Bette walks up to me, and handing me my glass of wine, she takes a look at the photo. “Oh, that one,” she says dismissively. “It was taken in the band’s early days, long before we moved here. We used to rehearse in that garage. Must have been a couple of years ago.”
We clink our glasses, and take a sip of wine. Bette takes a deep breath, before she says, “Now! Enough serious shit, Baby Doll. We’ve gotten an offer for a gig that’s not our usual kind of gig, and I wanted your take on it.”
“Oh?”
“There’s a new electronics store opening in a local mall, and they want us to play at their opening. The thing is they want us to play unplugged for whatever reason. To play an acoustic set. What do you think about that?”
I’m intrigued. “Really? Sounds interesting. They are paying us, right?”
Bette laughs. “Fuck yeah, they’re paying us, Baby Doll. You in?”
“I’m in. When is it?” I grin at her.
“In a couple of weeks from now. I’ll text you the date.”
I look at the kitchen clock, and am shocked how late it already is. We’ve taken far more than one hour, and I feel bad for having kept Bette from her work. When I tell her as much, she says dismissively, “Don’t you worry, Baby Doll. It was great we had this conversation. You belong to the family now. And I have the whole night to keep my deadline.”
Bette walks me to the bus stop, and she hugs me when we say our good byes. As I stand there, waiting for my bus, I realize that I feel much better than I did before. I decide that everything Bette said and did made me feel better. The way she fixed me with coffee and cake and red wine, the way she understood me and obviously cared about me. And she gave me something to look forward to, other than my upcoming serious talk with Emilia, something that wasn’t scary. Bette, I decided, was really good with people. So why did she say she wasn’t good with relationships, and why didn’t she have a girlfriend of her own?
+++
I have a dream that night.
“Your heart wants it,” Nellie says as we are walking down the upstairs hallway to her bedroom. I’m confused about whether we’ve just come home from a gig or not. We’re dressed like it mostly. I’m wearing my new black mini dress, while Nellie has on a skimpy black leather miniskirt and a cropped black tank top that has a picture of a witch riding a broomstick towards a crescent moon on it, with a caption ‘Ride or Die’. Oddly though she’s also wearing a broad brimmed hat like the witch on her tank top. I realize that we can’t have played a gig that night, because I’m not all sweaty, and neither is Nellie.
“What do you mean by ‘my heart wants it? The Coldhearts?’”
Nellie smiles seductively, gazing at me from under her dark eyelashes, and once again I lose myself in her dark rimmed eyes that set off the pale skin of her face, and that have the color of molten dark chocolate. She puts her hand on my hips, pulling me closer. “I know your heart belongs to ‘The Coldhearts’ already, Sweetheart,” she says softly. She kisses my lips tenderly. “I mean something different. Come on, I’ve a surprise for you.”
Nellie takes my hand and leads me to her bedroom. As we get closer I hear a woman singing. Her voice sounds oddly familiar, but I can’t tell who it is.
‘She’s got hair that’s black as the night, she’s got a skirt that’s oh so tight, I tell you I’ve got an itch, because she’s my – she’s my witch.’
I’m not sure what to make of the song’s lyrics. Now that Nellie’s hair is dyed as black as my own hair, and we’re both in skirts oh so tight.
Keeping her eyes locked with mine Nellie takes a step back, and opens her bedroom door. To my utter shock Emilia stands next to Nellie’s bed, wearing lacy, black underwear, black thigh-highs, and high heels.
“Emilia,” I shriek, “what the hell are you doing here?”
She doesn’t answer my question, but strikes a seductive pose, and seeing the look on my face she smiles at me mischievously. She closes the distance between us, her red hair flowing freely over her shoulders.
I’m unable to speak as Emilia begins to kiss me tenderly, while I feel Nellie’s hands cup my breasts from behind. I relax and close my eyes as I give in to the tender caresses and kisses of my two lovers. In no time at all the two of them strip me naked, and Emilia pulls me back onto Nellie’s bed. Emilia holds me in her arms and strokes me as we watch Nellie toss aside her hat, and do a striptease for the two of us. When she’s nude, she joins us on the bed. Nellie kisses me while Emilia strokes me and fondles my breasts. Next Nellie kisses Emilia, and Emilia kisses me, and our hands and lips start to explore one another’s bodies. Everything is strange and new and yet familiar, as I give in and luxuriate in the love and devotion Nellie and Emilia offer me, and I return their favors without hesitation and with my heart filled with infinite love. Nellie’s bedroom smells of sex and candles, and soon the room is filled with our moans and sighs, too. I get lost in this ocean of love and desire, and drown in the floods of lust and pleasure provided by my lovers’ hands and lips and tongues, until I’m no longer able to tell who is who and which is which.
“My heart wants it!” I scream at the top of my voice as a powerful climax shakes my body and leaves me trembling and panting in the arms of my lovers.
+++
Alas, dreams and reality are so different. The next day I wake up and return to reality. The day passes without me telling Emilia about Nellie and I. And so does the next day. Emilia spends nearly all of her time studying or working on her thesis, while I get my letter of acceptance from the university. I’m a student now. Yay!
After I finish enrolling at college I send Nellie a text and arrange to meet her for coffee. Walking down the long hallway I see her at the entrance to the cafeteria. I recognize her already from afar. She’s adorable as always in her Alice Cullen hairdo, and she’s wearing her nerd glasses, too. Maybe just for me? She smiles at me as she looks up and sees me, and I return her smile as I swiftly close the distance between us. We meet and embrace and exchange a quick, tender kiss.
Letting go of me, she beams at me. “Hey Jenny! How’s it feel to be a college girl?“
“It feels great! But it feels weird, too. Last year I was struggling just to finish high school, and now I’m going to study history and English here.” I shake my head, and then I smile back at her. “My life has changed so much in the past year. I just can’t believe it.”
Nellie hugs me, and kisses me again. “Oh, Sweetheart. You’re all grown up now. And I’m proud of you.” She looks at me tenderly, and asks, “Do you want to get some coffee?”
I nod eagerly, and taking her hand, I pull her into the cafeteria with me. Once we’ve gotten our coffee and found seats, I decide to tell Nellie about how I dreamed of having a threesome with her and Emilia. I take a tentative sip of my steaming coffee and clear my throat.
“You know, I had a really – unusual dream a couple of nights ago, Nell.”
She sips her own coffee and looks at me quizzically. “So, you want to tell me about it, Jen?”
And I do. I tell her every single detail I remember. What we all wore. What we did. She listens attentively, a small smile playing around her kissable lips. The idea of wearing a witch’s hat amuses her.
“That was quite a dream, Jenny,” she says after I’m done. She looks searchingly into my eyes. “How’d it make you feel, though?”
I sigh. “Oh, Sweetheart, it made me feel so happy. Not to mention it really turned me on.” I grin at her. “I woke up all wet, and I spent half an hour in the shower masturbating like crazy.”
Nellie giggles. “Have you ever had a dream that came true, Jenny?”
“Not yet. I used to dream about Lena, my first serious crush on a girl at high school; but when I told her I was interested in her, she turned me down, because she was already in love with another girl in one of our classes. Jesus, I even asked her if she wanted to sleep with me.” I take another sip of my coffee, before I add, “ I ran into them over Christmas when I went to Mun
ich to see my Dad. They’ve been a couple since high school, and they went to Munich to study together.”
Nellie pads the back of my hand. “It’s always wonderful to hear about girls being happy together, Sweetheart. And maybe your dream is a hint at a happy future with Emilia and I?” She adds with a smile.
I finish my coffee, and give her a serious look. “I wish you and Emilia and I could all be happy together.” I sigh. “But that can’t happen until I tell Emilia. And I’m still scared to tell her.”
Nellie finishes her own coffee and nods. “You talked to Bette about doing that?”
I return her nod, thinking of how my talk with Bette made me feel, and I immediately feel a little better.
After saying good-bye to Nellie I leave school. I decide to go downtown to the mall to kill time, and bump into Mr. Britzinger, my old high school history teacher. When he sees me his face lights up, and I can’t suppress a smile myself. He holds out his hand and I shake it.
“Good afternoon, Miss Meier, what a pleasure to see you again,” he says.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Britzinger. It’s good to see you again, too. I have good news for you, I think,” I say before he can even ask what I’m doing now. “I’m just on the way from the university. I enrolled this morning, and I’m going to be studying history and English literature.”
I couldn’t possibly have said anything to make my old history teacher happier, because the corners of Britzinger’s mouth nearly touch his earlobes. “Ms. Meier, you have no idea how pleased I am to hear that. I always thought of you as one of my best students, and I thought you showed a particular aptitude for my own subject, history.”
I’m very grateful to hear that he’d thought so highly of me at a time when I was confused about my own sexuality and more focused on Lena Davids than on history. “Thank you, Mr. Britzinger. You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. I feel as though my life is moving in the right direction.”
Britzinger nods. “And you’re making a career in music, too.”
I’m startled. “How did you know that, Mr. Britzinger?”
He gestures to a poster in the window of a store I hadn’t realized before. “The Coldhearts,” he says. “I think that’s you on the poster over there.”
I walk over to the poster so I can read the details on it. Mr. Britzinger follows me and stands with me. It’s advertising our unplugged gig at the electronics store. I hadn’t realized it was here at this mall.
“Yes, Mr. Britzinger, that’s me, all right.” I look at him and say, “I play bass in ‘The Coldhearts’ now.” Looking back at the poster I shake my head, and add, “It’s hard to believe.”
“I’m happy to see that you’re making a success of your life, Miss Meier.”
I turn to face him again, and smile. “And I hope to see you again, soon.”
We shake hands again, and say our goodbyes, before I go back to staring at the poster of ‘The Coldhearts’. Looking at the four of us makes me smile. I realize just how much I love my bandmates, and that I’ve become closer to them than I am to my family. “You’re my family now,” I mumble to myself.
Thinking about family, I suddenly have an idea. Knowing I can cook a mean Spaghetti Bolognaise, I make the spontaneous decision to prepare a romantic dinner for Emilia tonight. Before I take the bus home I buy the ingredients I need for the main course, and for an Italian salad, plus two bottles of Italian red wine. Finally, I buy gelato for dessert.
Once I’m at home I text Emilia, inviting her to a homemade dinner. I dress casually, since I don’t want to take the chance of spilling anything on myself while I’m cooking; but I wear sexy lingerie under my jeans and sweater just in case things go especially well.
I set the table before texting Emilia everything’s ready. I found a white lace tablecloth that once belonged to my mother. It’s too big for the little table, really, but it still looks nice. I have two place settings laid out, with plates, and cutlery, and two white lace napkins that match the tablecloth, and two wine glasses in place. A crystal salad bowl is sitting at the center of the small kitchen table in my apartment. I light two candles, and open the bottle of wine. I put an album of Within Temptation, one of Emilia’s favorite symphonic metal bands, on my sound system. Taking a deep breath I send her the text letting her know dinner is ready.
Using the key I once gave her, she lets herself into my apartment. She stands at the doorway in awe for a moment, taking in the scene. I take her in, too. She’s dressed casually, in blue jeans and a burgundy top, but somehow she manages to look dressed up. Maybe it’s because she’s so pretty?
“Wow, Jen,” she says with a smile once she recovers from her surprise. “What’s all this for?”
I cross the room to her, embrace her, and kiss her softly. Putting both hands on her shoulders, I look into her eyes earnestly. “For you, Emi. For us,” I say. “You’ve been working so hard, you need a break, and we haven’t had much time together lately…” I smile and shrug. “I thought it’d be a good idea to make dinner for us.”
“Oh, Sweetheart.” Emilia hugs me and kisses me tenderly in return. “It was a lovely idea. Thank you, Jenny.” Letting go of me, she grins. “I’m absolutely starved.”
“Let’s sit down and eat,” I reply, smiling, and pull her chair out for her. I dish up dinner for us, and fill our wine glasses. I sit down, we clink our glasses, and I watch as Emilia takes a sip. An appreciative murmur escapes her, and her tongue collects a drop of wine from her rosy upper lip.
“It’s a Barolo, Emi,” I inform her. “I hope you like everything else as much as you like the wine.”
She grins eagerly, and we get started on our salad. Over dinner we talk about school, which means Emilia does most of the talking, especially about her thesis. As I listen, I begin to become increasingly nervous. When should I tell her? When we finish the main course? After dessert? Or should I save the gelato till after our real talk, the reason I invited her for dinner tonight? Do I even want to tell her tonight, or wait till some other time?
Emilia finishes her spaghetti and her salad, and then she notices just how nervous I’ve become. “Jenny, you’re fidgeting,” she says softly. “That always means you’re really nervous about something.” She gives me a searching look. “What is it? Is there something you wanted to tell me, Sweetheart? Is there something wrong, Jenny?” She reaches across the table and takes my hand, looking concerned. “Please tell me if there is, Love.”
It’s now or never. I take a deep breath before I start. I haven’t practiced a speech or anything. I left it to the moment.
“Emi, I hope you know how much I love you.” My own voice sounds strange in my ears.
Emilia’s blue eyes are sparkling, and there’s a small smile playing around her pink lips. “Yes, I know that, Jenny. So what’s the problem?”
“Emi, you remember how you told me that you didn’t always understand me, but that you loved me, and that you always would?”
She nods. “Yes, I do, Sweetheart.”
I take another deep breath. “Emi, I’m afraid that if you really did understand me, you wouldn’t love me anymore.”
She sighs and squeezes my hand. She gazes deeply into my eyes, looking utterly sincere. “Oh, Jenny. You should know me better than to think that. No matter what it is, it won’t change the fact that I love you.”
My shoulders slump, and I bite my bottom lip, not knowing how to start. I suddenly remember seeing Emilia and Sherinia in our old band’s rehearsal room together, and how I wanted both of them.
“Emi, I think I never told you, but the whole time I was with Sherinia I was in love with you, too?”
Emilia’s smile falters, and my heart sinks. “Oh? But why are you telling me this now?” A thought suddenly seems to occur to her, and she lets go of my hand, looking at me warily. “Has Sherinia called you, Jenny?”
“Oh, My God, no.” I gasp. But then another thought occurs to me. “She hasn’t called you, has she? I mean, you two used to
be friends, right? You first introduced her to the band.”
The idea of having Sherinia back in our lives genuinely worries me, and almost makes me forget about what I was planning to do tonight.
Emilia shakes her head firmly. “No, Jenny, I haven’t heard from her since she sent me a text telling me that she was leaving town.” She relaxes a bit, but gives me a puzzled frown. “So, if you haven’t heard from Sherinia, why are you bringing her up now?”
I can’t look into her eyes, as I blurt out. “Because I wanted you to know that it’s happened again. I’m in love with you and someone else again.”
Emilia stares at me in shocked disbelief for a moment, but then she glares at me furiously. “Are you telling me you’ve been cheating on me, Jennifer Meier?”
She never calls me by my full name. The fact she does it now is bad, really bad. I can’t do anything, but look at her helplessly.
Emilia crosses her arms and regards me coldly. Her normally melodious voice becomes shrill. “Who is it? It’s one of those sluts in your new cunt band, isn’t it? It’s Bette, right? I knew right away she wanted to fuck you!” She gives me a look of disgust. “She wants to fuck anything that moves as long as it’s female.”
Oh, God, this is going so badly! Emilia hardly ever uses filthy language. My stomach is in knots, and I’m feeling desperate. I shake my head. “No, Emi, it’s not Bette, it’s Nellie.”
Emilia gasps, as I go on desperately. “I am in love with Nellie, but I haven’t stopped loving you, too. I really do love you, believe me, please, Emi.” Reaching across the table I try to take her hand, but she pulls away. “Emi, I didn’t want to hurt you, and I don’t, but I can’t help how I feel.”
Emilia shudders, and begins trembling. She shakes her head, and I can see that there are tears in her eyes. It makes me feel even worse than I did already. I love Emilia so much, and it’s obvious that I’ve hurt her, very, very badly. I feel like I want to throw up.
“Nellie. You fucked Nellie,” she says, her voice breaking, “And I thought she was a nice girl, and that she liked me, and the whole time she was fucking you.” Tears begin to run down Emilia’s angelic face, and she slumps forward, her elbows on the kitchen table, her face in her hands.
Jennifer's Triad Page 17