stronger than the last, leaving me weak.

  Javier held me up as he continued to pound into me, giving me everything. I wasn’t sure I could take much more, but after a few more thrusts, he began pouring himself inside me, setting off another orgasm. My hands slapped against the tile, holding my weak body upright. “Fuck yes, squeeze my dick.”

  When we both came down from our high, we grabbed the hotel supplied toiletries and washed each other, caressing every inch.

  I laughed, thinking to myself. “Do you know you are like another person when you’re having sex?”

  “What?” he asked, running a soaped hand down my back.

  “You have the filthiest mouth when you’re having sex. And you’re bossy.” I bit my lip. “I’m not saying it’s bad. In fact, it’s the opposite. Your mouth is quite the turn on.”

  He smirked. “I’ll have to remember that. Up my game.”

  We both laughed and continued washing each other, not uttering another sound. Once we were finished, he dried me off with extra care and I did the same for him.

  “It’s late. Do you mind if we just stay here? We can drive home tomorrow. Maybe grab some breakfast on the way back.”

  “Sure,” I replied, following him to the bed. We pulled the comforter back along with the sheets, then crawled on the bed. Once our heads were on the pillows, Javier pulled me close and sighed. “I love you, Alexandria. Sweet dreams.”

  “Sweet dreams,” I replied weakly, knowing what I was about to do would hurt him.

  I waited for his breathing to even and his body to relax, then I slipped out of bed. Very quietly, I found my clothes and put them back on. I took one last look at Javier’s beautiful body, grabbed my purse, and left the room.

  Once I made it down to the lobby, I had the front desk call me a cab. The ride home was long and exhausting as I sat in the backseat and quietly cried, all of my feelings escaping with each tear and sob.

  Chapter 29

  Tossing my purse onto my sister’s small porch, I searched for my keys. Tears were still spilling down my face and my hands were shaking. A strangled sob broke free and I fell against the door with a loud thump. My body felt cold, numb, and I couldn’t control the sobs tearing their way up and out.

  The door behind me cracked open and I fell back. With my head laying on the floor, Rebecca crouched down beside me. “Alex? What is wrong? What did that asshole do to you?” I tried to shake my head no, to show her he hadn’t done anything, but she didn’t pay attention. “I should drive over to whatever swanky neighborhood he lives in and rip his balls off.”

  “Bec…he didn’t do anything. I left him. I left him sleeping in a hotel room.” The tears poured out and I let my face fall to the side.

  “What? Why? Tell me what happened.” She grabbed me and pulled me into a sitting position. “Let’s get you to bed. You have to help me.”

  I batted her hands away and stood. She put her arms around me and we walked to my bedroom. I collapsed on the bed and my sister scooted beside me. “Tell me what happened,” she prompted after a moment of silence.

  “I fucked him. Well, I guess he fucked me. Several times, actually.” I sniffled. “I left him there, asleep, him thinking we were going to work things out. I’m going to burn in hell.”

  My sister chuckled and brushed my hair back with her fingers. “I don’t think you’ll burn in hell, but that was kinda shitty. Why did he think you were going to work things out?”

  “Because I let him fuck my brains out and never corrected him. I just kept quiet because I wanted to fuck him. I knew if I told him we weren’t going to get back together, he wouldn’t have.” I paused for a minute. “The last time we had sex, I didn’t know it was the last. This time, I knew it would be and I wanted to enjoy it.”

  “Oh, Alex.” She moved down the bed and faced me. “Why did tonight have to be the last? Can you just not forgive him? Don’t get me wrong, I think what he did to you was awful, but put yourself in his shoes for just one second. He has a daughter he loves with all he’s got. He was scared because if he got caught being with you, it wouldn’t just ruin his life, but hers too.”

  I sat silent for a moment, absorbing Rebecca’s words, knowing what she was saying made sense. “I’m going to burn in hell.”

  “I really don’t think that’s true. Love isn’t always pretty and everyone makes mistakes.”

  “I just want to go to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  “It’s okay.” She climbed off the bed. “I’m here if you need me.” She left, shutting the door behind her.

  I continued to cry until my body was completely dry and I fell asleep.

  ***

  Pounding on the door startled me from sleep, but I couldn’t open my eyes. They felt heavy and my body like lead. The pounding continued, so I grabbed a pillow and placed it over my head. I needed it to stop because my head was also pounding.

  Voices erupted from the living room, and two seconds later, my door slammed open, then shut. “Alexandria? What the fucking hell?” Javier roared.

  I should have expected him since he knew where I lived, but I hadn’t. I guess I just assumed he wouldn’t fight for me. Us. I didn’t move, hoping he’d think I was sound asleep and leave. I’m acting like a complete child.

  “Stop acting like a little bitch and talk to me!” The bed dipped and he rolled me on my back. Removing the pillow, he said in a calmer tone, “Please. Just tell me what the fuck happened.”

  Peeling my crusty eyes open, I was met with his handsome face, etched with worry and fear. Pain stricken. “Jav…” I trailed hoarsely. “I…last night was a mistake.”

  “The only fuckin’ mistake last night was you leaving! I thought we were working our shit out. Instead, you left!” He was silent for a moment, then he pushed off the mattress. Walking to the foot of the bed, he ran a hand through his hair and met my eyes. “Was last night payback? Huh? Fuck me and leave me like I left you?”

  “No!” I cried, tears I didn’t know I had left falling from my eyes.

  “Then what the hell was it? Tell me what to fucking do to make us better and I’ll do it.”

  I sat up and crossed my legs. “Javier,” I said, looking at my hands, “I’m fucking hurt. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. You sai
d you went through a depression? Well, so did I! I lost two people, you lost one.” As soon as I said it, I regretted it. The miscarriage I suffered over winter break was not something I had ever wanted him to know. I didn’t want to throw it in his face or make him feel guilty about it. He left me, not the baby.

  “Two people?” he asked, brows furrowed and hands on his hips.

  “Nothing. I just can’t get over the hurt, or trust you. You cheated on Amy very easily and without any thought. What if we go through a rough patch?” It was a real fear of mine, but I was also trying to change the conversation.

  “No. Go back to the part where you lost two people and I lost one.” He took a step closer and cocked his head to the side. “I lost you, you lost me, who else did you lose?”

  I had backed myself into a corner, and now, I had to answer him. “Our baby,” I whispered.

  “No,” he gasped, horrified. “No,” he said again as he sat next to me. “You were pregnant? What…?”

  “I had a miscarriage over winter break.”

  “We had a baby? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have…”

  I shrugged. “You would’ve done what? You left me. Convinced me I had been a game. At that point, even if the baby had lived, I wouldn’t have told you. Why the fuck would I want someone like that to be my child’s father?”

  “I was the child’s father! But that is irrelevant. You went through something I should have been there for. I should have been there holding your hand and telling you it would be okay.” He shook his head and looked to the floor. “You sat in my class for weeks knowing you were pregnant and didn’t tell me?”

  “No. I didn’t know until it was over. I woke up in the middle of the night cramping and bleeding. I figured it was just my period coming at a random time. By the next morning, I knew something was wrong, so Rebecca and I snuck to the ER. I didn’t file it on my insurance, so my parents never found out.”

  “I should have been there!”

  “It’s in the past, and I’ll be the first to admit the miscarriage was probably for the best. It hurt like hell when it happened, just another piece of you I had lost, but a baby would have been hard to raise alone.”

  He cupped my face, placing his forehead against mine. “I would have been there. We would have raised the baby together. You and me.”

  “We really shouldn’t rehash this.” I pulled away a fraction to see his eyes. “I’m sorry for leading you on last night. I knew you thought things were okay between us and we were going to figure things out. I didn’t tell you it wasn’t going to happen because…I wanted to savor one last time with you.”

  “The day one of us dies will be the last time.” He lowered his lips against mine gently. “I’m not giving up on us. We can work through this. We have to. Don’t you feel it? The connection we have?”

  I did feel our connection. That was why I was so confused. “What if we go through a rough patch and things get hard? Will you find another woman to fuck? Because I can’t…” I trailed off, words failing me.

  “I will never cheat on you. Amy and I were never supposed to be together. We hated each other from the moment we got together. She loved my inheritance and she loved the big payoff I gave her to sign full custody of Caroline over to me in the divorce. That’s all we ever were to each other.” Moving his hands to my shoulders, he continued. “Us? I’d never be able to cheat on you. You’re everything to me. Every fucking thing. Do you understand? I would never cheat on you. Not even if it got really bad and you kicked me out and cheated. Never. You are it for me.”

  I cupped his face, more tears spilling from the corner of my eyes. “Javier…I want this, I really do. I’ve dreamed of us getting back together every day since we broke up…I’m just really scared.”

  “It’s okay to be scared. It’s not okay to run. We’ve made too many mistakes, now we need to start getting things right. And the only thing right for me and you, is us.”

  I didn’t know what to say and I couldn’t fight our connection anymore. I may have been making the biggest mistake of my life, but I found myself whispering, “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “You’re right,” I said, “we should be together. I can’t fight our connection any longer. I need you.”

  “I need you too, baby.” Then, his mouth was on mine, owning me.

  We kissed for a long while, soaking in the knowledge that we were finally together. After five long ass years, we were back where we should have been. I wasn’t stupid, he’d still have to earn my trust, but I wasn’t going to waste another second being apart.

  “Javier,” I panted.

  He continued to rain kisses down my neck. “Yeah, baby?”

  “I’m still married.”

  Mood fucking killer.

  “And when will that be final?” he asked after several seconds.

  “Next month. It takes at least sixty days. We didn’t have kids or anything and we are splitting everything peacefully.”

  He propped himself up on his arm to look at me. “Does this bother you? You still being married while being with me?”

  “No. Not at all. I just wanted to point it out. I mean, Caleb is living with the girl he was sleeping with.”

  “Then, I’m good.” He placed a swift kiss to my lips. “Actually, I’m not,” he grabbed my hand, placing it on his hard cock, “I need to take care of this very hard problem.”

  I let my hand trail over his clothed erection and cupped his balls. “I think I can help you out with that.”

  He peeled me out of my day old clothes and trailed kisses from my toes to thigh then back down the other leg. Once he stripped his clothes off, he held his cock in his hand. I grew wetter watching him. “I can’t get enough of you. Ever,” he growled, stroking his dick.

  “Come here,” I whispered, watching him touch himself making me wetter by the second. It was fucking hot.

  “Mmm.” He placed a knee between my legs and captured my lips. My hands went to his ass, urging him closer, and he entered me. We had fucked several times the night before, but this was different. This was making love. This was both of us feeling and knowing we belonged together.

  I stared into his bright blue eyes and smiled. “I love you, Javier. So much.”

  He pushed inside me, and stilled. “Say it again.”

  “I love you, Javier Rodriguez.”

  “Fucking love it,” he growled before moving again.

  It wasn’t long before I was coming apart at the seams, screaming his name into his shoulder. I couldn’t breathe and my eyes pooled with more tears.

  “Hey,” he said, “why the tears?” He bent to kiss the tears that began falling.

  “Happy tears. I’m so happy.”

  He smiled. “Good.” Then, he was driving himself toward oblivion and taking me with him—again.

  Life was good in that moment. Really good. Perfect.

  Chapter 30

  “I’m going to pick Caroline up early,” Javier said, our bodies tangled under the sheets. “I want you to meet her.”

  “Are you sure that’s wise?”

  “To have the two most important people in the world to me know each other? Yes, I’m positive it’s wise.”

  I grinned against his chest. “Okay. I can’t wait to meet her. Tell me about her.”

  I couldn’t see his face, but I could sense the smile in his voice. “She’s a typical ten-year-old. Sassy. Very sassy. But she’s hilarious too, and by some miracle, still thinks I hung the moon.”

  “Not a miracle,” I interrupted. “You’re an amazing father.”

  Javier kissed the top of my head. “Thank you. Caroline is into everything girly. Getting pedicures with my sister and mom. She’s starting to like boys, which drives me insane. Basically, stuff I have no idea about. My sister and mom help me out a lot.”

  “What do the two of you do together?”

  He was silent for a moment. “She loves to read. So…we go to The Brick Cafe every Sunday. Well, that she
isn’t with Amy.”

  I moved to look at him. “You go to The Brick Cafe?”

  “Yeah. My place to remember you, and she reads and sips hot chocolate.”

  “Javier?”

  “Yeah, baby?” he answered, looking quizzical.

  “I think I know the perfect way to introduce us.” I smiled, knowing my plan was brilliant.

  He brushed my hair away from my face, radiating love and happiness. “And how is that?”

  “We should go to The Underground. She would love it if she likes The Brick Cafe.”

  “I think that is a perfect plan.” He stroked my cheek as he stared at me—into me. “I’m so fucking happy. For the first time in…ever, really. I was happy when I was with you before, but now, knowing we are together with nothing holding us back? Fucking bliss.”

  “I still have to sign the divorce papers.”

  “I’ll talk to Mom and make sure that happens as soon as possible.”

  I laughed and shook my head. I felt pretty fucking blissful too. “Why don’t you come meet my sister?”

  “We’ve met. Last night and this morning. She seems to have softened toward me.”

  I pushed the sheet down and swung my legs out of bed. “That’s because she felt sorry for you.”

  “Well, hey, waking up alone sucked ass, but I’m in this place with you right now, and I earned points with the family. I guess I can’t complain.” He stood and began getting dressed as I openly stared. He had the best body I had ever seen, hands down.

  “If you keep staring, we’ll never make it out of this room.”

  “Okay,” I said. “I’ll stop.” I pulled out a pair of black yoga pants and a purple tank top from my drawer.

  “Yoga pants? You’re killing me.”

  I scrunched my nose. “What’s wrong with yoga pants?” I asked, even though I was fairly certain I knew the reason.

  “You’re amazing ass is what. I won’t be able to talk to your sister because I’ll be looking at your ass.”

  I shrugged and got dressed. “Meet you out front. I’ll make some coffee.”