The Good Mom

by Cathryn Parry

  As he drove down the gravel road, away from the cabin, he put his hand on hers, still resting on her phone. “Ash, we’ll figure it out together. Please don’t worry. Taking care of Brandon is our top priority. For both of us.”

  “It has to be,” she said, her voice shaky. “It’s my job not to screw up.”

  * * *

  ASHLEY’S HANDS TREMBLED as she logged in to her voice mail.

  Ten messages in just one short afternoon. While she’d been enjoying herself, romping in bed and outside with Aidan, the unimaginable had happened. Not the chaperone’s accident, though that would have been stressful enough. There was more in her sister’s messages that Lisbeth hadn’t passed on to Aidan.

  Ashley closed her eyes, feeling sick. Not only had her son been unable to reach her, but, according to Lisbeth, he’d called her back to let her know that he had found his father’s family.

  “He said he found a newspaper clipping in a tin on your kitchen shelf. Do you know anything about that, Ashley?”

  How could this even be happening? How could he have found out?

  She really did feel like throwing up. This was her worst nightmare. Nothing worse could happen now. Nothing. And Brandon was making this discovery without her there. She really was going to lose him. She felt it.

  Panic filled her body. Leaving Brandon for the weekend like this, having him possibly talking to strangers claiming that they were his family, was worse than anything her mother had ever done to her and Lisbeth. Ashley was a horrible mother. Just horrible.

  She’d worried about and prepared for this moment Brandon’s entire life, and then, when it had come, she’d been indulging in romantic fantasies that...just did not fit with her reality.

  She’d been so foolish. She’d wanted Aidan—so badly—to be a partner who made her happy. The person who let her be more than Brandon’s mom.

  But in being with Aidan, she’d slipped. In being with Aidan, she’d been irresponsible again, just as her mother had been. Being Brandon’s mom was her job. Her fulltime job. He came first and she just couldn’t do both together.

  “Ash?” Aidan said, interrupting her thoughts. “There’s a superstore on this exit. Do you want me to run inside and find that car charger?”

  “Thank you,” she mumbled. “Please.” It broke her heart, because he really was good to her. She believed that he loved her. He’d said he did, and his actions proved his sincerity.

  But if he did love her, he would understand. He had to know how her past had shaped her and where her priorities for the future must be.

  He pulled into the parking lot. “I’ll be right back.”

  Five minutes later, he emerged from the store with charger in hand and gave it to Ashley as he got back behind the wheel.

  “Thank you.” She plugged it in and attached it to her cell phone. “I’m going to call Brandon now,” she said, her voice unsteady. “He doesn’t know I’m with you, remember.”

  “Right.” But Aidan’s voice sounded pained. He took his hand off hers and concentrated on driving.

  She just needed to deal with Brandon’s issues right now. But that was a conversation she couldn’t have until she talked with her son and found out exactly what was going on.

  She waited until they were on the highway again and there was relatively little road noise.

  With trembling hands, she dialed the phone number that James and Maria had left her.

  It rang for longer than made her comfortable.

  “Hello?” This was Maria’s voice. “Is this Ashley?”

  “Yes,” she said, her voice shaking. “I understand that my son is with you. May I speak with him, please?”

  “Certainly,” Maria said.

  “Mom!” Brandon said when he came on the line. “Where are you?”

  She tried to keep her voice light for him. She didn’t want him to panic, too. “I’m fine—don’t worry. It’s just that I went for a hike, too, and I was out of range for a few hours. How are you?”

  “Okay. Where are you now, Mom?”

  “I’m on Route Ninety-Three, on my way back to Boston. I’ll be home in two hours.” She cleared her throat. “Can you give me Douglas’s grandparents’ address so I can come pick you up? I left my copy at home on the table.” Ashley paused. In response she heard talking in the background.

  “Brandon?” she asked.

  “That was Douglas.” There was another pause, and Brandon’s voice got quieter. She heard something squeak, maybe the sound of a screen door opening and closing.

  “Mom?” Brandon was back. “I, um, found that clipping you had in the kitchen cabinet.”

  She drew in a breath, wondering how best to handle this.

  “When?” she murmured. “When did you find it?”

  “Thursday night.”

  She thought back. She’d been on the phone with Aidan then.

  “So...can we talk about it?” she asked.

  “Well, I saw the picture, and the man looked like me. And I know you wouldn’t have saved it if it wasn’t important. But the biggest thing is that I knew the people who were listed as being his family. Did you know I have cousins and...relatives and stuff...from my father’s side?” His voice sounded shaky, but not as shaky as she felt.

  How could she even answer that question?

  From her peripheral vision, she noticed Aidan quietly watching her.

  Exhaling slowly, she said, “No. I really didn’t know that, Brandon. I’m sorry.”

  “My father is dead.”

  “Yes. You knew that already.” She’d never hidden that fact from him.

  “This whole thing is so weird,” he said. “I’ve been talking with Auntie about it just now.”

  “I know,” Ashley said, her heart breaking. “Auntie Lisbeth called me and left me a message, too. And, Brandon, you and I will deal with this when I get home. I was going to wait until you were older to talk to you about it then. But we’ll figure it out now.”

  “I’m still kinda getting used to it.” He paused. “I’ve been staying with them this afternoon. Douglas’s grandparents.” His voice shook. “My grandparents, I mean.”

  Her mouth dropped open. She’d had no idea. None. And then fear just sliced through Ashley’s heart as she’d never felt it before.

  What if Brandon preferred staying with them over her? She was having trouble breathing. Douglas’s grandparents seemed so normal—more stable than she was. She could deal with it better if the family were monsters. But she’d met the grandparents—they’d been in her home! James and Maria were lovely people.

  She groaned to herself—how had she missed it? The two boys did bear a resemblance. And Brandon’s father had also been called Doug.

  She started to shake again. This couldn’t be happening...

  And then a new fear occurred to her—what if they wanted custody of Brandon? What if they tried to take him away?

  Their home was surely so much nicer than her dingy apartment. They could offer him so many more advantages.

  Ashley closed her eyes and leaned back against her seat.

  “Mom? You really didn’t know about them?”

  “No,” she said quietly. “This is the first I’ve heard of it.”

  Beside her, Aidan coughed. She glanced at him, remembering where she was. She did feel calmer in his presence. Stronger. She thought of some of the things he’d inadvertently taught her while he was tutoring her son.

  She sat up straighter. “You and I will get through this,” she told Brandon. “We’ll meet with everyone, and we’ll talk about it. There’s nothing to worry about, okay?” Her voice shook, because honestly, though, she was worrying. Even now she was mentally phoning her counselors. Where did a person even start in such a situation?

  “Okay, Mom
.” There was a pause. “I’m just glad you’re safe. You’re coming to get me now, right?”

  “Yes, I am. I love you,” she told her son.

  “I love you, too, Mom.” The connection clicked off.

  She sat back again and closed her eyes.

  “Everything okay?” Aidan asked.

  She could only nod.

  * * *

  AIDAN PARKED THE rental car on the street before Ashley’s apartment. She was still on the telephone with her sister, getting the details that she’d missed. She’d spent the entire drive on the telephone, but he didn’t blame her for it. He understood that she was gathering all the information she needed in order to deal with the issues that Brandon had uncovered.

  From what he could tell from what he’d overheard in the car, Brandon had figured out who his birth father was, and, evidently, it was because his nephew was one of Brandon’s friends at school.

  It didn’t surprise Aidan all that much. The timing, yes. The fact of the discovery, no. Brandon had struck Aidan as being curious and open to it. Aidan hadn’t been entirely comfortable that Ashley had put the boy off as she had. She’d always known that her secret would be uncovered. He ached for the pain she was in, but he had every confidence that she could handle the ordeal to come. Besides, he would stand by her. Truth be told, he was a bit hurt that she hadn’t included him in her conversation yet, but he understood that she’d been taken off guard. He empathized. He could definitely cut her some slack.

  While she continued listening to whatever Elizabeth—Lisbeth—was saying, Aidan got out and unloaded Ashley’s suitcase. He accepted her house keys from her, and opened the door to her apartment. Then he brought in her bags as she walked into her bedroom and quickly changed her clothing.

  He waited, his car keys in hand. He’d left the rental car parked illegally, with yellow flashers running.

  She came out of her bedroom in a dressier outfit and with her hair combed and clipped back. She glanced at him and then ended her call.

  “Sorry,” she said, pocketing the phone. “I have so much to absorb.” She sat on the sofa and placed her head in her hands.

  “Would you like me to drive you over to pick up Brandon now?”

  She lifted her head, alarm in her eyes. “Oh,” she said. “You don’t need to do that. I’m calling a taxi.”

  He jangled the car keys, alarmed himself. “You don’t want me to go with you?”

  She swallowed, then looked at him pleadingly, with genuine sorrow on her face. “I can’t, Aidan. You know I have to deal with Brandon’s issues right now.”

  “Yes.” He nodded. “And you know that I want to be here for you. Don’t cut me out, Ashley.”

  “I’m not cutting you out. I just...I just can’t slip again.”

  “I don’t understand what that means.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “I make so many mistakes. This time, I might lose him.”

  He sat beside her. “You won’t. He loves you.”

  “If I’d been paying attention, it wouldn’t have happened this way.”

  “You think I’m bad for you?”

  “I think I need to take care of this without distractions. I know what it looks like. It looks like I prioritized my weekend away with you over being responsible for my son.”

  “This is about appearances?”

  She nodded.

  “What does your heart say?” he asked.

  Tears were dripping down her face. “Oh, Aidan. My heart wants to be with both of you. But that isn’t possible right now.”

  “Are you asking me to wait?”

  She nodded, her lips trembling. “Could you?”

  He exhaled. “Until when?”

  “Until... I don’t know.”

  They stared at each other for a moment. Ashley’s hand went to her mouth. “Oh, God,” she murmured. “I understand, Aidan. You want to be a close team. You want to be how we were when you were tutoring Brandon. But this is different. It isn’t the same.”

  At another time, he might have gotten angry with her for putting words in his mouth, but he really couldn’t. She was right. He did want to be a team.

  “But I can’t give that to you right now. I feel like I have to focus on Brandon above all,” Ashley continued, her voice shaking.

  “Can’t we both focus on Brandon?” Aidan asked.

  Slowly she shook her head. “Aidan, I have to ask you—to beg you—please, please just give me some time to work through this.”

  “A day? A week?”

  She shook her head, feeling helpless. “I don’t know how long!”

  Aidan stared at her. “I wish I could agree to that limbo for you,” he said. “But I can’t. I just can’t.”

  She nodded, miserable. She completely understood. “I know you love me. You want us to work on things together as a team.”

  He nodded. He knew she understood. He wanted her to give him what Fleur could never give.

  Ashley wanted to give it to him, but she couldn’t, either. At least not as long as she had this problem.

  And there was nothing either of them could say to change each other’s mind.

  She knew what came next. She knew it, and she dreaded it.

  He took out the car keys. “Please, Ashley,” he said, his gaze laid bare. “I love you, and I want to help you through this.”

  Her heart seemed to rip in two.

  But all she could do was shake her head. “Not now,” she whispered. “I can’t be with you now.”

  “That makes no sense! What are you afraid of? We’ve been working together with Brandon for weeks. Have I hurt him? Have I hurt you?”

  “You don’t understand,” she said.

  “Tell me!”

  A sigh shuddered out of her. “Because now, the truth is out. And I’m being looked at and I’m being judged by a lot of different people, including my son. And I have to be above reproach. And to be above reproach, I can’t have a man in my life right now. I was once in Brandon’s shoes, and I know what I have to do to make it safe for him.”

  She squared her shoulders. “I can’t risk losing him to have a relationship with you.”

  * * *

  THERE WAS NOTHING Aidan could say to that. In his opinion, these weeks of keeping their relationship secret from Brandon had taken its toll. Now it was a wedge between them that couldn’t be overcome.

  There was nothing left to do but return to his default mode. Escape. What he’d planned to begin with, all those weeks ago when he’d returned to Boston, not sure where his life was headed.

  But this time, when Aidan returned to his condo that night, he didn’t recognize the place. True, he’d gotten used to the new, gleaming kitchen. The completely updated bathroom. And the rooms fully furnished.

  But while he’d been gone, his real estate agent had also staged the place.

  She’d also left a message on his voice mail. “Aidan. Gin here. We got two solid offers at the open house this afternoon. Call me when you get in.”

  He tossed the phone on the counter. Then he went into the bedroom and lay down on the new, hard mattress.

  He liked his bed better when he shared it with Ashley, but what could he do?

  There was only one thing left to do. He dragged out his laptop and bought a plane ticket. He was hiking the easiest part of the Appalachian Trail that a beginner like him could hike in October.

  He was leaving tomorrow. There was nothing more he could do here.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  One Month Later

  ASHLEY ENTERED THE counseling center, where she met with a family therapist each week. Navigating these confusing waters hadn’t been easy for her. She’d sought out the best advice that she could find.

  Luckil
y, James and Maria had been accommodating. Brandon’s well-being really did seem to be their top priority. Honestly, they hadn’t judged her harshly. All in all, they’d told Ashley they were thrilled to have discovered a grandson they’d never known about. As it turned out, other members of their family had known about Doug and Ashley’s brief relationship but hadn’t realized that there had been a child. Once they’d met Brandon, they’d immediately accepted him, much to Brandon’s delight. He relished having more people in his family than he’d had before.

  The hardest thing for Ashley had been to keep her jealousy in check. Brandon wasn’t just her son anymore. He wasn’t just a LaValley. He was also part of another tribe, and for the first time in nearly thirteen years, he had a family that she wasn’t related to.

  Ashley drew in a breath and watched her son through the window into the teen rec room. Brandon and his friend—cousin—Douglas were firing Ping-Pong balls at each other, as fast as they could.

  Cho had joined them—it was Saturday after all—and the result was chaos. But they were laughing and happy, still kids in most ways, really. They didn’t see all the complications that the adults focused on.

  Sighing, she pushed herself away from the window.

  “Brandon’s wrist seems to be doing better,” her counselor remarked.

  “Yes,” she agreed. The black cast had come off several weeks ago. “The doctor doesn’t think there will be any lasting effects. Kids’ bones are much more resilient than adults’.”

  “How did his party go with the Captains last night?”

  She smiled. “He was disappointed they didn’t make the play-offs, of course, but Vivian made a fuss about him and gave him an award for excellence in fundraising, so he was pretty happy about that.”

  “Wonderful. Are you happy?”

  Ashley nodded. She had a newfound belief that the worst was over. She had Brandon, who was happy and healthy. She had more confidence in herself. And she was particularly proud that she hadn’t slipped or succumbed to her old temptations with alcohol, despite the stress she’d been under.

  But otherwise...

  She wasn’t truly happy. Something large and all-encompassing, the foundation and the spice to all these other areas of her life, was missing.