The Girl Who Lied

by Sue Fortin

  ‘Is that what this little stunt is all about? Was that it? Or is there something else in that warped mind of yours?’ Sophie’s arms slip around my waist. She gives a little whimper.

  ‘Now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty,’ says Roisin. ‘What I want is the truth about Sophie. Nothing more, nothing less. I want you to confess to what you and your sister did. I want Sophie to be part of my family, her family. The Marshalls are as much her family as the Hurleys and, you, Erin, have denied her that. You and your family have kept her a secret from us for all this time.’ She comes to stand in front of me.

  ‘Stop, Roisin,’ I say. I draw Sophie behind me, aware that she is listening to every word Roisin is saying. ‘Not here.’

  ‘You should have thought about that before,’ says Roisin. ‘You had absolutely no right to do what you did. No right whatsoever. She is my brother’s child. My brother who died because of you.’

  ‘So, what now?’ I ask, wanting to prevent Sophie hearing any more of Roisin’s ranting.

  ‘You and I go to the solicitors and make this all official. I want it in writing that you will let us, that’s my family, have regular contact with Sophie. That my mum can see her, the child can stay with her, she can take her out, treat her exactly like she should as a grandmother.’

  I nod, ignoring the pain that’s racing to my heart. I don’t want to share Sophie with Diana Marshall. She didn’t want her in the first place. What if she doesn’t want her now? ‘Does your mum know?’ I ask.

  ‘Not yet. But that’s none of your business anyway. What do you care about my mam? You never bothered about her feelings when you went off to England.’

  ‘She didn’t deserve to know, then,’ I say. ‘She didn’t want me to have the baby in the first place. What I told you before, that she wanted me to have an abortion, was true.’ The words blurt out before I have time to check myself.

  ‘You’re a liar,’ says Roisin.

  ‘Why would I lie about that? Why would I continue to lie, when you’re about to tell your mum?’ I stand my ground; we are inches apart. For the first time I see an uncertainty in her eyes.

  ‘My mam would never agree to an abortion,’ she says.

  ‘Your mother did not want to ruin Niall’s chances at university,’ I reply. ‘If she hadn’t been so set on Niall having a glittering career, one that she could be proud of, one that she could show off about, then we wouldn’t have had to run away.’ Sophie moves further behind me, but I barely register this. All I can focus on is Roisin.

  ‘If you had gone along with what she wanted then you wouldn’t have had to run away!’ Roisin is shouting, but her voice is full of raw emotion. ‘If you hadn’t run away then you wouldn’t have had the accident.’ She pushes me in the shoulder. I stumble back. For a moment I think I’m going to stumble over Sophie, but she moves quickly to the side, sinking into the corner. Once again I am back to focusing on Roisin. It all happens in a few seconds. I regain my balance and I return the shove. Roisin grabs my arm and for a moment we engage in some sort of strange rocking-from-side-to-side motion, like two Sumo wrestlers getting ready to start throwing each other about.

  ‘Not again,’ groans Kerry and then he’s forcing his way between us. Joe grabs at Roisin.

  ‘That’s not fair, Roisin. You can’t blame Erin for the accident. You know that. I know that,’ says Joe.

  ‘Calm down the pair of you,’ says Kerry.

  ‘Tell her to keep her hands to herself.’ I’m fuming. All the anger from ten years ago comes rushing back to join forces with the anger I’m feeling now. Kerry is still holding onto me. I shrug his hands from my arms, but he pulls me closer. He kisses my head and mutters soothing words, like he might if Storm or Breeze needed calming. It has the desired effect after a minute or so. ‘I’m okay,’ I say. ‘Honest, I have it under control.’ I go over to Sophie and reassure her with words and another hug. I feel ashamed that I let things get out of hand in front of her. She has had enough to deal with.

  Roisin wipes tears from her eyes. I wonder if she really does believe me now. It must be hard to accept that your own mother could do something like that. But something tells me there’s more to those tears. There is still something I don’t know, something she is hiding. I look at Joe. He looks away, but it’s too late, I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in his eyes. Guilt.

  His words of just a moment ago, coming rushing back to me.

  ‘Joe,’ I say, my voice one of total calm and composure. ‘What did you mean just now, when you said I wasn’t to blame for the accident?’

  ‘Nothing,’ says Joe.

  ‘You said Roisin knew I wasn’t to blame and that you knew it too.’

  ‘Tell her, Joe. Tell Erin what you told me earlier,’ says Kerry. ‘I don’t want to have to knock it out of you, much as I’d like to give you a feckin’ good thumping right now.’

  Kerry’s threat isn’t wasted, although I’m not so sure it’s just a threat. I’m pretty certain Kerry means every word.

  ‘Don’t!’ cries Roisin. ‘Don’t say anything.’

  Joe hesitates. He looks at each and every one of us.

  ‘Erin needs to know. She has a right to,’ he says at last. Roisin goes to protest some more, but Joe continues to speak. ‘Just as your mother has a right to know about Sophie, Erin has a right to know about the accident.’

  My legs suddenly feel weak and my throat closes, making breathing difficult. I take a gulp of air. Kerry holds onto my elbow. ‘You okay?’

  I nod. ‘I’m fine.’ All I want now is to hear what Joe has to say.

  Chapter 41

  I look at Joe. ‘What do I need to know?’

  Joe looks uncomfortable. I get the feeling I’m not going to like everything I hear.

  ‘Remember, Erin,’ he says. ‘We were all just teenagers then. We did things, made decisions as seventeen-, eighteen-year-olds, not as the adults we are today.’

  ‘I get that,’ I say, impatient for him to begin.

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake, Joe, get on with it,’ says Roisin. For once, I’m in complete agreement with her. Roisin doesn’t wait for him. ‘I’ll tell you my bit,’ she says, seemingly accepting it’s going to happen whether she likes it or not.

  ‘We’re all ears,’ says Kerry. He takes my hand in his and I appreciate the gesture of solidarity.

  ‘The night of the accident, Niall came to tell me he was leaving. That you and him were running away. He didn’t say anything about you being pregnant. He just said that Mam didn’t approve, that he couldn’t tell me everything that night, but once he was settled he would be in contact and he’d tell me then.

  ‘Anyway, naturally, I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t want him to go with you. I begged him not to, but he wouldn’t listen. He said he loved you and wanted to be with you.’

  For a moment I’m transported back to that night and the rush of emotion takes me by surprise. We did love each other, so very much. We really did. But now, as I look back, I know that it was teenage love and I’m realistic enough to know that it probably wouldn’t have lasted. Not with the odds so stacked against us. We were innocent and totally oblivious to how hard the adult world would be.

  ‘We did really love each other,’ I say quietly. I want Roisin to know that.

  She ignores me and carries on. ‘I hated the fact that you were causing so much upset in our family. I didn’t know why Mam disliked you so much, but all I knew was that it was causing problems. If you were gone, out of the picture, then I thought our family would be happy and whole again.’

  She pauses and looks down at her hands.

  ‘Go on,’ says Kerry.

  ‘I was desperate for Niall to stay,’ she says. ‘I was prepared to say anything to make him change his mind. I knew he had some weed on him, he often did, but I had seen him put the little box he kept it in in his rucksack. I persuaded him to sit outside with me and have a joint, you know, one for the road sort of thing. I got a couple of beers out of the fridge and we went
down to the end of the garden.’

  ‘I always suspected he was a little bit high or tipsy,’ I say. ‘He had that glazed sort of look when he picked me up and his driving was all over the place.’

  There’s a small silence.

  ‘Tell her the rest,’ urges Joe.

  ‘I’m getting to that,’ says Roisin. ‘I…I told Niall something about you.’

  For the first time, Roisin actually looks guilty, even a bit remorseful.

  ‘What did you tell him?’ I ask, wracking my brains as to what it could possibly have been. I didn’t have any secrets then, not from Niall. He knew everything about me. To be fair, at sixteen, there wasn’t a lot to know.

  ‘I said that you and Joe had slept together.’

  ‘What?’ I can’t quite believe what I’ve just heard. ‘You said what?’

  ‘I was sixteen, remember,’ snaps Roisin. ‘It’s the sort of thing you say when you’re that age. I was desperate for Niall to ditch you. I thought if he believed that you and Joe had slept together, then he wouldn’t want anything more to do with you.’

  ‘This is where you all tell me that’s bollocks,’ says Kerry. He’s talking to all of us, but his eyes are fixed on his cousin.

  ‘Ah, Jesus, Kerry. Of course, it’s bollocks,’ says Joe straight away. ‘Sure, I can’t even believe you’re asking that.’

  ‘Well, it is the night for surprises,’ says Kerry. ‘I just wanted to get that bit clear.’

  ‘What did Niall say?’ I ask. ‘Did he believe you?’

  ‘Sort of.’

  ‘Yes or no?’ I need to know whether Niall doubted me. Was his last thought of me one where he believed I had cheated on him? An overwhelming feeling of sadness seeps through me and settles in my bones. ‘Did he believe you?’

  ‘He said he was going to have it out with Joe. See what Joe had to say about it,’ says Roisin.

  ‘So, he did believe you.’ The sadness consumes me. Niall doubted me. It hurts. Badly.

  ‘He texted me,’ says Joe. ‘Told me to meet him up here, at the croft. Said it was important.’

  ‘So that’s why we were heading up this way,’ I say. It starts to make sense. I sink to the ground. ‘He said we had to go this way. The coast road would be quieter. I had no idea of the real reason. His driving was all over the place. We argued. He was driving too fast. I pleaded with him to stop.’

  Kerry kneels down beside me. One hand rests on my back, the other tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

  ‘I saw the crash,’ says Joe eventually. His voice is quiet and I’m not sure if I’ve heard him right. A howl of wind rushes up from under the semi-boarded doorway and swirls around the room. I look up at Joe. He repeats his words. ‘I saw the crash.’

  ‘Was it you?’ I ask. ‘Was it you who pulled us from the car?’

  Joe nods. ‘You. Yes.’

  Joes knows my secret.

  ‘I didn’t have any choice,’ I say. ‘I genuinely thought he was going to kill us both. Oh, dear God, the irony of that. How many times have I wished it was so?’

  ‘Erin, what are you talking about?’ It’s Kerry. He doesn’t know. Joe must never have told him. ‘Don’t be saying things like that. He was drunk and high; he had no right to be driving.’

  ‘I know. He had absolutely no right. And he wasn’t,’ I say, looking up, first at Kerry, then Joe and finally Roisin. ‘I was driving.’ There’s a stunned silence as both Kerry and Roisin take in the new information. Joe, of course, has always known this.

  ‘You were driving?’ Roisin strides over to me and pulls me up by the lapels of my jacket. ‘You were driving? You crashed the car? You killed my brother?’ She slaps me hard across the face. It stings and I can feel the heat from it immediately.

  Once again, Joe is restraining Roisin.

  ‘I was only driving because he was too stoned and drunk to be driving himself,’ I say. ‘I didn’t give him the joint. I didn’t give him the beer. If you’re apportioning blame, then you, Roisin, have to take some of that yourself.’

  ‘We all have to take some of the blame,’ says Joe.

  ‘You did nothing wrong,’ says Kerry. ‘Or is there more?’

  ‘There’s more,’ says Joe.

  ‘Of course there’s more,’ says Roisin. ‘What I want to know is why the Guards’ report never mentioned Erin driving.’

  Kerry curses, pulls his tobacco pouch from his pocket and rolls two cigarettes. He throws one in Joe’s direction. They take a moment while they light their cigs. If I smoked, I’d be having one too – I know what’s coming next.

  Joe blows out a lungful of smoke.

  ‘I saw the crash. I was with Bex. We were up here on the hill. We could see the road clearly. There wasn’t so much hedgerow or trees then. We raced down straight away. Niall had been thrown out.’ He looked at Roisin. ‘I’m sorry, Roisin, but he had already gone. He must have died instantly.’

  Roisin lets out a cry. It’s one of pure pain. I turn away as I throw up. The events of that night way too strong in my mind, but this version I have never heard before.

  ‘What about Erin?’ says Kerry, after I wipe my face.

  Joe addresses me. ‘You were in the driver’s seat. Slumped over the wheel,’ says Joe. ‘You had your seat belt on.’

  ‘Niall wouldn’t wear his,’ I say quietly, remembering how he had refused to put it on.

  ‘We pulled you clear,’ says Joe. ‘There was petrol everywhere. We were worried the car would catch fire. You were in a bad way. You were bleeding. Everywhere.’

  I remember the blood. It was the only thing I could focus on when I came round. I don’t remember Joe being there at all. I remember waking up on the cold, damp grass, surrounded by people. The car was ablaze from the ruptured fuel tank, where it had tumbled and rolled down the hillside. ‘Did you know?’ I ask Joe.

  ‘You began to come round and mumbled something about a baby. Then you passed out again. It was afterwards, when Bex and I were talking about it. She guessed.’

  ‘You never said.’

  ‘What was the point? To be honest, we assumed you lost the baby in the accident. We thought it was best not to say anything.’

  ‘You never suspected anything afterwards?’ I say.

  Joe shakes his head. ‘No. There was no reason. We were all too shocked about Niall’s death. Then you moved away. It wouldn’t have served any purpose to say anything.’

  ‘Why didn’t you wait around for the Guards at the time?’ I ask. ‘I don’t remember them interviewing you.’

  ‘We never said we were there.’ He looks at Roisin. ‘We were all young and what we did then, we thought was the right thing at the time. Roisin didn’t want to get into trouble for making Niall have a smoke and a drink and I didn’t want to get into trouble for supplying him with the weed or for leaving the scene of an accident. It wouldn’t have made any difference to the outcome. Niall would still be dead. You’d still be away in England. And Roisin and her family would still be grieving. No, there seemed little point.’

  ‘I can’t believe you never told me,’ said Kerry. ‘Especially with all that’s been going on.’

  ‘Again, there seemed little point,’ says Joe.

  ‘So, why are you helping Roisin now?’

  I can tell Kerry is more than a little pissed off with his cousin.

  ‘You might as well tell him,’ says Roisin. ‘You’ve told him everything else.’

  ‘Joe?’ I say.

  ‘Please tell me it’s not what I think it is,’ says Kerry, clasping his hands behind his head. ‘Jesus, Joe.’

  Roisin laughs. ‘Oh, God, he thinks we’re having an affair,’ she says, once she’s controlled her laughter.

  ‘What is it, then?’ says Kerry.

  ‘We, Roisin and I, we…’ Joe can’t quite find the words.

  ‘God, you’re pathetic at times, Joe Wright,’ says Roisin. She turns to face me and Kerry and I swear she’s enjoying this moment in the spotlight. ‘Joe and I had a one-night
stand. Years ago.’

  ‘She was going to tell Bex,’ says Joe. ‘She was going to make out it was more than just a one-nighter.’

  ‘She’s going to find out now, isn’t she,’ says Roisin. I can’t help but feel Roisin is rather pleased about this.

  ‘We were both drunk,’ says Joe. ‘I know that’s no excuse. Bex and I had had a row. A big row. We even called the wedding off. Bex went away for a couple of weeks on holiday with her sister. Roisin and I…’ His voice trails off.

  ‘That’s a shitty excuse,’ says Kerry. ‘And why the hell didn’t you ever tell Bex?’

  Joe rubs his hands up and down his face. ‘I’ve no feckin’ idea.’

  ‘So, you’ve known all along that Roisin was alive and well,’ I say.

  ‘She contacted me. She needed some food. I’ve been trying to talk her out of this the whole time,’ explains Joe. ‘I tried to tell you. I kept saying she’d turn up.’

  It’s true, he did say that, but we all assumed it was Joe being his usual laid-back self.

  ‘And Sophie?’ I ask. ‘Did you know that’s what she had planned?’

  ‘I swear on my kids’ lives, I never knew anything about Sophie. Not until Kerry came to me today,’ says Joe. He looks mortified and I believe him. ‘I came up here as soon as I could. I was going to bring Sophie back with me, even if Roisin didn’t agree.’

  ‘But you lent her your old car,’ says Kerry.

  ‘I didn’t know what she was going to do,’ says Joe. ‘She asked me yesterday if she could borrow it. I left it parked up with the keys on the front wheel. I had no idea she was going to take Sophie. To be honest, I thought she was going to go off for a few days. Find somewhere else to hide out.’

  ‘You’re an idiot, you know that don’t you?’ said Kerry. I can see the contempt in his eyes for his cousin.