‘She’s so-so at the moment,’ Steve replied sadly. ‘The chemotherapy has knocked her for six and they’ve kept her in, poor little mite. We spend most of our time here, don’t we, Alison?’
‘We do.’ Alison’s eyes filled with tears. ‘It’s so hard to see her like this, Dr Frost. Some days she looks so ill.’
‘It must be awful for you,’ Zoë said quietly, understanding only too well how devastated they must feel.
‘It is. But it’s far worse for our Beth.’ Alison pulled herself together and managed a watery smile. ‘Are you working here now? Beth will be thrilled to bits if you are. She never stops talking about the pretty doctor who read her a story!’
‘Really? I’m flattered.’ Zoë smiled at the woman. ‘Actually, I’m a patient here. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of months ago.’
‘Oh, dear, I am sorry!’ Alison looked genuinely upset and Zoë hurried to reassure her.
‘I’m having treatment and everyone is very positive as to the outcome.’ She could tell that she hadn’t managed to convince the other woman and carried on. ‘Would you mind if I popped in to see Beth? It will be a while before I get called in for my appointment and I’d love to see her again.’
‘Of course! She’s in the children’s unit—it’s this way.’
Alison led the way along the corridor to the children’s oncology unit. It was bright and noisy and not at all like a place where very sick children were treated. Bethany was at the far end of the ward and her face lit up when she saw Zoë with her parents.
‘Hello, poppet, how are you?’ Zoë asked, smiling at the little girl.
‘I haven’t been sick at all today,’ Bethany told her gravely. She was extremely pale, her small face showing the effects of her illness and the rigorous treatment she was undergoing, and Zoë’s heart went out to her. She knew how awful she felt at times, so how much worse must it be for a child of Bethany’s age?
‘That’s wonderful! What a brave little girl you are.’ She gave Bethany a hug, her emotions welling to the surface when she felt the child’s thin little arms wrap themselves around her neck.
‘Dr Frost is having treatment here as well, Beth,’ Steve explained to his daughter. ‘She’s been poorly too but she’s getting better, like you are.’
‘Will your hair fall out too?’ Bethany asked Zoë curiously. ‘The nurse said that my hair may fall out like some of the other children’s. It’s ’cos of the medicine,’ she explained importantly.
‘It may do,’ Zoë agreed gravely. ‘I’ll have to wait and see.’
‘I hope mine doesn’t fall out ’cos my friends will tease me,’ Bethany muttered, staring down at the brightly patterned quilt on her bed.
‘They may tease you a little at first but I’m sure they won’t say anything really horrible because they love you,’ Zoë assured her.
It seemed to work because Bethany’s face immediately brightened. They chatted for a few more minutes before Zoë excused herself so she wouldn’t be late for her appointment, but not before she’d promised to visit Beth again. As she left the children’s ward she was more determined than ever that she was going to beat this terrible illness. Seeing how well Bethany was coping had been truly inspiring.
She returned to ED after her treatment and was soon in the thick of things. She was just examining an elderly man’s wrist—another suspected fracture—when Abby popped her head round the cubicle curtain.
‘RTA on its way, Zoë. ETA five minutes. Ben’s tied up in Resus and Sam’s doing a split shift so it’s your shout. OK?’
‘Fine. I’ll just finish up in here.’
Zoë sent her patient off to X-Ray and headed to the ambulance bay. She’d just got there when Ben arrived.
‘How did it go this afternoon?’ he asked, leaning against the wall while they waited for the ambulance to appear.
‘Fine. I saw Bethany Morris there—remember her, the child who was brought in with suspected smoke inhalation?’
‘Which turned out to be acute lymphoblastic leukaemia.’ He shrugged when she looked at him in surprise. ‘I checked up to see what had happened about the case.’
‘Oh, right. So did I, funnily enough.’ Zoë felt warmth ripple through her. Had Ben pursued the case because he’d known it had been important to her? She guessed it was so and hurried on, not wanting him to suspect how touched she felt. ‘They’re keeping her in because she hasn’t been too well so I popped in to see her while I was waiting for my appointment. She’s such a brave little thing. I was amazed by how well she’s coping.’
‘Kids seem to cope really well,’ he agreed. ‘They have this natural ability to bounce back.’
‘I envy them,’ she said ruefully.
‘You’re coping wonderfully well, Zoë. You’re an inspiration to everyone.’
There was no time for her to reply because the ambulance arrived just then. However, as Zoë hurried outside to meet it, she couldn’t help feeling proud that Ben thought she was managing so well. Maybe she had pushed herself too hard yesterday but she’d learned her lesson and wouldn’t do it again, especially when it would only worry him.
She sighed. Was Ben worried about her, though, or the effect it could have on their baby if she did too much? Maybe it was silly to wish that he cared after the way she had hurt him but she couldn’t help it. She’d lost something truly special when she’d lost his love and it was something she regretted bitterly.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THERE were two people involved in the RTA, a boy of ten and a middle-aged man who had been driving the car that had knocked him down. The boy was their main concern as he had lost consciousness before the ambulance had arrived so Ben and Zoë checked him over together. Zoë opted to stay with him once they had finished their initial examination while Ben went to check on the driver. Adam Sanders had taken the patient’s history from the paramedics and he relayed the information to Ben.
‘Patient’s name is Lawrence Jeffries, aged forty-eight. Suspected MI. No previous history of cardiac trouble, but he’s a smoker and admits that he gets very little exercise because of his job. He’s a sales rep and spends a lot of time in his car,’ Adam added.
‘I see. When did he start complaining of chest pain?’ Ben queried, adding up everything he’d heard. Smoking greatly increased the chances of a heart attack and when added to the patient’s lifestyle—a sedentary, high-pressured job, little or no exercise, plus a diet that probably relied heavily on fast food—you had a recipe for disaster.
‘In the ambulance on the way here,’ Adam told him.
‘Right. He’ll need an ECG as well as bloods. And he’s going to need the usual cocktail.’ Ben rattled off a list of the drugs the patient needed while Adam wrote them down on the file—thrombolytics to dissolve any blood clots, analgesics to lessen the pain and antiarrhythmic drugs to control heart rhythm disturbance which often resulted from a myocardial infarction, or heart attack as it was more commonly known.
‘That’s covered all the bases.’ He turned to the patient as the younger doctor hurried away to get everything set up. ‘I’m Ben Nicholls, the consultant in charge of ED. Sorry to talk over your head but I need to make sure everything necessary has been done to help you, Mr Jeffries.’
‘Fine, fine.’ Lawrence Jeffries flapped his hand to indicate he wasn’t bothered and Ben continued.
‘How is the pain now? Worse than it was or about the same?’
‘About the same.’ The man levered himself up so he could look over to where Zoë was working on the child. ‘I didn’t see him, Doctor. One minute the road was clear and the next, he was in front of me.’
‘Don’t worry about that now,’ Ben said firmly as the man’s BP rose, causing the monitor to beep out a warning. Lawrence sank back down, clutching his chest and heaving for breath. Ben took the oxygen mask off its hook and slipped it over his nose and mouth. ‘You must try to stay calm, Mr Jeffries. Breathe slowly—that’s it, nice and steady.’
It w
as a while before the patient’s BP settled down. In the meantime, the results of the blood test came back. Ben moved away from the bed while he read them, signalling for Adam to join him.
‘Definitely an MI.’ He pointed to the figures. ‘There’s the confirmation.’
Adam nodded as he studied the sheet which showed a significant increase in the level of heart enzymes in Lawrence’s blood. This had occurred when the damaged heart muscle cells had released enzymes into his bloodstream. ‘What do we do now?’
‘Get on to the cardio team,’ Ben said firmly. ‘The sooner he gets specialist treatment, the better the outcome for him. They may decide that he needs an angiograph. From the information he’s given us, I’d say he’s a prime candidate for atherosclerosis. If any of the blood vessels are blocked, the cardiac team may consider a bypass.’
‘It could turn out that this actually saves his life,’ Adam said in surprise.
‘It could indeed.’ Ben glanced over his shoulder when he heard a commotion at the other side of the room and frowned when he saw that Zoë was leaning against the wall looking decidedly wobbly. ‘Get on to the cardio team and ask them to send someone down here as soon as possible,’ he instructed then made his way over to her. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I just felt a bit faint for a moment, but I feel better now.’
She straightened up but it was obvious from her pallor that she wasn’t well. Ben hoped he wouldn’t have another fight on his hands, but he couldn’t let her attend to a patient if she wasn’t up to it. He was about to tell her that as tactfully as he could when she grimaced.
‘Can you take over for me?’ She shot an anxious look at the boy. ‘I don’t want to compromise my patient’s safety in any way.’
‘Of course.’ Ben could barely conceal his relief, but he knew that Zoë would hate it if he made a song and dance about her decision. ‘Go and have a cup of tea. It will do you good.’
‘Thanks. I shall.’
She gave him a quick smile and knew that he had judged her response correctly. It was a real boost, too, after what had happened the previous day. Maybe they were both singing from the same hymn sheet at last?
The thought buoyed him up as he explained to the boy that he was taking over from Dr Frost. Although young Rick Archer had been unconscious when the crew had arrived at the scene, he had come round a few minutes later. There were no obvious signs of serious head trauma—both eyes reacted equally to the light, Rick had been able to tell them his name, age and address, and what he had been doing before the accident. However, he had complained of a headache on the way to the hospital. Zoë had added a note to his file to say she suspected that Rick had concussion and Ben agreed with her, although he couldn’t overlook the possibility that there might be a more serious injury.
‘I’m going to look into your eyes again, Rick. I know Dr Frost has done this already, but it’s essential that we make sure you haven’t injured your head too badly.’
‘It really hurts where I hit it on the ground,’ Rick told him. ‘I’ve got a massive lump there, too. You can feel it.’
The boy turned his head so that Ben could feel the lump above his left ear. Ben gently examined the swelling and nodded.
‘That’s quite a lump you’ve got there, young man. How come you didn’t see the car?’
Rick bit his lip, obviously loath to answer the question. ‘I was texting my friend Charlie,’ he muttered finally.
‘That wasn’t too clever of you, was it?’ Ben took the torch out of its holder. ‘Next time wait until after you’ve crossed the road before you use your phone. It’s a lot safer that way.’
Rick didn’t say anything. Ben suspected it was advice he’d been given many times before by his parents. He checked Rick’s reaction to light and was pleased to see that both pupils responded normally again. He put the torch back in its holder then asked Rick what day it was and the name of his favourite football team. Rick had no difficulty answering either question which was another encouraging sign, although Ben preferred not to take any chances. He smiled at the boy after he’d finished.
‘Right, you’ve passed all the tests and earned yourself a gold star, but I want to make certain that everything is working properly so I’m going to send you for a CT scan—that’s a whizzy sort of X-ray that will give me a three-dimensional image of the inside of your head. It means I’ll be able to check that you haven’t damaged your skull. OK?’
‘Cool! Wait till Charlie hears about this. He’ll be well impressed!’
‘I’m sure he will. But promise me that you won’t text him while you’re crossing the road.’
He ruffled the boy’s hair then asked the nurse to arrange for a porter to take Rick for his scan. The coronary care registrar had arrived and was talking to Adam so Ben decided he wasn’t needed. It meant he could check on Zoë. She was in the staffroom, drinking a cup of weak tea. Ben grimaced as he sat down beside her.
‘That looks disgusting.’
‘It tastes it too, but it’s the only way I can drink tea at the moment. And I can’t touch coffee—the smell of it makes me feel nauseous.’
‘The joys of pregnancy,’ he said lightly, earning himself a wan smile.
‘Either that or the result of my chemo. Take your pick.’
‘It must be horrible for you,’ Ben said quietly. ‘If there’s anything I can do to help, you know that you only have to tell me, don’t you?’
‘Yes, I know that. Thank you. It may not seem as though I appreciate how kind you’ve been but I do, Ben, really.’
‘You don’t have to thank me, Zoë. I want to help any way I can.’
He saw her mentally withdraw when she heard the emotion that had crept into his voice and silently cursed himself. Zoë wasn’t interested in how he felt and he had to remember that. He stood up abruptly, unable to feign indifference when he most definitely didn’t feel indifferent to her plight. ‘I’d better get back. I’ve sent Rick for a CT although I’m pretty sure he’s suffering from mild concussion.’
‘That’s what I thought,’ she agreed then returned to her tea.
Ben left her to finish it because there wasn’t anything else he could do. It was sheer torture to imagine how awful she must be feeling, but Zoë wouldn’t appreciate it if he fussed over her. All she wanted from him was the security of knowing that he would look after their baby.
It should have been enough but he was very much aware that he would have liked to do more than that. He wanted to take care of her too and the thought worried him in view of the fact that he had sworn he would never get involved emotionally again. However, it was hard to remain detached when he could see her suffering, very hard not to feel anything. In his heart he was aware that he felt a lot of things but he was too afraid to put them into words. He didn’t think he could bear to have his heart broken again by Zoë. But there again he didn’t think he could bear it if he lost her either. As he was realising to his cost, it wasn’t easy to keep his emotions in check where Zoë was concerned.
Zoë was bone-tired by the time she left work that night. The latest dose of chemotherapy seemed to have knocked the stuffing out of her. Fortunately, the B&B was within walking distance and she went straight to her room. Although there were no cooking facilities in the rooms, she did have a kettle so she made herself another cup of tea. She knew she should eat for the baby’s sake, but she wasn’t hungry. She would have to make more of an effort tomorrow.
She was on an early shift the following day so she got up and went to take a shower. It was while she was washing her hair that she noticed there seemed to be an awful lot of hair in the shower tray. There was a great big clump of it in the plughole and another by her feet.
Turning off the water, she hurried to the mirror and gasped. Several large sections of her hair had fallen out, leaving bare patches of skull showing through. And when she ran her fingers through her hair, more came out. Although she’d been warned it could happen, it was still a shock and tears began to stream d
own her cheeks. On top of everything else, she felt like a freak!
Ben was pouring himself a cup of tea when the doorbell rang and he frowned. It was too early for visitors and the postman didn’t normally arrive until the middle of the morning. Getting up, he went to the intercom.
‘Yes?’
‘It’s me, Zoë. Can I come up?’
‘Of course.’
Ben pressed the button that unlocked the main doors then hurried to the front door and opened that too. He had no idea what Zoë wanted at this hour of the day but he couldn’t help feeling anxious. She appeared a moment later and his anxiety level rose when he realised she’d been crying.
‘Come in,’ he said, ushering her inside. ‘Has something happened, Zoë?’
‘I know I’m being silly, but this morning when I was in the shower, I discovered that my hair is falling out.’ She took off the scarf she was wearing. ‘They did warn me it could happen but it was such a shock…’
She tailed off, trying very hard not to cry, and Ben’s heart went out to her. He put his arms around her and hugged her, wishing he could have spared her this heartache. It wasn’t fair that she had to suffer this on top of everything else.
She let him hold her for a moment then gently freed herself. ‘I decided it would be simpler if I shaved off all my hair rather than lose it in dribs and drabs. I don’t think I can manage to do it myself, though, so I was hoping you’d help me.’
‘Of course.’ Ben refused to think about how painful it was going to be to comply with her request. He had always loved her hair, gloried in its silky texture, its softness, its colour, but if this was what Zoë wanted, he couldn’t refuse. ‘Do you want me to do it now?’
‘Please.’ She gave him a tight little smile. ‘There’s no point putting it off now that I’ve made up my mind.’
‘I’ll get my electric razor then. We’ll do it in the kitchen. The light’s better in there.’
The Doctor's Baby Bombshell Page 13