The Winding Road Home

by Sally John

  She shook her head. “It was incomprehensible. Like this.”

  “Will you just think about it?”

  It began to sink in then, the whole wildly outrageous joy of her dream taking shape. She smiled. That stretched to a grin. She giggled. “Oh, Graham!” She slid her arms around his neck and laughed loudly. “What’s to think about?”

  Thirty-One

  “Was that the coolest thing you’ve ever seen or what?” Kate grasped the hands of Jenna and Jake and whirled the three of them around the airplane in a silly dance, each trying to out-“yahoo!” the others.

  Off to one side, Tanner laughed, relishing in a deep sense of satisfaction. The kids were delighted with the plane ride. Though he recognized that, as usual, his first reason for doing something was to please his dad, he also got a kick out of putting those smiles on the little Marnie faces.

  And Kate had come. She had risen to the occasion as he suspected she would, embracing the moment with all of her energy. She would give Jesus the credit, of course, but she had been willing in the first place to step out into unknown territory. He admired her for that. Even if the landing terrified her.

  “Oh, Tanner!” she cried now. They danced over to him, and, letting go of hands, she and Jenna grabbed his.

  He joined their circle and hopped around, wondering at the picture. Wouldn’t his dad think them ridiculous? Thirty-year-olds prancing like preschoolers? His dad was probably still shaking his head over Kate, assuming she was his latest girlfriend. Her shiny copper hair would be described as red in a derogatory tone; her clogs, baggy pants, and billowing coat as urchinlike.

  Tanner let go of hands, grabbed Kate around the waist, and twirled her. She was none of those things his father, so consumed with appearances, might think.

  She squealed till he set her down. “Thank you!” She kissed him on the cheek.

  He slipped his arms around her back and held her a moment longer than their brief friendly hugs usually lasted, his face against her neck. She smelled clean…fresh…of soap…of innocence.

  She pulled back. “Hey! It’s time for ice cream, big brother! You promised!”

  He wanted to kiss her. Instead he tweaked her nose and went off to finish his postflight duties. It took twice as long as it should have. His mind kept wandering, imagining what it would be like to kiss those shapely lips. In so intimate a touch, would her energy feel like an electric shock?

  Eventually he joined the others at his car. They were taking the kids home, right after a stop at the mall for ice cream. He hadn’t spent much time with Jake and Jenna. They were likable kids and well behaved.

  Although dinnertime wasn’t far off, Kate ordered a cone. No surprise. They found a table in the open food court and sat, while the kids carried their cones over to the stage where a magician was performing.

  He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Kate’s vanilla ice cream mustache.

  She caught his eyes on her. “What?”

  “Is this the same woman who wrote that scathing editorial?”

  She laughed. “I think so. Oh, Tanner!”

  He had lost count how many times she had said that since they landed. “You don’t have to thank me again.”

  “But I do! That was the most magnificent thing. All the fields and trees and sky and the river and creeks. Can we do it again when things are in bloom?”

  He didn’t remind her that by then she would be gone. “Anytime.”

  “Is it horribly expensive?”

  “No. I get a significant discount, and we don’t have to pay a pilot.”

  “But ‘expensive’ is a relative term.”

  “True. Don’t worry about it.”

  “What you did today was magnificent too.”

  “What’d I do?”

  “You forgave your dad.”

  He frowned. “How’s that?”

  “He didn’t show up yesterday, inflicting even more emotional damage on you.”

  He flinched. “Do you ever consider mincing your words?”

  She lowered the cone. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m only kidding.”

  She didn’t look convinced.

  “Partly.”

  “Anyway, in spite of that, you did something for him that cost you a lot of time and energy. You had to swallow your pride to do what you did today.”

  He shrugged. “I love flying.”

  “That’s beside the point. Don’t shrug it off, Tanner. What you did was an act of forgiveness.” Her green eyes filled. “It was a really big deal.”

  He glanced away before his own eyes resembled hers. “Not as big a deal as what you did.”

  “Oh, Tanner!” There it was again, that ecstatic, bubbling tone.

  He looked at the face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Don’t thank me again. All I did was invite you. You came, you got on board, you opened your eyes.”

  “None of it possible without your encouragement. God is so amazing. You knew He wouldn’t let me down, but I didn’t want to take Him at His word. Not when it came to flying in small planes!”

  “Kate, what you did spoke volumes to me about God. More than anything I’ve heard in church so far.”

  She lowered the ice cream cone again. The white mustache was still there.

  He picked up the napkin lying on the table in front of her and dabbed away the ice cream. If faith were contagious like a cold, he would have kissed away the creamy line right there in front of everyone. Maybe with her it was contagious. Maybe that electrical shock of energy would be infused with the spirituality she wore so eloquently.

  “Tanner.” She pushed aside his hand. “If that spoke volumes, then you’ll keep up your end of the bargain?”

  “I don’t know. It would appear that I simply cannot take you out in public. However, if you promise not to spill, I’ll take you to Antonio’s.”

  “Dinner is not what I meant.”

  He knew what she meant and dropped his joking tone. “A deal is a deal. But let’s do dinner first. For some reason I don’t want to get down on my knees in the middle of the mall.”

  Her eyes bore into his as if she wanted to read his mind.

  “I promise, Kate. I promise I will.”

  Kate fidgeted in Tanner’s car. And it wasn’t only because she couldn’t stop thinking about Tanner’s hands on her waist, effortlessly lifting her off the ground and twirling her around. Or about her impulsive kiss on his scratchy, solid cheek. Or about his face pressed against her neck. Or about his hand patting a napkin at her mouth.

  Dusk was falling, and they sat in a driveway in an old established neighborhood of Rockville. Large lawns and hedges separated homes. She had seen the hidden backyards from River Parkway below. They melded into the edges of bluffs, no doubt providing spectacular views of the river.

  The house before them was a white, three-story colonial. Enormous oak trees rose around it like an elegant canopy even in their early spring barrenness.

  Tanner turned to her. “So this is where I grew up. Would you like to see the inside? No one’s home. Mom’s still in Arizona.”

  “Uh, no thanks. Some other time.”

  They had just completed a tour of Sidney and Marnie’s house, a newer sprawling brick affair with an indoor swimming pool. The plan to simply drop the kids at the door was foiled by Marnie’s friendly invitation to a cup of tea. It would have felt rude to turn her down.

  Kate thought her imagination was pretty good, but the two homes owned by Tanner’s father went far beyond anything she had anticipated. They solidified her notion that Tanner’s background would be impossible to relate to hers.

  He spoke again. “He makes an obscene amount of money.”

  Obviously. “Hey, do you mind if we stop at my parents’ house before dinner?”

  “Not at all. I’d love to.” He sounded relieved and quickly shifted into reverse.

  They rode in companionable silence to yet another section of town. Kate felt quieted after the wild exuberance of the
afternoon flight. It wasn’t only the fact that she had actually flown in the small plane that fueled her sense of silent awe. It was most of all that Tanner had chosen an act of forgiveness toward his dad…that he saw God’s faithfulness in her climbing into the plane…that he promised to get down on his knees. Hallelujah.

  He interrupted her thoughts. “I made reservations for seven.”

  “Great. That gives me plenty of time.”

  “For what?”

  “Changing clothes.”

  He glanced over at her. “Why would you do that?”

  Because her mother would have a fit if she knew she wore baggy khaki slacks and an oversized sweater to Antonio’s. “Antonio’s is…” She shrugged. “Upscale.”

  “Since when would anything affect what you wear?”

  “Since I saw the two houses that belong to your family.”

  “I’m wearing blue jeans.”

  And a soft black sweater over a white collared shirt, a combination that emphasized his dark good looks. “Tanner, you look presentable in anything.”

  “So do you.”

  She bit her lip, wishing he hadn’t said that. “I don’t need to hear empty flattery. I’m sure you know that by now.”

  “It wasn’t and I do know that. You have a rare, colorful, individualistic look about you. It doesn’t matter what you wear.”

  “You’re pretty good at dishing out compliments.”

  “Kate, give me a break. Why won’t you accept what I say at face value? Is it because my dad has money?”

  She squirmed, uncomfortable as much with her tone as with his probing. “Partly.”

  “Partly. What’s the other part?”

  “Well, good grief, Carlucci, women refer to you as Adonis.”

  He burst out laughing. “What do my looks and my dad’s money—two things I can hardly take any credit for—what do they have to do with you not accepting what I say? What? They’re proof I’m shallow and insincere and a prig?”

  Put that way… “No. I just don’t want to embarrass you at Antonio’s. Even Beth makes me change clothes sometimes before she’ll go out with me.”

  He laughed again. “Trust me. You don’t have to on my account.”

  “But if you don’t mind waiting, I think I’ll change. My brother says I clean up pretty good.”

  He smiled at her. “I’m sure you do, Kate Kilpatrick. I’m sure you do.”

  Tanner watched Kate walk down the staircase, well aware of her dad standing nearby. He made an effort not to gawk as her legs came into view.

  Kate had legs. Slender calves in black hose, small feet in black flats.

  She had a feminine shape, evident now in a knee-length black knit dress.

  She had normal hair… No, not normal. It was a rich, beautiful, unusual color and hung in soft waves just above her shoulders.

  Eyeshadow enhanced her pretty eyes and a glossy hint of color emphasized those lips—

  “Tanner! We’re running late!” She jumped down the last two steps. “Sara insisted on trying to curl my hair. Ready?”

  Good. She hadn’t lost her energetic quirkiness. He nodded.

  Her mother trailed behind her, carrying a plastic grocery bag. “Katelyn, wear my black coat. Dan, get it out of the closet.”

  “Mom,” she protested.

  “You’ll ruin the effect wearing your dad’s old raincoat.”

  Dan held a long wool coat open for his daughter. “Thanks, Dad. Let me have my clothes.” She took the bag from her mom and they exchanged a hug. “Bye. Bye, Dad. Tanner, will you bring along my favorite raincoat there?” She pointed to the coat draped over a chair. “Thanks.”

  Tanner waved his goodbyes to her parents and followed Kate out to his car…still speechless.

  The inner beauty of Kate Kilpatrick had just leaped into a different realm, fanning the flame that already burned steadily within him. It didn’t need any fanning. What was she trying to do? Break his heart?

  He reached around her before she had a chance to open the car door herself.

  “Tanner, we don’t have time for Galahad!”

  He took the plastic bag from her and put a hand under her elbow as she stepped up onto the running board. “On the contrary, Guinevere, we have all the time in the world.”

  She sat down, complaining, “But I’ve never eaten at Antonio’s! What if they give our table away?”

  “They won’t.” He shut her door, opened the back one, and laid her bag and coat on the seat.

  “How do you know they won’t?”

  He shut that door, went around to his, and climbed in. “Because my dad owns it.” He started the engine.

  “Really?”

  “Mm-hmm. I hear the food is excellent.”

  “Haven’t you been there?”

  “Not since I made a total fool of myself by overturning a table and yelling at the wait staff. Lifetime ago.” He flipped on the heater.

  “Tanner.” Her tone was thoughtful, almost awestruck. “This sounds like another act of forgiveness.”

  He hadn’t thought of it that way, but then he didn’t have the ability to see things from her upside down, inside out perspective.

  “Actually.” He turned to her, his arms crossed on the steering wheel. “I haven’t met anyone I wanted to take there. I kept waiting for a quirky redhead to walk into my life. You know, someone I could show off.”

  “It’s a good thing I dressed up for the occasion.”

  “But I made the reservations before you did. Dressed up or not, you are something to show off.”

  “Tanner.”

  He heard the reservation in her tone and knew he tread on thin ice. If he went with the Galahad speech, she would most likely fling herself from the car and hightail it back into the house. Adios, bud.

  “Anyway, Kilpatrick, your brother was right. You clean up real good.”

  She could handle that. With a grin she settled back against the seat. “Thanks.”

  He turned on the lights and shifted into drive. Maybe some other time he would tell her exactly how intoxicatingly beautiful she really was.

  Late that night Tanner stood at the window in his darkened bedroom. The blinds were open, allowing in dim light cast from a streetlamp. He gazed across the street on the town square at the trees, walkways, and band shell. A handful of teenagers hung out, lounging against their cars. Cal or one of the other deputies would be by soon. They’d chat and eventually leave. He’d watched it happen on a nightly basis since moving in above the pharmacy.

  Life was peaceful in Valley Oaks, almost as peaceful as it was at ten thousand feet. He felt a relief when leaving Rockville and a pleasant anticipation to check the store, make sure the kids had locked up properly, and climb the stairs to his quiet apartment.

  There had been a competing pleasant anticipation, that of kissing Kate goodnight. He knew it wouldn’t happen, but the anticipation had been there to savor.

  She insisted he not walk her to the door, but he did anyway. It was true, what she had said. She could at times talk too much; he gave himself permission to ignore some of her wishes…the ones that sounded like orders. She thanked him profusely for the day, and then she was in the house. Not even her semi-customary hug. And dinner had been quite good, their conversation thoroughly captivating.

  Wouldn’t you know it? He had finally got the hang of falling for a woman, and the one he chose wasn’t the least bit interested in anything beyond friendship.

  He thought of their earlier conversation at the mall. Why had he promised “on his knees”? Twice?

  A memory tucked deep into the folds of his subconscious wiggled its way to the surface. Grammy Stanton. His mother’s grandmother. She had taught him to pray on his knees. Always on his knees. When he was nine, she had died. He prayed on his knees that she would come alive again. He had never gone down on his knees since.

  Kate would ask. Kate would hound him.

  He lifted his eyes to the stars. Well, God, I’ve always known You’
re there. Just look at that sky. Between his greatgrandmother and his flying, he never doubted His existence.

  But what Kate did today…put her fear in Your hands and then ended up loving it…You’re more than just existing out there in the big cosmos. My only gripe is You’ll probably insist I forgive my dad. Forgive and forget.

  Today’s attempt hadn’t been all that difficult. Of course Kate the cheerleader had drawn his eyes to the children’s fun, away from the man who…

  Kate would ask.

  He went to his bedside and slowly got down on his knees.

  “Okay,” he whispered, “I’m here. Jesus. I guess I’m talking to You.”

  He paused, not exactly sure what was expected of him. Maybe he should just keep talking. He had certainly done a lot more foolish things than talk to the air. But he knew…he knew it wasn’t just air.

  “I saw You today. Alive and well in Kate. I’ve never seen anyone so afraid of anything, and she’s about the least fearful person I’ve ever met. She never could have gotten on that plane and then reacted the way she did unless her faith is in something, someone who is real. I guess what I’m asking is…though I have no right to ask for anything…”

  He didn’t. He was filth. So why was he there pretending otherwise?

  Because Kate would ask.

  Because the pastor said in the morning sermon that Jesus hung out with prostitutes, thieves, and drunks in order to invite them into His kingdom. He was only waiting for them to RSVP.

  “Okay, I’m RSVP-ing. I want to be part of Your family. I want what Kate has. I need You at some inner core of my being. Please come in. Please make me clean and whole?”

  By now Tanner’s face was buried in the bed covers, his arms stretched out in surrender. The instant the tears came he knew they were why he had put off this meeting. He hated crying. It brought back those wasted years when he cried often. It brought back that last time he had been on his knees, crying for the old woman who had shown him such love.

  A warmth came over him, the sort of warmth that satiated… Hot chocolate after a cold day of sledding… Grammy’s arms around him, the hint of lavender in her cheek… His parents laughing together at his first-grade acting debut… A three-point buzzer shot at the end of a quarter…