Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5)

by Belden, P. J.

  # # #

  Before I knew two weeks had passed. It wasn’t an easy two weeks, but I found that if I was able to make love to Vicky, the withdrawals weren’t as intense. So needless to say we were doing it often. Oddly enough things got more and more intense each time.

  “Okay, I have to head into the office for a little bit. Do you think you’ll be okay here on your own for a couple of hours?”

  “Yeah, but be prepared to be jumped when you get back,” I growled as I tried to wrap her in my arms.

  “I hope so,” she said as she jumped out of the way.

  Once she was gone the silence started to get to me, so I decided to go for a swim. For the next hour I swam out to the edge of the cove and back. Once I was completely exhausted, I stared out over the water. An idea hits me, but I’m not sure it will work.

  Once I was inside, I grabbed my phone.

  “Hey brother, I didn’t expect to hear from you while you were on vacation.”

  “Well, I called to ask you a question and I’m hoping you’ll be able to tell me I can do it.” I said as I walked back down to the beach.

  “Sure go for it,” Nick answered.

  “Hold on,” I snapped a picture of the cove and sent it to Nick. “Did you get the picture?”

  “Yeah, what are you doing showing off?” Nick joked.

  I laughed. “No, do you see that darker area there where the stakes with the reflectors are at?”

  There was a pause before his reply came. “Yeah. Not getting where I’m needed here.”

  “There’s a hundred foot drop off there. Vicky can’t swim. When we first got here she fell in there,” my voice cracked just thinking about that day.

  “Damn, she’s good though, right?”

  “Yeah, I got to her in time, but my question is, do you think there’s a way I could build a small little wall like thing so she can’t slide off there again. Just in case I’m not around next time,” I ended in a low voice.

  “Yeah, um, give me a couple of days and I’ll email you the material list and steps that you’ll need in order to make it happen. I’ll work as fast as I can. When I’m done at Mary’s and Jack’s I’ll work on that when I get home.”

  “If it’s too much trouble-”

  “No Jake, it isn’t. I’ve got your back brother. Talk to you soon.”

  “Later and thank you Nick.”

  Looking back out over the water, if anything, it will give me a distraction while she’s at work and I can’t distract myself with her delicious body. Heading back in, I showered and laid down for a small nap.

  When I woke, I started on supper. Just as I got the last of it in the oven, she walked in the door. Barely giving her anytime to set her stuff down, I was on her kissing her like there was no tomorrow. I carried her over to the couch.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  “No talking.”

  “Supper is almost done. This will have to be quick.”

  Vicky pulled me back down to her. Clothes flew everywhere and I was in her before the last piece of clothing even hit the floor. She was exactly what I needed. Her soft mews of pleasure to her nails digging in my back and her calling out my name. They all made me forget everything, but her.

  Once we had regained our strength, we dressed and sat down at the table as I served us supper. Thankfully I paid plenty attention to mom’s cooking growing up, so I can handle myself in the kitchen.

  We ate in silence. I was too lost in my thoughts to even notice that she wasn’t acting right. It wasn’t until we were heading to bed and she didn’t join in our normal banter during making love that it registered something was wrong.

  I pulled her into me, wrapping her tightly in my arms. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Just tired is all.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She snuggled into me closer. “Yeah,” she yawned. “I’m sure.”

  For tonight, I let it go. My eyes couldn’t stay open and to have her next to me like this was always the best sleep aide ever. Slowly, I drifted off to the sweet sounds of Vicky’s soft snoring.

  Chapter Eleven

  Vicky

  The next morning I woke before Jake. I went out to the kitchen to start some coffee and walked out on the deck to sit and think for a few minutes. When I came back from working, I realized just how far off the rocker I have gone. He’s my client. I broke one of my rules. I’m sleeping with a client. What made it worse, now, I felt like I was being paid for the sex.

  Now, today, I had to play the girlfriend role again. Who am I kidding? I’d rather play the girlfriend role than the counselor fucking her client for money role. Okay so that isn’t exactly what I was doing, but it’s what it felt like.

  “Is there coffee?” Jake grumbled from inside.

  “Yeah, on the counter.”

  “What you can’t pour me a fucking cup? Too focused on yourself!”

  Shit! Not a day to break when he had to get Nate off to the airport in a few hours. Hurrying inside I set my cup down carefully as I walked slowly to the kitchen.

  “Jake?”

  His cup flew across the room, shattering on the wall behind me. It damn near hit me had I not ducked out of the way. Quickly, I turned my attention back to Jake. For the first time, since his detox started, he was scaring me.

  “Was something wrong with the coffee?” I asked tentatively.

  “It was fucking nasty! You know the least you could fucking do is make a decent cup of fucking coffee.”

  Slowly I started to back away from him toward the bedroom. Thankfully before I got too wrapped up in him, I had planned for these kind of mood swings. Now the trick was getting him to the room before he did something that he’d regret tomorrow. When I did the planning ahead, I didn’t know our relationship would be the way it is. It gave me a bit of leverage.

  He was cursing and throwing an adult sized temper tantrum. I moved onto the center of the bed before he entered the room. I taunted him, made him a bit angrier. I wasn’t a mad woman, but I needed him to fall to the bed. It worked. He jumped on the bed and with quick reflexes, I had him on his back and cuffed to the headboard shortly followed by his legs.

  Now, before when he was a new client making his barbaric demands, I had planned on just leaving him there until it passed. It would, but I wasn’t sure how long until it did and we needed to be getting ready to go soon. So, I needed to bring Jake back and fast. I stripped out of my clothes and watched his eyes start to change. I watched his erection get harder and harder.

  Crawling onto the bed, I pulled his boxers down and began to slowly lick his shaft from tip to root. I then pulled his balls into my mouth. Running my tongue back up his shaft, I began to slowly take him past my lips. The further I took him in, the more tension was released from his body.

  When I felt the last of the tension leave, I climbed over him. Straddling his hips, I lowered myself down onto his cock. Feeling him deep inside me, I moaned throwing my head back. After a few minutes of riding him, he began to beg.

  “Undo the cuffs, Vix, please. I need to touch you.”

  When my eyes met his, I knew it was safe to release him. Quickly, I released him from the bindings and Jake flipped us over as he pounded into me with a fierceness I’ve not see from him. All too soon we were both calling out each other’s names and collapsing into a mess of limp limbs.

  I breathed a sigh of relief that the whole thing was over with. It was the scariest I’ve seen him yet. It was almost like he would have actually hurt me. The Jake I knew would rather hurt himself than anyone else, but when you’re detoxing you don’t always have control over your body or actions. I would never have held it against him if he had hurt me, but I know he would have let it eat him alive.

  “I’m sorry,” he breathed against my neck.

  “Nothing to apologize for, but we are running late to get Nate off to his vacation and hopefully fresh start.”

  “Shit, I forgot.”

  We hurriedly showered, dressed,
and headed out the door. As we pulled up to Nate’s house, Jake was suddenly tense and I worried it was another mood swing. But he climbed from the car and I followed behind him. He pounded on Nate’s door.

  “Jake, are you okay?”

  When he didn’t answer, I yanked his arm so he faced me and I kissed him hard and passionately. When his hands tangled in my hair, I knew I had his attention. After a few more moments, I broke the kiss.

  “Thank you,” he said as he rested his forehead against mine.

  Just then Nate opened the door.

  “What are you guys doing here?”

  “Taking you out to supper,” I smiled.

  “Why?”

  “Because I have something to tell you.” Jake stated

  He shut the door and locked it, walking with us back to the car. “Let me guess, you’re getting married?”

  We both laughed. “No.”

  “Fuck, Vicky are you pregnant?”

  Jake stopped laughing which made me laugh harder. “No, I’m not pregnant.” I said through my laughter.

  “Then what the hell do you have to tell me,” Nate half yelled.

  Though he looked nervous, I could almost see the excitement bubbling below the surface. I was excited for him. I’ve always wanted to go to Australia. I’ll have to make sure to ask him for lots of pictures.

  We arrived at the restaurant and we were seated almost immediately. Jake allowed me to slide in before he took a seat next to me. Nate sat across from us looking nervous. His eyes bounced back and forth between me and Jake.

  “Jake, you don’t look too good. You okay?”

  Looking over at Jake, he had sweat dotting his forehead and he looked pale. Assessing our situation, I scooted closer. While Jake and Nate had a conversation between each other, I slipped down his zipper and reached my hand inside his pants. His head snapped in my direction, his eyes were wide.

  I simply smiled. Moving my hand the best I could inside his pants. Eventually, he adjusted the table cloth. I could see his breathing had quickened. Pulling him out of his pants made it easier for me to move my hand. He handed me a napkin. Jake’s hand tightened on the table as he continued to have his conversation with Nate. Honestly, I wasn’t paying much attention to what they were talking about. I was simply shocked at myself for what I was doing and what he was letting me do to him. The closer he got the harder it was for him to talk normally. Then on a growl turned cough attack, he started to fill the napkin.

  “Damn dude, sounds like you need to get to the doctor,” Nate said once Jake had stopped coughing.

  Jake pulled me closer to him. “I’m good. Just swallowed wrong.”

  “Okay, we’ve had small talk. You’ve had a good release. Tell me what’s going on.”

  I had just taken a drink and it ended up all over Nate, as I choked on it. Jake patted my back his laughter filled my ears.

  “I’m sending you to Australia. I have clothes for you. All you have to do is board the plane. Everything’s all set up for you.”

  “Jake…”

  “Don’t argue with me. It’s my birthday gift to you.”

  “When…When am I leaving?”

  “In an hour.”

  Panic took over his face, so I jumped in to try and stop it from taking over. “I’m so jealous. I’ve always wanted to go to Australia. Will you take pictures for me?”

  He looked at me for a moment. “Uh, sure.”

  Jake paid the bill and we left driving toward the airport. Nate was fidgeting in the backseat. So again I tried to get him excited about going.

  “My parents met on a trip to Australia. You never know your dream girl could be over there,” I sighed happily.

  “Yeah, right. She’ll be searching for messed up detective that’s helplessly in love with someone that just wants to be friends.”

  “No, but I bet she’s looking for a man that loves with his whole heart, loyal, and devastatingly handsome…when he’s not sulking,” I teased.

  “Hey now. Nate this one’s mine,” Jake said in a joking manner, I think.

  Soon we were stopping in front of the drop off gates. Nate started to get out of the car when he looked back at me and asked with pleading eyes.

  “Do you really think so, Vicky?”

  “I really do. It’s usually when you least expect it. What better place to find the unexpected than ‘down under’,” I winked.

  He smiled and climbed out of the car. We watched him walk inside and disappear among the thousands of other travelers. Jake started the car and we headed back to the cabin. Today was a lot of work. Trying to make sure Jake didn’t break in public, cheering Nate up and getting him excited for his trip, then this morning. I was just plain exhausted. Curling up in Jake’s lap as he drove, I fell asleep.

  # # #

  We have made it almost halfway through Jake’s detox. As scary as it had gotten in the beginning, things were that much better now. I was still struggling with my decision to let him use sex as a distraction method, but damn if I could stop it, especially after our explosive beginning. Those times where I fought him off were better than any experience I’ve ever had.

  When I fell asleep the night my willpower disappeared, I was awakened by him running gentle kisses up my legs. I was already so turned on from the dream that he starred in that I gave in and let it happen. So that was my excuse for the first time. Every time after that, well what can I say, he was addicting. He knew just what made me feel great and never has he been selfish about anything. Was this helping him? Maybe. I couldn’t be certain, but he’s stayed on track and that is what’s important.

  However, after all was said and done, I think I’ll be the one in need of therapy. Stupid as it sounds, but I’ve fallen for Jake hard. Some days, when we talk about the future, I wish I still hated him.

  Turning in his arms, I watched him as he slept peacefully. There was a slight smile on his face. His dark hair, slightly tanned face to his slightly stubble jaw, he was sexy. My heart tightened in my chest. Why did I have to be stupid and fall in love with him?

  Just as I was about to climb out of the bed, Jake’s phone started ringing. Quickly reaching over I grabbed his phone and answered it.

  “Hello?”

  “Vicky?”

  I sit up straighter. “Yeah?”

  “It’s Jack. I need to speak to Jake please,” he cried into the phone.

  “Yes, right away.”

  Turning I shook Jake, calling his name. Tears were already welling up in my eyes. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew it wasn’t good if Jackson was crying.

  “I can’t go again Vix. I need some rest first,” Jake groaned sleepily.

  “Jake get up! Jack is on the phone and he sounds upset!” I yelled in panic.

  Jake sat up fast and grabbed the phone I was holding out to him.

  “Jax, what’s wrong? … No …” his face paled and I saw the tears that glistened in his eyes. “Please no! … We’re on our way! … It’s going to be okay,” he sobbed.

  Jake didn’t need to say anything. I was out of the bed throwing clothes at him and dressing quickly myself. He was already a mess so I decided it was best that I drive. Looking over at him with a distraught face, there was no life left in it. In an attempt to bring some warmth back to him, I reached over and took his hand in mine, squeezing it gently. I still wasn’t sure what was going on, but it didn’t stop me from being there for him.

  “Vix, I can’t…” he choked on his emotions.

  “I’ll be right here with you.”

  He didn’t say anything else. He just stared out the window. Tears rolled down his cheeks. My stomach was in knots and I had the sudden urge to throw up. My heart was breaking for him. Pressing my foot harder on the gas pedal, we sped down the roads to the hospital.

  Sometime later we were running into the hospital. We ran to the information desk and were directed up to the fifth floor. Once we exited the elevator, we darted for the nurse’s station.

  �
��Can I help you?” Said a far too chipper nurse.

  “Will-… Will-…” Jake struggled to get it out.

  Just as I was about to say it, Jake’s name was called from behind us. Jake whirled around and ran right over to his brother, immediately hugging him. Tears blurred my vision as I stood awkwardly by as these two strong men broke down in front of me. Unable to do anything more than running my hand on Jake’s back, Jack broke away. Both men tried to pull themselves together.

  “How…” Jake broke off shaking.

  “Let’s go in,” Jack said.

  “I’ll go sit in the waiting room,” I said, turning to leave.

  “Please don’t leave, Vicky. I need you with me.” Jake pleaded. “I’m not strong enough,” he whispered.

  “Look at me,” I urged cupping his face in my hands. “I’m here for you, Jake. I love you and will always be here for you.”

  My eyes widen when I realized what I just said. I could see Jack’s eyes were pretty big too. Jake, however, didn’t even seem to hear what I said. Part of me was relieved that he didn’t.

  “Thank you Vix,” he kissed me lightly on the lips before taking my hand and walking into the room.

  The room was crowded. The bed wasn’t even visible. Jake’s hand tightened on mine as he slowly moved further into the room. Sobbing and machines beeping were the only sounds to be heard. My heart was breaking for everyone in the room. As we got closer to the bed, Jake’s hand began to shake in mine.

  Squeezing his hand tightly in a feeble attempt to offer some comfort and strength, he turned his head to look at me. His eyes were full of tears and sadness.

  “I can’t do this,” he choked.

  “You need to. I’m right here. As long as you need me, okay?” I struggled with my own emotions.

  He rested his head against mine as he cried. After a few moments, he pulled away and we walked the rest of the way to the bed.

  Chapter Twelve

  Jake

  Seeing my brother hooked up to all those machines killed me. What hurt the most was seeing how pale and fragile he looked. Eli was one of the strongest men I knew. Hell, Carson was the talented fighter that he was today because of Eli.