“No, Martin, I’m not crazy. Don’t you see it? It’s who I am. I can’t be really happy unless I can be with Nellie and Emilia. I love them too much to choose between them. It’s simply not true you can be happy with just one person. And I know in my heart it’s the truth, and it’s right for me.”
I let go of his hand as Martin shakes his head again. “I see. Is that what you told Emilia?”
I finish my second cappuccino, and stare down into my empty cup. “She really didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself. She was too angry.”
Martin takes a deep breath, and suddenly he puts his hand on top of mine, squeezing my hand gently. “Don’t give up on Emilia, Jenny. She’s worth it.”
“Yes, I know she’s worth it. But what can I do if she won’t talk to me? How can I convince her I don’t love her any less now than I did before I met Nellie?”
I can literally see how Martin’s mind is working, still thinking about what I told him. “And what exactly is it you want, Jenny? A ménage a trois?”
I pause and consider ordering a drink now, but again I decide against it.
“I don’t really know what you’d call it, Martin, and I haven’t really thought much about how a relationship with Emilia and Nellie would work exactly.”
I start to think, but realize I’m fidgeting, and stop myself. “Nellie’s got some experience with that kind of relationships, though. Emilia seemed to actually like Nellie before she found out I was in love with her. Emilia seems to hate Nellie and the rest of ‘The Coldhearts’, but I don’t understand why, because she’s not like that when she’s around them.”
“Maybe she’s just confused, Jenny,” Martin suggests. “Last year I took it for granted that Emilia was straight. I don’t think she’d ever given any thought to being bisexual or lesbian, until she met you.”
I let that sink in. I hadn’t any idea Emilia was interested in girls until she slept with me. But then she went off to England and started dating a guy. Maybe Martin’s right and Emilia’s still struggling with her sexual orientation? Does she hate ‘The Coldhearts’ because they make her feel insecure?
“I just wish I knew, Martin. And please, don’t tell anyone about all this...” I stop, unsure of how to describe it all.
Martin smiles reassuringly. “Of course not, Jenny. You can county on me. I hope you know that?”
“I do, Martin. You’re the best. You’ve never let me down, and I’ll always love you for that.”
Suddenly Martin’s phone starts to buzz with an incoming message. He briefly looks at the display, and I can tell by the happy expression on his face that it must be a text from his girlfriend. He sighs happily, and says, “Well, Jenny, I’d better go now. I’m meeting Maria later. The coffee is on me.”
He calls the waitress, and pays for our coffees. As we get up, he moves around our small table, and gives me one of his bear hugs. I let out a little squeal of mock pain, and he laughs as we say our good byes. I can feel the waitress’ eyes on me as we leave the bistro.
+++
Emilia still won’t answer my phone calls or reply to my messages, and she won’t open the door for me when I knock, either. She didn’t respond to the note I placed in her mailbox along with the key to her place, a short note telling her I still loved her. I can hear the faint sounds of her moving around somewhere inside her apartment, when I am at home in my own apartment. It drives me absolutely crazy. Which is why I rarely sleep at my place anymore. I can’t stand the thought of Emilia being right next-door, when she won’t speak to me.
Since Emilia keeps on ignoring me, I do my best to fill the gap she’s left in my life. I’ve spent some of the time I’d have spent with Emilia with preparing for my first semester at college. I’ve chosen the classes I want to take, and I’ve spent time waiting in line so I can enroll in them. I’ve been familiarizing myself with the campus. Now I know where the lecture halls where my classes are held in are, and I know where to find the libraries and seminar rooms.
Of course I spend more time with my bandmates, rehearsing old and new material, or just hanging out. I’m spending more time with Nellie in particular, both in and out of her bed. But still I can’t quite manage to keep Emilia off my mind.
Then, finally, I catch sight of her. We are in the middle of playing our gig at the opening of the electronics store in the mall, when I happen to look up, and discover she’s staring at me. Our eyes meet for a long moment, before she looks away. She says something to a tall guy with blue eyes, shoulder-length brown hair, and a beard that looks like he’s just decided to stop shaving. He reminds me of three-day-stubble Jason, the guy Emilia was dating back when she spent a semester in London last year. I can tell he’s interested in her, both by the way he smiles at her, and the way he looks at her.
Next to Emilia, my best friend Martin is standing with his right arm around the shoulder of his girlfriend Maria. He smiles and waves at me to acknowledge he’s seen me. I nod at him and Maria in return, before my eyes are drawn to Emilia again. Even though our eyes meet, her expression remains neutral, until the guy I don’t know says something in her ear, and she giggles. What the hell is going on here? She’s obviously flirting with him, and I don’t know what to make of it. Has Emilia already moved on? With a guy? The thought starts eating away at me.
My heart aches and my stomach contracts painfully. I need all my willpower to keep my focus on the song we’re playing. I turn behind me to look at Nellie. Her eyes meet mine immediately, and I can see love and concern for me in those dark chocolate-colored eyes of hers. She raises her eyebrows and shoulders, and I know that she’s sorry I have to go through this.
After we play two more songs our first set ends, and we can take a break. Nellie gets up from her drum kit, which is much smaller than her usual one, and she comes over to the barstool I’m sitting on. She smiles at me and touches my arm, but before she’s able to say something, we’re surrounded by a bunch of high school girls. They all want autographs or want us to sign a poster or a t-shirt. Or they just want to ask us questions. Out of the corner of my eye I watch as Martin, Maria, and Emilia and the guy with the stubble beard talk to each other. Are they talking about whether they should wait so they can talk to me? I glance at Nellie. She sighs and shrugs, and then she turns to sign an autograph for one of our fan girls.
A cute young girl with blue hair asks me a question, but I’m not paying attention to her. I’m watching as Emilia’s little group starts to leave. Martin waves goodbye, indicating by a gesture that he wants me to call him. Emilia doesn’t acknowledge me though, and my chin drops, as I have to watch how Emilia hooks her right arm through the arm of the guy she’s with, as they turn around to leave. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Why does Emi do that to me?
“How did you learn to play bass guitar?” The cute blue-haired girl repeats her question to me. I sigh, and open my eyes to focus on her. Even though I don’t feel like it I smile at her. She’s really cute, only she can’t be much older than sixteen, and she’s very innocent looking.
“I’m sorry for not answering your question right away, Sweetheart. I got distracted.” I clear my throat. “But you wanted to know how I learned how to play bass?”
She nods very earnestly, and I explain that a friend of mine taught me how to play guitar first, and that I learned how to play bass on my own when I joined my friend’s band.
The girl takes a deep breath and blushes profusely before she asks her next question. “Is it true you like girls, Jenny?”
The question doesn’t really surprise me. Ever since I joined ‘The Coldhearts’ girls have asked me that a lot. But she’s so cute, and she’s looking at me so adoringly, I can’t help acting as if no girl has ever asked me that before.
“What’s your name, Sweetheart?”
She blushes even more. “My name is Merle.”
“Well Merle, it’s true, I do like girls. I’m a lesbian.” When she stares back at me in apparent awe, I give her an inquisitive look. �
��Was there a special reason you asked that question?” I actually have quite a good idea why she asked, because so many girls have asked that. It’s either because she likes girls, or because she thinks she does.
“I think I’m a lesbian, but don’t know for sure.”
“You will know at some point, Merle, some of us know it quite early in their lives, and others become aware of it later. Don’t worry too much.”
When I nod at her, and give her an encouraging smile, she gets up enough nerve to start asking me more personal questions.
“When did you first realize you were a lesbian, Jenny? And what made you realize it?
“Well, Merle when I was in my senior year at high school there was this one girl I kept dreaming about, and I’d dream about making love with her…”
Merle’s blue eyes widen, and she nods emphatically, as if she understood completely. I know Merle wants to ask more questions, but there are other girls pushing and shoving for an autograph or whatever.
“Listen Merle, I can’t answer all of your questions right now. I’m sorry. Please take care.”
“I will,” Merle says, and to my utter surprise she throws her arms around me, giving me a quick hug. “Thank you so much, you’re awesome, Jenny, and I love you.” Blushing furiously, she scurries off.
Ina joins me for a minute, handing me a can of Cola. “Wasn’t that your girlfriend a couple of minutes ago?” Ina asks.
“Yes, that was Emilia, but I’m not sure if she’s still my girlfriend.”
“I was surprised to see her flirting with that guy.”
“I noticed that too, Ina. It seems I don’t know her any more.”
“Yes, that was very odd, Sweetheart,” Nellie joins in, putting her arm around my shoulder.
“If I only knew if she still loves me,” I say.
“We’ll find out sooner or later, Jen,” Nellie says, placing kisses on my cheek.
Bette joins us after signing one final t-shirt. “Okay ladies, let’s get ready for our next set.”
+++
“You touched yourself, didn’t you, you wicked girl?” Nellie says in her perfect British-accented English.
A couple of days ago Nellie and I started practicing English together, and it somehow turned into something – different. I don’t know who started it, but we began playing the roles of an English schoolmistress who was a strict disciplinarian, and an English schoolgirl who was always getting in trouble, and always getting punished for it. Of course Nellie’s the schoolmistress, and I’m the schoolgirl. Naturally, the schoolmistress and her student are madly in love and in lust with one another, too. So the schoolgirl raised no objections when her teacher takes her home and ties her to her bed.
Nellie’s such a nice person when other people are around, and she’s so sweet to everyone, especially me, but once we’re alone and in bed together, she can become a real tigress. Where Emilia was always tender with me and sometimes still a bit insecure, Nellie is full of confidence, and can be something of a dominatrix. I’ve never thought of being a natural submissive, but playing kinky games with Nellie is lots of fun, and I’m more than happy to submit to her desires.
In this particular night after our gig at the mall I find myself sitting up on all fours, with my wrists and ankles tied to the bedposts. Nellie slaps my naked buttocks with the open palm of her hand, before caressing my cheeks tenderly, and planting little kisses on them.
“You’ve been a naughty girl and deserve punishment,” Nellie says with a husky voice.
I nod, pretending to be ashamed of myself.
“And why did you touch yourself, Jennifer?” Nellie asks with a great air of severity.
“Oh Miss,” I blurt out doing my best to mimic Nellie’s British accent. “I dreamed of you! And I got so excited I couldn’t help using my fingers to bring myself off while I was thinking about the things I dreamed.”
“”I see!” She replies with a frown. “What exactly happened in this dream of yours that got you so excited, Jennifer?”
“Oh, Miss! You took my virginity!”
She gives me a cool, haughty look. Nodding thoughtfully before responding, she says in a husky voice, “You’ve been a very naughty girl indeed, and you deserve to be punished.”
“Yes, Miss.”
“And what kind of punishment do you deserve, Jennifer?” She maintains her hauteur as she begins to rub my pussy lips, making me squirm.
“I deserve to be spanked, Miss,” I squeal.
“And so you will be, you wicked creature!” She slaps my buttocks again, harder this time. She pauses to let my anticipation grow, and to let my arousal grow with my anticipation. I feel a desire to be punished that isn’t part of this game. I feel as though I deserve being punished for hurting Emilia, the girl I loved.
Being a drummer Nellie has got strength in her arms, and I feel it as she slaps my buttocks harder and harder, caressing my cheeks and pussy every time she strikes me. I moan and shudder.
“Oh, please, Miss, punish me!” I gasp.
She grins fiendishly, and beings to quicken her pace, alternately smacking my cheeks and caressing my pussy, until I’m soaking wet. Then she stops, and announces with an air of great satisfaction, “I see that my punishment is well received, my naughty student. You’re dripping wet.”
I’m so turned on, I can only nod and gasp.
“But don’t think I’m done with you yet, you little slut! A girl with the mind and body of a whore deserves to lose her virginity at once! And I’m going to take your virginity now!”
Nellie picks up her purple strap-on dildo, and puts it on. Kneeling behind me, she drives it into my swollen and aching flesh. I gasp, and arch my back, and I tilt my head up, as my eyes roll back into my head. She grasps my hips and thrusts her toy cock into me. My hips rock and buck in time to the rhythm she sets for me. Being unable to move my hands maddens me, and before long I hear myself begging her to grant me release.
“Oh, please Miss, let me cum for you. Please touch my clit, Miss!”
Nellie is a very sweet-natured sort of dominatrix, so of course she complies with my plea. She gives me an orgasm that makes me howl and writhe in my bonds, before I scream her name, and collapse on the bed, my body covered in sweat. Nellie releases me from my restraints, and rolls me over on my side. She caresses and kisses me lovingly, as she spoons me, her breasts pressing against my back.
“I love you, Jen,” she says, stroking my hair.
“I love you too, Nell.”
Once I’ve had time to rest a little, I turn to her and kiss her affectionately, sliding my tongue past her lips, as I roll over, and climb on top of her. I slowly explore her body with my fingers, lips, and tongue, happy to see how my ministrations make her shiver. She moans and trembles when I kiss and lick and suck her aching flesh. Whatever else Sherinia may have been, she was a good teacher, and so I know how to make my lovers hot and wet and needy.
Finally Nelly pleads, “Please, Jenny, don’t stop!” and I give her the climax she’s been longing for. Our lovemaking finally ends with Nellie laying her head on my breast while she tries to catch her breath.
It’s the night after our acoustic gig at the mall, and I don’t have to leave Nellie’s bed to go back to my apartment, because I’m going to spend the night in Nellie’s bed. It has become our habit after things with Emilia and I got really bad. So when she’s recovered from our lovemaking, Nellie props herself up on one elbow and gives me a thoughtful look.
“Why don’t you move in here, Sweetheart?” Nellie asks.
“Here? You mean in the farmhouse? I don’t know.” The idea takes me by surprise.
She leans forward and kisses me tenderly. “Yes, you can move in here with us.” She shifts her position so that she’s lying on top of me. Her face is glowing, and she gazes deeply into my eyes. “It would be awesome, Jenny,” she continues eagerly. “It’d make everything easier, for you, for me, for the band. You won’t have to waste your time taking the bus back and forth
to your apartment. You’d have more time to spend rehearsing with us and working on new material.”
I open my mouth, but before I can even say something, Nellie continues. “You can have Caro’s old room. You know it’s been empty since she left.” She pauses briefly, before she adds, “Oh by the way, Bette and Ina love the idea.”
Propping myself up on one elbow, too, I look into Nellie’s eyes. They seem to be glowing more brightly than the single candle that provides the only illumination in the room.
“You already talked to them about it?”
“Well, of course I did!” She looks quite satisfied with herself. “We all want you here, Jenny.” She kisses me tenderly on the forehead. “We all love you. We’ll understand if you say no, but we’re all hoping you won’t.” She grins. “Especially me.”
Their offer’s really endearing, and sounds like a sensible idea, too.
“I haven’t had time to think about it, but it’s really sweet of you to ask me.”
Nellie nods, and begins to stroke my cheek. “You’ll have to contribute your share of the expenses for the place, but I don’t think it’ll be more than what you’re paying in rent for that tiny apartment of yours in the city.” She tells me how much I’d have to pay, and it’s actually a little less than my rent.
I try to think, though that’s not easy, given that my lover is lying naked on top of me. I do however succeed to come up with a question for her.
“How do I get to school, Nellie? And to my job at the wine bar?” That’s two questions, actually, but they’re about the same thing, so they might as well be one.
“I’ll drive you, Silly,” Nellie says, giggling. “You know, I love spending time with you, even when we’re not both naked.” She continues more seriously. “But I think in the long run you’ll want to get a car of your own.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ve been thinking about getting one, anyway. Thank God I’ve got my driver’s license.”
Nellie kisses me softly on the lips. “Think about it, Jenny. We’re your family now.” She takes my face in both her hands, and kisses me again. She grins at me, starting to look sleepy. “And now we’d better say good night, Love.” She yawns and laughs softly. “You wore me out, and I’d better get some rest.”
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