Thank You, Next: A perfect, uplifting and funny romantic comedy

by Sophie Ranald

Of course, it was obvious what we’d do. The game so far had been a slow burn, character-developing and background-setting, but we all knew we were there for the excitement of hand-to-hand combat. Our characters drew their own weapons, rushed into the fray and won the skirmish. Brandrel’s bruisers fled, Darian returned to his mother for a bollocking to end all bollockings, Lorien tended to a cut on Hesketh’s jaw.

  ‘A mere flesh wound.’ Adam consulted the dice. ‘You were lucky. Right, we’ll call it there for tonight.’

  He folded the screen and started tidying his notes, and Alice turned up the lights in the bar and said, ‘Time, please, ladies and gents.’

  And straight away, it was just the Ginger Cat again, and I was me, and Adam and Archie and Freddie and the rest of them were just a bunch of dorky people I sort of knew.

  We all exhaled in nervous giggles as we settled the bill (with the rest of us picking up Adam’s share, as we’d agreed) and gathered our stuff.

  ‘That was brilliant.’

  ‘Awesome fun; thanks, guys.’

  ‘Can’t wait for next week.’

  ‘You were ace, Adam.’

  ‘I can’t believe I let myself get in the way of that dagger.’

  Together, we all headed out into the night. It was still warm, but a light drizzle hung in the air, blurring the headlights of approaching cars and the sign above Archie’s shop next door. I watched as he and Nat hurried off down the road, Archie ineffectually holding his hand over her head to keep her dry. Freddie buried his hands in his pockets and headed in the other direction, whistling along with whatever music was on his headphones. Soon, only Adam and I were left.

  ‘Which way are you going?’ he asked.

  ‘Just there.’ I pointed over my head. ‘I live above the pub, remember?’

  ‘Of course. You and Frazzle. But he didn’t put in an appearance tonight.’

  ‘He was probably worried about getting run through with a dagger.’

  Adam smiled. ‘No animals will be harmed in the making of this D&D adventure, I promise.’

  ‘You thought it all up yourself, didn’t you? I mean, you didn’t use one of the ready-made games.’

  ‘Nah.’ He pushed up his glasses. Their lenses were misted with rain so his eyes looked blurry, too. ‘I guess I wanted to do it properly.’

  ‘And you did. You were brilliant.’

  He gave a kind of ‘aw, shucks’ shrug. ‘It’s been fun, planning it all. I’m glad you asked me to do it.’

  ‘I’m glad too. I’m really excited for next time.’

  ‘No pressure then.’ He smiled again, a proper grin this time.

  I smiled back. ‘No pressure.’

  Then, both at the same time, we said, ‘I should—’

  ‘I should head home,’ he said.

  ‘And I should head upstairs.’

  ‘Night, then, Zoë.’

  ‘Night. And thanks.’

  We turned away from each other and I pushed open the door and walked back through the almost empty pub, feeling suddenly, hollowly alone. The stairs to my flat were in darkness, and for a second I felt a return of the nervous tension that had gripped me while we were engrossed in the game, like I might be ambushed by a mercenary with a broadsword.

  But I told myself not to be stupid. I started up the stairs, then almost fell backwards when I saw a figure sitting on the top stair, hunched over in the gloom, and heard a voice say my name.

  ‘Jesus Christ! You scared the hell out of me!’

  It was Jude.

  Sixteen

  It might feel as if love has fallen right into your waiting arms, Aquarius, but don’t cling onto it so hard you squeeze the life out of it.

  And so, the next morning, I woke up with Jude’s head next to mine on the pillow again. The previous night, I’d been all set to send him packing after telling him exactly what I thought of men who slept with women and then fucked off without a word or a trace. But he’d disarmed me totally right from the moment I’d seen him on the stairs.

  He’d got to his feet, a bit stiffly, like he’d been sitting there for a long time, and reached right over to give me a hug, pulling me close and saying, ‘Your hair smells amazing. I’ve been thinking about you so much.’

  So why didn’t you call then? I thought. But he answered the question before I could get the words out.

  ‘I’m such a muppet, I completely forgot the name of the pub. And I don’t know your last name so I couldn’t find you on social media. I tried and tried. And then I came up to London for a Labour Party meeting today and when it finished I thought, I’m going to find her. And I did. I kind of remembered where the pub was in relation to the station and I just walked around until I saw it. And then I saw you, but you were busy and I didn’t want to interrupt so I just snuck in here and waited for you to finish. My God, it’s good to see you.’

  Such was the sweetness of his smile and the comforting strength of his arms around me that all my resolve melted away, and I found myself hugging him back.

  ‘Why didn’t you get in touch with me?’ he murmured into my hair. ‘Every time I got a new email or a missed call or a connection on LinkedIn, I hoped it would be you. But it never was.’

  ‘I don’t know. I guess I thought that because you’d just left that morning, you didn’t want to see me again.’

  ‘As if!’ He cupped my face between his palms and kissed my lips, and I could feel his smile meeting my own. ‘I’ve been thinking about you all the time. I even dreamed one night that I was here with you and your cat was sleeping on my face so I couldn’t breathe, but when I woke up it was only my pillow.’

  I couldn’t help laughing. ‘That must have been quite a relief.’

  ‘It should have been.’ He smiled down at me. ‘But it wasn’t. I even smelled the smell of your hair in my dream, and the whole day afterwards. It was like being haunted by a ginger ghost.’

  Normally, when people described me as ginger, I bristled at the reminder of being teased at school. But I couldn’t muster even the slightest resentment now.

  ‘Come in,’ I said.

  He stepped aside and I unlocked the door. He dumped his bag by the bed and headed for the bathroom while I sorted out Frazzle’s food and water and litter tray, and when I finished cleaning my teeth and washing my face, there he was in bed, waiting for me.

  This time, we didn’t wait until the morning. As soon as I got under the duvet, Jude’s arms closed around me and we kissed, with an urgency that hadn’t been there the first time. Then, it had felt tentative and uncertain – Are we really going to do this? Oh, okay, looks like we are. Oh wait, we just did.

  But now, my relief at seeing him and the confidence his words had given me allowed me to take the lead. I explored his body with my fingertips, running my hands over his chest beneath his T-shirt, discovering the arches of his ribs, the ridges of his stomach muscles, the silky hair running down his belly.

  I pulled his T-shirt off over his head and knelt there above him, my legs either side of his thighs. He looked up at me, smiling.

  ‘Hey.’

  ‘Fancy seeing you here.’

  We both laughed, and I lowered myself over him, kissing him again. Now, his hands were on my body, too, stroking my back, sliding under the waistband of my jeans to cup my bottom.

  ‘Come on, let’s get these off,’ he said.

  I stood up and unbuttoned my jeans, thankful that I’d only been wearing flip-flops so there was no embarrassing sock-removal moment to negotiate. I had a moment of panic wondering whether I was wearing particularly old, ratty underwear, but it was okay – my bright red boy shorts were at least free of holes, if not the sexiest garment ever. I eased my jeans down over my hips, slowly, watching his eyes follow my hands down my legs.

  I stepped out of my jeans and then, still slowly, pulled my vest top over my head. Annoyingly, there was no sexy way of doing that. I joined him on the bed again in just my bra and pants, trying to remember what the app – which had its risqué
moments – had said about what Gemini men liked in bed. Hopefully not twin sisters, because I wouldn’t be able to stretch to those.

  Jude took me in his arms again, holding me the way he had before, like I was something precious and fragile. His touch was feather-light, almost ticklish on my skin. He reached for the clasp of my bra and fumbled with one hand, before undoing it with two. No biggie – one-handed bra removal was expert-level undressing, I thought. The awkwardness that had been there last time was almost gone – almost, if not completely – blotted from my mind by my happiness and relief at seeing him.

  And what was going on inside his boxer shorts distracted me from that, anyway – because that was a biggie. I reached down and touched his cock, running my palm over the bulge then sliding my fingers inside his pants to hold his warm hardness, loving the way he felt in my hand.

  He touched my breasts, his fingers finding my nipples and then his mouth following them to kiss and suck. I heard him groan with pleasure and an answering gasp from me as his lips and tongue teased my flesh. I felt myself getting swept into a whirlpool of pleasure – his hands on my body, the feel of his skin against my palms and fingers, the gorgeous man-smell of him. I was desperate for him to carry on, to give me more and more and more, but at the same time, I wanted this moment of pure perfection to last forever. His other hand was inside my knickers now, touching me, reaching for me, finding almost the right place. So close. Almost there.

  And then I felt a flood of hot wetness on my hand.

  ‘Oh shit.’ Jude pulled a pillow up over his face, like he was blushing and trying to hide it. ‘Sorry about that.’

  ‘That’s okay.’ I mean, what the hell else are you supposed to say?

  ‘It’s just, you’re so sexy. Too sexy. And it’s been…’

  ‘Sshh. Don’t worry.’

  I pulled him close and held him, trying to ignore the cooling wetness of his pants against my thigh and subdue my disappointment. He kissed me again.

  ‘You’re amazing. Next time, I promise…’

  ‘It’s okay. It really is.’

  He turned away from me, and I spooned myself against his warm back, feeling his breathing slow until, within minutes, he started to snore softly. Then Frazzle jumped up and settled into the crook of my knees and I knew I’d spend the night that way, wet patch on my sheets and all, unable to move for fear of disturbing these two sleeping boys.

  When I woke up the next morning, though, Jude wasn’t there. When I opened my eyes, expecting to see him sleeping there, there was only the empty pillow and the duvet scrunched up to one side. Frazzle was sitting next to the closed bathroom door, looking deeply pissed off.

  I sat up. Oh God, he hasn’t upped and left again, has he?

  The thought lasered through my sleep-fogged brain. But no. His bag was still there, next to the bed where he’d left it, and I could hear the shower running. I got up, pulled on yesterday’s vest and pants, gave Frazzle his breakfast and switched the kettle on. A few minutes later, Jude emerged from the bathroom wrapped in my towel. He’d shaved, he smelled of toothpaste and my lemon-and-poppy-seed soap and his smile was like the sun coming out.

  He folded me in a hug, and I pressed myself against the warm hardness of his body. ‘Good morning, beautiful. I didn’t want to wake you.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have minded. I’m just pleased you’re here.’

  ‘Makes two of us.’ He kissed the tip of my nose.

  ‘Coffee? There’s only instant, I’m afraid. I usually use the proper machine downstairs in the bar.’

  ‘That would be amazing. And some toast?’

  ‘Help yourself. There’s bread in the cupboard, and some nut butter and stuff. I’d better get ready for work.’

  Reluctantly, I loosened my arms and moved away from Jude’s bare chest, but he pulled me close again.

  ‘We’ll be able to see each other much more, now,’ he said.

  I felt my lips curve into a smile against his skin. ‘Why’s that?’

  ‘Because I want to see lots more of you. And also, because I’ve got a job in London now. Well, an internship, at a trade union.’

  ‘Oh, that’s amazing! Congratulations.’

  ‘I just felt, you know, I should do something. Working with homeless people is important, vital work, and I’ll probably go back to it in the future, but first you’ve got to dismantle the structural inequalities that have allowed the situation to get so bad in the first place. There’s so much energy, so much hope. It’s incredible to be a part of it.’

  I felt almost humbled by his passion, his zeal to change the world for the better. I shared his ideals, I truly did – but he was doing something about it, whereas I was just working as a cook in a pub.

  ‘It feels like there’s a real impetus, right now, to achieving a fairer world,’ I said. ‘It must be incredible to be a part of it.’

  He grinned. ‘That’s one of the reasons I love you, Zoë. We care about the same things.’

  He pulled off the towel and handed it to me, and I let myself admire his lean, naked body for a few seconds, until he pulled on his underwear and jeans. Then I reluctantly turned and went to have my own shower, my mind whirring as it registered what I’d just heard.

  Did he just say he loved me?

  Seventeen

  As Venus enters Gemini, things are looking good for you on the love front. But are the stars in your eyes making you lose track of where you’re going?

  After that, things with me and Jude went from zero to a hundred in, like, a day. Or not even a day, because after that first night, he never really left. He kept saying he needed to go back to his mum’s place to pick up some stuff, but if he did, he must have gone during the day, because every evening when I got home, there he was.

  After about a week, I stopped feeling anxious that when I pushed open the door, the flat would be empty and he would somehow have vanished again. And even if for some reason he was out – like one time when he developed a craving for chips and headed to the local late-night kebab shop – I didn’t have to worry, because now I had his number.

  And he texted me throughout the day: little jokes and memes, notes to say that he was thinking of me, even a semi-regular countdown to how long it would be until we saw each other again.

  Sharing the flat with him after living alone for so long was kind of weird, but I told myself I’d get used to it – and I promised Frazzle he would, too. I didn’t want to put Jude under any pressure, so I never asked how long he planned to stay. He was a Gemini, a bohemian, a free spirit like me. If I made him feel crowded or rushed, he might change his mind about us.

  And anyway, things were so good when we were together, there was no reason to change anything. Although the time we had with each other was limited by my long working hours, we made the most of it. Like me, he loved watching old reruns of Buffy and The Big Bang Theory. The Spotify playlists we had on our phones were almost identical. He was rereading his way through the complete works of Terry Pratchett, and the bits he read aloud to me to make me laugh were all my favourite lines from when I’d read the series.

  If we were often too tired to do anything more than snuggle into each other’s arms in bed, and if when anything more did happen it was often over really quickly, that didn’t seem to matter. After all, we were still new to each other, still discovering each other, and he was so considerate and sweet in so many other, more important ways.

  Like one Wednesday after work, when I trudged up the stairs to the flat, my feet aching after an evening in the kitchen that had seemed like it would never end. Everything had gone wrong that night. Robbie had forgotten to take a batch of soup out of the freezer and it had caught and burned when we tried to defrost it on the hob. The grass-fed beef mince we’d ordered for the burgers hadn’t turned up. A big table celebrating a birthday had neglected to mention when they booked that three of their party were gluten intolerant, five couldn’t eat dairy and one had a severe allergy that would land them in hospital if they
so much as sniffed a peanut, and with the best will in the world I hadn’t been able to cater safely for them all. No matter how nice Alice had been about it, I knew the loss of revenue was the last thing the Ginger Cat needed.

  I felt my face almost split in half with a huge yawn, and Frazzle, following me up the stairs, yawned in sympathy. He’d been working the room all night, doing his best to charm the punters and make up for the failings of the kitchen, and it wasn’t his fault that the person with the nut allergy was allergic to cats too and had threatened to report us to the local authority’s environmental health department.

  ‘Oh well, Frazz,’ I said, fitting my key into the lock, ‘that’s tonight over, at least, Onwards and upwards, right?’

  Frazzle rubbed against my legs to remind me that tonight was far from over, and wouldn’t be until he’d had his late-night snack and I’d cleaned out his litter tray.

  The flat wasn’t in darkness as I’d expected. Jude had said that he was going back to his mum’s place that evening after work, and I’d assumed he’d stay over there. But he was sitting on the sofa, surrounded by the golden glow of what looked like about a thousand tea lights, dotted all around the flat like a flickering galaxy. Music was playing softly and there was an unfamiliar scent in the air, which I realised came from a reed diffuser perched on the counter next to the kettle.

  ‘Surprise!’ Jude jumped up and folded me into a hug.

  ‘Wow.’ I gazed around the room. There was a new throw on the bed, a vintage Indian blanket with little mirrors embroidered onto its surface, a seventies-style lava lamp in one corner and a fleshy-leaved plant in a brass pot by the bed. ‘You’ve gone full hippie chic. What is all this stuff?’

  Jude laughed. ‘Mate of mine is doing house clearances for some extra cash. He came across a load of stuff in some old woman’s place in Dalston and gave me first dibs. What do you reckon? Adds a certain je ne sais quoi, right?’

  ‘It’s awesome.’ I’d never got around to buying anything much for the flat myself – I was too busy, too skint and didn’t have enough confidence in my own taste in interior décor. Besides, I was so used to feeling like everything in my life was temporary and any second I might be uprooted – or uproot myself – that the idea that this place was home still hadn’t properly sunk in, even after almost half a year.