Fragile Bonds

by Sloan Johnson

  “Come on, little man,” Tyler says, patting the cushion next to him on the couch. “Let’s let them do all the hard work while we see which balloon is the coolest!”

  I don’t snap when I see a petite woman bursting at the seams with attitude follow Braydon into the house. She looks as if she would rather be anywhere other than here and I had no clue she was coming. Xavier rushes up behind me, wrapping me in his arms before I can say something that will offend this woman.

  “It’s okay, babe. It’s my fault, I forgot to tell you he said he might be bringing someone with him.” Xavier walks away from me so he can grab another chair out of the basement and set a place at the table for the unexpected guest.

  “Mel, this is Erica. Erica, this is my soon-to-be sister-in-law, Melanie.” I reach out my hand to Erica and I’m surprised when she gives me a friendly hug.

  “I wouldn’t go quite that far, Braydon,” I correct him. I swear, if Braydon had his way, Xavier and I would have been on a plane to Vegas before the end of summer, but Xavier and I are content with where things are now.

  “Uncle Braydon!” Jacob yells as he runs through the house. I narrow my eyes, giving him what Xavier has started referring to as “the mom look” but don’t say anything. “Is this your girlfriend? She’s really pretty!”

  Braydon coughs and I see Erica’s cheeks flush. “Uh, no buddy. She’s just a friend. Her name is Erica.”

  I feel bad for her because it’s obvious that she isn’t comfortable in the friends-zone. It seems strange that Braydon would bring a female friend to a family holiday, but he’s not a conventional guy.

  “It’s good to meet you,” she says, seeming to relax a bit. I’ll have to ask Braydon what the badass act was when she first walked in because if she’s this hot and cold on a regular basis, I’m going to kick him in the backside. He needs a good, stable woman in his life. “Thank you for inviting me over today. My family is all out east, so I was going to sit at home with a frozen dinner, but Braydon wasn’t having that.”

  “Oh, and how did the two of you meet?” I ask, curious because this is the first I’ve heard of there being a woman in his life.

  Xavier clears his throat behind me, calling everyone to the dinner table. After he takes his place at the head, I sit to his right and Jacob sits across from me, leaving our guests to fill in the other seats.

  “Before we dig in, I was hoping we could take a moment to share something we’re thankful for this year,” Xavier announces as his brother reaches for the platter of turkey. Braydon places his hands in his lap, grumbling about feeling like he’s a little kid again, but he gives Xavier a wink to let him know he’s kidding.

  “It’s been one hell of a year, to say the least,” Xavier begins. His Adam’s apple dips as he swallows hard. “It would be so easy for me to say I have nothing to be thankful for, but the truth is, I have everything to be thankful for this year. Although she’s no longer with us, I will be eternally grateful to Alyssa for giving me the best gift a man could ever ask for.” He cups the back of Jacob’s head, planting a kiss on the crown of his hair.

  “And there are no words to express what I feel for you, Melanie. You were there in the darkest times of our lives. Most people in your position would have run the other direction, but you refused to let the past keep you from giving Alyssa the care she deserved. I love you and that will never change.” By the time he finishes speaking, tears are streaming down my face and I consider saying that I’m thankful for whoever invented waterproof mascara because today is bound to be an emotional roller coaster.

  I look at Erica, who seems a bit lost by Xavier’s comments. I offer her a polite smile before Xavier pokes me in the shoulder, urging me to speak up.

  “Wow, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to follow that. I’m thankful that I have my family with me today. It might not be the way I imagined getting to this point, but Xavier, you are the man I always pictured as my other half. And Jacob, you might not have come from my belly, but you are the best son any mommy could ever ask for. I love you so, so much. And like you, Xavier, I’m thankful for Alyssa. None of us would be here like this if it wasn’t for her seeing what you and I were unwilling to acknowledge about the past and admit to possibilities in the future. I only wish that I had a lifetime to get to know her better because she’s one of the most genuine people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.”

  Jacob pushes his chair back from the table, running around to jump into my lap. Xavier looks like he’s about to say something, but I shake my head. “Jacob, what are you thankful for?”

  “I’m thankful that Uncle Braydon told Daddy to quit his job so he’s home every night. And for our new house with the big backyard. And most of all, I’m thankful that I have two mommies who love me.”

  He looks up at me with his gap-toothed grin and I can’t help but laugh. My heart melts every time he calls me Mama Melly because he is my son, no matter who gave birth to him.

  It turns out that Erica is one of the girls from Artemis. Her cool demeanor when they first arrived is because she worried I was going to be a judgmental prude who didn’t approve of her working as a cocktail waitress. The last of her tension disappeared after I informed her that I had once been exactly where she is now.

  She helped me clean up after dinner while the men flopped onto the couch to watch football. After watching her start to say something several times and cut herself short, I finally let her off the hook by talking about Alyssa, Xavier and everything that’s happened in the year since I walked through the door on Tamarac Lane.

  Now, she’s helping me unwrap Christmas ornaments while the guys set up the artificial tree. I would have preferred a real tree, but Xavier insisted that with the way Jacob and Brody run around, it would be a recipe for disaster.

  “Oh, crap! I have to go get something,” I tell Erica, using the arm of the couch to push myself off the ground. My back is killing me, but I’m not going to mention it for fear Xavier will tell me that we’ll do this another day. I want to start making family memories with Xavier and Jacob, the first being that we will decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving night. It was Alyssa’s favorite holiday after she had a family of her own, and now I can see why. It’s totally different when you’re surrounded by those you love.

  I pull a box off the top shelf of the hall closet. I walk over to Xavier so I can whisper in his ear. “I have something for you and Jacob. Do you want me to give it to you now or wait until everyone leaves?”

  He looks down at the box and then into my eyes. “Is it from her?” he asks, a trace of sadness washing over his face. I nod. “Might as well do it now. Jacob might fall asleep before this bunch gives us any peace and quiet.”

  I call Jacob over to where we’re standing in front of the tree. I pull the white and ivory angel out of the box.

  “Jacob, your mommy gave me this last Christmas and asked me to bring it to you this year,” I tell him, fighting the tears as I remember the anguish she felt after making me promise to spend Christmas with “her guys” this year. “She knew she wouldn’t be here, but she wanted you to know that she’s still here with you in your heart.”

  “Can I hold her?” Jacob asks, holding out his hands. I’m hesitant, only because most of the angel is made out of porcelain and he’ll never forgive himself if anything happens. “I promise I’ll be careful. Please!”

  “Okay, but you have to sit on the floor.” Once he’s seated, I join him on the plush carpet, handing him one of the last gifts his mother left for him.

  “Mama Melly, there’s something inside of her!” He reaches into the opening at the bottom of the angel and pulls out a folded piece of paper. I look up at Xavier whose wide eyes mirror my own. I have no clue what this is. “Can you read what it says?”

  I swear my heart stops when I see Jacob’s name on the front of the paper. I unfold it and see that it’s a note from Alyssa. “Maybe we should wait until bedtime for this, buddy,” I urge him, not wanting to put everyone through the pai
n of whatever message Alyssa left for her son.

  “No, now!” Jacob whines. I look to Xavier, who shrugs. If he doesn’t see an issue with it, I suppose I have no choice but to suck it up. I pull Jacob onto my lap, wanting to hold him as close as I possibly can as I read the letter out loud. The room around me is silent as all of the adults stop what they’re doing so they can listen.

  Jacob,

  My sweet baby boy, I love you so much! I wish I could be there with you this Christmas and every other day, but that’s not possible. At least, it’s not possible for you to see me, but I promise you, I’m with you wherever you go.

  “Except for the bathroom,” Jacob giggles, causing the room to burst into laughter. Maybe we’re the ones making this harder than it has to be.

  “Yes, except for then.” I kiss him on the forehead before continuing.

  I hope you aren’t too mad at me for leaving you. Miss Melanie promised me she would help talk to you so you would know that I didn’t want to leave. I wish I could have lived forever so I could see you grow up. I’m sure you’re already huge compared to the last time I held you in my arms.

  Whenever you miss me, remember that you can talk to Blaze and I will hear you. And if you miss me at Christmas, look to the top of the tree because that’s where I will be.

  You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I will love you forever and ever, no matter where I am.

  Love,

  Mommy

  I wipe the tears from my eyes and see everyone else doing the same. Jacob’s body sinks against my chest. He’s not crying, but he’s also not saying anything. “Buddy, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, kinda.” He turns to look at me, his face very serious. “Do you think my angel mommy is happy that I have you as my every day mommy?”

  Before I can say anything, Xavier joins us on the floor. “Jacob, I think that if your mommy could have picked anyone to love us the same way she did, it would have been Melanie. In a way, she kind of did, but that’s a story for when you’re a lot older.”

  I slap him, wishing he could have left well enough alone. I know that now I’m going to be peppered with questions until I figure out a way to explain the situation to a five-year-old.

  “Well, I’m glad she picked Mama Melly to love us,” he says, wrapping his an arm around each of our necks.

  I have no clue how long we sat on the floor like this, but when I look up, I see headlights backing out of the driveway and the house is empty.

  “Here, let’s put her where she belongs,” I say, taking the angel from Jacob and handing it to Xavier. I hold Jacob in my arms as Xavier climbs the ladder. We watch as Xavier carefully places the angel on the top of the tree. And just like Alyssa did last year with the star, I spend a moment telling him to move it this way and that, making sure the angel is perfectly straight in her place.

  “She’s beautiful.” Jacob sighs, wrapping his arms tighter around my neck. “She even looks like my mommy a little bit.”

  There’s no doubt in my mind that Alyssa hunted to find this exact angel, with shorter dark hair and green eyes. It’s not the Victorian style angels that flood the shelves at the holidays, this one is a bit more contemporary and edgy, just like the woman she symbolizes.

  I carry Jacob to the couch and lean against Xavier when he sits next to me. The three of us sit in the dark, the only light coming from the glow of the fireplace. I look up to the angel watching over us as the guys fall asleep, thankful that she’s trusted me with these two amazing men.

  A Note From Sloan

  Thank you for taking the time to read Fragile Bonds! If you enjoyed it, I would love it if you could help spread the word by reviewing it on the site where you purchased the book. If you purchased on Amazon, it is lending enabled so you can share it with a friend.

  If you do leave a review, I would love to hear your thoughts! You can reach me at authorsloanj@gmail.com.

  Links to my other titles:

  Isthmus Alliance Series

  Unexpected Angel

  Unexpected Protector

  Unexpected Consequences

  Truth or Dare #1

  Coming Soon

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  About the Author

  Sloan Johnson is a big city girl trapped in a country girl’s body. While she longs for the hustle and bustle of New York City or Las Vegas, she hasn’t yet figured out how to sit on the deck with her morning coffee, watching the deer and wild turkeys in the fields while surrounded by concrete and glass.

  When she was three, her parents received their first call from the principal asking them to pick her up from school. Apparently, if you aren’t enrolled, you can’t attend classes, even in Kindergarten. The next week, she was in preschool and started plotting her first story soon after.

  Later in life, her parents needed to do something to help their socially awkward, uncoordinated child come out of her shell and figured there was no better place than a bar on Wednesday nights. It’s a good thing they did because this is where she found her love of reading and writing. Who needs socialization when you can sit alone in your bedroom with a good book?

  Now, Sloan is a tattooed, purple haired mom of two kids, one of which was a thank you present to her husband for letting her get a Staffordshire Terrier with more anxiety issues than Sloan has, which is saying something. She’s been kicked out of the PTA in two school districts and is no longer asked to help with fundraisers because she’s been known to lose herself in a good book and forget that she has somewhere to be.

  Coming Soon

  Unexpected Truth

  Isthmus Alliance #4

  One foot in front of the other. Left, right, left down the dimly lit hallway. They say it's supposed to be soothing to have the lights down like this, but I find it disconcerting. My pace quickens as I pass each door, fully expecting someone to jump out at me. It’s not that I’ve had some sort of traumatic event I need to overcome, I simply find open doors lining dark hallways to be disturbing. Before I came here, I don’t think it upset me this much, which makes me wonder if the very place meant to help me clear my head is, in fact, making me crazy.

  That’s the bullshit line Father tried to feed me when he checked me in here. I needed to clear my head after Marco’s arrest. I think it had more to do with the fact that my trust fund is now mine to do with as I please and he was worried I would post bond for the asswipe who claimed to love me. Yeah, he loved me so much that he cleared out my bank account that he was able to access and gambled it all away in one crazy weekend in Vegas. And then, when I confronted him about it, he had the audacity to unleash a cocaine-fueled tirade that ended with him busting out the windshield on my car before the cops showed up. It’s not my fault he had outstanding warrants.

  From the sounds of it, even if I was pathetic enough to think I can’t live without him in my life, he’s going to be in there for a long while. But I’m not that girl. I haven’t been for a long time, I simply needed to figure out how to make a clean break. Whenever that little punk does see the light of day again, I fully expect that he’ll come crawling back, telling me how sorry he is and how he’ll never steal from me again if only I will let him come home. Despite what my father thinks of my judgment, it’ll be a cold day in hell before that’ll happen. Marco started out as a comfortable distraction in my life, someone to be there so I didn’t have to walk into an empty house every night. Recently, he’s become far too much trouble to be worth hanging onto, no matter what feeble purpose he served.

  Yes, my father found me that night curled in a ball in the corner of my tiny front porch. Yes, I was bawling my eyes out. And yes, when times got tough in the past, I turned to some self-destructive coping mechanisms. But that’s not what was going on that night. The tears streaming down my face were from sho
ck and disbelief. For the first time in over a year, me reaching my breaking point and Marco being where he couldn’t get to me came at the same time. All I wanted to do was take a few minutes to pull myself together so I could call Marco’s sister to come and pick up his shit while I changed the locks on the house and called the security company. Leave it to my father to screw all of that up.

  Seeing me falling apart, he did what any concerned parent would do and took action. Never mind the fact that he has never been a hands-on parent or that I didn’t want his assistance. Even if I had needed something to provide me a release from the shit swirling in my mind, it wouldn’t be pills, but I doubt he’ll ever believe me when I tell him that. So, he called a friend and said that I was having a nervous breakdown. It’s frightening how quickly I was admitted and watching my father’s back as he walked out the door, knowing that I was where I couldn’t tarnish his reputation.

  Ever since he got involved in our local political scene, he’s felt the need to turn our den of dysfunction into a Norman Rockwell painting. Even though I’m twenty-one and legally an adult, it was easier to sulk my way over to his BMW and let him bring me here for a not-short-enough stay in the loony bin.

  “You’ll feel much better once you have a chance to sort out your feelings,” he assured me as we rode the elevator to the top floor of the hospital. I pursed my lips, refusing to get into a fight with him. He had never been the biggest fan of Marco and had no problem telling me how it was just the most recent in a string of bad decisions; a skill my father is certain I picked up from my mother. I’ll have to take his word for it because she took off when I was seven years old.

  That was over three weeks ago and, unless my shrink was feeding me a line of shit, I’ll be getting out of here tomorrow. Not yesterday, when she broke the news to me, and not today, but tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Because now that I’m safe and somewhere that I can’t embarrass my father, he’s on vacation. And thanks to him putting me in here, I need someone to babysit me when I leave. You know, so I don’t wind up stealing anyone’s prescription painkillers the way I did once when I was seventeen. It’ll be interesting to see who he’s paying to keep tabs on me this time.