Touch

by MJ Knight

  Finally, after what seemed like days, a doctor came out and called “Castle?”

  “That’s me!” Julianne jumped up.

  “You’re the cousin?”

  “Right.”

  “Well your cousin was shot at close range with a small caliber bullet. It nicked his liver and collapsed his lung. He’s lost a lot of blood, but the bullet went through and that’s good. We’ve got a chest tube in him, and everything is stitched up. He’s young and strong, so things look pretty good, though of course I can’t promise anything.”

  “When can I see him?”

  “He’s still out. We’re going to keep him down all night and see how he looks in the morning. If he’s good, then you can see him tomorrow afternoon. How’s that?”

  “Great, thanks.”

  “You should go home and get some rest.”

  She wanted desperately to stay, but knew it would be pointless. “How long... I mean is this going to be a long recuperation?”

  “If there aren’t any complications, I’ll have him out of here in a week, maybe five days. But he’s got to take it easy for a month at least. Is there someone who can stay with him?”

  “I can do it.”

  “Great. We’ll talk more once he’s awake and moving around,” he promised. “See you tomorrow then.”

  “Tomorrow,” she confirmed.

  She wanted to stay, though, wanted to sit outside the door of his room and will him to get better. Staying away even the few hours between then and the next afternoon was a painful prospect for Julianne, but she supposed it would be worse to be sitting in the hospital watching people come and go, wondering every time someone hurried by, if Adrian was in distress, if they were running to help him. The hospital atmosphere played on her emotions, it gave the monster something to chatter about. If she stayed, she’d end up sleeping in a chair, if she could sleep at all, and possibly getting to see him in the early afternoon, looking like she’d slept in a hospital chair. Better to go home, get some sleep, shower and come back feeling fresher and less anxious.

  “Tomorrow,” she said again, this time to the doctor’s retreating figure.

  Julianne gathered up her things and went down to the main entrance where she caught a cab back to her apartment.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  She wished there was someone in her life she could phone, someone who would listen to her talk about Adrian, what he meant to her, and about how terrified she was that something would happen to him and she would be all alone with so much pain and anger.

  She could phone her parents, but she already knew what their responses would be. Her mother would express sympathy and then spend the rest of the call telling Julianne to be careful, not to get too close too fast, not to take any chances. Her father would be suspicious of Adrian and would want to know why Olivia had shot him and was he that sort of guy?

  Someone who would take advantage of women? And he’d try to ask Julianne if they were lovers, but would stumble all over the question until it came out all wrong. Her father was a kind, gentle man who had, she feared, never quite gotten over the horror of trying to comfort his young daughter with a hug and watching her dissolve into a sobbing, flailing mess. Even now, when Julie reached out to him, he would freeze, pat her gingerly and step away. It was going to take a long time for her to mend the tears in their relationship.

  They were such good people. What had happened to Julianne had hurt them terribly because it made them feel like failures. She understood how innocent people could come to feel complicit in events for which they weren’t responsible; she’d done it. She’d spent years thinking what her uncle had done to her was her fault. All her reading, and everything Dr. Lange had told her taught her that this was a classic example of how abused children view the world after their abuse.

  Even now, she found her mind traveling in endless loops, wondering what she could have done to prevent Gerald from ever touching her. What other people could have done, what should have been done. And the truth was that these thought loops were pointless. The damage had been done. What was left was up to her.

  She didn’t want to upset her parents with this new pain. It was hers to deal with. All the same, it was a big burden to carry all alone.

  She went to bed and spent the night dozing fitfully then got up about six and took a shower. About seven-thirty, after making coffee and trying to hold off on phoning the hospital to see how Adrian was, she finally broke down and phoned Dr. Lange.

  “I’m sorry to bother you this early.”

  “What’s wrong, Julianne?”

  “Adrian’s been shot. He’s in the hospital.”

  Dr. Lange was stunned. “What happened? Was it a robbery? How serious is it?”

  But instead of answering, Julianne said, “I need to talk to you about this. I know we both promised to keep our relationship out of our therapy, but I can’t do this by myself, I just can’t.”

  “Can you come to the office?”

  “I’m going to the hospital. I want to be there to see him when he wakes up.”

  “I understand. Let me come to you then. What hospital is he in?”

  Julianne gave her the information, then said, “They think I’m his cousin.”

  “I understand. I’ll meet you there about ten.”

  Julie got to the hospital around nine-fifteen. She was told that Adrian had had a good night and was resting comfortably, but that he still couldn’t have visitors until it was cleared with his doctor.

  “When will that happen?” she asked.

  “It shouldn’t be too long now,” the nurse told her in the encouragingly vague way that medical personnel all seemed to share. Why don’t you have a seat?

  She was still sitting when Dr. Lange arrived. “Have you heard anything?”

  “Comfortable night, still not able to have visitors. Doctor will clear him soon. Same things I’ve heard since yesterday.”

  Dr. Lange nodded, but said nothing. She seemed distracted, edgy; Julianne realized that she was worried about Adrian, too. How odd that Julianne had never thought about Dr. Lange having any sort of emotional life of her own.

  She reached out and took hold of the doctor’s hand. Lange seemed startled.

  “I’ve come a long way,” was all Julianne said.

  They talked for over an hour until the doctor Julianne had spoken to the night before came out to talk to her.

  “He’s doing very well,” was the first thing he said to them. “I think we’re going to try to get him on his feet this afternoon.”

  “Already?”

  “He’ll be at less risk for all sorts of complications if we get him moving as quickly as possible. But right now I think he’d like to see you. Please, just one of you. He’s still groggy. He’s on some pretty good pain medication right now, so he might not make a lot of sense, but I’m sure he’ll be happy that you’re here.”

  Julianne went right to Adrian’s room, forcing herself not to run to his side. The doctor had told the truth when he said that Adrian was groggy. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, and he had a goofy smile on his face.

  “Hey,” she said, touching his fingertips. It seemed like the only place on his body that there weren’t tubes and wires.

  He turned and tried to focus. “Julie. My Julie. My sweet, beautiful Julie. How are you? Are you okay? I hope you’re okay. I’m fine, just fine.”

  She giggled. “I’m fine too.” She kissed his cheek.

  “That’s nice. You can do that again if you want. I like that.”

  “We’ll get to that. I’d ask you if there’s anything you need, but I’m not sure if it would make sense.”

  “Bacon. I’d like some bacon.” He smacked his lips. “Or ice cream. I’m so tired. Is that normal?”

  “Perfectly normal.” She brushed his hair back from his forehead and kissed him again. “I’m so glad to see you, my darling.”

  “Oh Julie, I wanted to ask you something. What was it? Something about the future. I
don’t remember. Something about gumballs. Can I have some ice cream? Oh wait, it was about getting married. Do you think I should get married? No, that wasn’t it.”

  “I think that question can wait, sweetheart.”

  “Nooo, but it’s important,” he insisted. “So important. Want to marry you.”

  “When the time comes you’ll ask and I’ll say yes.”

  “That makes me feel much better,” he told her. “I think I can sleep now.” He closed his eyes and within a minute he was sound asleep.

  Without his distracting silliness Julie realized just how serious his wound must have been. As if all the tubes and wires weren’t alarming enough, Adrian was hooked up to all sorts of machines. She turned away from the bed and took a couple of deep, calming breaths. He could have died. If Olivia’s aim had been better, Julianne might never have seen Adrian again.

  The thought was unbearable.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Adrian improved rapidly to the point where the doctor told him he’d be out of the hospital before the weekend. “Wednesday might be pushing it but I think Thursday is a good day to shoot for.”

  “Interesting turn of phrase,” Adrian remarked. He was being weaned off the heavy duty painkillers and the discomfort had turned his normally dry sense of humor to mordant. Or was it morbid? he wondered. There was still some brain fog going on, but he was sharp enough to find his own joke amusing.

  “What? Oh. Sorry. Do you have someone at home who can help you for a week or two?”

  “A week or two?”

  “Yeah, you’re going to have to take it easy. You can’t be running around, though I don’t think you’ll feel like it for a while. No stairs and absolutely no lifting. Understand?”

  “For how long?”

  “I’ll let you know.”

  Adrian figured the doctor was being extra cautious and he just nodded. It wasn’t as if he spent his time at home hauling bricks and doing gymnastics after all.

  “And we’ll have to make appointments for outpatient follow-ups. Your lung function looks good, but I want to make sure it stays that way.”

  “What fun. You sure do know how to show a boy a good time.”

  The doctor, who seemed a humorless sort, looked down at Adrian with a complete lack of comprehension. “If there’s no one who can stay with you we can arrange a caregiver.”

  “I’ll take care of it.” Adrian was pretty certain he could manage on his own, but he didn’t feel like arguing the issue.

  His first physical therapy session disabused him of that notion. Until he was put through his paces in the mildest possible way, he’d done little more than sit up in bed and shuffle a few feet across his hospital room. It had tired him out but hadn’t been uncomfortable. But physical therapy was miserable. How could breathing exercises be so awful? By the time he was on his way back to his room, he was convinced that his doctor had been right. He was going to need a helper for a few weeks.

  Julianne was waiting for him when he got back. His whole day improved whenever she came to visit.

  “You’re looking good,” she observed.

  “For a man who’s just been tortured, I imagine so.”

  “He just likes to complain,” the nurse told her. “He had his first PT session today and he whined all through it from what I hear.”

  “The therapist is a sadist. She’s trying to kill me.”

  “You’re in bad shape, Mr. Castle. You have a long way to go to get back to where you were before the shooting.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “No you’re not,” Julianne told him. “Now lie down and be quiet.”

  “That’s the drugs talking,” the nurse assured him. “You’re not going to feel so fine when we send you home with aspirin and a hot water bottle.”

  Julianne giggled. “See? Now you lie down and mend.

  He did as she told him. He enjoyed it when she got bossy. It made him laugh. Which hurt, but in a way he could tolerate.

  “They’re evicting me on Thursday. Maybe Wednesday.”

  “Thursday,” the nurse called from the bathroom.

  “So I don’t need to bake that file into a cake after all.”

  “Nah, they’re gonna spring me. Shame that. I rather wanted to make a daring midnight escape down the drainpipe.”

  “You couldn’t even climb down your bed on your own.”

  “Oh ye of little faith. How can you be so cruel to me?”

  “You scared me, that’s how. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I went and picked up your things from the office and took them to your apartment. I’ll go over there on Tuesday to dust and air it out.”

  “No, Julie, don’t put yourself out. I’m going to get a temporary housekeeper.”

  “That’s right, you are. Me.”

  “What? No.” He couldn’t ask her to do that, and he wasn’t sure he wanted her to anyway. He had an awful lot to think about. The drugs had canceled out a lot of the memories of that day, but he could still, quite clearly, see Olivia’s head snapping back, and behind her the bright spray of red across the wall. All of it in slow motion. He could almost see the paths of the bullets in his mind’s eye.

  He had done that to Olivia. He had turned his back on her knowing how fragile she was.

  “Yes. Look, I’m not going to let a perfect stranger take care of you. Anyway they won’t have any interest in making you do the things you’re supposed to be doing.”

  “You’re going to be a little tyrant, aren’t you?”

  “Count on it. I’ve already started talking to the doctor about what it is you’ll need. I have a long list of Don’ts.”

  “Yeah, me too. They’re treating me like I’m a geriatric patient.”

  “They’re treating you like a man who had a hole shot through him, a collapsed lung and a liver that nearly flooded the ER with blood.”

  “You overstate a bit,” he accused, but fondly.

  “No, it was a river,” the nurse assured him as she checked his pulse. “Like the Nile after Moses decided to make a point. Liver injuries will do that. Well apart from your heart rate being a bit fast which I attribute to the presence of this lovely gal, you’re doing quite well. I’ll leave you two alone.”

  She left the room and Adrian insisted again that he didn’t need Julianne to stay with him.

  “You have work,” he said, hoping to sound reasonable.

  “You know I can work at your place just as easily as at mine. And I want to make sure you’re okay. You’re not getting away from me that easily.” And then, as if she realized that what she was saying could be mistaken for the sort of obsessive behavior that had destroyed Olivia, she said, “You know what I mean. I want to be there for you.”

  He reached out and she caught hold of his hand. “I would love you to be there for me, but you have a life of your own.”

  “You’re in it,” she reminded him. So no more complaining. I brought a deck of cards.”

  “Gin, then. I’m going to whup your ass.”

  “In your dreams.”

  They played cards for several hours until Sergeant Marlowe showed up to ask Adrian some questions. Julianne excused herself so Adrian was left alone with the detective.

  “Your doctor told me you were up to talking.”

  Adrian nodded. “Whatever you need to know.”

  “The woman who shot you was Olivia Lindenhurst?”

  “Yes.”

  “Your co-workers tell me that you and she had a confrontation about a week before the shooting. May I ask what it was about?”

  “I had ended our affair. She wasn’t about to let it go that easily. She came to have it out with me.”

  “Did she threaten your life at that time?”

  Adrian tried to recall the fight. “Not that I remember, but emotions were running high. She might have said something that could be construed as a threat to me, though I didn’t recognize one.”

  “Had she ever threatened your life?”

  “
No, but she had threatened to kill herself on several occasions.”

  “And what was your response?”

  “I stayed with her.”

  “You didn’t this last time.”

  “No. I told her it had to be her choice. That no one could make anyone else commit suicide.”

  “So she showed up at your office with a gun—”

  “She told me she had one but I’d never seen it until just before she shot me.”

  “She didn’t threaten or...” He waved his hand. “Anything?”

  “I’m not entirely clear on what she said right up to when she pulled the gun and shot me. Then I remember her saying “I’ll see you in Hell,” just before she killed herself. It was a very confusing situation.”

  “I imagine so. Did you know that she was taking a lot of prescription medication?”

  “I know she had prescription bottles in her apartment. I didn’t pay much attention to them.”

  “You sure? There were a lot of psycho-active drugs there.”

  “I’m sorry, are you suggesting that I took them too?”

  “It’s been known to happen, Mr. Castle. However I’m wondering how it might escape your attention that she was so heavily medicated.”

  Adrian lay back against the pillow. “I’m sure you’re going to think I’m fairly callous when I say that I didn’t pay much attention to what she did. To be blunt, I was there for the sex.”

  “Nothing else?”

  “Such as?”

  “Her money?”

  “I never took money from her.”

  “Most men would.”

  “I earn my own way, thanks.”

  “Would it surprise you to know you’re the beneficiary of her life insurance policy?”

  That was a shock. “Yeah, it would. Olivia struck me as the sort of woman who didn’t bother with insurance. She had no family. Her husband died at forty-one leaving her a lot of money and too much time on her hands.” He noticed that the Sergeant was studying him closely and he said, “Wait, are you seriously thinking that I somehow managed to make her buy a life insurance policy and then got her to commit suicide?”