The Doctor's Baby Bombshell

by Jennifer Taylor

  Ben’s heart was heavy as he went to collect what he needed. Zoë had placed a chair in front of the window and had covered the floor with newspaper when he went back. She looked up and smiled, and his heart overflowed when he saw the resolve in her eyes. She was so brave that she put him to shame.

  Actually shaving off her hair was as bad as he’d feared it would be. As each glossy red-gold strand dropped onto the floor, it felt as though another knife was being driven through him. There was silence when he finished, then Zoë abruptly got up and left the room, and he heard her go into the bathroom and close the door. Ben picked up the newspaper and put it in the bin so that everywhere would be tidy when she came back, which she did a few minutes later. She had wound the scarf around her head to form an elegant turban and he nodded in approval.

  ‘That looks great. More like a fashion statement than anything else.’

  ‘It serves its purpose,’ she replied evenly, but he heard the catch in her voice and knew how emotional she must be feeling.

  ‘It certainly does.’ Ben turned away before he said something he shouldn’t. Zoë didn’t want his reassurance that she still looked beautiful, even though it was true. Not even the loss of her hair could alter the fact that he found her desirable.

  ‘How about a cup of tea?’ he asked, shaken by the thought.

  ‘Thanks, but I’ll give it a miss.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘I’d better go if I don’t want to be late. Thanks for this, Ben. I couldn’t have managed it on my own.’

  ‘It wasn’t a problem.’ Ben picked up his jacket. ‘I’ll run you in to work. I have a meeting at eight so I was planning on getting there early this morning,’ he added to forestall any objections.

  They left the apartment and got into the hire car he’d been using since his own had been written off in the crash. However, they’d gone only a couple of hundred yards when they encountered a traffic jam. ‘It must be those wretched roadworks again.’ Ben groaned. ‘It’s been murder trying to get through the town centre recently.’

  ‘Everyone’s been having trouble,’ Zoë murmured and he looked sharply at her when he realised that she was crying.

  ‘Sweetheart!’

  ‘Please, don’t be nice to me, Ben. I don’t think I can bear it.’

  ‘And I can’t bear to know that you’re upset and not do anything about it,’ he ground out. The traffic started moving again and they carried on for a mile or so without speaking before Zoë sighed.

  ‘I don’t want you getting hurt, Ben, or at least not any more than you’ve been hurt already.’

  Ben shook his head. ‘My feelings don’t matter, Zoë.’

  ‘But they do! If I hadn’t come back here, you wouldn’t have had to go through all this.’

  ‘No. But I wouldn’t have known about the baby, would I?’ His heart suddenly lurched. ‘Is that what you would have preferred if the circumstances had been different? Would you have opted to exclude me from our child’s life if you hadn’t needed my help?’

  ‘Of course not! I would never have done that to you, Ben. I would never have done that to our child either. He or she needs you. I’m one hundred per cent sure about that.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Ben was so moved that it took him a moment to collect himself. That Zoë saw him as an integral part of their child’s future was far more than he’d expected. He’d assumed that she had turned to him out of necessity rather than choice, but maybe that wasn’t true.

  His mind ran away with the idea, spinning enticing pictures of the future they could have together as a family before he mentally applied the brakes. Zoë might want him involved in their child’s life but she’d made it clear that she didn’t want him involved in hers.

  ‘D’ you know what?’ he said, deliberately changing the subject.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I think we both need a spot of R&R.’ He kept his eyes on the road so that his mind wouldn’t start spinning those fantasies again. He had to settle for what he had and not allow himself to wish for the impossible. At least he would have their child to love even if he could never have Zoë.

  ‘R&R?’

  ‘Rest and relaxation. Everything has been very intense recently, hasn’t it? I think we both need to recharge our batteries.’

  ‘So what do you suggest?’ she asked cautiously.

  ‘That we have a day out and get away from it all.’

  ‘It sounds good to me,’ she said wistfully. ‘Although I’m not sure if I’m up to anything too physically challenging.’

  ‘I realise that, Zoë. But a gentle walk, followed by a pie and a pint at the nearest hostelry wouldn’t go amiss, would it?’

  ‘I don’t know about the pint, but I could manage an orange juice,’ she said tartly, and he laughed.

  ‘Orange juice it is. So how about it? We could make it this Saturday. I’ve nothing planned, have you?’

  ‘Only flat hunting.’ She groaned. ‘I’m dreading it. There’s nothing worse than trailing round a lot of dreary flats.’

  ‘Then put it off for another week,’ he urged. ‘You need time to chill out and relax.’

  ‘It is tempting…’

  ‘So it’s a date, then? You’ll come?’ Ben tried not to sound too eager. He wasn’t sure why he was so keen to spend the day with her and decided not to worry about it. He grinned when she nodded. ‘Great! I’ll pick you up on Saturday around ten.’

  Zoë agreed that would be fine and he left it there. They chatted about all sorts of things as they completed their journey and he was delighted that everything felt so normal. They had always found it easy to talk to one another in the past and if they could get back to that, he would be delighted.

  He certainly didn’t want them to be arguing all the time. It wasn’t good for Zoë or the baby so he resolved to keep things on as even a keel as possible. It didn’t alter his decision not to let her back into his heart, of course: nothing would. But if he and Zoë could be friends again, it would be so much better.

  He sighed softly. Once upon a time he’d wanted so much more than friendship from her but it hadn’t happened. She hadn’t been able to love him as much he’d loved her and he’d accepted that. But no matter what happened in the future, he would never love anyone the way he had loved Zoë.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  SATURDAY dawned bright and clear, the perfect weather for their outing. If Zoë was honest, though, she’d been praying for rain. She would have had an excuse to cancel their trip then. Although it may have seemed like a good idea at the time, she couldn’t help wondering if it was a mistake to spend the day with Ben. However, what he had told her in the car had stayed with her. She couldn’t stop him getting hurt and if it helped even in a small way to spend this time with her, how could she refuse?

  She finished getting dressed, adding a fleece jacket over the top of her trousers and sweater. Her pregnancy was becoming more noticeable so she’d gone into town after work the previous day and bought herself some new trousers, ones with stretchy waistbands that allowed for further expansion. Although some women found it difficult to accept their changing figures, Zoë took comfort from the fact that her baby was thriving despite everything else that was happening.

  Ben arrived on the dot of ten, tooting his horn as he drew up outside. Zoë waved to him from her bedroom window then made sure that the scarf was firmly anchored around her head. She’d been touched by the way her colleagues had reacted the first time she’d worn it to work. Abby had hugged her and told her she looked great, and Jason had given her a wolf-whistle. Zoë smiled as she recalled it. It had been so much better than everyone pretending they hadn’t noticed.

  Ben had the car door open. He grinned as she slid into the passenger seat. ‘Gorgeous day, isn’t it? Looks as though the gods are smiling down on us.’

  ‘It certainly does.’

  Zoë fastened her seat belt, trying not to notice how handsome he looked, but it was impossible. The rugged clothing he was wearing suited him perfectly. A heavy
cream wool sweater over a green-and-brown checked shirt made his shoulders appear broader than ever, while the khaki cargo pants emphasised the muscular length of his legs. He smelled good too, sort of woodsy and masculine, and she sniffed appreciatively before she made herself stop. This wasn’t a date. They were having a day out, recharging their batteries. It made no difference how great Ben looked or how good he smelled—they weren’t going to end up in bed!

  ‘I thought we’d go to Fell Foot park. I checked their website and apparently the daffodils are still blooming.’ He grinned at her. ‘We can do a bit of wandering about like two lonely clouds.’

  ‘Ouch!’ Zoë winced, glad to change the subject to something less stressful. ‘I’m not sure Wordsworth would appreciate you murdering his wonderful poem.’

  ‘I’m not murdering it. I’m paying homage to it.’

  She shook her head. ‘You could justify any dastardly deed if you set your mind to it.’

  ‘Thank you. I shall take that as a compliment.’

  He laughed out loud, making her laugh as well. It was hard not to feel cheerful when Ben was in this mood, she thought. They drove to Fell Foot park on the banks of Lake Windermere and parked the car. Ben reached over into the back seat and handed Zoë a paper carrier bag.

  ‘I bought this for you this morning. It may be sunny today, but it’s quite cold outside too. I hope you like it.’

  Zoë gasped as she peered into the bag. It was a hat, but not just any old hat. This hat was an absolute riot of colours, red and blue, yellow and purple, orange and green. It was covered in little woolly spikes—like a jester’s cap—and each one had either a bell or a tiny mirror sewn onto it. It was a hat to be seen in, one that would attract maximum attention, and she understood immediately why Ben had bought it for her.

  ‘It’s lovely. Really lovely. Thank you.’

  ‘I’m glad you like it.’

  His voice was so tender that her heart overflowed. Ben was telling her in his own inimitable way that he didn’t care if she’d lost her hair, that he didn’t care who knew it either. It was hard not to be touched.

  Zoë slipped off her scarf and pulled on the hat, leaning sideways so she could see herself in the rear-view mirror. The bells tinkled and the mirrors sparkled, and she laughed in delight. ‘It’s the nicest present I’ve ever had!’

  ‘And you are the bravest person I’ve ever met.’

  Ben’s voice was filled with so much emotion that she turned to look at him. He was so close that she could see her own reflection in his eyes, tiny images of herself overlaid against the warm hazel colour. It seemed so right, so fitting, to see herself there that she reacted instinctively. Reaching over, she kissed him on the mouth, letting her lips fit themselves to his. His mouth felt so warm, so vital, that she murmured appreciatively. Kissing Ben was like finding herself again after being lost in some dark and scary place. It was like coming home.

  ‘Time for that walk, I think. There’s a host of golden daffodils just waiting for us to ooh and ahh over them.’

  Ben gently set her from him and opened the car door. Zoë blinked as a blast of chilly air flowed into the car. For a moment she had difficulty understanding what was happening and then her heart seemed to stutter to a stop. On leaden legs she climbed out of the car, trying to quell the hot rush of sensations that was flooding through her. She couldn’t allow herself to feel this way, mustn’t allow herself to want Ben. It wouldn’t be right to use sex to assuage her fears, certainly wouldn’t be fair to Ben to play fast and loose with his feelings. It made no difference that she wanted him in every way possible and not just sexually. She couldn’t take the comfort and security he could give her and know in her heart that he might suffer because of her selfishness. She loved him too much to do that.

  Ben could feel his heart pounding. He could feel his blood pressure soaring too. He could also feel other parts of his body doing things he had sworn they wouldn’t do, but, hell’s teeth, he was only flesh and blood. And that kiss had pushed him beyond the limit. Did Zoë have any idea how much he wanted her at this moment?

  He stamped down hard on that thought as he turned to face her. She looked so beautiful as she stood there with that ridiculous hat on her head that he almost wavered. What he wanted most of all was to sweep her into his arms and carry on where they had left off, only he knew it would be a mistake. Zoë may have instigated that kiss but nothing had changed. She still didn’t need him.

  ‘Where shall we start?’ He forced himself to smile even though his heart had turned to lead at the thought. ‘Up here or down by the water?’

  ‘I’m easy. You choose.’

  She returned his smile but Ben could see the wariness in her eyes and knew that she regretted what she’d done. He glanced along the path that led to the lake because there was no point making a meal of the fact when it was what he had expected. ‘We’ll head down towards the water then.’

  ‘Fine.’

  Zoë tucked her hands into the pockets of her jacket and set off down the footpath, and Ben’s mouth compressed. Did she have to make it so obvious that she didn’t want him touching her? They walked in silence for several minutes before she suddenly stopped.

  ‘Oh, look! Over there. It’s just glorious.’

  Ben turned to look as well. The whole of the bank to their left was a sea of yellow, hundreds of daffodils nodding their golden heads in the sunlight. ‘It’s beautiful,’ he agreed, watching as the breeze made all the flowers dip and bob, creating a wave of yellow that rippled across the banking.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many daffodils!’ Zoë exclaimed. She turned shining eyes to him. ‘Thank you for bringing me—it’s just magical.’

  ‘I’m glad you like it,’ he said softly, touched by her delight. It seemed to lighten the mood and restore a measure of harmony so for the next hour they kept up an easy conversation as they wandered along the paths. It was only when Ben realised that Zoë was starting to flag that he called a halt.

  He led her back to the car and opened the door. ‘How about a spot of lunch? There’s a little pub not too far from here that does great food.’

  ‘Sounds good to me.’ She slid into the seat with a sigh of contentment. ‘I really enjoyed that walk, although I have to admit that I could do with a sit-down now.’

  ‘One sit-down coming right up.’ Ben closed the door and hurried round to the driver’s side. He cast her a quick glance as he started the engine. ‘You haven’t overdone it, I hope?’

  ‘Probably. But it was good to do something different for a change.’ She shrugged when he looked at her. ‘The trouble with any illness is that it takes over your life, but I’ve been able to forget about it while we’ve been here and that’s been such a treat.’

  ‘I don’t know how you cope,’ Ben said truthfully. ‘I find it hard to think of anything else—it’s constantly on my mind.’

  ‘I’m causing you an awful lot of trouble,’ she said sadly.

  ‘I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, Zoë.’

  They both fell silent after that. Ben guessed that she was still worrying about her decision to come back to Dalverston, but he’d meant what he’d said—he wouldn’t have wanted her to deal with this on her own. He wanted to be here for her.

  The pub was busy when they arrived but they managed to find a table in the corner. It was a typical Lake District pub, unchanged for years from the look of the old wooden tables and settles, but that was part of its charm. Zoë smiled as she sat down and looked around.

  ‘This is great, but how did you find it? It’s well off the beaten track.’

  ‘A patient told me about it. He’d cut his hand on some barbed wire and while I was sewing him up, we got chatting. He told me they served the best pint of bitter in the whole of Cumbria here and he was right. It’s worth the drive just to sample it!’

  ‘I’ll take your word for it.’ Zoë laughed as she picked up a menu. ‘I’ll stick to orange juice, thank you.’

 
They both decided to have the hotpot, a tasty beef and vegetable stew with a light-as-air pie crust. Zoë made rapid inroads into her meal, sighing as she scooped up the last forkful.

  ‘I haven’t enjoyed a meal so much for ages.’

  ‘It must be the fresh air,’ Ben observed.

  ‘That, plus the fact that I don’t feel sick today. I’ve had a couple of days off from my chemo and that has helped, plus I’m past the feeling sick stage when it comes to the baby.’

  ‘It must be a relief,’ he said, thinking what a massive understatement that was.

  ‘It is. Small mercies, etcetera.’

  She smiled at him and Ben felt his throat close up. She was so brave that he was in awe of her resilience. They finished their drinks and headed back to Dalverston. Zoë immediately fell asleep and he didn’t wake her. The rest would do her good, help to restore her strength. She didn’t wake up until they reached the town centre, looking surprised and a little embarrassed about having slept for so long.

  ‘You should have woken me.’

  ‘What for? You obviously needed the sleep.’

  ‘I did,’ she conceded, stifling a yawn. ‘What I’d like now to round off the day is a long hot soak in the bath but, sadly, there’s no chance of that. There’s only a shower in the guests’ bathroom at the B&B,’ she explained.

  Ben slowed the car as they reached a junction and turned to look at her. ‘You can have a bath at my place, if you like.’

  ‘Oh, no, I couldn’t…really.’

  ‘Why not?’ He cut short her protests. ‘There’s loads of hot water and I’ll even throw in some bubble bath as an added incentive. One of my sisters left it when she stayed with me and it’s just sitting in the bathroom cabinet.’

  ‘It’s very tempting but are you sure you don’t mind? I don’t want to put you to any trouble.’

  ‘It’s no trouble.’

  He pulled out onto the main road and headed towards the apartment before she could come up with any more excuses. If she wanted a bath, a bath was what she would have. It wasn’t much to ask, after all. He went straight to the main bathroom after he let them in and turned on the taps then found the bottle of bubble bath.