My smile faded. “Yeah, I did.”
He widened his eyes and shook his head, holding up his hand, in a ‘and’ gesture. “That's all you give me?”
“Listen, I just need to be alone.”
“No the last time you were alone your family damn near lost you. Alone is not what you need, but I happen to know what it is you need. Come on, get up.”
“I really don’t feel like going anywhere right now. Just give me today, okay? That’s all I’m asking for is one day.”
“Nope, not happening,” Danger said as he yanked me out of my chair and forcefully pushed me toward the door. “You are all turning into damn pussies,” he growled from behind me.
“Says the man that got head from a woman in a bathroom, sex in a closet of a pub and has been obsessed with her ever since,” I shot back. “You don’t even know the woman that has you pussy whipped.”
He punched me in the side. I bit back the groan that wanted to escape. He’s tormenting me. It was only fair he got some of it back.
“Aw, did I hit a nerve? You want to sit and call me a pussy, but at least I know my woman. At least, I’ve had my woman. At least…”
Danger slammed me against the wall next to the door. “You want to play asshole, well, it’s a role I’ve got down to a science,” he hissed, his face getting closer to mine. “You broke your woman. She fell to her knees as if the world had been yanked out from under her. She wouldn’t even look at any of us and I had to drag her to your hospital room. You may know your woman, but you don’t have her by a long shot. Now, you want to quit being a douche bag and let me take you away from the constant reminder of your fuck up? Or you want to stay here and actually finish the job you started before.”
Glaring at him, I shoved him away from me and landed a hard right hook. “That was below the fucking belt and you know it,” I hissed.
“The way I see it,” he wiped the blood from his mouth. “The only reason it was below the belt is because it was the truth.”
“Truth or not asshole, there’s such a thing as having compassion for someone else’s pain.”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but compassion is not something I do.”
“You know I haven’t known you long, and yet you act like you’ve been in the family all your life.”
“It’s my outgoing personality,” he smirked as I rolled my eyes.
“Outgoing,” I scoffed. “More like annoying,” I smirked.
As rough and tough as this guy was, he was instantly welcomed into the family. Sometimes I wonder if Danger really wanted to be around anyone. In the months that he’s been around, he’s gruff and we’ve all gotten used to it. However, there are times where it seems like it’s almost a burden being around all of us. Well, he did grow up with a less than nurturing mother and no father, so maybe he just didn’t know how to relate to people. Whatever the reason, the shadows in his eyes told me that Danger may have very well lived up to his name.
Just as I sat in his car, my phone started ringing. Like an idiot, I’d hoped it would have been Vicky. My disappointment must have been evident because Danger laughed and said ‘pussy’.
“Hey Nate, how’s vacation?”
“Tell me again why it is you sent me on this stupid thing?”
“To get away from your torment, so maybe you can stop pouting like a baby and reclaim your balls. So you remember that you’re a man with a dick not a pussy,” Danger yelled from the seat next to me.
Glaring at him, I quickly say, “To help you on your road to acceptance, brother.”
“Do you understand what I’ve done for the past fucking week? I’ve sat in this hotel room or down at the bar constantly thinking about her. About all the times we’ve shared, all the places we’ve had…”
I interrupted. “Okay, man, remember that’s my little sister you’re talking about.”
“Sorry, but this is more torture than being there. At least there I had you asshats to distract me.” He sighed. “How is everything over there? Kay have the baby yet? Eli come back and tell you what he’s been up to? You clean up? How’s things with you and Vicky?”
“Uh,” I look at Danger, who now all of a sudden has nothing to say. “Man a lot has happened since you left.” The sadness of all that we have lost and gained in such a short span of time is almost overwhelming me again.
“What’s going on? Why do I have a brick sitting in my stomach right now?” Nate said cautiously.
“Nate,” my voice broke.
“Just tell me, damn it,” he sounded almost panicked.
“Eli,” my heart constricted in my chest just saying his name. “He’s…he’s gone, Nate.”
“Where’d he go?”
There’s almost a hopeful tone behind his question, which tells me he knows what I’m saying. After I don’t say anything for several long minutes, his response comes back in barely a whisper.
“When?”
“Last week.”
“What!” He roared. “You didn’t think to call me? To tell me, a guy you consider your brother, that one of my brothers passed away. The thought never crossed your mind? You never thought that maybe I might want to fucking be there!” He ended on a yell.
“Now wait a minute here! We were going crazy! We got the call the night we took you to the airport. He passed the next day. Then I OD’d was in the hospital and mending until two days before his funeral. Then we find out that Eli has a wife and twins. Then Kayla has the baby. I lose Vicky. Sorry if my grieving prevented you from being here, but DAMN IT, I grew up with him. We shared a room. We fought over the bathroom. We went to school together. I helped him study up for his bar exam. Me, Nate, I spent all but one year of my life with him. I’m sorry in the midst of losing myself and almost dying, I didn’t pick up the fucking phone.” I hissed right back at him.
A tense pause followed my speech. It was harsh and I shouldn’t have said it, but everything was still just far too raw to have stopped myself. Nate pushed my already over extended nerves. It wasn’t his fault. He did have a right to be upset, but he also didn’t need to make it sound like we were assholes either.
“I’m sorry for your loss. My mistake, I thought we were family.” He said sadly before hanging up the phone.
“Fuck!”
“You have a knack of making everything about you,” Danger stated after a moment.
“You have a talent for being a fucking prick,” I grumbled.
“He has a right to be upset.”
“Will you just shut the fuck up? Maybe had you not been a complete asshole in the beginning he wouldn’t have been as upset. Did you ever think of that?”
“Nope,” he smirked.
Sometimes I found myself wondering if he even knew how to really smile. There was never a smile there. You rarely heard him laugh unless it was at someone’s expense. The boys really enjoyed him, though, so he can’t be too bad of a guy. Those boys were great judges of character.
Danger sighed. “Look, just give him some time. He’ll cool down and be back to his ol’ pussy self.”
“I don’t get you. You sit here like people should be glad you’re around. You take people for granted all the time. Honestly, you act like you’re damn entitled. One day you’re going to push too far and we won’t be so welcoming and accepting.”
“Yeah, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Get out.”
“What?”
“Get out, we’re here,” he said slowly like I was hard of hearing.
“Where are we?”
“Go in and find out.”
Unbuckling my seat belt, I glared at him. Yet still I climbed from the car and walked up to the door. As I knocked, I looked around to try and figure out where I was. It was some kind of hotel. The building was older, so we were on the south side of town. South side housed all the older almost historic buildings. It was one of Eli’s favorite parts of town. Actually, his place was on this side of town. I’ve been enlisted to go through it. I just can’t bring myself to
do that yet. So I’ll pay his taxes on it until I can.
The door opened and then suddenly I realized why Danger brought me here. He may be an asshole, but he’s a smart man. Smiling, I took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. I hope I’m not bothering you.”
“No, not at all. Um, Jake right?”
“Yes. Points for you. Not many can get it right,” I grinned.
“Well your brother said enough about you guys that I got a pretty good feel. That and I met Jackson several times. You may be identical, but you have differences. Would you like to come in?”
“Please,” I smiled.
Walking inside, my heart squeezed in my chest. It’s only a single room with king sized bed inside. The kids are playing in a small section of the room with a few toys. They looked up and big smiles spread across their faces.
“Yay! You play wif us?” EJ asked.
“With,” Amber corrected.
“Huh?” EJ asked.
“Did you come to play with us?”
“I wive here siwee.”
Amber and I both started laughing. These two were too cute. Sebastian and Atreyu were smart beyond their years, and often seemed older than they were. So it was refreshing to see EJ and Ella, who though are smart as well, still acted like kids instead of young adults.
“What your mom is saying is that you said with wrong. Say with.”
“Wif.”
“Now watch me. With.”
“Wif,” EJ tried again.
“Push your tongue to the back of your front teeth and blow out.” He copied me. “Good now say with again.”
“With,” he finally said after a few tries.
“You got it buddy.”
“Yay!” He cheered. “Now you play with us?”
I laughed. “Yes. I’d be honored.”
We sat and played for a while. I was a car, a doctor, a construction worker, a kid, firefighter, cop, and so many other things. I should play with these guys when I need to warm up for an audition. As we played on the floor, I noticed how little they had here. Amber sat on the bed watching us as we played, writing in a notebook. A sad smile played on her lips. It was then that I was hit with what to do. I looked up at the ceiling and silently thanked my brother for telling me what needed to be done.
“Okay guys. It’s break time for me. I need to talk to your Mommy.”
Tipping my head toward the door which was the furthest away from the kids, we walked in that direction. She looked uncomfortable.
“I’m glad my brother got to spend time with you before he passed,” I said quietly.
“Me too. I’m so thankful for the time I got to spend with him. To reconnect. To love again. He was my one true love. It’s so hard to breathe sometimes. To know that he’s never coming back and that the kids will never know what an amazing father they had.”
Quickly, I wiped away a tear that slipped from my eye. “I look at them and I just know that Eli is so proud of them. He never stopped loving you, you know?”
“I know,” she said sadly. “Why did he have to die?” Amber suddenly sobbed.
I wrapped her in my arms and held her while she cried. In all my own heartache and problems, it never registered at how much pain she must be in. He was my brother, but her husband and father to their children. Then it hit me on how Nate must have felt finding out after the fact. He didn’t get his chance to pay his respects and say his goodbyes.
Damn, I am a prick. Not Danger. This was my fault.
When she pulled away, she wiped her face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. We’re family. I, and the rest of us, will always be here for you. You will always be family no matter what happens in the future.”
“Thank you, Jake. I know the kids and I are a big shock for all of you at such a horrible time in your lives.”
“Believe it or not Amber, but you and the kids are actually a healing factor for us. One none of us expected. We have a piece of Eli. He may physically be gone, but he lives on in those two beautiful kids. EJ is a spitting image of my brother. Though it makes my heart ache sometimes, it also takes some of the ache away knowing that he’s there, in those two.”
She looked at her kids with a sad smile on her face. “He was so happy when he saw them. Once the shock wore off, of course,” she laughed sadly. “I had just answered the door, completely shocked to see him standing there. He didn’t even say anything to me. He just pulled me into his arms and kissed me. When I told him that I could have been with someone, he laughed and said I wouldn’t have kissed him back like that if I were. He’s right, of course. Anyway, just as he was about to kiss me again EJ came running out to ask for more juice.”
“What’d he do?” My voice cracked from the overwhelming emotion I felt at the moment.
“He stared at him in shock for a few moments, fell to his knees and cried. EJ looked at him. Without even waiting for me to say anything, he walked up to Eli, hugged him and told him it was okay. Then said ‘I love you, Daddy.’ That of course had Eli crying harder.”
“EJ knew who Eli was?” I asked, shocked.
She nodded. “They both did. I told them about him all the time. How we met was their bedtime story and we always looked through a photo album of pictures of him and me. I never intended to keep them from him this long. My job was sending me all over the place and by the time I knew it, they were two and he was showing up at my door.”
“He deserves to be here to raise his kids. I prayed that day for God to take me, not Eli. Then when Vicky sat on that bed as he was calling out to you,” I shook my head. “I begged for him to live and me to go.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask. Who is Vicky? She gave my kids their family. I owe her so much.”
“Well, um, that’s kind of complicated.”
“How so?”
“My family has been going through a lot lately. I haven’t taken it very well. A member of the crew from a movie I was shooting picked me up when I was down and introduced me to drugs. Well, I finally realized what road I was going down. Danger sent me to Vicky to help get cleaned up. She posed as my girlfriend to everyone. Eventually, I thought we were moving that way, but then I did something inexcusable when Eli passed. She won’t talk to me now and I don’t blame her.”
“Surely, she could understand you weren’t in the right frame of mind. You couldn’t have said something too horrible for her not to forgive it.”
“I blamed her for Eli’s death, said everything but saying she was a whore,” I said, ashamed of myself.
“Oh, Jake,” she gasped.
“I know. It wasn’t my finest hour,” I said sadly. “I tried to talk to her to apologize, but she didn’t want to hear it.”
Amber placed her hand on my shoulder. “Give her some time. That was harsh, but not unforgivable considering the circumstances.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I whispered.
“Are you, um, clean?”
“Since the day of Eli’s death, yes. I, um, kind of lost it and tried to kill myself. I have no urge to mess with it now. I wasn’t a huge druggie. I really only did it when I was home. As long as I was busy I was okay, but it’s when I wasn’t…” I shrugged.
“I had a friend that did that. It’s good you decided to take action now before you did get bad.”
“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been telling myself. Besides, I’ve got some nieces and nephews that need a role model,” I smirked.
We fell silent for a bit. As we stood there watching the kids play off by themselves, I realized how precious life could be. In a single moment, you could be gone. I wasn’t going to waste a minute of my life anymore.
“Amber, I’m curious about something.”
“What’s that?”
“What are you planning on doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you planning on staying in the area, working with my dad like Eli asked for you to do?”
“Well, I hadn’t really thought mu
ch about it. I mean, I don’t want to take the kids away from you guys. They really love being around all of you. I’d have to look for a place and take my bar exam for this state. It’s a lot to do,” she said sounding tired.
“Well, that’s kind of what I came you over here for. I might be able to take part of the things to do off the table.”
“How so?”
“Eli’s house. You guys could have it.”
“Oh Jake, no I couldn’t do that.”
“I insist. Eli would too. The kids would have a backyard to play in, a stable roof over all of your heads, near all of us and the office.”
“I don’t know,” she hesitated.
“Why?”
“Because I’d be surrounded by him. I already miss him so much now. I think it’d be worse there.”
“I know. It was what I was thinking when I thought about having to go in there and taking care of it. He’d want you guys to have it. It would get the kids closer to him.”
“Are you sure?” She said after a few moments of silence.
“Positive. I strongly believe it’s what he’d want.”
She nodded her head. “Okay. Okay, I’ll do it.”
Chapter Seventeen
Vicky
“Well, to what do I owe this honor?” Asked the devil from my past. “You know how much I miss you?”
“Shut up, Adam!” I hissed.
Adam and I met when I was young. Life was a struggle for me. I was a trouble maker and didn’t trust a soul. When I met Adam, I was looking for someone to care about me. At that time, I didn’t want to be alone. It was far too desolate for me to continue on that way. So when Adam started showing interest in me, I bit. He wasn’t sexy or even hot. He was cute. At the time, Adam was also sweet and kind. To say that he changed, would be an understatement.
“So bossy now. You weren’t like this when we were together.”
He sat down in front of me and they cuffed his wrists to the table and his legs to the floor. Adam was put in prison after his attack on me that nearly killed me. When I finally had come out of my coma and they took my statement, he had racked up other charges that landed him in a high security federal prison. It was actually comforting to know he wouldn’t be getting out any time soon.
Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5) Page 12