Spent (Wrecked #2)

by Charity Parkerson

  “Poor thing,” Janie said again. “Even in her sleep, she still cries.”

  As Bailey stared at the shop’s surveillance video, every horrible minute of her time in Rockway Mental Institution played through her mind. No one could understand how real the pain was for her. In her mind and heart, her baby and his father were real. Every day, it was as if they’d died, leaving her behind. Now, it was happening again. She couldn’t take it. Not twice in the same lifetime. How long did she have before she snapped completely? Would it be the same as last time? She couldn’t do it. The imaginary loss she’d suffered already sat so heavily on Bailey’s heart, she’d been rendered useless for life.

  An image of Lucien’s gorgeous face floated across her mind. Her stomach clenched. Coming to her feet, Bailey headed for the front on autopilot. There was no alternative. Rockway hadn’t protected her from her mind last time. They couldn’t help her now. She knew herself too well. Without thought, she snagged the sharpest pair of scissors she could find. In the back of her mind, Bailey had always known it would come to this. She didn’t need to think it over. Her mind was too evil for her body to withstand.

  Bailey had been alone almost her entire life. No one would miss her. Clinging to the only true happiness she’d known, Bailey closed her eyes and brought an image of her mother to the forefront of her mind. She barely felt the blade tearing through her flesh. It was odd how little she remembered about her mother’s appearance, but she could recall exactly how her hugs felt. The floor rocked beneath Bailey’s feet. Instead of falling, Bailey eased to the ground. Her eyes fluttered open, catching sight of Lucien above her. He was covered in her blood.

  “I never liked being crazy,” she admitted, hoping to explain her actions. Unfortunately, the words came out slurred and on a whisper. Lucien smiled. Bailey knew the truth. She was as alone in death as she’d been in life.

  “Reality no longer slips away from me. Instead, I’m surrounded by it. It’s uglier than I imagined.”

  —Bailey’s Journal, A.D.

  Chapter 6

  Now…

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.”

  His deep voice rumbled over her skin like dark chocolate. Bailey fought the urge to close her eyes and try breathing the sound into her lungs.

  “I’ve already given you my soul. Why do you keep coming back?”

  His expression never changed, robbing Bailey of attempting to read his reaction. “I told you I would.”

  It wasn’t enough. “Yes, but why? You held up your end of the bargain by rescuing me. Why not leave me to my fate instead of taking pity on me?”

  A flash of anger crossed his features before disappearing behind a mask of indifference. “Pity? I’m not plagued by such nonsense.”

  “If this isn’t mercy, what is it?” Bailey asked, motioning between them. She held her breath, waiting for his answer. This was as close as she’d ever come to inquiring about his feelings. If he felt nothing, Bailey wasn’t sure she could take it.

  His dark gaze slipped down her body, almost physical in its touch, before returning to hold her stare. “Sometimes cruelty and mercy look so similar, we can’t tell the difference any longer.”

  Bailey’s eyes shot open. It wasn’t possible. Nothing from that time in her life at Rockway had been real… had it? She needed to know. So many years of her life were—at best—a blur. Everything in her mind jumbled eventually, leaving her confused.

  Scrambling, Bailey threw on the first pair of shorts she found. They were the same ones she’d worn the last time she’d seen Sol. She hadn’t washed them, but who was to say if things were ever clean or dirty in this place? In under five minutes, Bailey was ready to leave. At the last second, she grabbed the book he’d given her. It seemed too dangerous to leave behind.

  A sigh of relief left her lips when the door opened on the first try. She hated the days when it wouldn’t let her leave. Stepping into the hall, she pulled the front door closed behind her. The hallway transformed, becoming the inside of her apartment. With a growl, Bailey reversed course, stepping through the door once more. Her apartment sat waiting for her just as she’d left it. Panic set in after her third attempt to leave. No matter which direction she went, Bailey found herself back inside her apartment again. One side of the doorway was an illusion. She knew it, but couldn’t tell which side.

  Flipping open the book, Bailey searched for answers as her mind raced. She needed to see Sol. If only this fucking place would let her go. Bailey spotted a ritual that looked promising. Unfortunately, the most important ingredient was her blood. She didn’t even know if she could still bleed.

  With a heavy sigh, Bailey set the book aside. There was no time like the present to find out. In the kitchen, she found a knife and returned to inspect the spell once more. Once Bailey was certain she could recreate the pattern, she dragged the blade across her palm. A thin line appeared, seeping a small amount of blood before healing. It hurt. She’d hoped it wouldn’t, but wasn’t surprised it did. Nothing was ever easy for her.

  Now she knew it could be done, Bailey swiped the knife across her palm once more and traced the first lines of the symbol on the wall before the wound healed. She needed to do each wall. It seemed each time she was forced to cut deeper to draw blood. By the time the second symbol was complete, tears swam in Bailey’s eyes from the pain, and the room shook with fury. The walls bulged, whispering their ownership and claiming her. Bailey fought on. When Lucien appeared, Bailey wasn’t surprised. She also didn’t let it slow her down.

  “What are you doing?”

  He sounded enraged. Good. She hated being alone in her fury.

  “I need to leave,” she explained without glancing his way. “And whatever you’ve done to this apartment, it won’t let me.”

  “Where do you need to go that’s important enough for this?” The fact that he didn’t deny being the reason she couldn’t leave wasn’t lost on Bailey. In her heart, she’d always known it was true. What she hadn’t expected was the pain slicing across her heart. She hadn’t believed there was any damage left for him to do. It seemed she’d been wrong. Unfortunately, it also appeared he wasn’t finished. “There’s nothing as important as what’s inside this room. You and me. We need to fix that shit because this is eternity. I want to spend it with you.”

  Bailey’s gut twisted and her temper snapped. She spun. “I don’t even know you, Lucien. Not really. For all I know, that’s not even your name. All you’ve done is lie and drive me crazy with your disappearing act. Jesus, you don’t get it. I don’t know why I bother.”

  Faced with her rage, Lucien remained damnably calm. “My name is Lucien, but I don’t have a last name. I’ve existed longer than the concept. Disappearing from your life was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Every fucking time, it was like having my guts ripped out. But I have my place, just like everyone does.”

  Bailey threw her arms up in disgust. She was so damn tired of having more questions than answers. “Goddamn, Lucien. I don’t even know where to start pointing out the information missing from your explanation. Not to mention how way too late it is. You should’ve said a lot of things a long time ago.”

  Lucien snorted and settled onto the couch as if Bailey smearing blood on her walls while they chatted was an everyday occurrence. “I am a psychopomp. It’s my job to escort the dead to the underworld. The night we met, you were meant to die in that drive-by. I can’t explain why I couldn’t let it happen. I really can’t. All I know is that I love you, and I’ve tried telling you this before, but you won’t listen. Anger has made you deaf.”

  “You should’ve let me die that night. You really should have because you’re the one who doesn’t fucking get it. I could talk until my tongue falls off, and you still wouldn’t comprehend what you’ve done. You weren’t real. I needed you to be real.”

  Lucien’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about? Of course I’m real.”

  Bailey waved her
arms wildly, grasping for a way to make him understand. “Everyone thought…” A hot rush of tears filled Bailey’s eyes and clogged her throat. She blinked them back, incapable of standing this a second longer. In one swift motion, Lucien reached for her. Bailey jumped backward out of his reach, barely stopping herself from smacking his hands away. “I’ve tried making you see things from my point of view, but I can’t, and I’m tired of trying. You think I don’t get it. I do. Life is short. Death is forever. I get that. None of that changes anything. It doesn’t impact how you don’t get what you did to me.” Bailey shook her head. She was talking in circles. It was useless. Her hands fell to her sides, brushing a lump in her pocket and reminding her of Sol’s gift.

  Heading for the door, she pulled the bag of herbs from her pocket as she went. If Lucien wouldn’t leave, she would. With one foot in the hall, Bailey glanced over her shoulder, taking one final look at the man who’d meant so much to her. He appeared every bit as frustrated as Bailey felt. This was for the best. It didn’t matter if they loved one another if they couldn’t understand each other. Without giving Lucien time to guess at her intentions, Bailey bent and dumped the contents of the bag across the threshold.

  Lucien’s expression transformed as the scent of sage and rose oil filled the air. “What have you done?” The anger and disbelief in Lucien’s tone told Bailey he knew exactly what she’d done. Whatever Sol had given her was the real deal.

  Bailey shrugged as she straightened away, making sure she stayed outside the line she’d created in front of the door. “You’ve refused to stay away from me, so I’m taking my freedom by force.”

  Lucien’s form shimmered before he disappeared and reappeared at the edge of the doorway. “What have you done?” he repeated, sounding even more angry. He tried stepping over the herbs. His form shifted—like a TV with too much static, but he couldn’t breach the barrier. “Bailey, what have you done?” he roared.

  She held his stare, refusing to be cowed in the face of his rage. “Something I should’ve done a long time ago. Long before I let you demolish me.” Bailey swallowed past the sting of bile and self-hatred clawing at her throat. “Long before your love became the death of me.”

  Lucien’s anger turned to panic when he realized how serious Bailey was. “You can’t leave me like this, Bailey. This place will tear you apart without my protection.”

  Bailey’s face hardened. She felt it happen. The reaction was out of her control. “There’s nothing left of me for this place to destroy.”

  *

  Lucien stared at the closed door, incapable of believing his eyes. There was no way her spell would hold him for long. However, it could keep him locked up long enough for one of the underworld’s many demons to eat her whole. Bailey thought she had nothing left to lose, but she was wrong. There were many fates worse than death.

  A cold breeze skirted up Lucien’s spine, letting him know he wasn’t alone. Forcing his features to go blank, Lucien turned and found himself face to face with his prince. Like that, Lucien knew. The only being who possessed magic powerful enough to keep him bound was Solas. Realization struck. With it came a sinking sensation. Lucien had always believed he’d eventually win Bailey back to his side. Now he realized how wrong he’d been.

  “Did you think you could take what’s mine?” Sol’s eyes flashed with fury as he backed Lucien into the nearest chair. As powerful as Lucien was, Solas was more so, and he wasn’t immune to the prince’s crackling energy.

  “I wasn’t told who she belongs to. You know that. Soul exchanges are private.” He shook his head. “There was no plan. I can’t explain what happened.”

  Sol scoffed. “Your idiocy knows no boundaries. That’s what happened.” Before Lucien could move away, Solas brushed his fingers along Lucien’s jaw and added, “Luckily for you, I understand how Bailey affects beings such as us. She loves you almost as much as she does me. It’s irresistible.” Solas shook his head. “Things could’ve been so different between us.”

  Tightening his hold on Lucien’s chin, Sol bent and opened his mouth over Lucien’s. No one could withstand such a blatant act from Solas. He was pure lust and longing, leaving others flailing in his wake. Addicted to his touch. Lucien’s body reacted as if a thousand orgasms hit at once. Every muscle in his body seized, threatening to shred his ligaments under the strain. Images filled his mind of Bailey on her knees, sucking him off while Sol fucked her from behind. His dick leaked, crying for attention. Sol’s tongue stroked his, filling Lucien’s mouth with the flavor of cinnamon. Lucien met him head on. For every gentle caress, Lucien returned it in kind. Lucien already knew he’d come in his jeans. A kiss from Prince Solas was the equivalent of touching the stars. The price was steep and eternal.

  Pulling away, Solas gripped the arms of the chair as if physically stopping himself from ripping Lucien apart. When he spoke, he did so through clenched teeth. “If you think to hide a soul from me again, you’ll spend the rest of eternity hanging from my ceiling while I peel the skin from your body with a paring knife. Every day, you’ll wake up whole, and we’ll start again.”

  Lucien couldn’t breathe past the pain wracking his body to respond. Straightening away, Solas stared at him with merciless eyes. His gaze dropped to Lucien’s chest. Something dangerous flashed across Sol’s features. Reaching out, Sol snagged the necklace Bailey had given him. With a tug, he pulled it loose. He flashed it Lucien’s way before tucking it in his pocket. “This belongs to my wife. If you ever decide you’re man enough to retrieve it, you know where Bailey will be. With me.”

  There were countless beings in the underworld Lucien did his best to avoid touching for any number of reasons. Solas topped that list. Lucien had known the moment Sol’s lips met his skin that the other man passed something to him. Not until Sol released him from his control did Lucien understand what it was—Bailey’s memories. They slammed into Lucien’s chest with enough force to render him mute and took away every sexual emotion raging through him.

  Without a backward glance, Solas walked away, leaving Lucien paralyzed by the overwhelming human emotions, thoughts, and images. Flashes of light passed through him, bouncing off the synapses of his brain, carrying information faster than any human could absorb. Unfortunately, Lucien had no such problem. Bailey’s choking fear, as she’d waited each night for her father to sneak into her room, squeezed Lucien’s guts until he retched. Her pleas for Sol to save her filled Lucien’s ears, forcing him to cover them or go deaf. She’d begged for Solas to take her soul in exchange for an escape. Her calls weren’t ignored.

  The way Sol had viciously torn her father apart didn’t surprise Lucien. Bailey’s father had it coming and Sol enjoyed the sight of blood. The smell assailed Lucien’s senses, as they had Bailey’s. Lucien flinched as Sol’s blood-drenched hands cupped Bailey’s face. His soulless eyes held hers while Lucien remained trapped inside her mind.

  “Dream, child.” Bailey’s eyes fell closed as Sol captured her mind, imposing his will. Visions of beautiful places around the world filled Bailey’s mind, carrying her away from the ugliness surrounding her. “Life is short and bitter, but I will come to you.” And he had. Every night, Sol had returned to Bailey, giving her relief in her dreams from the life handed to her by an absentee creator who no longer heard her cries.

  Even as Bailey was found guilty of her father’s murder and sentenced to remain institutionalized until twenty-one, Sol kept her mind preoccupied with happier visions. Sol fed her peace, making her love him. No doubt, for Sol, Bailey’s love was the purest light he’d ever seen. For someone as dark as Sol, it had to be even more irresistible and twice as powerful as it was to Lucien. Solas was evil to his very core, but for some odd reason, he cared for Bailey.

  Perhaps the being who was one of the devil’s four sons was incapable of tender emotions, but Lucien knew from experience that covetous greed was more intense than any amount of love. The images inside Bailey’s mind became more distorted as she slowly lost the ability
to tell the difference between what was real and what Sol created for her. Sol’s image was never clear. He was more dream than reality, but the way he felt to her was clearer than any other memory inside Bailey’s mind. A pain cut through Lucien’s gut, too intense for him to tell if it was physical or emotional—if it belonged to him or Bailey.

  Without thought, his hand flew to his stomach. Something wasn’t right. He looked down, seeing Bailey’s hand resting on a rounded belly. Sol’s hand covered Bailey’s. Understanding dawned a split second before a chasm of grief opened beneath his feet and swallowed him whole. He could barely breathe around its choking hold. The child was gone, but Bailey’s memories were too distorted for Lucien to decipher. Not to mention the intensity of her pain was too much for him to contain. She was so much stronger than he would ever be. Somehow, her tiny body held everything Sol had shown him and more. On the heels of his new discoveries, realization took hold. Solas was wrong. Idiocy didn’t cover his transgressions.

  He’d thought, foolishly, keeping her alive past her expiration date had driven Bailey mad. It had been him. He’d been the reason Bailey killed herself. For too many years, she’d suffered and ridden the line of insanity until even Sol had shown mercy, releasing her. Then Lucien had come along, trapping her once more. It had been too much to ask of any one person.

  *

  The path was easier to find this time. Even with a dozen other landmarks changing around her, the clearing at the edge of the water was exactly the same. A boat bobbed on the bank. Bailey pushed off and jumped inside without a second thought. She sort of hoped the water would swallow her whole, dragging her into its inky void of nothingness. At least then, her reality would match the inside of her mind. Maybe this was her punishment, Bailey thought for the thousandth time.

  As solid ground slipped away, so too did the daylight. Countless stars filled the sky. Bailey slipped from the seat and settled onto the floor of the boat. Before her head connected with the bench, a warm weight appeared beside her. Bailey automatically rolled into it. Her hand found the hem of Sol’s shirt as his arm found its way beneath her head. As her fingers connected with the soft bare skin over hardened muscles, a lead weight landed on Bailey’s throat. She readjusted her weight, unconsciously finding the perfect spot inside his hold.