Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5)

by Belden, P. J.

  “People use me not keep me.”

  If I could get a hold of any guy that has used her, I’d show them what a punching bag felt like. When I thought about men taking her because they could… Mentally I shook my head. Holding onto to these curves that moved so seductively under my hands, I couldn’t help the reaction my body had when feeling them shift and entice me to claim her. Hell, I didn’t even have to touch her to envision what an alluring sight that I just knew laid beneath her clothing.

  “If I don’t hope for more, I won’t be hurt in the end.”

  My heart sank with this thought. She has obviously been hurt and hurt badly. The thought bewildered me. I’m standing here a man at the end of my ropes, struggling to fight free of my demons, but I still saw her beauty, her enormous strength and value. The thought that she would think she deserved to be unhappy, well, it just didn’t settle well with me.

  “Well, for Jacob, I hope that’s true. He’d just get dragged down with me.”

  Here, I’m thinking that this magnificent woman had lowered herself to portray the image of dating a guy like me, a drug addicted fool. Yet, she felt I’m the one that has lowered myself. The thing I can’t quite comprehend or even begin to understand is she’s created a career on helping others out of the dark trenches of their lives, yet here she looked at herself as the soggy mess after it rains. She portrayed this strong kick ass woman, and she truly is, I can feel it in her, but she won’t let herself believe it is anything more than taking control of her career. In just the little time I’ve spent with her, I could tell how deep her pain goes and how low she’s put herself.

  The song continued and I pulled her closer, dropping my head to her shoulder. Pressing soft kisses across until I reached her pulse point that pounded fast under my tongue as I swirled it around before softly biting it. Her head fell to the side with a moan, granting me easier access in continuing to taste her silky smooth skin. Nibbling my way up to her ear, my hand lowered from her lower back down to her ass as I pushed her into my hard as steel erection. Vicky’s breathing became labored, her hand gripped my shoulder tightly.

  “Jacob,” she breathed.

  Pulling back, I looked down at her. Something grabbed me hard in that moment that our eyes met. Her face was flushed with arousal and her eyes held something that I couldn’t explain or maybe wasn’t ready to believe. Still twirling her around the dance floor, I raised her hand to my mouth kissing each finger, and then her wrist before placing our entwined hands back to my chest, I slowly lowered my head down, taking my time to give her a chance to stop me. My eyes stayed connected with hers until I was mere centimeters from her lips. She closed her eyes and sighed, her hot labored breath spreading over my face before I sealed my lips over hers. Our lips fit together like two puzzle pieces. Her scent filled my nose as I pushed my tongue into her mouth on a growl. Two tongues trying to absorb the taste of the other.

  When applause broke into our moment, I could feel Vicky tense a little. It probably wasn’t noticeable to anyone looking on, but I could feel it. Pulling back slightly, I looked into her eyes. When her eyes widened a bit, I’m sure she saw how badly I wanted her right now. Oh, and I did, so fucking bad. Smiling, I leaned down and kissed her lips softly before pulling back.

  “That was the best dance ever,” I smiled, running my fingers down her cheek.

  She gave a shy smile before whispering, “Never knew dancing felt like that.”

  I laughed softly, and then led us from the dance floor. Looking to my right, I saw my sister fanning herself. Walking past Nick, he slapped me telling me that was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. I wasn’t really paying much attention to what anyone was saying though. My focus was getting Vicky alone. My slacks were way too tight and the only thing that would help would be burying myself balls deep in this woman for several days. Helping her settle into the car, I hurried around to the driver’s side.

  The minute we were headed down the road, I reached over and took her hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. My worry was if she was given time to think clearly that she’d close up and push me away. I didn’t want another explosive orgasm in the shower by my own hand. No, this time I wanted it by the woman that caused this problem to begin with. Pulling her hand over, I placed it on my cloth covered erection.

  “I’ve never been this hard before,” moaning as her hand squeezed around me. My hips jerked up and I cursed as I jerked the car back in my lane.

  “What the hell am I doing?” She asked, pulling her hand away.

  “An amazing job, just need to wait until we get back to the hotel to finish,” I smiled at her.

  “No, that’s not what I meant. We can’t do this, any of it. I’m here to help you get your life back on track, not add to your distractions. I have rules and I’ve already stepped over one of them. I can’t do that. I can’t, we can’t Jacob,” she looked at me with fear in her eyes. “Please understand. We can’t be like that again.”

  “Hey,” I reached over to take her hand, but she pulled it away. The rejection hurt more than I’d like to admit it did. “Okay,” I said slowly. “I’ll back off. I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intentions to upset you.” Placing both hands back on the steering wheel, I gripped it for all that it was worth.

  The rest of the ride was silent. Fear of pulling the car over and reminding her of how good we felt together kept me from looking at her. Pulling up to the hotel, I exited my side of the vehicle and helped her out. Tossing the keys to the valet, we walked inside the hotel.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think to ask you. Are you wanting to come back here to talk or somewhere else?” I kept my eyes straight ahead as we walked into the lobby near the elevators.

  “Here is fine. It will allow you to relax a little with being in your own surroundings.”

  I snorted. There was no way for me to relax, not as long as she was here still looking sexy as hell. Of course, she looked just as sexy in her work attire. I think seeing her in casual clothes was going to downright kill me. Contrary to many’s opinion of me, I prefer my girl casual. Regardless of what my life may entail, if a woman was to come up to me in jeans, hoodie, and her red hair thrown up in a sexy messy thing on top of her head, I’d bust a nut right there. Fuck! Just picturing her that way, had me even harder.

  Walking off the elevator, I led her down the hall to my door. My hand rested on the small of her back. Big mistake! Damn, I have never wanted a woman so much. She was driving me crazy and she didn’t even realize it. Maybe she did and she liked to see me squirm, but then as I watched her squeeze her legs together when we stopped in front of my hotel room door, I knew she was fighting it as much as I was. What I didn’t understand was why she just wouldn’t let it happen so we can move on with the therapy or whatever it’s called.

  “Make yourself at home, I’m jumping in the shower real quick,” I said, walking past her.

  Chapter Five

  Vicky

  The thought of Jacob naked, with water running down his body only mere feet from me was driving me insane. My tongue longed to lick the trail of water that would be running down his body to help quench my thirst for this man that I only met yesterday. That dance was amazing foreplay, I was soaked and yearning madly for a man that was my client. A line that I have never crossed in all the years of doing this. No one has ever tempted me to either. But then there was Jacob…

  A loud moan broke me from my thoughts. Without thinking, I moved into the bathroom only to be stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me. Jacob leaned against the wall with his back. The water was pouring over his delicious body. His hips pumped quickly into his fists that wrapped around his cock, a cock that had drool trailing down my chin with need to wrap my mouth around it.

  “Ah! Yes, fuck! Oh Vicky,” he moaned as he started to orgasm, spurts of semen shooting into the spray of water to disappear down the drain.

  Quickly, I turned and left the bathroom, heading into the first room with a door. Placing my purse on the bench, I d
ecided to hurry up and change into my regular clothes. That would help erase the images from my head. Stripping my dress off, I laid it on the bench. Next came off my bra. Pulling out my other bra, I pulled on my tank top then my shorts. Bending over, I piled my hair in a messy bun on top of my head. Finding my make-up removal cloths, I scrubbed my face clean. Looking up in the mirror, this would definitely detour his thoughts. Proud of myself, I walked out of the room and into the main area of his suite.

  Hormones aside, I went back to professional mode. It was time to remember that he was a client. Squaring my shoulders, my mind went to work on the steps that I took with all clients that enlisted my services. Moving from room to room, I started searching everything. If he were at all like my other clients, it was here somewhere.

  “What are you doing?”

  Without stopping my search, “Where’s your emergency stash?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stiffen.

  I knew that stance. It was common in all my clients. They figured they’d hold on to their stash and when things got too tough they’d sneak it to make them feel better. The problem was that meant the process had to start all over. So for that little bit of relief they caused more damage. It was best to get rid of it so the temptation wasn’t there.

  “I don’t-”

  “Don’t you dare lie to me.” Deciding to play my trump card, I walked over to him and rested my hand on his arm, looking up at him through my eyelashes. “If you lie to me about this, then you’ll just be another man to lie to me about being beautiful.”

  “Damn it. You don’t have to go turning me on again. I just got it tamped down,” he growled before walking into the room across from where I was searching.

  It was an office. There was a big mahogany desk in the center of the room. Couch, two chairs and a coffee table sat to the right of the door. Walls of bookcases to the left. He walked over to a painting that he lifted away to reveal a safe. Entering the combination, he opened it, then pulled out a small box and handed it to me.

  Opening the box, I looked inside and back at him confused.

  “It is all I have. My habit isn’t very big, but doing it at all is too much for me.”

  “How often do you do it?”

  “Whenever I’m not working.”

  “So you can last long periods of time without going through withdrawals?”

  That confused me because no addict could withstand long periods of time without having a fix. There was something he wasn’t telling me. He had to tell me everything or there was no way I could gage an appropriate plan for him.

  “When I’m working, I’m busy, focused. The need for the drugs doesn’t really register for me.”

  Sitting down on the couch, I pulled my legs under me and look at him. “Why do you do it?”

  He sat across from me with one leg bent up on the seat of the couch, his arm resting on the back, facing me.

  “Me.”

  “You care to elaborate a little for me. That doesn’t give me much to go on.”

  “When I’m not high or working, my brain keeps replaying my failures and I can’t handle it. So when I get high, the voices and instant replay stop. The guilt doesn’t eat at me.”

  Shifting to my knees, I scoot a little closer, resting my arm on the back of the couch. “Everyone makes mistakes, Jacob. That’s no reason to harm yourself.”

  He started to run his finger along my hand before lacing our fingers together. He sighed. “My failures are different. Did my sisters Kayla and Mary look familiar?”

  “Well, Mary’s kind of big in the music world, hard not to recognize her.”

  “No beyond that. Think about the news.”

  I sat quietly for a moment, thinking. I met his eyes with my wide ones. “You don’t mean…”

  “Yes. I’m their older brother. I’m supposed to protect them, see when they’re in trouble, but I didn’t see their problems. I was so caught up in me and my career that I didn’t see it. When I’m not busy, that’s all I see in my head is them being abused. They fought to stay alive while I’m partying and enjoying my life. One of my crew members helped pick me up when I crashed. He got me started. It was the only thing that helped the pain, stopped the voices.”

  Scooting closer until my knees touched his leg, I reached my hand up and cupped his cheek in my free hand. “Don’t you see that even though you didn’t save them before it happened, you were there when they needed help? Think about your sisters. Do you think that even if you knew something was wrong that they would have let you help them?”

  He laughed softly. “Probably not.”

  “See. Now it’s time to save yourself so you can be around for them and their kids for the long haul.”

  Jacob reached up grabbing my hand that still cradled his face. Meeting my eyes, he held mine. I’m working hard to keep all these feelings that are stirred up by him at bay, but when he looked at me like this I felt like he could see straight to my soul.

  “I really thought you couldn’t get more captivating than you were today, but all natural like this…” he sigh/growled, “You are a vision. Like someone straight from a dream.”

  He leans forward, his lips caressing mine again. Pushing his tongue into my mouth on a groan, he released my hands grabbing me around the waist he pulled me onto his lap. The minute I felt the moan escape from my lips, I pulled away and tried to stand up. Jacob wouldn’t let me move.

  “We can’t do this,” I breathed emphatically.

  “Why not? I can’t get you out of my head.” He breathed against my neck as he trailed kisses across.

  “You’re my client. It’s wrong,” I replied weakly.

  “It can’t feel this good and be wrong,” he urged as his hand moved under my shirt up toward my breasts.

  I sighed and my hips started rocking against him. His touch was consuming and turned my willpower to jelly. His hand ran over my breast, causing me to arch into his touch.

  “You are so damn beautiful. When you’re around me, I see nothing but you. I need you more than my last breath. Your touch, look, words bring me to my knees.”

  Pulling the cup of my bra down, he leans forward biting my nipple through my tank top. The jolt shot straight down to my throbbing center, causing me to grind harder against him in my need for release.

  “Fuck, Vicky. I’m so damn close and you haven’t even done much of anything to me. Do you see what you do to me? You have me, Vicky. You have me. Forget all the reasons we shouldn’t and let me make you feel as good as I feel right now.”

  The voice screaming at me to stop this finally makes it through my lust fogged brain. Pulling back abruptly, I fall off his lap hitting my head on the coffee table. After a string of curses, I scrambled to my feet, moving quickly away from him. Stumbling again as I hurried backwards, I fell down landing on my butt. Jacob hurried off the couch toward me reaching out his hands.

  “No!” I stood and backed away from him. “No, don’t touch me.” Crouching down in a corner, my hands over my head as it rested on my knees, I kept repeating. “Don’t touch me. Please don’t touch me.”

  “Vicky?” His voice sounded muffled almost.

  I could hear the crashing of dishes again. The smell of alcohol was so strong that I almost gagged. The heavy staggered footsteps headed in my direction again. The blood trailed down my arm, I could feel the warmth it left behind. The heavy breathing mixed with the uneven thuds of the footsteps. It was building inside of me. I could feel it. If I could just keep quiet, just a little bit longer…

  “Vicky? Look at me. It’s Jacob.”

  “Jacob?” I breathed.

  “Yes, Vicky. It’s Jacob. Please look at me.”

  The breathing and footsteps slowly disappeared as I looked up and met the eyes of the one man that has made me feel safe. The relief that flooded through me shook me and I felt the room start spinning before it all turned black.

  Chapter Six

  Jacob

  As Vicky collapsed in my arms, her words echoe
d in my head. Someone has hurt her. Someone has scared her. This pissed me off more than anything ever has before. I wasn’t even this pissed when one of the women I fucked on occasion tried to sell a picture of my dick to the gossip magazines. Thankfully, my lawyer caught it and killed it before the picture got out. Not that I would have cared honestly. I was proud of my manhood. Though I wasn’t keen on the world seeing it, but more important I didn’t want my family to see it all over the place.

  Carefully, I carried her into the bedroom and laid her on the king bed. Gently, I lifted her to pull the covers over her. She looked so small on the big bed. Everything in me wanted to lie next to her, hold her, keep her safe until every last fear disappeared. Reaching out, I moved the hair from her face. Damn was she beautiful. Witnessing what I just did, I knew my constant attacks on her spurred some kind of nightmare.

  A thought occurred to me then. Rex had sent her in a violent outburst. She didn’t react that way with me. Or at least I don’t think she did. God the sexual tension between us wasn’t just smoking or on fire, it was searing. Just looking at her searching the television room in her short shorts, tight tank top and the messy thing with her hair, had me hard again even after the explosive release I had in the shower. Damn, I shifted slightly before pressing a soft kiss to her temple and standing. I had just made it to the door when she started tossing and turning on the bed.

  “No! Stop! Don’t touch me!” She screamed loudly as her head whipped to the side.

  Moving quickly to the bed, I cupped her face in my hands. “Wake up Vicky!” I urged her.

  She continued to scream and thrash. Panic started to build in the pit of my stomach. Hell, I didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. I’ve never been close enough to someone to witness it. Kayla had nightmares when she was younger and all I had to do was lay down with her talking about nothing to give her the peace she needed to fall back asleep. Now she had Jason. Colleen had Carson. Mary had Tobey. If they still had nightmares, I didn’t see them. I didn’t know what I should do. So, I did the one thing that seemed to distract her.