Till Death Do Us Bark

by Judi McCoy

  “And mi familia will be allowed in? As guests—not just servants?”

  “In order to show a united front, yes.”

  “Then you only want us there for show, not because we support Arlene or because we’re a part of her life?” His smart-ass tone grew stronger. “That figures.”

  “Hey, Skippy,” Viv interrupted, pointing a finger. “Arlene has treated each of the Suarezes like one of her own, including you. There’s no way you can pull the race card here.”

  “What do you know, hermanita? I hear you weren’t around Arlene enough to act like you cared. You never even met that loco slime-covered joke of a doctor she was so in love with.”

  Viv tugged her sweater tightly around her and blew out a breath. “Watch what you say, smart guy, or Ellie just might forget to do her thing. If that happens, the cops’ case will go through and it’ll be hasta la vista, baby, for you.”

  Ever the peacemaker, Ellie tried for a truce. “There’s no need for either of you to get snarky. We’re all hoping for the same outcome. We want the person who committed the crime to go to jail, and the one who’s innocent to go free.” She gave Tomas a warning frown. “Understand?”

  Shrugging, he sank lower in his chair. “I guess.”

  Rosa trundled out from the kitchen with a pitcher of iced tea, took one look at her son, and shook her head. “Basta, Tomas! Qué te pasa? Treat Ellie con respeto o si no, si no, and help your father with the yard work, ahora mismo.”

  “Sí, Madre.” He pushed away from the table, his gaze still sullen and unforgiving.

  “Tomas.” Rosa set the pitcher of tea on the table with such force the liquid splashed out in a puddle.

  “Con su permiso,” he said with a dip of his chin, first toward his mother, then toward Ellie. He sulked off down the stairs and into the garden below.

  “Aye, mi hijo,” Rosa muttered, using a towel to wipe up the spill. “He has, how you say, mucho rabia, the chip on his shoulder. But he has promised us he is finished hanging out with bad friends. He will be taking a course this fall, learning how to repair cars. Arlene has offered to pay for the classes, and Julio and I promised her Tomas would pay her back every week, once he finds a job.”

  “Once this is over, he’ll be fine,” said Ellie. “Right, Viv?”

  “Arlene will keep him on the straight and narrow, Rosa. I’m sure of it.”

  “Is there anything special you want me to do tonight?” the housekeeper asked, her tone a bit brighter.

  “Just try to keep things as normal as possible,” Ellie advised. “I’ve already given Terry and Maria their instructions. We’ll want to keep all the guests together.”

  “Ah, I see.” The housekeeper gave a tentative smile. “You know what you are doing, so I am returning to my apartment to put on something warmer. This weather, it is dark and dreary, perfect for an evening funeral.”

  Ellie and Viv had talked last night, and she still wasn’t sure how her “plan” would play out, but she didn’t want Rosa to feel defeated. When the housekeeper left, Viv leaned into the table. “Let’s go over things again, okay? I don’t want to do anything to screw it up.”

  “You’re not the only one,” Ellie confessed. “I’m not sure I can pull off my part, either.”

  “Well, there’s a confidence builder,” groused Viv. She opened her own spiral pad and surveyed her notes. “I need a timeline, which I trust you and big sis already went over.”

  Ellie flipped her tablet to the right page. “Arlene and your parents are at the crematorium as we speak, bringing home the doc’s ashes in a plain plastic container. Arlene is pissed that he was such a creep and refuses to spend any more money than necessary to see Dr. Sleazeball off. Since his final resting place will be the bottom of the Atlantic, there’s no need to buy anything fancy.”

  Viv stared at the gloomy sky. “Rosa’s right about the day being perfect for a funeral, but plastic is too good for the man,” said Viv. “If it was me, I’d bring his remains home in a paper cup.”

  “Me, too, but it’s not our decision,” Ellie said with a grin. “Next, Rosa is in charge of the caterers. They’ll be here at four to set up. They’re keeping it simple: canapés, soda, wine, and beer. Terry and Maria will build a childsized sand castle at low tide, which is scheduled for”—she scrutinized her spiral—“five thirty-seven p.m. They checked the movement of the ocean with the scheduled reports and figure they have about an hour before the water starts to rise and washes the castle out to sea.”

  “Arlene will hold the short ceremony promptly at six thirty. The entire crowd will then retire to the deck and backyard by seven, where they will enjoy canapés, drinks, and gossip until they get shuttled out by Detective Wheeling’s crowd control officers.”

  “And the immediate family and our suspects?”

  This was the tough part. If anyone refused to stay, it could blow the entire plan apart. “Will be corralled by Julio, Terry, and Maria, and led into the living room, because they’ll be told Arlene has something personal to share.”

  “And that will be our big moment. I can hardly wait,” said Viv, smiling like a four-year-old at her birthday party.

  “Just remember, somber is best in this situation. Don’t give anyone a chance to ask what your sister is going to say. If you’re cornered, lie your way out of it. I don’t mean this the way it sounds, but that should be easy for you.”

  Viv tapped the tip of her pen on the table. “Because of the situation, it definitely will be.” She glanced around the patio, then inched closer, as if she were a spy discussing a secret mission. “Where are we going to practice your act?”

  “I thought we’d do it in the same place we’ll handle it tonight. I want our prize clue giver to feel comfortable when he does his part.”

  After setting an elbow on the table, Viv cupped her chin in her hand. “Are you ready to start practicing now?”

  Ellie pocketed her tablet and pen. “I think we’d better have lunch first. There’s no telling how long this will take.”

  “Awwwk! None of that Polly want a cracker crap. I want truffles. Awwwk!”

  “Oh, Lord, now what?” said Viv, shaking her head. “We’ve been at this all afternoon and that dopey bird has yet to follow through with one thing we’ve asked.” She dropped into a chair. “Now he’s demanding truffles.”

  “I doubt Arlene’s ever given him an actual truffle, so I don’t believe he really wants one,” said Ellie.

  She gritted her teeth and gave Myron a forced smile. She and Viv had eaten lunch, then brought the African gray into the living room and set his stand in the place Ellie thought it might work best. The weather forecasters were now predicting the next twenty-four hours would be cold and gloomy, so a glowing fire might help warm the chilly night. Myron liked it warm, and Arlene had told her he was sensitive to the vibes people threw off. The last thing she needed was a smart-mouthed pseudowitness.

  “Ease up on the negativity, please. We’re trying for a little cooperation here,” she told Viv.

  “Well, it doesn’t look like we’re going to get any,” Viv muttered. “We’ve done everything but stand on our heads, and all that parrot does is yak senseless phrases and oldies tunes. Stupid bird.”

  “Bird, bird. Awwwk! The bird is the word. Awwwk!”

  Frowning, Ellie rolled her eyes. Viv was correct. They’d been at this for so long, she’d forgotten when they started. Myron’s seed dish was full, as was his water cup, and she’d fed him bits of raw apple. What more did he want? She cut her eyes to Viv, who was pacing with such determination she was going to wear a groove in Arlene’s hardwood floor. “Maybe you should take a break. Go for a walk, see how the caterers and Rosa are doing with the setup, or help your dad with Arlene’s speech.”

  Viv heaved a sigh. “You might be right. We’re just not connecting with Myron, and you have more patience than I do. It’s frustrating standing here listening to him and his silly antics.”

  “I thought that hanging-upside-down-by-o
ne-leg thing he did was pretty impressive,” said Ellie, giving a tired grin. They both turned at the sound of a police siren. When Ellie grounded herself, she gave Myron the evil eye. “That’s not funny, mister. Stop playing games and start working with us.”

  The African gray cocked his head, raised one leg, and lifted his middle claw.

  “I don’t believe it,” said Viv, her eyes narrowed to slits. “He’s flipping you the bird.”

  Totally defeated, Ellie flopped into a chair. “If he acts like this tonight, I’ll look like a fool and the entire exercise will be an embarrassment. James Bond and Detective Wheeling will laugh their heads off and the rest of the guests will think it’s the evening’s entertainment.”

  She looked at her watch. “Why don’t you find Arlene and see if she’s okay?”

  Viv gave Myron another once-over. The parrot spread his wings like the American eagle and screeched.

  “Okay, that’s it! I say there’s no way to get that bird to act human and cooperate.” Viv stood and aimed for the foyer. “I’ll start with Arlene. If she’s all right, I’ll move to Rosa, then the girls. One of them must need someone with a brain.”

  When Viv disappeared, Ellie turned to the African gray. He really was beautiful. Close to a foot in length, Myron had light gray feathers cloaking his body, a long red tail, and a black beak with a deadly-looking point at the hooked tip. Whenever she and the parrot locked gazes, she felt as if he was reading her from the inside out, gauging her thoughts and her emotions.

  “You’re goin’ at this the wrong way, Triple E,” Rudy quipped. He and T had been curled up sound asleep on a pair of wingback chairs in the living room through the entire ordeal.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Think on it a minute. Ol’ Myron there is an animal. Animals work best for treats. You’ve given him food, but nothing special, so why should he talk for you?”

  Ellie dinged the heel of her hand against her good temple. She was definitely batting zero in this game, while Rudy was batting a thousand.

  “Vivie and I have been acting like idiots for the past couple of hours. Why didn’t you say something before now?”

  “Twink said you had to get it on your own. He was sure Viv would catch on.”

  “Do me a favor, please. Next time you see that I’m on the wrong track, don’t listen to Mr. T. Speak up and set me straight. We wasted an afternoon, and I still don’t know if what you’re suggesting will work.”

  Rudy jumped off the chair, gave a full body shake, and parked his bottom on the floor. “Then I guess you’d better get movin’ and make sure it does.”

  She opened and closed her mouth. Why argue, when he was right? “I’ll be back in a second.”

  She walked to the kitchen and opened every drawer until she found what she was looking for. After dropping a handful of candies in her pocket, she headed for the living room. If the M&Ms didn’t work, she was screwed.

  Dressed in sandals, a pair of black linen slacks, a pale yellow T, and a black silk sweater, Ellie was ready to face the blustery evening. Standing on a far side of the crowd, she scanned the hundred or so people gathered to say a final good-bye to Martin Kent.

  She still couldn’t believe this many folks would be curious enough, or care enough, to pay their respects to an all but convicted criminal, but here they were.

  She knew the extended family was attending in support of Arlene, but there had to be a few voyeurs hoping to hear a bit of gossip about the local doctor who had supposedly dealt illegal “happy pills” to people who were their neighbors. Some were probably customers, or women he slept with, sad to see their drug connection get washed away by the tide, while others might actually have known the man when he was a good and honest physician.

  As promised, Detective Wheeling brought a cadre of uniformed officers to keep folks in line. The first of the police to arrive had taken over the job of guarding the sand castle so Terry and Maria could change into more presentable clothing. The rest set up a guard line of sorts, directing people straight to the sendoff site.

  While in their bedroom getting ready for the event, Ellie and Viv decided to split up and each take a side of the crowd, while Evan had the task of keeping watch over Arlene and Vanessa. Julio became point man, in charge of seeing that the extended family stayed at the house when the service was over, and Tomas avoided the limelight and gave his mother a hand with the caterers.

  With everyone now on the shore, it was Evan McCready who would give a short and impersonal good-bye to Martin Kent. First, Arlene opened the plastic box and sprinkled the ashes into the castle where the ocean breeze swirled them up, down, and around on the sand. Then, standing between his wife and daughter, with an arm around each, Evan raised his voice over the crashing of the waves and asked for silence.

  “We’re gathered here to say good-bye to a member of the community and a part of my daughter’s life,” he began.

  The wind swept in from the ocean, cooling the air and making it difficult for him to be heard. When a voice rose above the sound of the crashing waves, Ellie squinted into the setting sun, surprised to see that the noisy mourner was Ms. D&G, probably crying, thought Ellie, because she’d lost her supplier.

  Pulling Vanessa and Arlene closer to him, Evan continued as if he hadn’t heard. “Martin Kent was a friend, a neighbor, and a physician who thought he was doing his best to help his fellow man. We say farewell to him now, and ask that you stand silent for a minute while the sea carries him to a better place.”

  Impressed with Evan’s simple words, Ellie waited as the foamy water washed in, inching its way to the sand castle. Several women in the crowd sobbed quietly, while a few clustered to provide commentary. When the first wave touched the monument, she locked gazes with Viv. They were almost ready for the next act.

  Detective Wheeling tipped his head to Evan once a minute had passed, and the senior McCready said, “My daughter Arlene would like you all to—”

  “If you don’t mind,” came a voice from the center of the murmuring throng. The mob parted as Michael Forrest, better known as Uncle Mickey, muscled his way to the front. Evan stood strong, his arms still around his wife and daughter, but Uncle Mickey simply placed himself ahead of them.

  “Sorry to interrupt the party. I know it wasn’t planned that I talk, but Martin Kent was my friend. And he asked me to be the best man at his wedding, so I guess that gives me the right to speak here.”

  Detective Wheeling took a step nearer the activity, as did Julio, but Ellie and Viv held their ground. If Michael Forrest was planning to out himself as the killer, this was an odd way to do it.

  He held up a ham-sized hand, and the crowd fell silent. “I’m here to say good-bye to a man who cared about his friends. In the future, you might hear some things about him that aren’t so nice, but I’d like you to forget what you hear and remember him as he was.” Uncle Mickey hung his head. “I can’t imagine anyone trying to hurt him, but they did, and that was a damned shame, because Marty Kent was a man who did what he could to help his community.” He sniffed back a tear. “And I’ll miss him.”

  Then he stepped aside. “Sorry for the interruption, Mr. McCready, but I felt compelled to say my piece.”

  Viv shrugged, and Ellie knew what she was thinking. The pharmacist had the right to speak, even if he was the one who killed the deceased, but it was a strange thing to do.

  Unless it was Uncle Mickey’s way of throwing suspicion off himself.

  Next came the second part of the evening. Wheeling’s officers kept the attendees moving, and didn’t allow anyone to veer toward the cottage or parking lot. When they reached the terrace steps, Ellie saw Tomas standing guard at the door leading to the kitchen. The catering staff had set up a bar on both ends of the deck, while a variety of canapés were waiting in trays on the main table.

  People could stay on the deck, stand on the steps, or sit at the smaller tables arranged on the grassy area in front of the dog pens. Evan, Vanessa, Arlene, Ellie, and Viv w
ere the last to reach the stairs. Rosa and the caterers were dispensing food up top, while Julio looked on.

  “I’m glad this is almost over.” Viv landed in a chair facing one of the tables. “This is tough work.”

  “The toughest is yet to come,” Ellie reminded her. Taking a seat, she smiled at the Boston Terriers, Twink and Rudy, lined up behind the fence and staring at her. “Don’t drop out on me now. You have to stay sharp and help me see this through to the end.”

  “How did things go at the service?” Rudy asked, his nose pushing against the screening.

  As if she were taking a break, Ellie laid her head on her arm and whispered, “Fine, but Uncle Mickey stuck his three cents in after Evan’s eulogy. He shed a tear, and told everyone how much he was going to miss the doc. It was weird.”

  “Maybe he wants people to feel sorry for him, so he’ll look innocent when you put the finger on him?”

  “I was thinking the same—”

  “Are you talking to yourself again?” asked Viv. “Because trouble is coming our way.”

  Ellie looked up and saw Wheeling edging toward them with his partner, Detective Levy, at his side. She put on a cheerful grin, hoping to ward off his questions, but, like Myron, there was no guarantee he’d cooperate.

  “Okay, ladies. We’ve done things your way and nothing’s happened,” he said, stopping at their table. “What are we waiting for?”

  “Except for the family members and personal friends who were here at the prewedding party, we’re waiting for everyone to leave,” Ellie explained, though she’d already given him the drill. “I expect your men to help Julio escort the extra baggage out, say in another fifteen minutes or so. When the last nonguest leaves, we’ll go inside, where Tomas is setting up the living room.”

  “Good thing, because I’m freezing,” said Viv. “I can’t believe it’s the middle of July and there’s such a chill in the air.”